From the Chapel: The Transforming Power of Surrender
Eric was a hopeless, selfish and bitter person when he came to the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program. But when he responded to the Lord in heartfelt surrender and worship, the Lord utterly transformed him from the inside out. Now he loves others and is able to walk in freedom from the sin that once dominated his life.
11 years ago today, I was deep in sin and I was pretty hopeless. I was in a lot of despair. I had recently ended a homosexual relationship. I was living with a guy for a couple years and I was full-blown in the homosexual lifestyle. I had turned away from everything that I knew was good. I reached a point where I was just hopeless, and on Palm Sunday in 2015, I climbed up on a bridge at an overpass and I put my hands by my side and dove headfirst, 35 feet off the bridge, landing on my face. I walked out of the hospital the next day without any damage done to my body. The doctor said, “We don't know what to do with you. You should be broken at minimum, if not dead.”
I continued in my sin after that, but there was a stopping point. And there was the tiniest glimpse of, “Wow, I guess the Lord is really there and He does love me.” But I continued to do terrible things. I was not a nice person when I arrived in the Residential Program here at Pure Life either. I remember, early on in my program, I sat across from a counselor who used to work here and I chewed him out. I told him what a terrible job he was doing. I pointed out all the mistakes he was making. Everywhere he was wrong. That's the person that I was.
And then one day, a few months into my program, Pastor Ed encouraged the students at a worship service to raise our hands in worship if any of us had never done that. And growing up I didn't do that. So I was like, no, I'm not going to do it. I'm not. And then I realized, “Oh, I have to do this if I'm seeking the Lord right now. This call is for me.” And so, I raised my hands and the Lord opened my eyes to the reality of the spiritual situation - the danger and the darkness that we're trying to come out of, what we're calling men out of here. And that week when I worshiped the Lord, the Lord opened my eyes. And that week was the most impactful week of my whole program.
That same week, I surrendered to the Lord to stay here on staff. That was the call he had on my life. I told Pastor Jordan I was going to stay because I knew that if I didn't get it out in the open, I wouldn’t end up following through with staying. And then the Lord freed me. I don't know why, but after I surrendered to the Lord, I went out to the ridge to the little stoop on the right and the Lord just took things from me. He, like, took these wicked parts of me and he took them out. And now, I love people. I love the guys here in the program. That's why I'm here. That's why all of us on staff are here.
And I don't chew people out like I used to. It doesn't mean I never get aggravated. I'm not perfect. But an example of how the Lord freed me is that I'm not bound by substances anymore. We were on a staff retreat and I was fishing and I'm on this marina where nobody is out there. I'm just walking around fishing and there's a guy out there smoking weed and drinking, and he offered it to me. And any other time in the past I would have said, “Sure, I’ll have some.” But I didn't. I wasn't succumbing to peer pressure out there. It was easy.
That doesn't happen because I'm still following my own desires. It happened because I worshiped the Lord. I looked to Him, I chose Him and He brought me out of the situation. Without Him there's no way I could be here. It's impossible. I should be dead. I should be at minimum in a hospital bed. But the Lord knew where He was going to lead me. And I'm just so grateful to Him. And I want to honor Him and exalt Him. He's just so worth it. And if you look to Him, He'll change your life completely.
