I Once Was Blind, but Now I See
Before coming to the Lord, if my life could be summed up into one word, it would be “chaotic.” And yet, I was blinded to my true condition, believing that everything was fine. After all, the “grace of God” covered all my sins. But sin has consequences, and eventually, the weight of shame began to crush me, leading me to a place where suicide began to look better than living.
But the Lord started to open my eyes and I began to see the effect my sin had on God, others and myself. I confessed everything to my family and they led me to the Pure Life Ministries website. After watching one of the testimonies, the Lord gave me hope and I knew I needed to apply for the Residential Program.
Two weeks later, in August 2016, I arrived at Pure Life Ministries. God started working quickly and revealed to me just how desperate my situation was. My “trust” in God’s grace was nothing more than an excuse for me to sin. But even while He was convicting me of my fearful condition, He simultaneously showed His love and truth to me. He spoke to me and told me that He loved me, died for me and that He wasn’t distant or unconcerned, but beckoning me into a relationship with Him. I repented to the Lord and put my faith fully in Jesus.
The next morning, the atmosphere of my heart was one of gratitude and praise to God, not the usual thoughts of lust and sexual fantasy. God saved me that night and my life has never been the same. However, there was still much more work that needed to be done.
One night, after opening a letter from home, I began to weep. Suddenly I could see how selfish I had been. My family continued showing me a lot of love while I was away, and I started to see how badly I had treated them. I ran out to the cross and fell on my face, repenting before God and asking Him to change me.
The deep and powerful work that the Lord was doing in my life continued and I could sense that He wanted me to apply for the Pure Life Ministries internship. This was a real miracle. To get a Texas boy to want to live in Kentucky!
During the internship, I worked in the maintenance department despite having little to no prior experience. God used this time to show me how needy I was for Him, but also so I could see that each obstacle could be overcome in His strength. I’ve never handled difficulty well in my life, but God has put a resilience in me that I never thought was possible. My devotional life has been firmly established and God has given me a tremendous love for Him.
Looking back over this past year, I can only see the faithfulness of God. He did so much more for me than I could have imagined or expected Him to do. I wanted my life and this one little problem fixed, but God gave me a brand-new life. Praise the Lord!
Ryan is on full-time staff with Pure Life Ministries.
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