Kathy Irwin was clueless about who she was marrying in January 1980. This naïve 19-year-old girl did not realize that I had a long history of being a womanizer and that I was terribly addicted to pornography. She had no idea that I maintained a secret lifestyle of illicit sex that nobody knew about. Marriage did not alter any of this. I continued living my double life without one pang of guilt or concern. Even the day before our wedding I was with a prostitute.

It quickly became obvious to her that I was an angry and miserable person. I alienated Kathy and was content for us to live separate lives in the same house. She knew something was terribly wrong in our marriage but could not understand what it was. She only knew that our marriage shared no resemblance to the loving union of her parents.

A year after we were married, I decided to become a cop in Los Angeles. Our move there made things even more difficult for her as she lost the security of having her family nearby. Not long after the move, I decided to tell her the truth about my secret life: I was addicted to pornography and I was regularly committing adultery with prostitutes and other women. She was shocked. I convinced her that if we watched porn movies together that it would end my “need” to go out on her. She was confused and had nobody to discuss it with. She reluctantly agreed. It was a monumental mistake.

Coming out in the open about my obsession with women only made matters worse. In some sick way, it gave me license to openly lust after and flirt with other women. Kathy finally left me, repented of her sin and got her life right with the Lord.

My Wife’s Selflessness

Several weeks later, I had an encounter with the Lord that changed my life. I still struggled with sexual sin, but at least now I was committed to living the Christian life. I told Kathy about this and asked her to return to me. I was clueless to the amount of damage I had done to her. She had been terribly hurt by my actions and had lost her respect for me. In short, she wanted nothing to do with Steve Gallagher.

However, God intervened and made it clear to her that He wanted her to return to me. She sat down and wept at the thought of it. She knew she must obey Him no matter what it might cost her. It wasn’t easy, though. In fact, during those first few months she would often cry herself to sleep at night. She cringed every time I touched her. She hid all of this from me because she didn’t want to do anything that would discourage my newfound faith in Christ. It still remains one of the clearest examples of selflessness I have ever witnessed.

It took over two years for me to get totally free of habitual sexual sin. This was in the early 80’s and sexual addiction was a term unheard of in those days. Kathy knew that I sincerely wanted freedom and this helped her to stick it out with me.

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It needs to be said that the real secret to her unselfish attitude was her relationship with the Lord. God became very big to her during those difficult years. Instead of becoming increasingly fixated on herself and what she wanted (a happy marriage and an adoring husband), she made knowing Him the passion of her life. As she did this, the Holy Spirit upheld her through her trials, comforted her in times of pain and poured His love through her to me and others.

During that crucial two year period, her love for me matured from being a “needy” love that was looking for something in return, to a godly love that put the needs of the other person first. Instead of seeing my failures as being a personal attack upon her womanhood, she was able to view the situation from God’s perspective. Rather than laying unrealistic expectations upon me to meet her emotional needs, she learned to find her fulfillment from the Lord.

The Holy Spirit’s power at work within her also helped her to become a source of strength for me. Rather than enabling me in my sin, she let me know that she expected me to change. She now had the spiritual and emotional wherewithal to help me to accomplish that change.

Since Christ was truly the center of her life, she could fight for our marriage in His strength and in His love. She saw us as one flesh and sexual addiction as a battle that must be fought together. Rather than demoralizing me with criticism and anger over my failures, she became my greatest cheerleader. Only her connection to the Lord could supply her with the courage to live this way.

My Wife’s Humility

I think one of the things that helped Kathy keep such a good attitude through this painful process was the fact that she always saw herself as a sinner in her own right. So many wives we deal with view themselves as being far godlier than their husbands and are blind to their own shortcomings. They may have nothing more than a superficial walk with the Lord, but the lack of obvious, outward sin in their lives (such as illicit sex) makes it is easy for them to hold an exaggerated perspective of their own spirituality. They have only positive things to say about themselves but only criticism for their husbands. By contrast, Kathy saw herself in just as much need of God’s grace as her husband. We were going to the Cross of Calvary hand-in-hand in equal need of His mercy.

Another huge thing I am grateful for is my wife’s willingness to pray for me. It requires no effort to find fault with or complain about others, but is so difficult to bear them to God. Kathy spent many hours interceding for me. Every morning she would bombard heaven on my behalf: asking, seeking and knocking. She knew that I was in the struggle of my life and that I would not make it without God’s power. She did not approach the Lord with the haughty attitude, “fix this jerk.” Her prayers were full of love and compassion. Her prayer life not only helped me get free, but also helped to sustain her own walk with the Lord.

Over time, Kathy and I became a team. We learned to fight together for the common good of our marriage and our spiritual lives. Rather than being two separate entities looking out for “Number One,” we were headed in the same direction together. My final foray into sexual sin occurred in 1985. I never again went back.

But this newfound victory was not the end or the goal; it was just the beginning. As our life in God grew, so too did our love for each other.

Eventually, God began using me in ministry. I tended to be in the “limelight” while Kathy was happy to remain behind the scenes. I have always been very forthright about my love for my wife. There have been times that women have told Kathy how fortunate she is to have a husband who loves her like I do. They have no idea of what they are saying. While it is true that I love my wife, the real story is that I love her because she first loved me. In fact, it was through her unselfish example that I learned how to love.

I thank God for my wife. I can only imagine where I would be today if I didn’t have a woman like Kathy Gallagher by my side when I was in the greatest battle of my life.

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I imagine Satan being very much like a cobra. Known for the hideous hood it extends when preparing to attack, it actually spits into the eyes of its victim before striking. With its target blinded and helpless, the serpent could easily squirm away into the brush. But this viper is not content with escape; it enjoys killing. With bared fangs, it lunges, injecting its deadly poison into its victim’s body. This is a fitting picture of the man lured into viewing pornography.

The Serpent of Pornography Deceives You

The temptation usually begins when he comes across a glimpse of flesh and/or a sexually suggestive hyper-link. It is just enough venom to temporarily blind him to the impending danger. The initial presentation is stimulating, creating a sensual atmosphere which spiritually incapacitates him.

It seems irresistible because it is laced with deception—namely, that the act of sin will bring about tremendous pleasure and satisfaction. The tantalizing thought is presented and all thoughts of resistance are forgotten. The act of sexual sin looks absolutely intoxicating and therefore irresistible. The serpent is extremely cunning. He slithers up to his unsuspecting victim, camouflaging the sin, presenting it under the perfect illusion of innocence. He times his attack to best accomplish his purpose, “to steal, and kill, and destroy’ God's property.”

Now the serpent moves in for the kill. That one glimpse of porn unleashes a poison that rockets into the man’s soul and instantly spreads throughout his being. Just like a snakebite victim, he enters a catatonic state of mind: a sexual trance where all reason seems to abandon him. Lust rushes through his body; his face flushes with excitement; his palms get sweaty.

Solomon described this spiritual stupor this way: “With her many persuasions she entices him. With her flattering lips she seduces him. Suddenly he follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as one in fetters to the discipline of a fool, until an arrow pierces through his liver; as a bird hastens to the snare, so he does not know that it will cost him his life.” Proverbs 7:21-23

The Serpent of Pornography Impairs You

Once a snake bites, its victim then becomes vulnerable to other predators.

Some time ago, I watched a National Geographic special that showed a lioness who had been bitten by a cobra. For days, she suffered under the effects of its venom. Weakened to the point of collapse, she faced great danger from a roving pack of ravenous hyenas. She was helpless to defend herself from their savage attacks.

This is certainly true of the man who views pornography. Its poison, rather than dissipating after he has completed his act of lust, continues to contaminate his heart over the coming days. Its toxin remains in his system, altering his perspectives, polluting his mind, and spreading darkness over his soul. The lust it initially appealed to is now inflamed into burning desire. Rather than satisfying the man’s sexual passion, it only serves to further ignite it.

Not only must the infected man deal with the after-effects of the bite, but now he is even more weakened spiritually against the enemies of his soul. He attempts to go about his daily routines, but lascivious memories continue to haunt him. These images are like Third World beggars crowding around him, clamoring for another handout. No matter how much you give them, they’re never satisfied. Indeed, every gift only emboldens them to demand more.

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The Serpent of Pornography Must Be Crushed

Christian men must do everything within their power to crush the serpent of pornography. Two practical measures a man should take include: installing a filter on his Internet devices, and controlling his television viewing. However, the fact remains that we live in a snake-infested world. In our day and age, it is almost inevitable that men will face this temptation at some point. The wise believer will prepare himself for that day with the Word of God.

