This episode: Don Richardson loved the Sawi people, but they had zero interest in Jesus. Then God opened their hearts in a dramatic way...
In this week’s sermon, we will be unveiling the wisdom of the Cross.
This episode: We look at fasting—why it will help you battle porn, doing it with a right heart, and how to incorporate it into your life.
In the latest sermon, our speakers unpack several biblical texts to unveil Yahweh as Redeemer.
The deceitfulness of sin blinds one to the truth and to the reality of their spiritual condition.
Men in sexual sin who are married commonly blame their wives for their sinful choices. But this kind of thinking is never right and is only another form of minimizing the seriousness of sin. Join us for part two of our interview with biblical counselors Ken and Trey as they discuss this common counseling issue, and the way out of such a destructive mindset. (from Podcast Episode #478 - But, My Sin Isn't That Bad!)
Nate: So, Ken and Trey, as we continue our conversation about minimizing sin. One of the next points that I want to talk about is a man who's blaming his wife for his pornography use. If you've got a guy who is constantly fantasizing, those fantasies are coming from his own desires. So, he's got situations, characteristics, body types and actions that he loves that are coming from his own heart and are becoming really entrenched in him. When he gets married, he will come to realize that his wife isn't a porn star. She won’t want to do some of the things that he has fantasized about or she may not look like his fantasy women. These unmet expectations will make it really easy for him to be totally dissatisfied, and to start blaming his wife for his that. This mindset could then easily lead him to justify meeting his needs through pornography or adultery. What are some of the things you as counselors see going on in the life of a man like this?
Ken: Lust is demanding. If someone has given themselves over to a lustful mindset, then that lust is never going to be satisfied. Not only is it sinful, but you're putting your wife in a position where she can never live up to your fantasies. There is a saying that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and in the garden the first sin Adam committed was that he shifted the blame towards his wife. These men are saying it's my wife's fault that I'm doing these things. But even if your wife is sinning against you, it's never right for you to sin against her in response.
A married man in selfishness and sin may ask, “What can I get out of this relationship?” But in Paul’s description of marriage in Ephesians, he talks about how Jesus is the example of how a husband is supposed to behave in a marriage relationship. In the same way that Christ laid His life down for us, we as men are supposed to lay down our lives for our wives, not sin against them. It's supposed to be sacrificial love. I would say in a true Christian marriage where they both know the Lord, if the husband is really modeling Jesus to his wife, that woman is going to respond and he's going to be fulfilled and satisfied the way God intended through that marriage.
Trey: Yeah, and I think for someone listening, they might hear you describing a man who is in sin and they think, wow, that's kind of a harsh description of his life, but it's truth. When I am trying to see if I am in lust or not, the phrase I say to myself is, “I want, ____.” That's what lust is. I'm wanting. In marriage, those who are in lust have the mindset of wanting more than their wife could possibly give them. The solution is to see the blessings that the Lord has given you, which is why gratitude is so important for a Christian or a man who's wanting to come out of sexual sin. The phrase I use for gratitude is, “I have _____.” When I do that, in essence, I am acknowledging, this is what I have and even more than that, this is what the Lord is giving me. In one sense, lust is an arrow that is going in the direction of wanting while gratitude is an arrow going in the direction of what I have and what the Lord is giving me. The two are polar opposites. When you're in that place of gratitude and you're thankful for what the Lord has given you, you're satisfied, and you can have less than what your flesh wants but be satisfied because your eyes are on what you are grateful for and that's where your heart is.
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Nate: Yeah, I do think sometimes we need kind of like a shock to our system to see the reality of what's happening inside of us. But the thing I'm grateful for is that when we acknowledge the truth of our condition, I've always found that it's like the tone of the Lord really changes. Once a man acknowledges that he has been treating his wife horribly, God doesn't just keep beating up on him. It seems to me that God would be like, “Alright, let me teach you how to love her. Let me teach you how not to blame shift. I love you. I want to see you to come into a much better frame of mind and spiritual condition.” So those hard words sometimes are really just intended to bring us to repentance and then the grace of the Lord just overflows to us. That's what's amazing to me about His grace.
