Am I Really Expected to Remain Faithful?


I have been married almost 32 years, how can a man expect to remain faithful when his wife just does not want to have sex anymore?

Can I humbly suggest that this is the wrong question? There are two inferences I can deduce from your question. First, you imply that a man MUST have sex. This is simply not true. Unquestionably, the sexual drive can be a powerful force in a man’s life—although this is typically much more of an issue for young men. Be that as it may, there have been many men who have lived happy, fulfilled lives without sex. It is only when sex has been given undue importance in one’s life that it seems as though the person cannot live without it.

The second inference I see here is that you feel that adultery would be justifiable under the present circumstances. Such an attitude makes me question your commitment to the Lord. I fully understand the powerful temptation to fall into sexual sin. I sympathize with those who struggle to remain pure but fail in a moment of weakness. However, I must admit, that I cannot imagine anyone who truly has the Spirit of the Living God dwelling within him making such a premeditated justification of adultery. 

If I were your counselor, the first thing I would wonder about would be, Why is your wife so adverse to being intimate? What is going on in this relationship that would turn her so cold toward her husband? I would be looking at this relationship to find out what has brought it to this point. And, to be honest with you, the attitude I see expressed in this question would be a huge red flag to me. It seems to indicate a man who sees sex in a completely selfish light. 

My suggestion to you is to humbly approach your wife and ask her to forgive you if you have done anything to hurt her. I would also suggest that the two of you find a biblical counselor who can help you sort through the issues of your relationships with God and with each other.