When Your Husband's Sin Damages Your Children
Proverbs 15:3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch upon the evil and the good. (RV)
When I reflect on this verse, I cannot imagine how it must grieve and break God’s heart to see all the unspeakable evil that goes on behind closed doors throughout the world today.
New technology - makes it so easy for men to indulge in all kinds of sexual fantasies and perversion. There’s instant pleasure right at their fingertips 24 hours a day. Sadly enough, men who choose to go this route, don’t to consider the devastating effects their actions will have on their wives and children down the road.
While counseling at Pure Life Ministries, the Lord allowed me to enter into the lives of wives grievously affected by their husbands’ sexual sin. Many of the stories heard were heartbreaking, especially when innocent children were exposed to their fathers’ dirty “little” secret accidentally.
Little Debbie didn’t have a clue what she was going to find when she asked her mom if she could watch a video. After she was done with her homework, she ran downstairs to the TV room. As she was about to pop in a movie, she noticed that one was already in the player. Debbie thought to herself, “Maybe I’ll just watch what’s here.” She pushed play and to her surprise began looking at something she’d never seen before. She cried out for her mom to come and see. Her mother could hardly believe her eyes. It was a porn video that her husband had watched one day while they were out grocery shopping; he had forgotten to put away. She was devastated that her daughter had been exposed to such filth—right under her very own roof!
Lorraine, a blossoming 14-year-old, was starving for her daddy’s love. But he was always working and never seemed to have time for his family. One night, her dad couldn’t sleep and decided to check on the kids. Suddenly, Lorraine was awakened by the caresses of her father; she pretended to be asleep—too afraid to say or do anything. Frightened and confused, she thought “Why is my daddy doing this to me?”
Eric was a serious-minded child who really looked up to his father. When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, his replied “I want to be just like my daddy.” Late one night Eric was awakened by a noise downstairs. Curiosity got the best of him, and he tiptoed downstairs to see what was going on. He peeked behind the wall of the living room to find dad masturbating to pornography. Eric dashed back upstairs; he didn’t know what to make of this. The next night, he caught his dad in action once again. Does Eric ever mention this to his mother? Or does he follow in his dad’s footsteps?
In each of these three scenarios, the fathers had no idea how their sin would impact their kids emotionally and spiritually. But Apostle Paul gives a warning in Galatians 6:7,8: “Do not be deceived. God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to the flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.” In my years of counseling with hurting wives, some of the issues that I have seen as a result of sexual sin have reinforced the truth of this passage of Scripture.
So what happened with little Debbie, Lorraine and Eric when they grew up? Little Debbie became a curious adolescent and began sneaking around the house hunting for magazines and videos that her daddy had stashed away. She began reading Teen Magazine, Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, and so forth to get the latest tips on how to look sexy. Consequently, she developed the warped mentality that the only way to be loved, approved of and accepted by men was through her body. In a sick, twisted way Debbie found her self-worth by being promiscuous.
Lorraine who was once an outgoing, bubbly little girl became quiet, withdrawn and fearful of others. She grew very bitter and was resentful towards authority figures. There was a long period in which she literally hated men and everything they stood for. Finally, she fell in love and married a really neat guy who loved her very much. However, her husband had no idea that she saw sex as something dirty and ugly. She was so repulsed by what had happened to her as a child that she didn’t enjoy sexual intimacy with her husband.
Eric had the courage to tell his mom all about his dad’s late night activities in the living room. When she confronted her husband, he became furious and called Eric a boldfaced liar. Eric swore that he would never say another word about it. But deep down in his heart, he harbored bitterness and anger towards his parents for not believing him. He also became disrespectful toward them as he witnessed their constant bickering and as his dad spent more time away from the home.
I have received numerous first time calls from wives who are afraid to expose their husband’s sin. Is your husband struggling with sexual addiction? Have your children already been exposed to your husband’s pornography? I pray that after reading this article you will have the courage to face the realities of your husband’s sexual sin and the damage it will do to your kids if he doesn’t do something about it now.
In Exodus 34:6, 7 we read “the Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation.” These two verses reveal to us that God is indeed a God of mercy, truth and justice.
God will have mercy on anyone willing to repent. The Greek word for repent is metanoia which means a change or alteration of mind from evil to good or from worse to better because of the consequences of one’s sin.
As a member of the counseling team at Pure Life Ministries, I had the privilege of seeing men repent of their sins and choose to walk in the light and in truth as they experience God’s mercy and justice in their lives. The Lord has wonderfully restored many marriages and families through the Residential Program, the Overcomers-at-Home Program and the Wives Program.
It is my testimony that God is able to take the worst thing that has ever happened to you or your children and turn it around for good as if it had never happened.
Rose Colón is the former Director of Women’s Counseling at Pure Life Ministries, a position she held from 1996 to 2015. Rose has a Masters of Ministry in Biblical Counseling from Master’s Graduate School of Divinity in Evansville, IN and holds certification from the International Association of Biblical Counselors (IABC) in Denver, CO.
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