Ken: Yeah, absolutely. The truth is what sets us free, and telling a man how evil this mindset is and telling a man how selfish he is being is not going to be a very palatable message because we don't want to hear negative characteristics about ourselves. I was also thinking about flipping the script on this. You're supposed to love your neighbor as yourself and esteem others better than yourself. His wife is his closest neighbor and if he’s not willing to meet that command in that relationship, then he’s probably selfish in all of his other relationships. And what would he think if his wife was in sexual sin? Would he justify that? Would he think, “I treated her bad, so I guess it's okay if she gets her needs met somewhere else.” How would he respond if things were on the opposite foot?
Nate: It's amazing to me how often a guy could be sleeping around with prostitutes and viewing pornography, but then his wife threatens to divorce him and he loses it. It's like the worst thing possible has happened. He’s thinking, “How could she do this?” It just shows the blindness of sin. You've treated her like trash for decades and now she’s done with it and you can't fathom how she could do this to you.
Ken: It is amazing. He's already broken the covenant and now she wants to break it and he's upset.
Trey: Yeah, it gives testimony to Hebrews 13 about the deceitfulness of sin. Sin really is deceitful. The longer you are in sin the less clear the lines are, so crossing them becomes easier and easier. What was black and white is now gray and that's what makes it so hard for guys coming out of sexual sin – they're blinded to what is really truth. And what is that truth? It's God’s Word and getting into His Word creates the standard. And that truth really does have a way of setting people free.
Self-control does not come from self. It comes from the Lord. Apart from Him, you will not find the power to live a self-controlled life.
As you continue on the road to real freedom over sexual sin, there's one key lesson that can take quite awhile to learn. And while learning it can be pretty painful, it's absolutely essential. Simply put, you have to learn to control yourself. But what makes it hard is that many of us have come to the painful realization that more self-effort in not the way to develop greater self-control. So join us as we look at how living a self-controlled life can only come by learning to live in the power of the Holy Spirit.
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When the majority of professing Christians accept a half-hearted version of Christianity, it sends a powerful message: This is normal.
In previous episodes, we’ve looked at how the enemy has slipped his way of thinking into the hearts of so many people. But we must remember that the enemy’s tactics do not just involve the unbelieving world. One of his greatest tools for tearing down the Kingdom of God is the American church. Much of what we see in modern evangelicalism consists of apathy and passivity for the things of God. Believers in America are often consumed with thoughts of comfort and temporal pleasures. Many have been drawn away from a true passion for God.
God's discipline is a manifestation of His love. It's not an indication of rejection, it's a sign of our acceptance.
Satan has built a kingdom in this world that fosters mankind’s inclination towards pride. So, the more we live in step with this world system, the more we risk being polluted by its toxic influence. So for those who choose to enter the Kingdom of God, there must be a new way of life that takes over their inside world. That means that the old prideful nature must be torn down.
What’s it look like for God to dismantle our pride and teach us to be humble like He is? That’s the subject of this discussion. As you listen to Nate, Gabe and Ken’s personal testimonies, you’ll learn that it is a difficult process, but that it is not one you have to go through alone.
This series is based on the book Intoxicated with Babylon: The Seduction of God’s People in the Last Days by Steve Gallagher. You can find out more about that book by visiting our bookstore.
An occasional failure doesn’t nullify the Lord's work in your life. True failure is when you quit moving forward in your walk with the Lord.
Imagine that for the first time in your life, you're leaving all the miserable consequences of sexual sin behind you and walking forward in real freedom. You have peace in your conscience. There's nothing hidden in your relationships. You’re tasting the joys of fellowship with God. But then something devastating happens. You fail. Now what? What happens next? In this episode, we tackle the incredibly important topic of how to handle failure. Steve and Kathy Gallagher join us to talk about what to do, and what not to do, when you fail so that you don't get fatally sidetracked on the road to freedom.
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The tyrant of Self is a most relentless foe that does not die off easily.
In today’s culture, words such as “pride” and “self” represent positive qualities. Pride in our accomplishments, heritage or abilities are celebrated. Self-esteem, self-help and self-effort are seen as solutions for many of our problems. But as innocent as these terms may sound, they subtly promote a sinister philosophy aimed at drawing us away from God. And so the Lord works diligently to rescue us from this world system and bring us into His kingdom of humility and mercy.
Join us for episode 9 of “Babylon: The Seat of Satan’s Power” to learn about the process God works in our hearts to save us from the great tyrants of self and pride!