When a man “receives with meekness the engrafted word,” he will discerns the source of temptation that comes his way. He understands that, behind the beautiful illusion of pleasure, there is a snake—coiled and ready to strike. He has been bitten by it before and has learned the hard way the price that is paid for every indulgence. He has the heart-knowledge (much different from head knowledge) to “be a doer of the Word” and turn away from the temptation.

Time spent in the Word everyday builds up a man’s immune system against the poison of pornography. The scriptures are simply the thinking and perspectives of the Lord. As a man continually immerses himself in the Bible, he will gradually take on God’s mindset toward life, people and, yes, even sexuality. A man who devotes daily time to the Word is given spiritual insight into the power of temptation and how it works. Just as the Word of God prepares a man to face temptation, it is also the only antidote for the man once he has been bitten by the serpent of lust. Regular doses of Scripture are the very thing he needs to be built up spiritually and thus counteract the effects of the poison of pornography. “Precept upon precept; line upon line; here a little, and there a little…” Isaiah 28:10

It is only the “Sword of the Spirit” that can sever the head of the serpent of porn.

In the early days of my personal struggle for purity, a wise man reminded me that I should not expect to attain a place where I was impervious to temptation. Even Jesus was tempted, he reminded me. Yet we also know that Jesus was without sin. (Hebrews 4:15) Experiencing sexual temptation, by itself, is not sin, nor is it evidence that we are not living in victory. Indeed, there are times when we need to reject such false condemnation. But that leaves us with the critical question: where is the line between temptation and sin?

For some, this issue of temptation versus sin may be nothing more than an academic or theological exercise. But, for those of us battling for purity in a sexually explicit society that promotes lust and exalts sensuality, recognizing the difference between encountering the daily onslaught of temptations versus engaging in sin is a crucial matter.

The problem for most of us, however, isn’t fighting off unwarranted condemnation because we’ve confused experiencing temptation with committing sin. No, the far more prevalent problem is that we’re indulging in sin long before we know it! We’re often clueless that we’ve crossed over the temptation line into sin. Later, in the aftermath of giving over yet again, we stand wringing our hands in frustration, wondering how in the world this could keep happening to us. Whether we’re “addicted” or not, the final outward fulfillment of our lust is always the last step in a process. But the line separating sin and temptation is regularly crossed before the very first visible step is taken.

In other words, once a person’s heart is set on his or her object of desire, sin is already being committed. The steps down into the actual activities of our routines and the consummation of our lust have already become inevitable, and the desire of our hearts will be carried out in due time. James’s epistle describes this well: “When desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin when it is full-grown, brings forth death.” (James 1:15) No matter how long the gestation period turns out to be, once we have let desire conceive, sin will be birthed.

King David’s Sin

Consider King David and Bathsheba. The opening verse of this account in the Bible suggests that the venerable monarch is already in trouble in his heart before he ever lays eyes on Bathsheba. David’s choice to remain in Jerusalem at the time of year “when kings go out to battle,” portends trouble ahead. Then it happened, Scripture says, that David got out of bed one night, presumably unable to sleep, and took a walk on the palace roof. “And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold.” (2 Samuel 11:1-2)

I’m sure we all know the sad outcome of this familiar story. David’s heart was already set on enjoying the pleasures of palace life over the field of battle. “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.” (Romans 8:5) With his mind already set on the things of the flesh at the time he encountered Bathsheba, David was unprepared to resist the temptation he faced on that fateful night.

David was evidently oblivious to the actual point in time when he crossed the line into adultery and later murder. But Jesus’ teaching in the Sermon on the Mount makes it very clear that the line is first crossed in our hearts long before it is manifested by our sinful behavior. (Matthew 5:28)

Jesus repeatedly tried to teach His followers that sin occurs first in our hearts, and then makes its ugly appearance in our outward behavior. (Matthew 15:19) Therefore, if we intend to take a stand against sin, the supreme consideration for us is what is our heart set on?

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Joseph’s Temptation

There is another man in the Bible who was similarly tempted to commit adultery. In fact, Potiphar’s wife relentlessly pursued the handsome young Israelite who oversaw her household, daily casting her longing eyes upon him, repeatedly making her brazen appeal: “Lie with me… lie with me… lie with me.” Truly such a powerful temptation would be the undoing of many men. But Joseph stood firm. “How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” he responded. (Genesis 39:9) Because Joseph’s heart was set on God, he was able to resist this potent temptation.

God’s Redemption

It would be wonderful if we all had a testimony of unwavering resistance to sexual temptation like Joseph. And I do believe it is God’s desire to bring us into that level of victory. But one of the Bible’s many attractions is its openness in portraying even the weaknesses and failures of its heroes; which brings us back to David. His story does not end with the account of his dual failures of adultery and murder. Rather, he is confronted in his sin by his loving, merciful God. And in his great psalm of repentance, David pleads: “Create in me a clean heart, O God. And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.” (Psalm 51:10-11) By the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit, David was enabled to re-set his heart on God. Consequently, when David is spoken of in the New Testament, he isn’t derided for his egregious sin, but is esteemed as a man after God’s heart. (Acts 13:22)

Our Response

Like David, if you and I are ever going to walk in victory over sexual temptation, we have to confront the ungodly desires of our heart head-on. Moreover, if we accept the Bible’s demarcation of sin primarily as an attitude of the heart rather than just a behavior, we’ll quickly realize two things: we’ll see that we commit many more sins than we thought, and we’ll also be increasingly aware of our need for daily repentance. When this happens, we’ll be right where God wants us!

Repentance will be our permanent state rather than a one-time experience. We’ll live in sight of our need for a Savior. Jesus will become very personal and ever-present to us. As those who have been forgiven much, we will love much. Our hearts will perpetually overflow with gratitude and worship.

And sexual sin? With our hearts, firmly set on God, we will recoil from such temptation: “How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” We will be established in victory, and the glory will belong to the Lord!

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It is a clash of conflicting trends that promises only to intensify in the coming years. Record numbers of American men are viewing suggestive images of adolescents and even child pornography, while, at the same time, highly publicized cases of child rape and murder have sparked an enormous public outrage toward sex offenders.

This growing interest in the bodies of children has authorities alarmed. “The threat is frighteningly real…” former US Attorney General Alberto Gonzales once said. “Child exploitation and pornography is growing rapidly, and it must be stopped.”

A negligible percentage of adults with an innate sexual attraction toward children has always existed. These men are what would be considered true pedophiles and some of them have molested thousands of children.

But a disturbing trend is emerging: “regular guys” who are seeking out child pornography in record numbers. “The vast majority of people [we have arrested] have never been charged or even suspected of crimes against children,” FBI Special Agent Pete Gulotta stated. “This is very disconcerting to us in law enforcement. It tells us that the people who get caught are either very unlucky, in that they were caught the first time… or it tells us that they have been doing this and getting away with it for some time.”

The idea of the sex offender being a greasy weirdo with obvious problems has been dispelled by the arrest of such notables as rock star Pete Townshend (child pornography) and Brian Doyle, former deputy press secretary for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security (attempting to seduce a child online). This is an escalating problem that is not going to just go away.

Contributing Factors

The recent growing fascination with explicit images of children is not simply happenstance: there are legitimate, attributable reasons involved. The first is the ongoing sexualization of adolescent girls in our culture. For instance, Hollywood has produced a number of movies which portray young girls as sexual objects; e.g. Taxi Driver and Pretty Baby.

Another contributing factor to this alarming trend has been the promotion of child sex through the use of cartoons in men’s magazines such as Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler. Dr. Judith Reisman was commissioned by the U.S. Department of Justice to direct a two-year content analysis on this subject. “Our study documented each issue of Hustler averaging 14.1 children and pseudo-children alongside 47 images of crime and violence,” she wrote. “52 percent of child photos were sexually explicit and most cartooned children were sexually violated.” (1)

Also contributing to this obsession with young bodies is the law of diminishing returns: sin does not satisfy. The first time a guy (maybe as a teenager) sees an image of a topless woman he is thrilled, but over time those pictures fail to excite him; he wants to see more. He advances to full nudity, but again, it is only a matter of time before he feels a need for something more explicit. This brings him into the realm of X-rated pornography. When the thrill of this begins to diminish, he begins looking for something to take its place. For many, this is child pornography.

