In today's episode we interview April Cassidy, a Christian and author of The Peaceful Wife. She describes for us her journey from being a very disappointed and unhappy wife to being someone who is joyful, peaceful and fulfilled.

She discovered that the source of her discontent was her own disobedience to God, and that when she began to repent and put into practice the teaching of Scripture concerning her own life in Christ, that made all the difference in her marriage as well.

As we conclude our current series, we ask the question, "What Role Does Grace Play in Freedom from Porn?

Here is a message from PLM founder Steve Gallagher as he explores the power of God's grace, not just to provide forgiveness for our sins when we repent, but to enables to Christian to say no to sin and live upright and godly lives.

Small gatherings have always been an integral part of Christianity. Jesus, Himself, lived in a small group as He and His disciples traveled throughout the countryside together. He had those occasions when He spoke to the multitudes, but He spent enormous amounts of time building spiritual character into the small band of men under His personal care.

Later, during the early days of the Church, believers quietly met together in various intimate settings. “And day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart.” (Acts 2:46) Throughout Church history, and especially during times of vehement persecution, small groups and home fellowships have played a crucial role in Christianity.

The concept of a small group of believers meeting together for the purpose of encouraging each other spiritually certainly has biblical and historical roots. In our present situation, where Christian men are continually bombarded with sexual imagery and temptation, support groups have emerged as the modern-day, streamlined method of providing aid to those who struggle.

However, as in any form of counseling, the effectiveness of support groups varies greatly. Some offer genuine help, while others actually do more harm than good. Major pitfalls can be avoided through a proper understanding of the dynamics involved in running a successful group. A group which God can use to change lives needs two essential components: biblical accountability and the proper goal.

1. The Place of Accountability

Many of the support groups operating in today’s churches have been founded by men who are themselves struggling with habitual sin. Viewing accountability as their primary solution, they start their own group in the hopes of helping themselves and others at the same time.

Bringing secret sin into the open plays a vital role in escaping habitual sin. But biblical accountability was never meant to be a group of men sitting in a circle discussing their failures. Such a setting may be somewhat helpful to men who need to bring their sin out into the open, but there is no inherent power in such a situation to set them free.

The concept of accountability is in Scripture, but not in the weak way in which it is often used today. The typical struggling Christian who attends a support group meeting looks to church services to be spiritually fed and then to his group as his primary weapon to attack his addiction. Unfortunately, this game plan usually isn’t very effective. He needs something more.

Take Bill, for instance. He goes to a solid church where other believers regularly enter into genuine worship and where the Word of God is earnestly preached. He also attends a 12-step meeting for Christian sex addicts. And yet, he seems stuck on a merry-go-round of failure, confession and “repentance.” Assuming he sincerely wants freedom, why isn’t he finding it?

He is missing a key ingredient: discipleship. He is not receiving this at church or in his group meetings. A man struggling with sin may hear sermons, but unless he is held accountable to respond to those words, the benefit he derives from them will probably be minimal. He is lost in a crowd of listeners. He can ignore, disregard, even disagree with what he is hearing, and is never required to face the truth of what is being taught.

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Those living in spiritual defeat need a mentor who can walk them through the process of deliverance and lead them into maturity. When a godly man dedicates himself to discipling the struggling brother, something powerful happens. Truth is imparted. Sin is dealt with head-on. The mentor expects change. Most importantly, the man experiences firsthand someone who is walking in the light and confronting him. This is the biblical pattern for accountability.

The apostle Paul mentioned this process in Galatians 6:1 when he called upon believers “who are spiritual” to step forward to help those who have been caught in the trap of sin. The term “spiritual” is defined in the previous chapter of Galatians as: a believer who has a history of crucifying “the flesh and its passions and desires,” (vv. 17, 24); a believer who is led, controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit (vv. 16, 18, 25); and a believer whose life manifests the fruit of the Spirit (vv. 21-22). Those characteristics should be clearly evidenced in the life of anyone who is put into a position of spiritual leadership.

