Ask the Counselor: How should Christian men fighting for freedom from sexual sin engage with the worldly entertainment that is all around them? Biblical counselors Regan, Josh, and Tyler join us to answer that very question.

Host: Tyler, we received this question and I want to start with you answering this one. How should believers set boundaries for what they watch, what they listen to and what they play? I'm assuming they mean video games.

Tyler: The Word of God doesn't talk about every specific scenario, right? But it gives us principles. When we understand those principles, it helps us make decisions when it comes to practical matters. So, I want to first talk about a spiritual principle to be separate from the world. Romans 12:2 says it very plainly. “Do not be conformed to the world.” Or we have James 4:4 where he says, “Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” (James 4:4b, NKJV)
     And you know, John also talks about this in 1 John 2:15-17. This is a little bit of a longer passage, but there is very good foundational truth here. “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” (1 John 2:15-17, ESV) Here we see specifically that the problem is not so much rooted in the things in the world, but it's where our affections are. And Scripture couldn't be clearer, love for God and love for the world cannot coexist. You're either going to be in one or the other.
     I'll say this because this was really helpful in my walk when I came to Pure Life Ministries. It can be extremely helpful if you've really been immersed in our worldly culture to do what I’d call a spiritual detox. Basically, in the beginning of your fight for freedom, you would need to be a bit radical for a period of time. It would look like as much as possible refraining from any form of secular entertainment such as music, movies, or maybe even news for a time. What this will do is help you become sensitive again to the voice of God. Where you've maybe become hard in your conscience or lost your sensitivity to the things of God, you can begin to cultivate discernment and be able to hear from the Lord, which you need to be able to set godly boundaries.
     And as the question mentioned, of course we need to set boundaries. You can't just have a theoretical principle but not set some practical boundaries. So, some specific boundaries might be limiting phone screen time. Maybe not even having your phone by you during times where you'll be more vulnerable, like at night. It might look like choosing not to have certain apps on your phone that might cause you to stumble or maybe deciding what kind of video content you're willing to watch or how much you're going to watch each week.
     And it's also important too, not just to make these boundaries, but you have to hold yourself accountable. So, it's helpful to have someone else in your life who you can say to, “Hey, look, I've got some areas here where I'm seeing a weakness. I'm setting some boundaries and I want you to hold me accountable to these things. Check in on me.”  And in the end I'll just say, loving God and walking with God is going to require making some sacrifices and giving up some things. That's just the way it is. But gaining intimacy and real fellowship with God is worth it. Having clarity of mind and purity of heart is worth it. You can't trade those things.

Regan: Yeah. To add to that, I would venture to say that most people are not living as consecrated of a life as they should be. So, when you decide to establish some boundaries in your life and begin to say, “I can't go these places. I can't watch this. I can only be on my phone for this amount of time,” you are one fish swimming upstream. There are going to be people around you who are going to say that you're being too legalistic.
     What I have found personally is that there will be times where you have an internal argument where you tell yourself, “If I do this, people are going to think I am being extreme.” That thought drove me to not make boundaries where I probably should have made boundaries. But that was not worth it. And I think if we're honest with ourselves, most of the time, thoughts and fears like that are just an excuse for us not to change.

Josh: Yeah. And the other thing that we haven't talked about yet is that pornography is a huge issue for young men. And I would say that there is hardcore pornography and then there is just sexually alluring entertainment. For me as a pastor’s kid at 16, that was TV shows that pushed the limit. I remember wanting to watch shows that were about sex back when I was young. I wasn't watching pornography, but I had lust in my heart.
     So, if you're doing things on TikTok, on Instagram, on social media, or you're viewing things on Netflix or Amazon Prime, there is a lot of garbage on these platforms that affect us and they will appeal to your flesh. You have a sin nature and the world is in an antichrist spirit. These platforms of entertainment worship sex. And you have the choice to say, “Because I desire Jesus I will say no to the things of the world.” But we are not going to walk in the purity that we should if we are seeking Jesus in the morning but filling ourselves with hours of entertainment that feed lust. That lust is not benign. That lust is going to grow in your heart. Sin is going to take you farther than you want to go. It's going to keep you longer than you want to stay. It's going to cost you more than you ever wanted to pay. Pornography is dangerous. It's highly addictive. Don't waste your time. And listen, Jesus wants to give you freedom. So even though sexual sin is enticing, you can go the other way, and He can give you the power to do that.

Host: Yeah. Amen.

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Resources We Mentioned:

• #649 - Sexual Sin Q&A: Answers for Young Men (Part 1) (Podcast Episode) By Pure Life Ministries