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Another element that further exacerbates the problem is the proliferation of websites offering “legal child pornography.” One method pornographers have concocted is to use computer technology to alter innocent pictures of children into the simulation of a child engaged in sex. Websites are also available that offer videos of adolescent girls seductively dancing in skimpy outfits. One of these sites received 32 million hits from 357,000 visitors during a nine-month period in 2002. (2)

Then there are the “conventional” adult entertainment sites that offer explicit images of teenagers. According to one expert, these sites receive 7-8 million hits a day. (3) They claim their actors and actresses are at least 18-years of age, but they are made to look and act younger. One such purveyor bragged, “We make the girls look as fresh and as cute and cuddly as possible – ‘adorable cupie dolls,’ I call it… I put it to the girls this way: ‘You’re 18 with the mentality of a 14-year-old. You want to experiment, you want to try things. Anything your parents told you not to do, you’re gonna want to do.’” (4)

The last and most obvious reason for the increase in the sexual interest in youngsters is the proliferation of child pornography available on the web. Some people believe there are upwards of 100,000 child porn sites generating annual revenues between 3 and 4 billion dollars. Part of the problem is that the web is not confined to the United States. According to Ernie Allen of the Center for Missing and Exploited Children, 122 countries have no laws addressing child pornography on the Internet. He says only 5 countries (the U.S. being one) have strong enough laws to make an impact on this crime.

Authorities Fight Back

In 1993, while investigating the disappearance of a 10-year-old boy from his Brentwood, Maryland neighborhood, FBI agents discovered two men who had been sexually abusing children for a quarter century. The offenders had set up a private computer bulletin board service to “chat” with boys and share images of child pornography. That discovery led investigators to a larger ring of computer pedophiles. As a result of this case and others, the FBI created a nationwide task force (code-named Innocent Images) with the goal of breaking up networks of online pedophiles and stopping sexual predators from using the Internet to lure children into illicit encounters.

“During the early stages of Innocent Images, a substantial amount of time was spent conducting investigations [of] ‘chat rooms’ in which teenagers and pre-teens can meet and converse with each other,” an FBI bulletin states.

“Investigation revealed that computer-sex offenders utilized the chat rooms to contact children… Chat rooms offer the advantage of immediate communication around the world and provide the pedophile with an anonymous means of identifying and recruiting children into sexually illicit relationships.”

There has been a dramatic increase of investigations since the task force’s humble beginnings in 1995. There were 113 cases opened in 1996, which expanded to over 2,400 in 2005—a twenty-fold increase!

Today, more than 200 FBI agents are assigned full-time to the Innocent Images program. In addition to them, scores of local law enforcement agencies are also working with this task force within their local communities. For instance, it was the Polk County (Florida) Sheriff’s Department that investigated and arrested Bryan Doyle.

One of the bright spots of this federal program has been a 95% conviction rate of investigations they have initiated. “We have no idea how many pedophiles are out there,” says agent Pete Gulotta. “We only know the ones we catch. It is like fishing in a pond full of hungry fish. You throw lines in with bait and keep catching fish. You really don’t know how many fish are in the pond until you stop catching them. We haven’t stopped catching them yet!”

Spiritual Implications

It is a frightening thought that millions of American males are regularly viewing child pornography and even more so that many of them are acting upon those evil images. As chilling as this is, none of it should take the Christian by surprise. At the end of the Revelation we are told, “When [the time of fulfillment] comes, all doing wrong will do it more and more; the vile will become more vile…” (22:11 LIV) It is no wonder then that Paul described the last days as a “perilous” time when men would become obsessed with pleasure. Yes, “evil men and impostors will proceed from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.”  (II Timothy 3:1-4, 13)

God is extremely patient, but history tells us that a civilization can cross a line of evil where divine mercy is exhausted and divine judgment must fall. Persistence in sin can and will only end in certain doom. “Unnatural vice… sends up a cry to heaven that the righteous Judge must answer.” (5) Once the “cup of iniquity” has become full, sentence is pronounced and overwhelming punishment is sure to come.

It seems as though the pervasiveness of the national moral decay that began in the ‘60s has intensified over the past decade. How much farther can we as a people go before facing God’s wrath? Only God knows the answer to that question.

(1) Dr. Judith Reisman, Images of Children, Crime and Violence in Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler (1953-1984).

(2) New York Daily News, May 12, 2002.

(3) Jan LaRue, Part II: The Road to Perversion Is Paved With Pornography, Human Events Online, 4/20/2006.

(4) Ibid.

(5) J. O. Dykes, The Biblical Illustrator, Gen. 18.

For many years, I was a man who lived under sin’s dominion, not understanding, even as a “Christian,” that freedom and healing were possible. The major problem was that I was trying to overcome the temptation to sin without dealing with the hidden cancer of indwelling sin in my own heart.

I have seen this scenario played out in the lives of countless others who have come to Pure Life Ministries looking for help to overcome their sexual sin. Like many others, my idea of victory was that God would somehow zap me and take away all my desires for sin. I had no understanding that the struggle with sin is a daily battle every Christian must endure.

Intellectually, we understand that when Adam ate of the forbidden fruit, by this “one man’s disobedience many were made sinners.” (Romans 5:19a) All of us are born with a sinful nature, rendering our desires naturally bent toward sin. What we may not fully comprehend, however, is that because of this we are all in a fight for our lives. Sin, left untreated in the human soul, will grow like a cancerous tumor and eventually destroy the soul. Sexual sin is a particularly malignant variety, but the truth is that every human being has this same diagnosis of sin-cancer.

Cancer is a serious condition and, like sin, must be understood so we can treat it properly. In a natural cancer of the body, the genetic material (DNA) of a cell has become damaged or changed, producing mutations that affect normal cell growth and division. That’s what happened in a spiritual sense when Adam ate of the forbidden fruit. Our spiritual DNA became damaged. Paul understood this problem of indwelling sin when he said, “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Romans 7:24)

“Very few things strike fear into the heart of a person like hearing the words of a doctor saying, ‘You have cancer.’” I couldn’t help but think about my mother-in-law when I read those words the other day. I asked her what it was like when she was diagnosed with cancer, and she told me the first thought she had after hearing the diagnosis from her doctor was, “I’ll go through whatever I have to, to get rid of this.” From the outset she understood it would be a radical treatment and difficult road ahead. It would be a fight for her life.

The Initial Treatment: “Surgery”

As Christians, we have to come to grips with the same reality, realizing that overcoming our sinful flesh will be an ongoing battle until the day of Christ. The Scriptures portray the life of faith as a fight. In other words, faith involves waging a daily battle against sinful desires. (I Timothy 6:12-14) I am aware that for those bound in sexual sin or other habitual ungodly behaviors, it may seem impossible to overcome the powerful tug of their sinful desires. Many of the men and women who come to us for help are steeped in this hopeless outlook because of their many years of failure.

But here is the good news: “For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so also by one Man’s obedience many will be made righteous.” (Romans 5:19) Jesus Christ not only made a way for you and me to be cleansed from our sin, but also to be freed from its curse and redeemed from its dominion over us. That is the message of the Cross, the message which the Bible says “is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” (I Corinthians 1:18)

Obviously the entrance to appropriating the power of the Cross is through brokenness and repentance. Undoubtedly this can be a painful process, akin to a surgeon’s knife that cuts into the flesh and exposes a cancerous tumor. After years of resistance, I finally experienced this, many years ago now, when God hemmed me in at Pure Life Ministries. For the first time in my life I lay still on the operating table and allowed His Word and the discerning eye of His Holy Spirit to expose the hideous sin that permeated me. Coming to repentance was painful, but I can tell you that there is no greater sense of relief and joy for a sinner than knowing he has been cleansed from his sin. That really is the message of the Cross, but it doesn’t end there.

The Long-term Treatment: “Lifestyle”

Cancer patients aren’t content with just removing the malignant tumor, they want all traces of their cancer to be eradicated. They understand that other measures are necessary to truly eliminate all remnants of cancer from the body. It’s no different for those delivered from habitual sin; they still have to deal with their sinful nature.

Although there are many things we must do to battle against our natural inclination to sin—such as removing things in our homes, reevaluating relationships, reconsidering some of the places we go, or the things we do for recreation and entertainment, as well as learning to actually do the things Scripture teaches are good and right— these efforts alone will not suffice.

Let me put it this way. After the lung cancer is diagnosed, simply quitting smoking isn’t enough. So too with sin, it’s not enough to offer a few behavioral modification tactics.

