When is My Patience Enabling My Husband's Addiction?


My husband was unfaithful 3 years ago and I think he may be in adultery again. We have not had sex in months. I confronted him, but I only get excuses. How do I know the difference in “not growing weary in well doing,” and enabling his sin?

I would begin earnestly praying that the Lord will reveal the truth. I have heard many stories over the years of Him answering that prayer in unexpected ways. By what you are telling me, my guess is that he is, at the very least, involved in masturbation and probably pornography.

If you receive confirmation that he is, in fact, involved in adultery, then you must ask the Lord to show you whether or not you should divorce him. If you decide that you will remain in the marriage in spite of his sin, then you must decide how to respond. If he attends to church and presents himself as a believer, you should ask your pastor to confront him in his sin. 

The difference between godly patience and enabling sin is not difficult to figure out. Godly patience is active. You earnestly pray for him. You go through the steps Jesus offered in Matthew 18. In other words, you are showing by your actions that his spiritual life and destiny are important to you. The person who enables sin responds selfishly. It is easier for her to bury her head in the sand than to face the situation in a godly way.