Help! I was Molested and am Drawn to Other Men


I was molested when I was younger and feel drawn towards strong men. I don’t want to tell my pastor because I am afraid he’ll throw me out. What can I do?

Your question raises two separate but equally important issues. When a boy is molested, it can create an inner compulsion that may develop into homosexual lust later on in life. However, the important issue is not how it began but how a person responds to that desire. In my book, Counseling the Sexual Addict, I addressed this issue:

“Regardless of what causes homosexual lust to develop, a person still has a choice as to whether he will give himself over to it or not. As I have stated earlier, every one of us is predisposed toward some sin. James said, ‘But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.’ (James 1:14) There are a myriad of sins and countless different lusts to provoke them. Sexual lust is only one of many. Consequently, the origin of the homosexual desire isn’t the key issue. People who have a bent toward homosexuality must resist those desires of the flesh, repent of their sin, and commit themselves to living in obedience to God’s Word just as a person who struggles with any other life-dominating sin.”  

As a person matures spiritually and draws nearer to God, he finds that the temptation to sin loses its power. Any sexual fantasy that is regularly entertained or acted upon will become ever greater in a person’s heart. Likewise, when a person does his best to turn away from that lust and turn toward the Lord, he will find that the fantasy will diminish. “If you walk in the Spirit you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh,” Paul said. It is very true.

The other thing I wanted to mention is your relationship with your pastor. It is extremely important that you open yourself up to him. If he would kick you out of his church because you have a struggle like this, you are in the wrong church. However, I think you will find that if you will share your struggles with him, he will prove to be a man who has compassion for your situation. The enemy is keenly aware that if you don’t open up to others, you remain very vulnerable to his temptations. But if you will open up to another believer, you will find a great deal of help in your struggles.