Have you ever had to navigate at high speeds around an object that is lying in the middle of a busy highway? Relationship issues are a bit like that. You've got to learn how to navigate safely around them, otherwise you're going to experience some real damage to your heart and life. In today's interview, we'll talk about why cultivating a spirit of forgiveness is an absolutely critical part of staying on the road to freedom.

Many men often blame their strong sex drive for their sexual sin. That begs the question, is somehow lowering one's sex drive the answer for overcoming sexual addiction? Steve Gallagher answers that question in this interview.

Host: Hey, Steve, thanks for coming in. We want to deal today with an email that came in from a 21-year-old man who is struggling with the power of his sex drive. And it seems that someone has suggested to him that psychiatric drugs may be an option to help lower his sex drive. How would you respond to that?

Steve: Well, I would respond from Scripture like I would with any kind of an issue that comes up in life like this. In 2 Peter 1, Peter made a couple of interesting statements that I think we should take a look at. He said this, “seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust.” (1 Peter 1:3-4, NASB 1995) Now that's a mouthful and I understand that, but I do want to say a couple of things about this.
       First of all, I need to say that I believe this statement is true. With all my heart I believe it's true. Not only because the Bible says it, but also because it's my testimony. It's something that I have experienced and have seen lived out in the lives of many people. God has what every believer needs. That's not just cheap preacher talk or something. It’s the reality of anyone who has a life with God. Peter promises us here that God's power will provide everything we need to make it in life.  We have to decide if we really believe that.
       That's what it boils down to when we hear these kinds of promises made in Scripture. Do we really believe what the Bible is saying? Personally, the idea of a Christian needing to take drugs to live in victory is absolutely preposterous to me. It shows me that the young man asking this question does not yet know what it means to have the power of God in his inner life. If he will establish a strong devotional life, not only will he find that there is power to live victoriously in Christ, but it'll give him a wonderful opportunity to ask God for a greater infilling of the Holy Spirit.

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Host: Now, one of the things that I see in his email is that he is so focused on his physical sex drive. And of course, most guys that are 16 years and older are often focused on their hormonal issues that are drawing them toward giving over to their sexual sin. But in the passage you just read from 1 Peter, there’s more being spoken of than just a strong sex drive when Peter uses the phrase “corruption is in the world because of lust” isn’t there?

Steve: Well, this young man who reached out is overwhelmed. And like you said, a lot of young people do become overwhelmed when their hormones are raging inside. But when God becomes large in a person's heart, mind and their daily life to where they are spending time with God and they are connected to the vine, then their problems become much smaller and more manageable. When you're just living in the flesh, of course, your problems are going to be overwhelming.

Host: Now, in his email, he said that he wants to reduce his sex drive. Now are we saying that if he develops a solid relationship with the Lord that his sex drive is going to go diminish?

Steve: No. His sex drive is not going to change. It's a physical thing that he has to deal with. But what does come into play is the power to be able to deal with it in the right way. That's what he's missing. All he's focused on is his sex drive, but he's not seeing the power of God at work in his inner man.

Host: And of course, one of the things that fights against young men who want to go on the right path with this issue is that the culture is saying that you are a captive to these desires and you can't help but indulge in them. In fact, the culture teaches that you are abnormal if you don't give into these desires.

Steve: Right. And one of the problems which that raises is the fact that so many young people are more plugged in with the world and our pagan culture than they are to the things of God. So of course, when you're more plugged in to the strong messages coming from television and the internet, that's going to shape your thinking, your belief system and it's going to strengthen the unbelief that's already in you.

Host: And for a young man or even for a young woman, if you look at it right, this is a wonderful opportunity to prove the faithfulness of God in your own life.

Steve: Yes, it is a wonderful opportunity to glorify God in your body. It sends such powerful message to young people around you today who are totally given over to the things of this world, their flesh and sexual sin for you to stand strong and say, “I choose to say no to my flesh. My life in God means more to me than worldly pleasure.”

Spoiler alert: There are things inside of you AND outside of you that are TRYING to get you to stray off the narrow path and into sin. That's what makes the road to freedom so hard sometimes. In this episode, we'll talk about how to effectively deal with everyday temptations so that you can stay on the road to freedom.

Resources

• Cultivate a Disciplined Lifestyle (Video) By Pure Life Ministries

Spoiler alert: There are things inside of you AND outside of you that are TRYING to get you to stray off the narrow path and into sin. That's what makes the road to freedom so hard sometimes. In this interview, we'll talk about how to effectively deal with everyday temptations so that you can stay on the road to freedom.

