Blog- Kathy Gallagher's Blog
Thursday, August 30, 2007 by Kathy Gallagher
A GODLY MAN COMMENTS ON MODESTY
The following letter was written by a young man who was asked by a one of our Staff people to comment on how he is affected by the way some women dress. I was so moved by this letter because I think of all the godly young men out there who do want to do the right thing but are constantly bombarded by the flesh of women, even in the church.
Dear Sisters in Christ,
Up until I was 26, I shamelessly indulged in lust while I outwardly paraded myself around as an upstanding Christian man. But today, because of the blood of Jesus and deep repentance, I am able to say that I am no longer that man. And the work of God’s grace has not only taught me to deny the ungodliness of lustful thoughts, but to go one step further and truly seek to honor you as sisters in my thoughts.
I wish I could write to you and tell you I am able to walk into church without any fear of encountering the temptation to lust anymore; but I can’t. In fact, to be honest, in the past 8 years I’ve even decided not to go to church on more than one occasion because I knew I was too weak to face some of the women there.
As I type I can still remember a few times when I actually had to turn around and get on my knees during some of the worship services because I didn’t want to be more captivated with some of the girls on the worship team than with God. There have also been plenty of other times when I had to purposely look at the floor as I walked through the foyer in order to avoid the same thing. Did I not desire to put the ugliness of my past behind me, I would not go to such lengths. But honoring you and my God now means more to me than my own self-indulgence.
Therefore, I hope that what I am about to share will help those of you who dress without any consideration for these things.
You are beautiful; yes. That much I can see without you doing anything to convince me. But please do not entice me to notice you. Is it not enough that God endowed you with the beauty you possess? And that He has made you a gift to your present or future husband? Please help me to rejoice with him rather than tempt me to steal from him.
I understand that the fashion world is becoming more and more revealing, and that it’s increasingly difficult to find attractive clothing that’s modest. But have you considered my weakness as you look at yourself in the dressing room mirror? If you only knew how often the immodest outfits you wear accost me, perhaps you would see yourself differently.
“But you’re responsible for your thoughts, not me,” you might think. Yes, you are right. I must stand before God and own every one of them someday. And were you a woman of the world I would have no grounds on which to make my appeal. But you name the Name of Christ, as I do. And you call me your brother.
My desire is to honor you; yet there are times that you dress as if you wish I wouldn’t. I implore you; please consider these things. I have spoken openly and honestly. But I have endeavored to do so in love, not in criticism.
In loving sincerity,
Your brother in Christ
Did this letter provoke you to think about how you dress or maybe get you to think about your motivation for why you dress the way you do?
Posted on Thu., Aug. 30, 2007 - Permalink | RSS
COMMENTS for A Godly Man Comments on Modesty
On Saturday, November 10, 2007, Dorie Thompson said:
Thank you and well said.
On Monday, October 15, 2007, too true said:
I am glad to hear this finally from a man. As a wife of a husband who has a sexual addiction and the staggering numbers posted by men and christan men who are addicted to porn. I look around our church and see women and young girls that dress inappropriately. You would think that the one place men should feel comfortable is in church. If a man has a sexual addiction problem and chooses to go to a beach with scantily clad women then that is his choice. But what about going into God's house of worship? He shouldn't be tempted in the house of God. But unfortunately he is. I have suggested to have this addressed in our church by having the older women mentor our younger women. It would be done with taste and we might have a few females get upset and leave but if we turn and look the other way without lovingly mentoring these women then we are just as accountable for the way they dress. I just haven't been able to get the support from our pastor and board yet. How sad that we have come to looking the other way instead of keeping God's house of worship a safehaven.
On Wednesday, October 3, 2007, Melissa said:
Thank You for putting into words what I believe so many men would like to say but haven't found the courage to. It seems that when I as a wife am in a position where this kind of honesty has to be on my shoulders even at times in my own home, I am viewed as the jealous wife of an addict. If more men would speak up I believe the impact of this type message would be so much stronger. We recently dealt with an issue with our daughter in law who is a very immodest dresser. I asked her to dress differently while visiting my home and it got really ugly after the umpteenth time. I finally had to insist that she not come back to my home until God changes her heart and shows her the truth. It is really sad that these people choose to dress the way they do and will even go as far as to say that they have felt uncomfortable with the inappropriate looks that they recieve from my husband but still insist on coming to his home scantly dressed. I had our cable disconnected for this very reason and when she comes to my door dressed the way she insist on dressing and is made to feel welcome it feels as if I am welcoming porn in my home.
On Thursday, September 13, 2007, Rebecca Meyer said:
This too was a reality that hit very hard. But all I can say is, "Thanks be to God!" Being your sister, I can say, I thank God for what He has done in your life. He is truly such a gracious and giving Father. We women, in those times, must confess that we are only then looking at what we want and how we can be fed at that time. Just like men feel they are being "fed" by seing these things, women feel they are being "fed" by being desired in this way. In these times, women are stuck on the instant gratification they get from being desirable and feeling wanted. If only at those times we all had the clear truths, that those desires are empty, and unfufilling, but we have the love of a Perfect King of Kings, a Father in Heaven that actually has true, selfless love for us. We cling to these desires of belonging to men who have their own sin-tainted, self-motivated desires. I am not married, and I do not put down the concept of being desired, in a God-centered marriage, but I speak on this issue because I know the temptation, and the lies that arise in our minds, when we want to be wanted. We do need to question ourselves, and look at our desires and motives for dressing the way we do. When we know, to the full degree that we can understand, how our dress can tempt a man, and be a factor in his sin, fleeing from God to lusts, than I do believe we would really double check ourselves everytime we go in the mirror. Just as this man wants to honour and respect us women, we MUST do the same for our brothers in Christ. Thank God for this openess, for this available resource. We need this openness and honesty to eachother. As sisters we must respectfully understand eachother, enter eachother's world, and educate eachother on these facts! This is God honouring and will be truly blessed!
On Thursday, September 6, 2007, Ashley said:
When I read this letter, it brought tears to my eyes. I have 4 godly brothers, do they feel the same way? I know they do. I feel so guilty for any contribution I may have added to any young man's battle to stay pure, whether through my dress, or my conduct. They truly are our brothers, so why do we constantly try to seduce them, to win them over? I know I tried to hard to win young men emotionally. I would say things that I hoped would "draw them in". What most affected me was when he said, "My desire is to honor you; yet there are times that you dress as if you wish I wouldn’t." So sad, and so true.
