Do I Need to Confess Infidelity to My Wife?


I have been free from porn, masturbation, and prostitutes for a few months now. I have confessed everything but my infidelity to my wife. Do I need to confess this to her?

First of all, I want to encourage you to keep up the good efforts—they are paying off! You’ve only been free from your past activity for a few months but my guess is that it is now behind you.

It was not only wise but also honorable to confess your sin to your wife. Who can say what mental struggles the poor girl had to endure trying to understand why you were being so distant with her and self-absorbed. She probably spent a lot of time trying to figure out what she was doing to bring about such a strained relationship. At least now she understands that the marital problems were for the most part not her fault. 

I realize it would not only be extremely difficult but also risky to confess the rest of your sin to her. But what other option do you really have? If you aren’t honest with her about the things you have done, the rest of your years together will be stained by deception. You will always be looking over your shoulder, making sure the truth doesn’t come to light. You will never have God’s blessing on your marriage as long as you continue to deceive her. Remember, darkness is the realm of Satan.

My suggestion to you is to pick the right time and occasion to confess to her. You don’t want to handle it by rashly blurting out what you have done. Make sure it is when the kids are away and the two of you can have several hours to work through the issues. I wouldn’t say it is mandatory, but it could be very helpful to have a biblical counselor or pastor involved. One way or another, you must be prepared to maturely handle what could be an angry reaction. You have deeply hurt her and you must now have the broad shoulders to allow her to tell you how she feels. Hopefully, she will express her anger, go through the inevitable grief in such situations, forgive you, and move forward.