Scott and Erin Wilson’s world blew apart in one day when Erin found texts from another woman on Scott's phone. For the next couple of years, they tried to fix their marriage--in their own way and their own strength. Eventually, they both came to the place where they were willing to do the will of God. That’s when their marriage began to be restored.

How do you forgive a brother or sister in Christ that has sinned against you? What do you do if this person is unrepentant over their actions? Steve Gallagher answers these questions in this interview from our archives.

Host: Steve Gallagher has joined me in the studio. Steve is the Founder and President of Pure Life Ministries. Steve, we want to deal today with a question involving forgiveness and repentance. An individual wrote us a letter and they are in a situation where someone has wronged them and yet has not repented for what they did. They want to know, is there real forgiveness for them to offer to this person who wronged them in this case?

Steve: Well, it can be a tricky matter. Jesus did give us a course of action in dealing with these kinds of situations. In Luke 17, He said, “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” Now, the implication here seems to be that forgiveness is only extended if it's requested. To a certain degree that is true. But we should also keep in mind that Jesus asked the father to forgive the men who murdered him. Those people obviously weren't repentant. Yet it was one of the last prayers that he prayed before expiring on the cross. He prayed, “Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.” And you know, someone once said that forgiveness is the most Christlike characteristic a person can have.
       So, you kind of have two sides to this tension. On the one side, if a believer sins against me or offends me and it has bothered me enough that it's not just going away, then the right thing for me to do is to go to that person in a humble and gentle spirit and try to express to them how their actions have affected me. In Luke 17 Jesus is using the term rebuke, which sounds harsh, but it doesn't have to be harsh. It shouldn't be harsh, because it should be done in a spirit of humility and hopefully in the end there will be reconciliation. If the person refuses to acknowledge what they have done or decides to avoid accepting the blame, then you have to decide if you are going to continue the process that Jesus laid out in Matthew 18, which is basically church discipline. In Matthew 18 it says that if your brother sins, go to him privately and show him his way, and if he doesn't repent, take two or three with you to correct him. And then if he still doesn't repent, take him before the church. Now I will say it would have to be something pretty serious to see that process through to its ultimate conclusion.
       Now on the other side, Scripture tells us that love covers a multitude of sins. So, there is tension between the fact that we are given a scriptural basis to both confront, but also cover, sin. Now if you're filled with the spirit of love, you can overlook a whole lot more than if you are walking in the flesh. But you still must deal with the situation properly. If someone is unwilling to repent for their actions, it doesn't mean that we take our heart out and throw it down on the table for them to do us wrong again. We may need to withdraw our trust for that person, but that isn't a lack of forgiveness. We do still need to forgive people. But withdrawing trust is simply being wise with who we entrust ourselves to.

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Host: I see. So, really the answer to the question comes down more to an issue of my own heart than the heart of the individual who has wronged me. Because if I really have a sight of the tremendous mercy and forgiveness that I have been granted by the Lord, then as I walk in that reality, it becomes much more difficult for me to hold anything against anybody else.

Steve: That's a very good point. And that is also in Matthew 18 in the parable of the unforgiving servant. But there's also the issue of what's good for the other person. If that person is going around offending people, if you can handle it in the right way, then you can possibly help that person by letting them know how they've affected you so that they don’t continue to offend others in the same way.

Host: But still having a forgiving heart, right?

Steve: Yes. And still doing it in the right spirit as well.

Host: Yea. And the Lord draws us with chords of lovingkindness even though we certainly don't deserve His forgiveness. It is often difficult to know exactly how to deal with situations. Now, you mentioned the process for dealing with a believer who has offended you, but it is probably even more difficult when you're dealing with a non-believer when it comes to responding to that individual.

Steve: Well, you are bringing up a good point, because you don't deal with an unbeliever the same as you deal with a believer. If a brother offends you, you go to him and you confront him or at least let him know what he has done. But it doesn't work the same with an unbeliever who has sinned against you. You just have to forgive them and do your best to let it go. Nothing is to be gained by confronting them about their sin.

Sometimes the goal we set for ourselves does not fully match God's goal for us. Here's a surprising example of this: when we make freedom from sexual sin our highest goal. In today’s interview, we’ll talk about why God's goal for our lives is much deeper and more wonderful than that, and why pursuing His goal for our lives is a key lesson on the road to freedom.

What causes people to repeatedly engage in sinful vices, regardless of the consequences?

What makes pornography seemingly impossible to resist the more its indulged in?

How can we overcome habits which have plagued us for years, or even decades?

If you are trapped in the cycle of porn addiction, THERE IS HOPE! Join Steve Gallagher as he unveils the inner workings behind addiction and how to break its power over your life.

