The opening chapters of Proverbs issue an urgent call: pay attention to wisdom. In Proverbs 5, that wisdom teaches us to overcome temptation by avoiding the path of sexual immorality and protecting the God-given intimacy of marriage.

If you’re a Christian fighting for purity, this conversation will help you bring ancient wisdom into a very present struggle—learning not only how to resist temptation, but how to walk in integrity by staying far from its doorstep.

Josh: Alright, so what we wanted to start doing here was produce some little conversations with you and me, Patrick, on a series that our audience may or may not have seen yet called Truths for Victory, where we highlight a verse or a passage that we really feel like can be used, and should be used, to assist men and women in walking in freedom from sexual sin. So, for this first one we're going to be in Proverbs 5:3-5 and verse 8. So, Patrick, why don't you go ahead and read that.

Patrick: “For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house.” (Proverbs 5:3-5, 8, ESV)

Josh: Yeah, so that's a snippet of one of the more complete chapters of Proverbs because most of the Proverbs are making one to two sentence points of wisdom. And this comes early in the book and it's obviously King Solomon who wrote most of Proverbs. In this particular chapter, he's imploring his son. He's saying, “Listen to me. I've got some advice for you.” And the whole thing is a comparison between an adulterous woman and marriage. He's saying, “Look, you're my son and you're going to be faced with temptations later in life. God has given you sexual desires. There are going to be people who try and trip you up. Don't go that way. But instead, use those sexual desires in the place that God has ordained, which is in marriage.” And Solomon doesn't condemn sexual desire, and we don't either. But he's saying that we need to give it its proper place which is marriage. How do you see this section fitting in the Bible?

Patrick: Well, yeah, so just to clarify for people, these are supposed to be short conversations. And we decided to start off by talking about the context of these verses and then get into the application. So, you're sharing the context as you see it. And what I had in mind, when preparing for this, goes right along with what you said. Because you're right, most of the Proverbs have these little snippets of wisdom. But I love the first nine chapters because it's like this sermon that Solomon's giving. And throughout the chapters leading up to chapter 5, there's this kind of call from Solomon to his son to keep listening to what he's saying. You hear three times in chapter 1, “Hear your father's instruction.” Verse 10, “If sinners entice you, don't consent.” (ESV) Verse 15, “Hold back, don't order your life in the way of sinners.” And then by the time we get to chapter 5, he says, “My son, be attentive to it.” He's still like, “Hey, pay attention.” I'm sure you relate to that as a dad.

Josh: A little bit, a little bit. I do feel like Solomon every once in a while. I have to tell my children, “Pay attention.”

Patrick: Haha. Yeah. But the thing is that he's warning his son of the dangers of not listening throughout the book. Proverbs 1:18-19 says that people who go out to do bad things to other people, they're actually doing harm to their own soul. I'm paraphrasing. And then verse 32 says that when the person who doesn't listen to God's wisdom turns away from wisdom, it actually kills them. He’s not just being negative though. He talks about the blessings of listening to wisdom. Proverbs 2:8 says that wisdom guards and protects us. Proverbs 2:16 says that wisdom delivers from the evil woman, which is kind of what chapter 5 is talking about. Proverbs 2:20-21 says, if you walk in a good way, you'll inherit the land. It's sort of a picture of heaven and eternity. And Proverbs 3:2 says that wisdom brings length of days and years of life and peace. Which I think we all want. So those are all the things that are a backdrop to this very practical instruction about sexual sin and lust. He’s saying that there's a danger if you don't listen to this instruction and there's blessings if you do listen.
       But then the other reality that's brought out in the chapters is that the response is often to not listen. Proverbs 1:22, “How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long, scoffers, will you delight in your scoffing?” (ESV) They enjoy their ignorance. Everybody loves Proverbs 3:5-7, but typically we do lean on our own understanding and we are wise in our own eyes. Proverbs 3:11 warns not to despise the Lord's discipline. And what did you say about Proverbs 7?