When it comes to overcoming and dealing with the problem of indwelling sin, there is an essential ingredient in the prescribed cure that has no substitute. I have seen men and women go through our counseling programs, experiencing the initial deliverance and freedom that comes through an encounter with the Cross, only to later relapse into old sinful patterns. They may wonder how this happened to them, but the common denominator among those I speak with is that they started to neglect the regimen of ongoing treatment which is required to keep the spirit-man cancer free.

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I cannot emphasize it enough: If we want to win this battle over our indwelling sin, we need daily exposure to God’s presence through a substantive devotional life in the secret place with God. When it comes to winning the war within, this really is the core of what I’m intending to convey.

The value of having a substantial time with God can hardly be overstated. David proclaimed: “O God, You are my God. Early will I seek You. My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water. So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory.” (Psalm 63:1-2) Our lives in this world are like being in a dry and thirsty land, spiritually speaking. We simply cannot make it on our own. We need communion with the Lord if we want to see His power and glory at work in our life.

I recently read a book called The Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge, and he writes,

"Sin is like a cancer; God’s presence is like radiation on that cancer. The longer you’re in His presence, soaking in His Word and basking in His love, the more power you’re ingesting into the very fiber of your being. When you’re in His presence for extended periods, the molecular composition of your soul gets restructured. You start to think differently, you start to have different passions and sinful affections that once pulled at your soul no longer have their former power over you. Powerful things happen inside of you when you spend time with God."

This has been true in my own life. The more time I spend with God, the more I find the power to overcome indwelling sin. Jesus told His disciples to “watch and pray lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Mark 14:38) When we aren’t spending time in prayer, we’re relying on our own strength.

Sometimes we want a victory that means no more struggles. But in reality, we are all called to persevere in waging the war within. If you want to experience lasting change and grow in holiness, you must pursue intimacy with Him. When we spend time in His presence regularly, sinful desires weaken and godly desires are strengthened. We have God’s Word on it: “Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a spring. The rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength. Each one appears before God in Zion.” (Psalm 84:5-7)

What happened that night across the Jordan River from Jericho would be spoken of in horror for hundreds of years to come.

For 40 years the Lord had painstakingly purged the love of Egypt out of His people in the wilderness. He had vigilantly protected them from the corruption of the pagan nations of the area. He had even weaned them of the carnal “flesh pots of Egypt.”

Now, as they sat poised to take the Promised Land, Satan used a turncoat prophet named Balaam to teach the Midianites how to destroy them. “This nation has a powerful God protecting them,” he told them. “You will never overcome them by force. However, I have a plan that is infallible.”

The next day, beautiful women arrived in the camp, inviting the Jewish men to a pagan festival that evening. After 40 years of eating manna, the thought of partaking in a lavish feast and sexual orgy was almost too tantalizing to pass up. They came to the sex party by the thousands, gorging themselves on sumptuous food, gulping wine, and indulging in the lewd and filthy perversions associated with Baal worship.

The utter carnality they gave themselves over to that night was bad enough, but there was something even more insidious than that at work here. Satan was not content to rob this new generation of their innocence. He wanted their souls.

The Lord attempted to limit the damage to His people by ordering Moses to have all of the guilty men publicly executed right away. Even as these death sentences were being implemented, one of the men brazenly paraded a Midianite princess through the camp and into his tent. This so provoked Jehovah that He ignited a plague which began sweeping through the nation. Thousands began dying. It was then that Phinehas, one of Aaron’s grandsons, intervened.

Before we conclude the story, however, it could be profitable to examine some of the ways this situation parallels what we are witnessing in today’s Christian world. We too have an enemy bent on our destruction. In a similar strategy, Satan is once again using sex to destroy the lives of God’s people. Over the past thirty years, sexual sin has gained an ever increasing momentum within the Church. The modern version of the Moabite temptress is pornography, which latches itself upon a man’s mind, filling it with evil.

The Modern Church Responses

As I pondered this biblical story in light of our present realities, I began to wonder what it would be like if modern church leaders had been present when this happened. No doubt a council representing the various groups of the Church would have convened.

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Pastor Denny Denial, who lacks the wherewithal to help those in sexual sin, would have claimed that there really wasn’t a problem. He would become so overwhelmed by his sense of helplessness that he would simply go into denial. “I think you’re making far more out of this than is actually there!”

Self-Righteous Sam would express his disgust for the sinners. In an air of superiority reminiscent of the Pharisees, he would exclaim, “People like that just need to get it together!” His strong sentiments aren’t based in a love for God’s righteousness but in his disdain of anyone who struggles with obvious, outward sin.

Liberal Larry would be aghast at his utter lack of compassion. His solution would be to call for toleration. “I think we just need to embrace these people and make them feel welcome. After all, Jesus didn’t condemn sinners; He loved them!” In his humanistic form of mercy, he equates God’s love with a lack of concern over sin.

Religious Ron would see everything in simplistic terms. He has a formula for every situation he is likely to encounter. “If the person has confessed Christ with his mouth then he is saved and God’s grace covers all of his sin!” He has adopted a mindset that overemphasizes grace to the point that people’s behavior doesn’t really matter—as long as they have said THE prayer!

Carl the counselor wouldn’t come right out and claim that the offending parties were innocent of wrongdoing, he would simply spend so much time focusing on the lack of proper emotional nurturing they had received as children, that he would soon convince himself that they had no other alternative available to them. “What kind of behavior would you expect of them?” he would demand; “Look at how they were raised!”

God’s way of dealing with these sinners that day would have left this group shocked and appalled.

The Biblical Priest’s Response

When Phinehas realized that the plague sweeping through the camp was a direct result of this shameless couple’s tryst, he grabbed a spear and ran to their tent. The two were locked in the throes of passion when the young priest burst in upon them and thrust the spear through both of them.

Phinehas was clearly God’s champion on this day. So impressed was the Lord with this young man’s decisive action that He immediately decreed that he and his descendants would perpetually retain the position of high priest. This is the kind of holy zeal the Lord wanted at the top of the priesthood.

And it was this very thing which David prophesied about the coming Messiah when he wrote, “For zeal for Your house has consumed me...” (Psalm 69:9) Yes, it is true that Jesus befriended sinners, but only in the hopes of leading them into the kind of repentance that would set them free of the shackles of sin.

How different is the feeble and spineless Jesus who is presented by many today. In the Foreword to Eric Ludy’s excellent book, The Bravehearted Gospel, Ben Davenport writes the following:

“We have wholeheartedly embraced the sentimental, watercolor Jesus that seems to spend most of His time holding lambs and patting children on the head with some faraway, glazed-over, dreamy look in His eye. And we tend to shy away from, or altogether ignore, the man who spoke the truth of God so boldly that conspiracies were hatched, witnesses were bribed, politicians were entreated to bring about His painful and public execution… What do we do with that Christ who puts down the lamb and mounts the temple steps with whip clenched in white-knuckled fist…?”

We don’t like to think of Jesus in this way, but it was His Spirit that invoked the zeal of Phinehas that day. We might as well admit the fact that just because God is no longer striking people dead for their sin that does not negate His abhorrence of it. God still hates sin and there will be a day of reckoning for all those who flout His commandments.

The truth is that a lust for sin has swept through the modern Church. The great need for today is not teachers who look to explain away the guilt of sin but those who will call for its immediate eradication. We need leaders who will see sin through the eyes of a holy God. We need leaders who are willing to help the penitent and lovingly discipline the unrepentant.  We need leaders with the fire of Phinehas!

Conveniently located on the busiest corner in the city, directly across the street from the library and next door to the public restrooms, I couldn’t miss the building.  Its proprietors, having ingeniously carved little signs into the sidewalks around town, directed me right to it.

Once inside, I followed a long snake-like hallway through the maze of tiny rooms—just big enough for a single-sized bed in each.  As I made my way past each of those cubbyholes, I began to ponder the fate of the girls who once worked in this house of prostitution.  You see, this establishment has been closed down for some time now.  It is located in the ruins of the city of Ephesus, in the province of Asia.

Walking through the ruins, I wondered if some of those early Ephesian Christians frequented this brothel.  How many of them were sexual addicts?  What did the First Century pastors of that church—men like Paul, Timothy, and John—do to help those struggling saints?  One thing is for sure: they didn’t pass them off to a psychologist!  No, it is certain they turned to the Word of God, the ONLY source of wisdom for a believer struggling with habitual sin.