Have you ever had to navigate at high speeds around an object that is lying in the middle of a busy highway? Relationship issues are a bit like that. You've got to learn how to navigate safely around them, otherwise you're going to experience some real damage to your heart and life. In today's episode, we'll talk about why cultivating a spirit of forgiveness is an absolutely critical part of staying on the road to freedom.

In the newest episode of Ashes to Beauty: When our hearts are torn open, we frantically reach for anything that will take away the pain. But what if God showed up in our suffering and told us that our pain was actually opening the door to tremendous blessing? Even though that makes no sense to our natural minds, that's exactly what He means when He says, "Blessed are those who mourn."

How can a couple change the environment of their home from one of tension and strife into an atmosphere where mercy is flowing toward one another? Jeff and Rose Colón address that topic in this interview.

Host: Jeff and Rose Colón have joined me in the studio. Jeff and Rose, good to see you again.

Jeff: Good to be here.

Host: We want to talk today about the importance of creating an atmosphere of mercy in the home. Jeff, what do we have to say about that?

Jeff: The whole idea of creating an atmosphere of mercy in the home environment is a vital component for a godly marriage. If you think about it, any marriage that's going to glorify God and show forth His goodness is a picture of the Lord’s relationship with His church. Our marriages are supposed to exemplify that. The Lord had compassion on each one of us. Ephesians 2 says He died while we were yet sinners because of His mercy toward us. Is it too much for Him to ask us to show that same mercy in our marriages?

Host: As you were talking about that, I was thinking that if there's an atmosphere of mercy in the home, not only is there going to be peace in the home which every couple wants, but what a better testimony for others outside of the home that are watching that relationship.

Jeff: Exactly. And if we're in a Christian marriage, especially one that's having difficulties, we're really going to find out how Christian we really are and how much mercy we have in our hearts toward our spouse. I've told my wife many times that there is absolutely no reason why a truly Christian marriage should ever fail even after something as devastating as sexual sin has occurred.

Host: Amen. Now let's talk about how to go about creating an atmosphere of mercy in the home. Let's start with the husband. What are some of the things that the husband can do?

Jeff: I have dealt with this a lot with the men in the Residential program who have sinned against their wives. And one of the most important things I emphasize to them is to really be willing to bear the burdens of their wife. Not be defensive or react in an unbiblical way to her fears or things that she's still dealing with from their lifestyle of sin that they were living in for years in that home. He needs to give her the same mercy that God has showered upon him.
      I know in my own household, when mercy is in the atmosphere, then an atmosphere of fighting and disagreement has no hope of surviving. The Bible tells us to not be overcome by evil but to overcome evil with good. And I'm not saying your spouse is evil, but that's how we feel sometimes when we're wronged. And I know men can be a little touchy sometimes and we really need to learn to put our wives’ interest before our own and consider their needs more important than ours.

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Host: Of course, the husband is half of the equation, but how can a wife help to create an atmosphere of mercy in the home?

Rose: She can create an atmosphere of mercy in the home by being patient and being willing to suffer long with others in the home. Not only with her husband, but with her children. Because a lot of times wives will reach a limit with their husband around the children, and they start yelling or they may even belittle their husband in front of the children. And when she's in that spirit, she's not creating an atmosphere of mercy in the home toward her husband or even toward her children. If she is acting that way, then she needs to learn how to be willing to admit that she’s wrong and not feel like she needs to prove that she’s right or win the argument. If she is willing to walk in humility toward her husband and to be willing to pray for him instead of voicing her complaints or grievances, she will create an atmosphere of mercy in her home.

Host: Jeff, I know that developing an atmosphere of mercy in the home is a challenge for any couple. We all have to bear one another. Is there an encouraging word you can give to a couple that may be struggling with this?

Jeff: Sure. As I said earlier, difficulties usually do come in a marriage and it's going to test us, but God has called us to go the Narrow Way. He's called us to be a disciple. In other words, to live and to walk as He walked. To love as He loved. And when we face those tough choices that go against everything that we feel and perceive to be right, we'll really find out how much we love God. And one of the greatest needs in any marriage is for mercy to be flowing freely from both parties. So, my encouragement would be, don't be stingy with the mercy God has given you. Let it blossom. Let it become the atmosphere of your home.

When Brian was growing up, he wholeheartedly pursued sex, drugs, a musical career, and whatever else he thought would bring him fulfillment. But then, God began to draw Brian—through a drumming gig at a church, through a girlfriend who was fed up with his porn addiction, and then through his time in the Residential Program at Pure Life Ministries. Little bit by little bit, God was calling Brian to become a dedicated follower of Jesus.

Resources

• Check Out Our Residential Program
• Why the Residential Program Must Be Nine Months (Article) By Steve Gallagher