My boyfriend isn’t a Christian, and watches pornography pretty often. I don’t agree
with this, but don’t know how to explain it to him so he can understand. Also, I was wondering, is masturbation okay if you do it without pornography? Isn’t it necessary and healthy for guys?
Posted by Pure Life Ministries Counselor on 1/18/12
The Apostle Paul questioned the church in Corinth, when he found out they were unequally yoked with unbelievers. In 1 Corinthians 6:14-15 he said to them, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?”
As I read your question, I wonder why you are dating someone who is not a Christian if you are one. Especially since you do not agree with what he is doing? I sense the Holy Spirit may be dealing with your heart since Jesus told us in John 16:8, “when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness and of judgment.”
I know that this is a hard pill to swallow but I would sincerely admonish you to examine your heart to see if you are indeed in the faith. A true follower of Christ would be obeying and living out the Words of Jesus in their life. They also would be walking in the fear of the Lord which will cause them to depart from all forms of evil.
Viewing pornography and masturbation are sin according to God’s Word (see Matthew 5:28, 29; 1 Corinthians 7:3, 4). The world and unfortunately false teachers who teach false doctrines have subtly crept into the church and they teach the opposite. These teachings are very dangerous because they have the potential to damn a person’s soul into hell if they do not repent.
(1 Corinthians 6:9, 10; Galatians 5:19-21; Revelation 21:8)
We care about the condition of your soul and are willing to speak this truth to you in love so that you can get your relationship with Christ were He wants it to be. He has so much more for you than what you are settling for in this relationship with this boyfriend. But you will never come into what He has until you are ready to forsake all to follow Him in the way He calls His true disciples to follow. He loves you and wants you to know His love.
My husband has access to anything on his phone and I've found plenty of bad sites
in his search history. But, after A LOT of help from your books and Cds, he's changing. I'm having a lot of difficulty trusting him. He’s usually honest with me about his struggles, but I still worry. What should I do?
Posted by Pure Life Ministries Counselor on 12/13/11
It sounds like your husband is really sincere about coming out of his sin based on the fruit you are seeing in his life. Sometimes it can be difficult for the wife to not feel insecure or worry about the past repeating itself especially if her focus has been on his sin and failures.
One of the things I had to do when my husband was coming out of his sin was get my focus off of the sin issue and get them onto who God is. As I began meditating on and believing what God says about Himself in His Word, I started to have peace in my heart and mind where there once was struggle.
A specific scripture that brought me great comfort was Psalm 139. We read in this Psalm that God is acquainted with all our ways which includes our sitting down, our rising up, our thoughts, our paths…everything about us. What became so real to me is if God knows everything about my husband, what he is doing and where he has been. I don’t have to sit around being worried and anxious about it. As the Psalmist wrote, “where can (he) go from His Spirit? Or where can (he) flee from His presence?” As this truth started becoming a reality in my own life, I began to experience God’s peace and security like never before in my marriage.
When you are feeling insecure or worried about your husband, you can turn that into an opportunity to pray, in faith, for your husband for God to keep him. The Apostle Paul said, “He who has begun a good work (in your husband) will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Allow your mind to dwell on the things that are true about God and His Promises. As you do this, you will begin to experience His peace which surpasses all understanding.
I realize it takes time to forgive your husband, but I am still struggling, what can I do?
Posted by Pure Life Ministries Counselor on 10/15/11
Forgiveness means to cancel a debt: to give up the desire to punish the person. It is an act of the will. You can, in your heart, release a person from the penalty of his sin now. When you have truly forgiven a person you do not dwell on the past or throw it in his face. Remember that the heart of the Lord is mercy and He wants to give you His heart. The act of the will can take place now and yet the feelings of it will usually follow along later.
But I have a feeling that it isn’t so much unforgiveness you are dealing with as much as it is trust. Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between a lack of forgiveness and a lack of trust. Just because you have forgiven someone does not mean you should automatically trust him. The fact is that your husband has destroyed your trust. It is his responsibility to rebuild it. It is right that you question your husband’s faithfulness. Men often want to quickly move on from feeling the weight of what they have done. Sometimes that attitude only exacerbates the problem. In fact, maybe he has said to you, “If you have forgiven me why do you question me?” You both need to understand that a new line of communication must open between the two of you. My husband and I established a very open and honest communication with each other that helped to rebuild the trust that he had shattered.
If it seems that he has sincerely repented, do everything you can to encourage and support him. Commit yourself to do your best not to dwell on what has happened in the past. Ask the Lord to mend your broken heart and to help you to completely release him. If he is sincere, you will find that your trust for him will return.
My husband is impotent and while on a recent business trip, I had a sexual encounter with another man, who was also impotent! I am truly repentant, but can’t tell my husband. He would leave me and I can’t handle that. Do you know any scriptures that I can pray through that would help me?
Posted by Pure Life Ministries Counselor on 10/15/11
Don’t you find it interesting that the very thing that brought you such frustration that you would be willing to commit adultery would happen to the man you were with? I suspect that you will find nothing but more frustration if you give over to sexual sin again.
You say that you are truly repentant but I must admit that your statements don’t have the ring of sincerity. When a person is truly repentant, there is nothing he or she wouldn’t do to make things right. True repentance is never easy. Sin costs something. Escaping the consequences for our sinful actions is not the path of the truly repentant. Adultery is devastating. Can there be true restoration when there is hidden sin?
You want to know if there are any verses you can pray over that will help you. But my guess is that until you get serious with God about your sin, the Bible will be lifeless to you. Even the Word of God cannot penetrate the heart that is hardened by sin and the refusal to repent. (Luke 8:13)
My husband of 3 years is not what I expected him to be. He used to go to church and we were going the same direction. He does not contribute to the family finances; I feel like I don’t know him. I am not happy and need help.
Posted by Pure Life Ministries Counselor on 10/15/11
I once heard a godly woman say, “If you don’t expect anything you won’t be disappointed.” I don’t think she meant that we should not have expectations; rather I think the context was having our expectations too high. Is it too much to ask a husband to contribute to the finances? Is it too much to ask a husband to go to church on Sundays? Probably not, but I think the deeper issue here is you are not happy because your expectations about him are not being fulfilled. That is not a good place to be. The world’s answer to such a situation is to simply divorce and try to find someone more to your liking.
It’s obvious by the tone of your letter that something isn’t right in your heart. I didn’t hear any real sense of concern about his walk with God or his desires and needs. It all seems to revolve around your expectations and how you feel.
I have known many godly women who were married to men much worse than your husband; the most obvious difference was that these women had a deep sense of joy in spite of their bad marriages. The reason they could be happy in difficult circumstances was because they had learned the secret of finding their happiness in God. When they looked at their husbands, they saw men in desperate trouble; you see someone who disappoints you. They were willing to fight for their husbands through prayer; you seem to be looking for him to conform his life to your desires.
I was talking with a woman the other day who had asked my advice about problems she and her husband were encountering in their marriage. She made a statement that I think you should really consider: “Things are difficult and he hasn’t always treated me very well, but there is nothing he can do to drive me away.” That’s the kind of love that will get you through. Remember the words of Jesus: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”