Today, just as in biblical times, sexual sin continues to be the single greatest cause of defeat for Christian men.   While prostitution remains a problem, the greatest area of temptation facing today’s Christian men is pornography.  Thanks to the Internet and X-rated videos, we can have an Asian brothel right in our own home.

Nevertheless, just like two thousand years ago, the answers we need are only found in Scripture.  Perhaps the following verses from Proverbs 7 are the very words to which those early Christian pastors referred their men.  To bring it up to date, I will substitute the word pornography for prostitute in this passage:

Listen to me, young men, don’t let your desires get out of hand; don’t let yourself think about pornography. Don’t go near it, stay away from where it is, lest it tempts you and seduces you. For it has been the ruin of multitudes—a vast host of men have been its victims. If you want to find the road to hell, look for the places that offer pornography. (1)

The advice Solomon gives here is just as relevant to us today as it was to the men of the early Church.  In this portion of Scripture, he gives us the following important tips:

Don’t Let Your Desires Get Out Of Hand

First, don’t let your desires get out of hand because they will determine the course of your life.  Perhaps this is why Solomon said in another section of Proverbs:  “Above all else, guard your affections.  For they influence everything else in your life.” (Pro. 4:23)  Jesus said it this way: “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (Mat. 6:21; NASB)

The desires that a person allows to lead him will determine his lifestyle.  I can safely say that every Christian I have ever dealt with who had a problem with porn also lived a life that revolved around pleasure and entertainment.  Kept in their proper perspective, one can have his little indulgences in this world.  Unfortunately, many men believe that they should be able to fill their lives with them.

Solomon is telling men struggling with habitual sexual sin that they cannot expect to break the addiction to immorality until they first change their lifestyle of pleasure that is making it possible for this addiction to thrive.  A man must change the course of his life from one that revolves around carnal desires to one that is centered upon the things of God.

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Don’t Go Near It

The second piece of advice given is to avoid those places known to harbor temptation.  Once more we turn to the words of Solomon, again substituting the metaphor of the prostitute with that of pornography:

Young men, listen to me, and never forget what I’m about to say: Run from pornography! Don’t go near where it is, lest you fall to its temptation and lose your honor, and give the remainder of your life to the cruel and merciless, lest strangers obtain your wealth, and you become a slave of foreigners. (Pro. 5:7-10)

The second pointer the old wise king gives is to avoid those areas that house sexual temptation.  For men today, this means more than staying away from the obvious sensuous places such as the red light district where porn shops, strip clubs, and massage parlors abound.  It means that we must cut off every avenue the enemy might use to lure us into sin.

Obviously, if the Internet is the source of the problem, then the struggling believer must find a way to protect himself from it.  I will offer a couple of ideas here.  The first possibility is to get a good online filter that will protect you from having access to anything pornographic.  Another possible solution is to have a password that only your wife knows, so that it is not possible to get on the Internet without her presence.  If for some reason these two answers will not provide the protection you need, then you simply must disconnect your computer from the Internet—you cannot afford not to.

Don’t Let Yourself Think About It

That brings us to Solomon’s final tip: guard your minds and hearts.  If you sit around thinking about the Asian brothel, it will only be a matter of time before you find yourself headed downtown.  The following quotation comes from At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry:

The initial step into sin is allowing the thought of temptation to fester. It is extremely difficult to thwart the processes of thought once entertained. James said that a person is tempted “when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust...” This illustrates a man’s lust actually picking him up and carrying him to a place where he cannot defend himself and then enticing him. It is almost as if his carnal desires momentarily take control of his mind and carries him away to some dream world where he is then utterly defenseless. Once there, he is swallowed up in the evil imaginations of his own sick heart.(2)

The best time to stop a temptation is when it first starts.  When a man begins contemplating the temptation, the sin becomes larger and larger in his mind.  Before long, all of the consequences of sin—hurting loved ones, drifting further from God, and so on—are crowded out of his mind by the delicious thought of sin.  The time to fight temptation is when it first appears.

It is very easy to allow the mind to drift into sensuality but very important to stop carnal thinking in its tracks!  There are no “pat answers” that stop enticing thoughts, but there are three things a man can always do: Ask the Lord for strength to endure, read the Word, and focus one’s thoughts on the things of God.  There is always a “way of escape” for those who look for it!

My visit to the Asian brothel was a reminder that sexual temptation has been one of the devil’s chief weapons against believers since the earliest days of civilization.  But along with the problem, the Lord has provided the ageless wisdom found only in Scripture: Don’t let your desires get out of hand; don’t go near it; don’t let yourself think about it!

(1) Unless otherwise noted, Scripture passages are from the Living Bible.

(2) At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, copyright 2000 by Steve Gallagher.

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A dear brother in the Lord named Roberto has a huge fascination with cars, especially sports cars, like the Camaro and any model Porsche. In his native country of Brazil, he and his buddies often spend a Saturday afternoon test driving new cars at a local dealership just for fun. Because a “test drive” is all they are interested in, they never walk away having to worry about monthly payments, fuel prices or maintenance…just the fun and none of the responsibilities associated with owning the car of their dreams.

In today’s society, especially in America, dating is much like test driving a car where casual seekers are just out for a series of fun, commitment-free, recreational adventures, but this approach does not align with foundational biblical principles.

The Modern Approach to Dating

Modern dating was successfully launched during the sexual revolution and spiritual mayhem of the 1960s and many of the principles of biblical dating (courtship) rapidly became less prominent and less important in our society. The practice of courtship offered structure which allowed both parties to get to know each other before encountering emotional and physical entanglements.

Culturally speaking, dating has now become just something you do if you’re single and of age. While many are in it just for the fun and physical, not everyone is so laid-back about it. Some are desperately seeking to find their “soul mate” or someone whom they believe will make them “happy” and will stop at nothing until they’ve finally secured their match.

The Internet offers a smorgasbord of dating sites for those who are seeking to find their “significant (or not so significant) other” to connect with on some level. If you Google the word “matchmaker” you will get some 10 million results, including many targeted to “Christians.” If you enter “dating,” your options increase to more than 400 million!

Unfortunately, survey after survey indicates that many of those who say they are Christian are following on this path right along with the masses. Certainly, the Lord is not pleased, but rather deeply grieved, by the casual, drive-by dating scene that professing Christians are immersed in and with which they are seemingly quite comfortable.

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The Biblical Approach to Dating

A young single man who desired someday to be married came to our recent Annual Conference and asked about the biblical view of dating, courtship and finding a spouse. He shared that many of his professing Christian friends and peers had already gotten married and had played the dating game until they “hit the jackpot” and found their spouse. I was able to share with him that, as believers, we must be careful not to embrace the world’s ideas and methods for dating and/or finding a spouse even though multitudes around us are doing so.

The Bible provides authoritative guidance for any sincere, conscientious believer about how to best glorify the Lord in every area of our lives. Second Timothy 3:16-17 says: “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” Consequently, single Christians must look to the all-sufficient Word of God to discover how best to glorify Him even in this area of his or her life.

The contemporary dating scene affords countless opportunities to meet members of the opposite sex—who may or may not be a potential marriage partner. The problem is, it is overwhelmingly driven by pure lust and self-centeredness and is often emotionally, physically and spiritually destructive to one or both parties.

So when you look at it through the lens of Scripture, the basic philosophy of modern dating is entirely unbiblical in that it’s mainly about “playing the field” to discover “what one wants” in a spouse, searching to “meet all my needs and desires,” and “finding the right person for me.”  Where is the Lord in all this?

Isn’t our calling as single Christians all about loving God and loving others? Shouldn’t we have the mind of Christ even when it comes to dating? “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus…” (Philippians 2:3-5)

Date with Prayer

Single Christians who care more about pleasing and glorifying Jesus need not be distracted or led astray by the world’s views when it comes to finding a helpmate. Although there’s no actual formula per se concerning how to go about this process, a believer must be prayerful, “…but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6)

It’s very important to seek the Lord concerning a potential spouse to avoid playing the dangerous, often futile, dating game and following the corrupt, self-centered desires of one’s heart that are contrary to God’s will. One should ask for much grace, wisdom and patience to meet another single, godly person of the opposite sex. A love for Jesus and a desire to live in accordance to God’s will must be number one from the get-go.

