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Monday, August 23, 2010  by Pure Life Ministries Staff

I DISCOVERED MY HUSBAND HAD LOOKED AT PORN. HOW DO I KNOW HE ISN'T DOING THIS ANY MORE?

Q.  I discovered my husband had looked at porn, but now it seems he is doing better. How do I know he has changed when the sin he has committed is in his heart?

A.  The question you ask is one I used to ask myself often. It was so hard to know. I wanted to believe my husband when he vowed never to return to his sin. Outwardly it seemed he was doing all the right things but it was very frustrating not really knowing what was going on in his heart.

The Lord began to use times like this to reveal to me that He is the One who knows what goes on in the hearts and minds of all. I would ask the Lord to bring those things into the light that needed to be revealed and to expose any darkness that needed to be exposed. God did this very thing a number of times.

Knowing the Lord would eventually expose any deception that was going on gave me more confidence. At that point, my husband did not have a proven track record I could count on; but I could trust the Lord.

Over time, it became obvious that Steve genuinely wanted to change. He wasn’t hard like he had been earlier. He became increasingly more vulnerable to me and open to others about his struggles. It was also clear that he was sincerely seeking the Lord. You said it exactly right: The struggle is in the mind. But what I saw were the clear outward fruits of a man who had repented and was trying to do the right thing.

I hope the day will come for you as well, that you’ll also be able to look back and say, This truly is not the same man I married.

 

Posted on Mon., Aug. 23, 2010 - Permalink | RSS

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Tuesday, August 10, 2010  by Pure Life Ministries Staff

MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN CHEATING ON ME; HOW CAN I EVER TRUST HIM AGAIN?

Q.  My husband has been cheating on me with a woman from work. He said that it ended but I found out later he is still seeing her. During that time I had started to trust him again, but now I feel like I am at ground zero. What can I do?

A.  My heart goes out to you in light of your recent discovery. There is nothing more heart wrenching than to put your love out there on the line just to have it trampled by the sin of adultery and deception. I know what it’s like to feel like you are starting at ground zero.

Allow the Lord to use your present situation to draw you to His heart. He is near to those who have a broken spirit (Psalm 34:18a). Some of my most intimate times with the Lord have been when my heart felt like it was ripped out. In those times, Jesus was imparting to me a knowledge of Himself that could not have been gained otherwise. He was teaching me that He could be trusted.

On the practical side, it is important that your husband breaks every tie with this woman. Perhaps he will need to quit his job. If he is sincere in his desire in his claims that it really is over this time, he will be willing to do whatever it takes. At the very least, he owes it to you to provide assurance that it will never happen again.

If he hedges on your requests, then you should brace yourself for the worst. It means that he is not serious about ending this affair. If that is the case, you might consider a separation. That will tend to force him to go one direction or the other. Hopefully, he will come to his senses, but you must be prepared for the possibility that he will not.

Posted on Tue., Aug. 10, 2010 - Permalink | RSS

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Wednesday, July 28, 2010  by Pure Life Ministries Staff

MY BOYFRIEND IS ADDICTED TO SEX. SHOULD WE BREAK UP?

Q.  My boyfriend is addicted to sex and wants to get help. We have fallen into sin before with each other and he thinks we should separate until he can get this under control. My question is, should we stop seeing each other all together? If and when would it be appropriate to start talking again?

A.  I agree that it would be best for the two of you to separate from one another until he can get his life under control. One possible route you could take is for both of you to join the Overcomers at Home Program. Your counselors will work with each of you and, if it seems as though there is repentance and it is God’s will, can help you both build a godly relationship.

Many girlfriends think that after there has been some period of time when the two of them have not “fallen” that he is over it and now they can move on. That is so rarely the case. More than likely your boyfriend has struggled for many years with lust, fantasy, masturbation, maybe even pornography. This isn’t just a problem between the two of you. It’s more between he and God and you are just kind of in the middle of it adding fuel to his flame.

I hope your boyfriend does seek help through one of our programs. It will be an enormous benefit to you both in the long run.

 

Posted on Wed., Jul. 28, 2010 - Permalink | RSS

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