The 20th Anniversary Edition of “When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart”


20 years ago, after I had been counseling the wives of men in sexual sin for 12 years, I wrote the original version of When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart. This book, presented in the form of letters, addressed the most pertinent struggles that wives deal with.

“My worst fears were coming true. My husband was leaving me and I was going to be alone. I instantly fell apart. I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep. I lost about 20 pounds in 3 weeks and my hair began falling out. I wanted to die.” — Phyllis

“One day, my husband confessed to me that he had been involved homosexually with a young man. I will never forget that night or the weeks that followed. I had dealt with a lot of conflicting emotions over the past 6½ years of our marriage, but this hurt went to depths I had never experienced before.” — Karla

“Early one Saturday morning, he finally confessed to me that he had had an affair with a married woman. I was outraged. I suddenly got up and began to punch him with all of my might. The next month was like a nightmare that I couldn’t awaken from. More confessions and horror stories: an affair with a 55-year-old woman, masturbation, topless bars, table dances and so on. The blood would run cold through my veins with each story. The left side of my face would go numb. I went from 129 pounds to 113 pounds. My hair began to fall out. I had diarrhea daily, and at times thought that I would surely die. I could not believe that he would be unfaithful to me again. I kept trying to convince myself it was untrue, but there it was, staring me in the face.” — Kathy

These stories and hundreds just like them have been my life for the past thirty-two years. They are also a fair representation of what I experienced in my own marriage decades ago.

Two decades after the publishing of the original version, we are very excited to announce the release of the 20th Anniversary Edition of this book, which combines many of the original letters with 9 new chapters aimed at bringing even greater healing and hope to women whose situations are similar to my own story.

Unfortunately, there is no doubt that as you are reading this email, many women have just discovered the crushing truth that her husband is secretly obsessed with other women—or even men. She may have happened across the history on their husband’s computer, or worse, walked in while he was actually viewing a pornographic site. Perhaps she accidentally found text messages that reveal an affair or overheard him talking to an unfamiliar woman.

Besides these, a multitude of women have been silently dealing with this same devastating reality for years, the initial pain eventually giving way to the terrible callousness of despair.

Any woman who seeks to find her way through the maze of conflicting emotions created by a husband’s betrayal has a difficult road ahead of her. She must wade through the sense of betrayal, navigate the feelings of mistrust, fight past the consciousness of rejection, and deal with the loss of respect for her husband.

This book, When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart was written to help devastated wives do exactly that, and much more.

Whether you are a woman who is going through this horrible time personally, or if you are close to someone who is, please keep this is mind:

Like many saints before us, I can testify to you that in the midst of soul-crushing grief, Jesuscancome into the human heart in a powerful way, and that new lifecanspring from up from the wasteland of overwhelming pain.

Yes, I have found that the very thing that threatened to destroy me became the means by which God extended to me an abundant life. He used every bit of it to give me something that I treasure more than anything I have in life—Himself.

My hope is that God will use this book to help you, or someone you love, to come triumphantly through the trial of a husband’s sin and into the knowledge of God’s glorious love.

In Christ,

Kathy Gallagher

Kathy Gallagher is the Co-Founder and Senior Administrator of Pure Life Ministries. She has been ministering to Christian women for over 20 years and has a deep desire to see them living a fulfilled life in Christ.

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