When choosing a spouse, earnest Christians should consider these two passages of Scripture among others which stress how important it is for any two Christians to be on the same page spiritually:

“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3)

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Date with Purpose

To avoid getting into an ungodly trap or becoming a stumbling block to one another, a single man and woman must also be purposeful from the onset. This will serve as a guidepost to clearly establish the seriousness of their friendship and the level of their commitment to prayerfully seek and discover God’s will for possible marriage in the future. Being accountable and submitting to godly, parental guidance (depending on one’s age, of course) and/or to one’s spiritual leaders will positively impact any purposeful relationship.

A telling question we Christians must ask ourselves over and over is, “what is my motive” in doing this or that? Is my purpose to please and glorify God by serving others, or is my motive to get something for myself? Is my interest in dating to have fun and be entertained, or is it to glorify God and serve others? Even if you are seeking your “soul mate” and someone you could marry, is your purpose more to find companionship, physical and emotional fulfillment, and social acceptance, or is it to more so to serve and glorify the Lord?

Date with Purity

Insert a MEGAPHONE here: Being passionate for purity must be the hallmark of any courtship between a Christian man and woman! Great care must be taken to guard another’s heart during the journey of getting to know each other—whether it eventually leads to marriage or not. Song of Solomon 2:7b warns, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires,” meaning before the proper time—marriage.

Establishing good physical and emotional boundaries will help both parties maintain the utmost level of purity. First Timothy 5:2 instructs men to treat single women as sisters in Christ, “with absolute purity.” In Paul’s letter to the Romans, he instructs believers to behave decently, to avoid sexual immorality, to be clothed with the Lord Jesus Christ and to not make any provision for the flesh to fulfill its lusts. (Romans 13:13-14).

The Lord promises “…seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33) In Psalms 37:4 He says, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Be encouraged, beloved, the Lord is not stingy but rather desires that you be filled to overflowing. Simply believe Him for this, and you will see the Lord bless you in ways you could never think or imagine.

“The hearts of the sons of men are full of evil and insanity is in their hearts throughout their lives.” (Ecclesiastes 9:3)

Society deems a person insane who has lost touch with reality and has become irrational in his thinking. Such a person has long indulged in extreme pride and self-centeredness and has lost the ability to differentiate between right and wrong, real and unreal.

Men who habitually give over to sexual sin enter their own form of insanity. Although most sexual addicts can still function in life—hold a responsible job, pay the bills, interact with other people—their thinking about sexual (and spiritual) matters becomes extremely irrational. Their insanity is not primarily of the mind but of the heart.

Consider some of the outlandish things sex addicts think and do: the man who ransacks garbage dumpsters looking for a scrap of pornography; the husband who enjoys watching his wife in bed with other men; the exhibitionist who really thinks others will be turned on by seeing his private parts; the “john” who squanders thousands of dollars on empty encounters with call girls; the “peeping tom” who spends countless hours prowling around neighborhoods hoping to catch a glimpse of flesh. These are but a few examples of the bizarre behavior that comes with sexual sin. I haven’t even mentioned the really whacked-out stuff such as S & M, B&D, self-asphyxiation, weird fetishes, cannibalism and so on.

When you really think about it, isn’t the sex addict’s entire fantasy world based upon delusional thinking? Isn’t a guy outside the realm of reality when he imagines himself with a harem of girls who live to satisfy him? Or concocts a mental storyline where the young married woman at work seduces him? Or daydreams about having sex with some famous starlet? And, of course, all of the strange behaviors mentioned above originate in the thought life.

But beyond all of this, there exist a number of interesting characteristic similarities between a sexual addict and an insane person.

1. Extremely Selfish

The first is that, in the case of both individuals, ‘self’ is enormous. The mentally deranged person is so obsessed with himself that he completely loses sight of other people’s welfare, concerns and rights. He becomes so huge in his own thinking that he sees himself as the center of the universe. The ultimate in this type of crazed thinking is when a man claims to be God or Jesus Christ—something that occurs more frequently than you might realize.

While the typical sexual addict does not become quite this delusional, his thinking is gradually permeated by extreme selfishness as he allows his illicit desires to take precedence over everything else in life. For instance, his obsession with pleasure will drive him to do things that will devastate his wife and children. Like the “double-minded man” of James 1, he vacillates between good and evil. When in his right mind, he hates what his actions do to loved ones. But even the best of intentions evaporate when the madness of sensuality overtakes him. Once the fire of lust is ignited within him, everything else fades from view.

2. Acceptance of Self-Harm

Another commonality of the two is that they are both willing to do things that they know will bring harm to themselves. People deemed insane often destroy their lives—and what is so puzzling to those around them is their willingness to do so over the most ridiculous things. (It’s no wonder that “psychotic” people so often end up living on the streets.)

How is it any different for many who are involved in habitual immorality? Consider the homosexual who has illicit encounters with dozens of men, knowing the inevitability of acquiring AIDS. What about the man who commits adultery even though he knows he will lose his wife and children? Think about the man who commits sexual crimes, knowing that a few minutes of indulgence could very well put him in prison for years. What else but madness of mind could cause a person to do things that will only devastate his life?

It is also true in a spiritual sense. The sexual sinner has become so driven by lascivious desires that he purposefully does what his conscience tells him is against his own eternal interests. Charles Finney once wrote: “Sinners act as if they were afraid they should be saved. Often they seem to be trying to make their salvation as difficult as possible… They rush upon damnation as if it were heaven, and flee salvation as if it were hell. Is this exaggeration? No; this is only the simple truth. Sinners press down the way to hell as if it were the chief good of their existence, and shun the way to heaven as if it were the consummation of evil.”

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3. Out of Touch with Reality

A third common denominator between these two people is that they both treat fiction as truth and truth as fiction. This, of course, is what defines a person as insane—losing touch with reality.  

But isn’t this also the case with the “Christian” sexual addict? For instance, he can read the warning in a passage of Scripture such as First Corinthians 6:9-10 (Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals… will inherit the kingdom of God.) and walk away convinced that it does not apply to him! Only madness in the heart can account for such self-deception.

4. Overvaluing the Meaningless

Another commonality of these two is that they both make trivialities the focus of their lives. When you see a “bag lady” pushing her cart full of junk down the sidewalk, each piece of which she treats as though it were a priceless jewel, you know instinctively that she has slipped over the line into insanity.

How is it any different for the man who has the treasures of heaven within his grasp, but squanders them for a few fleeting experiences of pleasure? Sex has become such an enormous idol in his heart that everything in life revolves around it. Sex has its place amongst a number of other interests in life for the normal person, but it becomes everything for the sex addict.

5. Tormented by Paranoia

The final common denominator between the insane person and the sexual addict I will mention is that they both lose their sense of trust for others—even those whom they should know only have their best interests in mind. It goes without saying that many delusional people think that others are against them. They imagine the zaniest conspiracies: everybody is out to get them.

The sex addict can also become paranoid. “The wicked flee when no one is pursuing,” Solomon wrote, “but the righteous are bold as a lion.” (Proverbs 28:1) The guilt over one’s behavior can have this effect upon a sinner’s thinking. Since his secret actions are so huge in his mind, he imagines that other people know what he has done. His guilt drives him into the most delusional thinking. Of course, it goes without saying that in both cases, paranoia flourishes when self is huge. The bigger a person’s self-life, the more he imagines that others are thinking about him. What a letdown when he discovers that other people think very little about him!

For the Christian (???) sex addict, this suspicion carries over into his relationship with God as well. He reads and hears about the love of God, but his irrationality causes him to vacillate between extremes of presumptuous pride (“God’s grace covers all my sins!”) and unbelief about God’s benevolent character (“If He really loved me, He would deliver me!”). The insanity of his sin motivates him to buy into the same falsehood that Satan has been proliferating ever since the Garden: that he—and not God—is man’s true benefactor.

How to Find Sanity

There is one remaining factor that must be touched upon: no one has ever been as sane and as in touch with reality as Jesus Christ. In my book, Counseling the Sexual Addict, I wrote the following:

What a comfort to know that Jesus Himself is the teleios for every believer. He is “the hope of glory.” Indeed, He was the most “together” person who has ever lived. Jesus possessed an astounding level of emotional maturity. He did not carry around the emotional baggage that inevitably accompanies sin—He was full of the Holy Spirit. (Luke 4:1) Although He was called the “Man of Sorrows” (because He grieved over the hardheartedness of those He ministered to), He was also an extremely joyful person. Children would look into His face and find a gracious, inviting expression. It is this marvelous person whom we are called to emulate. His life epitomizes spiritual and emotional well-being.