This series is based on the book Intoxicated with Babylon: The Seduction of God’s People in the Last Days by Steve Gallagher. You can find out more about that book by visiting our bookstore.
Living by faith means that despite your circumstances or how you feel, you can choose by an act of your will to trust and obey the Lord.
Freedom from sexual sin is absolutely possible. But it's a journey, and knowing how to stay on the path towards that freedom is crucial. There are obstacles that we will face along the way that can totally derail us, unless we learn how to deal with them well. One is how we navigate around our feelings. The second is how we choose to walk through the consequences of our own sin. That’s our subject today in episode two of our series, Key Lessons on the Road to Freedom.
20 Truths: Truth #19 - Faith is the Victory Over Sexual Sin (Short Video) by Steve Gallagher
Don't continue to allow your desires to take you in a direction that brings forth death. God wants to give you life!
One of man’s natural responses to his fallen condition is to blame God for his sinful choices. We see this going all the way back to Genesis 3 when Adam blamed God for what he had done. But we don’t usually say it as plainly as Adam did. We usually shift the blame onto the Lord in more subtle ways. For instance, many who are trying to break free from addiction often say that they have tried everything and still can’t get free. But this is just a sly way of saying that God hasn’t fulfilled His end of the bargain. We know from Scripture that this is not true about God’s character. He always fulfils His promises.
So what’s really missing in our lives if we aren’t seeing the freedom and victory we are hoping for? In this interview, we take a look at James 1 and the vital truths it contains for men in sexual sin.
This series is based on the book Intoxicated with Babylon: The Seduction of God’s People in the Last Days by Steve Gallagher. You can find out more about that book by visiting our bookstore.
If someone is practicing sexual immorality on a regular basis and thinks that they are doing okay, they are deceived.
People in habitual sin often try to convince themselves that what they are doing isn’t all that bad. But minimizing our sin can have very disastrous repercussions in our lives. In this blog, biblical counselors Ken and Trey discuss the reasons why men in sexual sin choose to minimize their sin and what that can do to our hearts and minds.
Nate: Okay, so Ken and Trey, what we want to do today is respond to some conversations and thoughts that arise surrounding our ministry to men in sexual sin. We want to talk about what some of the issues are and try to expose some of the darkness that's in these situations. Let’s talk about a few of the things that came up in a conversation that we had in preparation for this interview. Trey, I think you were the one who brought up a number of these when we were talking about ideas for this podcast because these are real life situations that have come up in your counseling office. Let's talk first about a guy who minimizes the evil of pornography.
Ken: Well, Jesus doesn't minimize it. The Scriptures clearly teach that even just lusting over someone is equated with adultery in your heart, so it is a big deal. Jesus even talked about the radical nature of dealing with these types of things when he talked about literally cutting off a hand or plucking out an eye. He said that it's better to go through life maimed than go to hell with both intact.
Nate: Yeah, I thought about that example too because I can't imagine actually cutting off a hand or plucking out an eye. I mean you're talking about losing parts of your body that are so essential to life and Jesus is saying that it's better to just cut it off and go through life really inconvenienced. Most of us would think, “How am I going to live without a hand?” But Jesus says, “just do it,” because it’s better to do that than to go to hell.
Ken: Yeah. And obviously Jesus isn't advocating self-mutilation. Our bodies are created to be the temple of the Holy Spirit. But He literally is saying it would be better if you did that than to go to hell. In other words, do whatever it takes to deal with the issues that need to be addressed.
Trey: Yeah, and when it comes to counseling men who are in sexual sin, we never just want to deal with the outward fruit, we want to get to the heart issues. So, the fact that they are minimizing wouldn’t be my main concern but rather, why are they minimizing and what are they minimizing? I'll explain it this way, they are either minimizing God's standard, or they're minimizing the weight of what they did or they're minimizing the consequences that may result from what they did. Typically, when they're trying to minimize, they are trying to protect something. I know in my own life, I might be trying to protect an idol that I don't want to be revealed because if it gets revealed, I have to cut it off and deal with it. Or maybe I’m trying to protect my image. In my case, before I came to Pure Life, I didn’t want to be convicted about my sin. I wanted to appear godly to others. So back then what I did was to minimize what God said about my sexual sin in His Word so that in my eyes, what I did wasn’t that bad.