Josh: I think I just said that Proverbs 7 was expounding on chapter 5.

Patrick: Yeah, it's like a more detailed, elaborate picture of what's being taught in Proverbs 5. But there, the young man goes near the prostitute's house and gets swept in. And we read at the end that it leads to death. So, it's a very strong warning, but you just keep seeing pictures of people not listening.

Josh: Yeah, well, that's a picture of the human heart. It wants to rebel and does not want to listen. I mean, when you rebel, what are you rebelling against? You are rebelling against what you know you're supposed to do. And God often has to tell His people, choose life. And then there's the whole consequence and then God coming in and rescuing His people and then His people getting comfortable. And then they’re like, “Okay. God loves us. Now, we're going to do whatever we want to do.” And then they just keep getting back into trouble.
       So, what we need to do, and what we're going to do now, is, we need to learn to apply the Word. We need to take the Word, not just read it and store it up in our brains, but use it in our life. So, we're going to go back and forth on what we pulled out of this section.
       One thing that I pulled out was that for us to live in victory over sexual sin, we need to view sexual sin as “strange.” And I say “strange” because of what Solomon says in Proverbs 5:3. “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey.” (NASB95) That word “adulteress” is translated different ways in different translations. Some say “immoral woman.” Some say “forbidden woman.” Some say “loose woman.” But the King James says “strange woman.” And I really like that translation for this verse because it helps see sexual sin in the right way when you look at how Solomon wrote this chapter in comparing this strange woman with a wife.
       “Strange” is often used in scripture as “foreigner.” And we're supposed to be familiar with our spouse. When, we often will say, “That thing is foreign to me.” Or, “That language is foreign to me.” We don't know anything about it. We don't know anything about foreign cultures and why they do certain things. And so, when we bring an adulteress in, when we are looking at pornography, or if we are going to someone who isn't our spouse and treating them as if they were our spouse, they're a foreign person. So, we're bringing in a foreign influence into our life.

Patrick: Which causes death.

Josh: Yes. Which causes death. “Foreigner” is defined in Webster's Dictionary as “Somebody who owes their allegiance to another country.” And anybody that is in an adult film or anybody that's tempting you to stray from your spouse, they owe their allegiance not to you. But that's what they tempt you with, right? They say sweet things. Honey drips off their lips as the Proverb says. It comes off smooth and you believe it. It's easy to believe it. But they really owe their allegiance not to you, they owe it to themselves. And the devil's going to use that to lead you into death.

Patrick: Yeah. I think that goes along with one of the things I was thinking, which is, “Keep your way far from her.” (Proverbs 5:8a, ESV) That's the action step here. But specifically, what I was thinking about is, whether you have not gone very far in sexual sin, or you have, most people still have a fantasy in their mind that they haven't lived out yet. And we can imagine that those things would satisfy us and we think “Maybe if I just gave into that, it would finally scratch that itch.” But you have to listen and you have to actually hear that, even though that thing in your mind may seem sweet, it seems like honey. It seems like love. It's really death. It always has been, always will be, because that's what God says. That's how He designed things to be.

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Josh: Yeah, and we could spend a ton of time on what not to do. But I like this chapter because Solomon doesn't just say, “Hey, keep your way far from her,” which is something that we should do. He also talks about what you should do in regard to your wife. He is saying that those desires that the strange woman is tempting you with are fine, but they are to be designated for your wife.
       And so, I find many encouragements to pursue your spouse in this section. Proverbs 5:15 says, “Drink water from your own well.” (NLT) That word drink actually means to feast. It means to be drunk. So, he's saying, get your fill of sexual desire from your wife. And in verse 15 he also says, it's fresh water. I view that as there's life in it. It tastes good. It's not stagnant. It's kind of like a comparison with the adulterous woman where her words are oil and honey. All those lead to death, but your wife is like this spring of life and you're not going to find death when you go to her. Proverbs 5:18 says, “Let your fountain be blessed” (NASB95) And the New Living Translation says, “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.” It is essentially saying, “Go to her. She'll be that blessing of life to you.” Proverbs 5:18 continues on to say, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth.” (NASB95) Verse 19 says, “Be exhilarated always with her love.” (NASB95) Other translations say things such as, “enraptured,” “captivated,” “intoxicated,” “lost in her love.” So, there's so much encouragement that I've found in this chapter to really pursue your wife or spouse.