The truth is that a person will only find relief from the insanity of the fallen human mind to the degree that they surrender to God. Rightly did Paul write, “The mind of the flesh [with its carnal thoughts and purposes] is hostile to God, for it does not submit itself to God’s Law…” (Romans 8:7 AMP) The purpose for the process of sanctification is to replace that faulty, selfish mindset with God’s thinking.

Yes, there are many comparisons between the insane person and the sexual sinner, but the good news is that as we immerse ourselves in the Word of God, earnestly living out its principles, we shall “know the truth and the truth shall make us free.”

Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight! (Isaiah 5:20-21)

These verses bear witness to the stark reality of what is occurring in our nation today. In so many fundamental areas of our society we are calling evil good and good evil. We openly celebrate and glory in those things that should be to our shame. (Philippians 3:19) It’s as if a flood of evil has been unleashed, a raging torrent intent on sweeping away any trace of what is truly good. Homosexuality is an issue at the forefront of this flood.

The gay agenda is a thriving topic amidst the plethora of information and news flooding the internet and other media each day. Unlike any other time in history, television sets nationwide have been inundated with endearing images of gays and lesbians. Gay rights continues to be at the forefront of our country’s political and legal issues, and for the first time in our nation’s history a President of the United States fully backed the homosexual agenda--even to the point of endorsing same-sex marriage.

More concerning to me, however, is that the Church has not escaped the pressure to conform to the gay agenda. Mainline denominations have changed their positions and are now readily ordaining gay and lesbian pastors and leaders, and enthusiastically performing same-sex marriages. Foundational truths of God’s Word which have been solidly in place for thousands of years are being recklessly swept aside.

Some have said that the issue of homosexuality has brought the Church to a crossroads. But I believe we came to the crossroad—and took a wrong turn—a long time ago.

The Church Was Divided Before Mainstream Homosexuality

Homosexuality isn’t the issue here; that’s just the tip of the iceberg. In truth, what we are seeing now is simply the result of veering away from the authority of God’s Word over a period of decades, though many of these deviations may have seemed insignificant at the time. At its very core, the real issue is a rejection of God and a suppressing of His truth in favor of being wise in our own eyes. (Romans 1:18-22)  To put it plainly, we are in pride and rebellion against God.

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Homosexuality is just one manifestation of a society that rejects God. The full consequence on a society of suppressing His truth is a people “filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.” (Romans 1:29-32)

For decades now, certainly since the 1960s, we have seen a steady increase in all these things not only in society but even in the Church. When we began deviating from scriptural truth, it was like a crack in the dam. Uncorrected, this crack has now become an open floodgate of evil.

The warning signs have been visible for years. The very existence of Pure Life Ministries testifies to this fact. And, since the early 1990s, we have seen a dramatic increase in the pervasiveness of men and women in the Church who are given over to sexual sin and lusts of all kinds.

In fact, I am afraid we have already become the Church Paul foresaw when he warned of the coming time when “they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables.” (2Timothy 4:3- 4) Just the fact that the church world would even debate whether the Bible teaches that homosexuality is sinful bears out this truth.

The Dividing Line Is Only Increasing

Recently I read an article by Dr. Michael Brown in which he said, “Without a doubt, this issue will become a great dividing line in the Church. It points to a much deeper divide in our approach to God, His Word, and the people He wants to redeem. Ultimately, it will separate those who put God first and ask, ‘How can I fulfill His desires?’ from those who put themselves first and ask, ‘How can He fulfill my desires?’”

I’m thoroughly convinced that the separation will become clearer and clearer, with those who have conformed their lives to the Gospel Jesus proclaimed on the one side and, on the other side, those who have created a gospel that conforms to their lives.

Jesus said, “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14)

The true believer on the Narrow Way lives with God at the center of his or her life. They receive His Word with meekness and are doers, not merely hearers, of the Word. (James 1:21-22)  They seek to do His will and those things that are pleasing in His sight. (Hebrews 13:21; 1John 3:22)  They don’t live by the dictates of the flesh but are led by the Spirit; they are true sons of God. (Romans 8:12-14)

Those on the Broad Way are those who have embraced false teachings, based on the principles and philosophies of this world, and not on Christ. (Colossians 2:8) They have exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worship the creature rather than the Creator. (Romans 1:25) They put self at the center and relegate God, at best, to the outer fringe of their life. They really love pleasure rather than God, and have a form of godliness but deny its power; they profess to know God, but deny Him by their lifestyle. (2Timothy 3:4-5; Titus 1:16)

Paul warned the church at Philippi about the “many who walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame—who set their mind on earthly things.” (Philippians 3:18-19) The truth is they will not hear the Word of God, but delight in hearing flattering words that cater to their fleshly desires. This will ultimately be the cause of their destruction. Many will say in that day, “Lord, Lord!” Yet Jesus will say, “I never knew you, depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.” (Matthew 7:21-23) Frightening words, but surely a depiction of the woe Isaiah prophesied for those who call evil good and good evil.

We must return to the Word of God and resist this flood of evil. Enough souls have been washed away already.

We Must Choose A Side

So, here is the decisive issue all professing Christians face today: Will you be one of the many who reject the authority of the Word of God for your life, or will you be one of the few who will, by the power of the Holy Spirit, conform your life to the Word of God?

The separation that must happen for the true Church to arise has already begun and I, for one, welcome it. I believe a great harvest of souls will be rescued through the few who are holding fast to God’s Word. I believe this because we have a promise in His Word that, “when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him.” (Isaiah 59:19) In other words, God Himself will go before His Church lifting up the standard against the enemy.

In fact, this is what we are seeing at Pure Life Ministries. It is not only our core mission but also our fervent desire to be “a servant of the Lord” helping the countless precious souls taken captive by the enemy “come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil.” (2 Timothy 2:24-26)  What a privilege it is for us to be part of the Last-Days-Remnant-Church that is standing firm for the truth and glory of God.

The sight of the Sweet Psalmist of Israel leering at Bathsheba from his rooftop must have been enough to make angels sit down and weep. How could the man with a heart after God stoop to such debauchery? It can happen more easily than you might think.

David had a unique hunger for the Lord from the time he was a young boy tending sheep in the wilderness. His spiritual appetite intensified as he spent time with Samuel and deepened during his years of running for his life from Saul. Undoubtedly, David was hitting his spiritual peak when he became king at the age of 30. Yet, within 20 years, he had committed the unthinkable: he had lured Bathsheba into adultery and had her husband killed. What a tremendous blow this was to the Kingdom of God!  

How could it happen? The same way it can—and does—happen to 21st Century Christian leaders. There were clear warning signs long before David committed his wicked deeds—warning signs that we too would be wise to watch for.

Danger, Danger, Danger!

By the time he was in his forties, David had experienced the depths of God, penned most of the Psalms and led Israel to great victories. All the while he was headed straight for disaster. He couldn’t see it coming because he—like many natural leaders—had been blinded by a sense of invincibility. Some, who have lost sight of their need for God’s daily grace, boast, “I will never fall!” However, the apostle Paul strictly warns, “Take heed.”

In my 30 years of helping men find freedom from sexual sin, there are certain red flags I have learned to watch for regarding those in ministry: prayerlessness, pressure, prosperity, pleasure and power.

1. Prayerlessness.

It seems that the dangers and spiritual hunger that had kept David pressed into the Lord in his younger years were gradually replaced by a sense of satisfaction and security. Though no outward lack of godliness was visible, we can easily suppose that his inward panting for God’s abiding presence began to diminish. Consequently, over time he lost his intimate connection with God.

In my years of helping fallen pastors, I have never had to minister to a “Mary,” but I have dealt with many “Marthas.” In other words, those who stay at the feet of Christ are not nearly as susceptible to sexual temptation as those who do not. Paul said, “If you walk in the Spirit, you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16) The sensuous and seductive atmospheres that the enemy creates are very intoxicating to those who allow the busyness of ministry to crowd out their time with God.

Jesus helped Martha to see that, while her intentions were noble, her efforts were misplaced. He told her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42)  Corrie Ten Boom also once warned, “Beware of the barrenness of a busy life.”

2. Pressure.

God used David’s leadership to usher the nation of Israel into its most prosperous and powerful period ever. However, as his government and military grew, so did the degree of his responsibility. The crushing weight of high-intensity leadership tends to drain a person’s spiritual vitality—often at a time when he needs it most!

Many Church leaders face the same kind of stress today, which can be a setup for disaster. Scripture offers the solution when it says to, “put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.” (Romans 13:14) Those in top positions, burdened under countless concerns, desperately need the abiding presence of Christ.