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Nate: That's really interesting that you say that, because I don't think I ever quite thought about the fact that it's coming from a place of self-protection. The thinking behind it is, “I have to minimize this, otherwise I have to face it and I really don’t want to face it, so I need to minimize this sin.”
Ken: I don't think I've ever dealt with a person that minimized their sin who didn't, in some way, still want their sin. They want to hold on to their sinful behavior, so somehow, they have to justify themselves in their mind, especially when they are professing to be a Christian.
Trey: Yeah. The enemy lives in the realm of darkness, the realm of not seeing things as they really are, and Jesus told us that the truth will set us free. So, it is important if someone's wanting to come into freedom to see things as they are and to see pornography as it is. We can easily minimize the weight of it by thinking that watching pornography is much better behavior than acting out with somebody. While overall there is a fragment of truth in that thought, it's still not seeing the spiritual reality of the darkness that is going on in your life.
Nate: What would you say the spiritual reality is then?
Trey: The Bible teaches the principle that you become what you behold. For example, 2 Corinthians 3:18 says that as we behold the face of Jesus, we will reflect His glory. Psalm 115 talks about people becoming like the idols they create. Back in biblical times, they didn't have pornography the way that we have it now. What they did have were pagan temples. So, imagine you're going into a temple. There's an atmosphere in that place created by the people and activities there. They are likeminded, and their intent is to pursue sin. So a person who is walking into an atmosphere like that is immersing themselves into the spiritual darkness that is in that environment.
If we really think of the spiritual reality of what's happening in pornography, who's influencing them to do those acts? Who's really directing the creativity? It's not God. It's not the Holy Spirit influencing the actors or whoever it is that's involved. It's the enemy. When you’re viewing pornography, you're engaging in a worship experience of Satan. When you see it that clearly in your heart, hopefully you don't even want to go near that anymore. And the reason why the Lord doesn't want us to minimize it is because He wants us to come into the truth of what real worship to Him looks like. It's the opposite of what we are doing when we are viewing pornography. With pornography we are beholding images, dissecting them, idolizing them and adoring them for hours and hours on end. The Lord wants us to do the complete opposite. He wants us to behold the face of Jesus and worship Him.
Nate: That reminds me of the picture in Ezekiel of one of the visions that Ezekiel had. In his vision, the Spirit of the Lord took him to the temple and essentially said, dig through the wall of the temple and see what they're doing. See how the inner chambers are filled with abominations and images of creeping things. When it comes to our mind and body, it's just the same how our temple is being filled with abominations. That is exactly what pornography is. It’s filling our temple with abominations. God doesn't really see it any differently now than He saw it then. If anything, it's worse because we have so much more light and understanding of what God is requiring of us.
You are either moving closer to God or further away from Him. There is no middle ground. You must keep on fighting.
Have you ever noticed that Americans are always looking for keys? We want someone to give us three keys to a better life, five keys to a happy marriage or seven keys to a secure future. This week we are starting a new miniseries about keys – sort of. Really, we are going to be talking about some key lessons that you will need to learn as you journey out of sexual sin and into real freedom. The first key lesson is that you must have a fighting spirit.
People of the world are driven through life by their lust for sinful pleasures, but believers are called to live at a higher standard.
Mankind is largely driven through life by his desires. His hunger for his various lusts almost irresistibly drive him in whatever direction promises their acquisition. But followers of Christ are called to a higher standard. We are called to submit ourselves to God’s authority and put wicked desires to death.
However, this doesn’t mean we won’t feel the pull of those desires. The enemy is always seeking to draw us into his clutches. And our fallen nature is eager to give in to his enticements. So, it is vital we learn how to actively fight against those things. In this episode, Steve Gallagher helps us learn how to cultivate godly desires which will help guard us from the spirit of this world.
This series is based on the book Intoxicated with Babylon: The Seduction of God’s People in the Last Days by Steve Gallagher. You can find out more about that book by visiting our bookstore.
Instead of asking the question, "What's wrong with what I am doing?", we should ask the question, "Is this right and does it glorify God?"
God's warnings to those who indulge in sexual immorality should be enough to convince us that the only reasonable course of action is a wholehearted pursuit of purity. But where do you draw the line when it comes to purity? And actually the better question is this: where does God draw the line? In this "Ask the Counselor" episode of Purity for Life, we tackle the often-debated question: ‘Is masturbation a sin?’
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