Patrick: I heartily agree with that. I'm also thinking about people whose marriages aren’t going well. And I was just thinking, there's still life there. If you don't get fulfilled by your wife or if you feel like at night you guys are just bickering with each other, if you pursue the right thing to do, which is to love her as Christ loved the Church, you will still get life. Whereas, maybe you have a woman that's interesting to you at work or you just love getting online and interacting with someone who makes you feel better, but there is spiritual death behind it. So, does that make sense? What you're saying is good and I think is the model and what a lot of people are missing. But even if it's not ideal at home, there's something really beautiful to find in the Lord and in one’s own wife.

Josh: Yeah, to your point, there are situations that are difficult, but I think if we look at it from the Lord's point of view and how He puts up with us and how He still pursues us, that should fuel us to pursue our spouse even when it's difficult. We need to get in our prayer closet and pray, “Lord, help me to see this person as you see them. Help me to love them and serve them, even when it's difficult.” And so, I think for those that are watching or listening that might be coming against what I am saying and be like, “Well, I can't love that guy. He's a jerk.” Or, “She always nags on me.” There's power in prayer and sometimes your feelings lie to you. God put you with that person so fight for the marriage. Fight for unity. Pray. And then just look at the situation the way that God sees it.

Patrick: Yeah. That’s really good. I have one more point. I was just thinking that probably most people watching or listening have not kept their way far from her. So it's like, what do those people take away from listening to this? And it's just, I think, admitting that you're wrong. That's what I had to do. I had been giving myself over to all sorts of depravity and eventually I just had to say, I'm wrong in what I'm doing and I've played a part in getting myself in these situations. It didn't happen by accident. I didn't stumble into it, as Proverbs 7 illustrates. I went really close up to the edge of the prostitute's house, maybe she grabbed me and pulled me in, but I opened the door. But if you admit those things, the Lord's going to pour in grace and He's going to begin to help you. But if we just keep saying, “No, I'm not doing anything wrong,” we're not really going to make it anywhere.

Josh: Well, I like too in Proverbs 7 where he starts off and he says, “I looked through my window, and I saw a young man void of sense.” I am paraphrasing, but he lacked wisdom. So, as what we talked about at the beginning, if you lack wisdom, it's always going to lead you into sin somehow.
       And the last thing that I pulled from this was verse 23. It says in the New Living Translation, “He will die for lack of self-control. He will be lost because of his great foolishness.” And one thing that I've learned in my Bible study that I do sometimes is that, since we believe the Word of God is inerrant, when it says a direct truth, the opposite of it is also true. So, when I read this verse, the converse of it is also true. There's this promise of life and faithfulness to the Lord and in the marriage when you have self-control. When you embrace wisdom. So, a converse for this verse could be, “He will have life when he exhibits self-control and he will not go astray because he embraces wisdom.” That's like the whole point of what Solomon is trying to get at here in this chapter. In fact, he’s basically telling his son, “Give attention to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Embrace what I'm telling you. If you embrace what I'm telling you, there will be life.” And it echoes all the way back to Moses in Deuteronomy 30, where he's saying, “Choose life.”

Patrick: And it goes all the way up to Jesus when He says, “The enemy has come to steal, kill, and destroy, but I've come that they may have life.”

Josh: Yeah, that's good. Well, we do pray that people would choose life and embrace wisdom. Hope this was a blessing to people.

Patrick: Amen.

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