How dangerous it is to seek relief from stress by turning to the world! Making provision for the flesh literally means to provide for its sustenance—to keep it alive and healthy. For example, this is what the believer who watches television does to himself. Let’s face it; most TV programming nowadays is the enactment of all of the deeds of the flesh and does far more to corrupt than to edify. What may begin as a means to relax, entertain or unwind will almost inevitably lead to a quenching of God’s Spirit and a downward spiral spiritually.

The Christian leader carrying the weight of ministry cannot afford to diminish his spiritual life. Anything that leads him to Jesus will strengthen his faith; anything that leads him away from God will deplete his spiritual storehouse. This leaves him at risk to the enemy’s attacks.

3. Prosperity.

The great sacrifices David made for the Kingdom of God during his early years by no means went unnoticed by the Lord. When He confronted David through Nathan, God told him, “...I gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more.” (II Samuel 12:8 NIV) For 20 years David reaped the bounty of God’s goodness to him. Unfortunately, that very prosperity led him into years of self-indulgence, which in turn left him spiritually weak and vulnerable.

I doubt if there is anything that brings more joy to the Father’s heart than to bless those who have shown their faithfulness to Him through years of hardship. Those who have risen through the ranks of Church leadership are often compensated for their efforts monetarily. This is as it should be, for the Bible says, “The laborer is worthy of his wages.” (I Timothy 5:18)

I believe the purpose behind this injunction is that the extra finances afforded to the minister will allow him to be freed from some of the petty concerns of daily life so that he might be able to give himself more thoroughly to the work of God. However, there is always an inherent danger with wealth, as it tends to diminish a person’s reliance upon God. Furthermore, a man who has money has more opportunity and ability to become involved in immoral activity.

4. Pleasure.

David’s prosperity and prominence allowed him to lavish himself with pleasure. No wonder then that when he saw Bathsheba, he had no inner strength to withstand the temptation to take her for himself.

This should be a subject of grave concern for any modern-day believer since Paul warned that in the last days many would be “lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God; holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power…” (II Timothy 3:4-5)

Kept in the right perspective, pleasure has its proper place in life. However, when gratification becomes overly important in one’s daily existence, it not only corrodes one’s spiritual life, but it eventually chokes out everything that is wholesome.

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Pornography and illicit sexual activity are merely forms of extreme pleasure. Therefore, the person who becomes addicted to pleasure and entertainment might find himself at extreme risk to sexual temptation. The apostle Paul spoke of those who are “enslaved to various lusts and pleasures.” (Titus 3:3)

5. Power.

The old adage is true: “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” David’s life proves that everybody is susceptible to the hideous, subtle influences of pride. It is very easy for the person who is reveling in the limelight of fame to become inflated with feelings of self-importance. This is a slippery slope that often leads to a fall. (Proverbs 16:18)

Perhaps King David thought he deserved Bathsheba, that she was a just reward for a man who had given so much to Israel. And herein lies the danger of prominence: even the minister who begins his work serving the needs of others can arrive at a place where he sees himself as being so important that they should meet his needs. In other words, he has gone from seeing himself as a servant to that of a master.

Alexander MacClaren once said, “The humble mind thinks not of its claims on others, but of its duties to them.” One of the reasons a Christian leader will fall into sexual sin is that he has lost his sense of stewardship and his responsibility to the public to live above reproach. Once this has occurred, he is only one step away from disaster.

The Aftermath

David’s life was never the same after his great moral debacle. The remainder of his life was marked by hardship, adversity and more failure. This is always the case when a man falls into horrible sin after reaching a position of great influence over God’s people. James ominously warned, “Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” (James 3:1)

One prominent radio preacher who fell into sin shared the following with me: “There are simply no words to describe the pain and agony my wife and I went through during the weeks, months, and years that followed. Not only were we rejected by those we considered to be our friends, but both the elders and the entire staff of the church refused to have any contact with us whatsoever. Yes, indeed, my ministry was shattered as a result of my own foolishness.”

Christian broadcasting professionals have been given a tremendous opportunity to positively impact the spiritual lives of millions of people for the glory of God. But with this wide-open door comes a grave responsibility to uphold that stewardship with integrity of heart and an undying passion for Christ.

Perhaps the words of my friend who has suffered so much from his one mistake will serve as an appropriate conclusion: “I hope you will carefully consider my words. If I have to drive a truck for a living, I’ll spend the rest of my days warning men about the dangers of lust. Gentlemen, please be very careful!”

When my husband Steve came to the Lord in 1982, I naturally assumed that his sexual escapades were over and done with.  But like many newborn believers, his zeal for the Lord was no match for the lustful desires still stirring deep within him.  Three weeks after his conversion, he fell back into sin.  For a long period afterwards, He had spurts of victory followed by relapses into pornography and illicit sex.  I was devastated, and I couldn’t imagine much good ever coming out of his failures.

At times I questioned his sincerity.  “How can he say that he loves God and loves me and still return to his sin?” I asked myself.  I was very idealistic about spiritual matters.  To me it was simple:  you repent, you turn away from sin, and then you get on with life.  The inconsistency in his walk with the Lord led me to think that Steve didn’t mean business.

Eventually, I realized that he was in the fight of his life and hadn’t become addicted overnight. Sex was his biggest idol even before he got saved.  For years his mind was a fantasy warehouse where he stored volumes of pornographic images.  He had had countless sexual encounters before and after we got married.

My husband’s experience helped me to see that in order to break free from sexual addiction, a man can’t simply flip a switch that completely shuts down his sex drive.  It is unrealistic—and unwise—for any wife to think that one experience of brokenness at an altar will be the last of her husband’s struggles.  In our society today, complete immunity against sexual temptation is virtually impossible.  Nevertheless, a wife whose husband truly desires victory, but occasionally stumbles, should remain hopeful.  God is at work in his heart.

Breaking free from habitual sin is almost always a process, and failures often serve as springboards to real freedom.  Very few sex addicts are zapped.  Therefore, setbacks are to be expected—despite any resolve to find freedom.  Each of us was born with a natural propensity to sin.  Only after a person gets sick and tired of wallowing in the pigpen and reaping the consequences, will he begin to hate his sin.

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A godly wife must find a balance between patiently bearing her struggling husband while refusing to tolerate insincerity and unfaithfulness.  Often it can be difficult to discern when someone is having a temporary setback as opposed to someone who is not serious about quitting.

A man who really wants to break free must show some willingness to change and make the necessary steps that will lead to long-term freedom.  Although I was devastated by Steve’s repeated failures, I never lost hope because it was obvious he was desperate to find God.  Because of the depth of his sin, our marriage would have quickly fizzled out had he not permitted the Lord to deal with him.  Many times his sin brought me almost to a breaking point, but God was faithful to give me the grace to endure.  If your husband is battling habitual sexual sin, I encourage you to focus your attention on three things:

1. Focus On An Awesome God

Don’t stare at the overwhelming mountain of your husband’s sin, look to God who moves mountains.  It is imperative that you spend quality time with the Lord everyday to maintain this kind of faith.  If you don’t do this, your hope won’t be based upon the reality of what the Lord can do but upon how well your husband is doing.  This is an easy set up for much heartache and grief.  Your hopes of him ever changing will be dashed often.

2. Focus On Your Husband’s Efforts

If your husband has demonstrated a desire to change, believe the best. Perhaps you have tried to do this in the past and have been disappointed when he failed.  It is very likely that this kind of disappointment comes whenever you zero in on his failures instead of examining the overall pattern of his life.  If you seek the Lord for yourself, you are less likely to brood over his past sins and will look for the good in your husband.  However, if you don’t press into God, his failures will distort your view of him.

3. Focus On The Length Of Your Days

Try your best to see the big picture.  You and your husband are on a long journey, and hopefully by God’s grace his addiction will only be a small part of it.  If you were to draw a ten-inch line on a piece of paper, representing the rest of your lives, this period will appear very small.  If you then draw that line with respect to eternity, this season of your life will barely be distinguishable—it will appear as a tiny dot!  

You must have the proper perspective; otherwise your husband’s failures will paralyze you emotionally and spiritually.  As a child of God, you cannot allow his setbacks to cripple you.  To avoid going off into despair when your husband fails, focus on the One who is Sovereign over all things, on your husband’s efforts to change, and on the big picture.  Then before long your faith will once again soar like an eagle!

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