When It's OK to Ask Him to Leave

*The following transcript has been slightly edited from the original audio text for readability purposes. All speakers’ original intent has been maintained to the best of our ability.

Jeff and Rose Colon have joined me in the studio today. Jeff and Rose, thanks so much for coming in to talk with us today. 

Jeff: Thanks, Mike. It's good to be here. 

Rose: It's good being here Mike. 

Jeff and Rose, as you deal with couples where sexual sin is involved in the marriage, I know there are those difficult circumstances where a wife is forced to ask the husband to leave the home. Talk to us a little bit about those different situations when that might be appropriate. 

Rose: There have been times that a wife has had to ask her husband to leave the house when he's been physically abusive with her - he's actually hitting her. Also if he is sexually molesting one of the children, that's usually another situation that we will tell them to get him out of the home and get the pastors involved as well. 

Jeff: There are also other situations Mike where kids are involved when maybe the husband is bringing material into the home or viewing it at home, and it's really affecting the home life and the children. Plus, if the man is just openly living in sin and an adulterous affair, for his own sake, he needs to understand that there are consequences to his sin. I remember in my own life when I was in sin, it got to a point where Rose decided it was time for me to leave the home if I was going to continue to live that way, and it really made me think about what I was doing. 

You would encourage wives in a situation like this not only to seek the counsel of the Lord but also to seek the counsel of those who are in spiritual authority over them. 

Rose: Yes, absolutely. Sometimes wives are reluctant to get the pastors involved, but I try to tell them that's why they're there - to get involved and to take that authority in your husband's life. 

Jeff: Mike, I just want to emphasize another aspect of that. It really is a mercy to the man to have consequences to his sin. Sometimes something as drastic as putting him out of the home will help him to understand that what he's doing is serious. 

Rose: When does the wife know that it's time to allow the husband to come back into the home? 

Jeff: Well the Bible gives us a clear picture of what a truly repentant man is. Paul talks about worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. A man that is truly broken over his sin is going to exemplify godly fruit of that repentance - a zeal for God - and he's going to be a changed life. If he's really showing signs of true godly repentance, then it would be time to take him back. 

Rose, let me just ask you from the wife's perspective. Do you find that wives are sometimes too quick? Or perhaps too slow to have the husband come back into the home?

Rose: Yeah, we've had both situations. They take them in too soon because of the tears. The tears convince them and they get emotional. Or the husband's really repentant and the wife will not take her husband back. If her husband is repentant and showing fruits of repentance, but the wife just refuses to let him come back into the home, then she needs to repent. 

Either because of maybe bitterness in her heart?  

Rose: Yeah, bitterness. 

Or she's looking for the perfect husband? 

Rose: "Perfect husband," that's it - a man that's never going to sin again or never going to struggle again. That's the big thing. "Well he should never have another evil thought again," but that's not reality. 

It sounds like what you're saying then is as the wife sought the counsel of the Lord and of spiritual authority in having removed him from the home, equally so she should seek the Lord's counsel, check her own heart, and seek the counsel of those in authority in bringing him back. 

Rose: Yeah, yeah. 

Jeff: Absolutely. 

Yeah, amen. Jeff and Rose, thanks so much for talking to us about that very difficult subject. 

Rose: OK Mike.  

Jeff: Thanks Mike.

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