The truth is that a person can lead another spiritually only as far as he has gone himself. Jesus said, “...if a blind man guides a blind man, both will fall into a pit.” (Matthew 15:14) It is helpful to a certain extent to open up with other people about one’s struggles, but real discipleship is far more powerful in its ability to change lives. And the one who is leading them must have an established life in God before he is going to be able to help others.

2. The Proper Goal

The second key to running a group that generates significant results is having the proper goal firmly established in the mind of the group’s leader. Obviously, the goal is to help men become liberated from habitual sin. The problem is that people have differing ideas on what it means to be “free.” To some, freedom means no more than keeping the practice of the addictive sin to a minimum. Lacking an understanding of God’s power to free a man from bondage, the best solution they can offer the man is life-long dependence upon “accountability.”

Accountability has its place, but the more important issue is that the person needs inner transformation. If he doesn’t experience the heart change that is promised in the New Covenant, then, yes, all he can ever hope for is the momentary help which might be afforded him in a support group. Those who have not had their own hearts transformed have little comprehension of, or trust in, God’s power to change a person’s life. Thus, they do not view sin as something that must be renounced and forsaken; they see it as something which should be controlled or “maintained.” This weak attitude toward sin keeps the struggling person in a “white-knuckle” existence, always just one step away from disaster.

If this is the standard that is presented in the group setting, you can rest assured that no one will ever go beyond it. Instead, the standard which should be clearly defined to all participants is complete freedom from the power of sin and complete devotion to a life of holy living.

It should go without saying that this will never be established in the group unless it has become the reality of the leader’s personal life. If he is struggling along, identifying himself with his sin (i.e. “My name is Bruce; I am a sex addict.”), possessing a half-deliverance in his own life, how can he offer any real hope to his followers?

It is my firm conviction that if there isn’t a godly man available who is able to lead others into freedom, then a group should not be started.

The men who come looking for help to a group led by an uncommitted or defeated Christian will only become more disenchanted with Christianity and more cynical toward the belief that God can actually set them free. In other words, a group like that is likely to do more harm than good. It would be better for those sincerely seeking freedom to be driven to desperation by their need—compelled to find their help from God no matter the cost—than to be offered half measures such as a weak support group.

The two essentials of a group which will produce lasting fruit are discipleship and the firmly established goal of true godliness for the life of every man. These two components can only be established by the person in charge. Without a godly leader moving men toward spiritual maturity, the whole group is surely headed for the nearest ditch.

In this exhortation from the ministry chapel, Steve Gallagher challenged the men in the Residential Program to reject the outward forms of American Christianity for the real faith and trust in Jesus that saves and transforms lives.

From Genesis 17:1 he encourages us to live in God’s presence and be blameless.(From #359 - What Role Does Consecration Play in Freedom from Porn?)

I want to read something from Genesis 17.  Really, it's just one statement, but as I was meditating on it, I was thinking about that there are two different forms of Christianity. The easiest way to make it simple is to say that one is outward, and one is inward. That's the simplest way to say it; One is religious, and one is spiritual. One is taken up with the forms of Christianity, the rituals of Christianity, how you look to other people, the image involved; Doing the things that are expected by our Christian culture in America. An outward form of Christianity, there is that.

And all you men in the program came here from that culture. You did that thing, but something was wrong inside, right? Something was lacking inside. It was a spiritual life with God. All right, so just keep that in the back of your mind.

Let me just read these first two verses. “When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to him, saying, “I am God Almighty. Live in my presence and be blameless. I will establish my covenant between me and you, and I will multiply you greatly.”

And I wish I could just somehow stamp that into your brain, that when you leave this place, that's all I care about right there. If you would just do that, I would be one happy man. Just live in the presence of God and live a blameless life. Never mind about all the religious stuff, all the outward trappings, how you look and, you know, making sure you dot all the I’s and cross all the T’s of the culture, the Christian culture of our day. Making sure everyone sees you in the way you want them to see you, and that no one could possibly criticize you. Throw that all away and just do this thing. Live in my presence and be blameless. That's it! That's all that God requires of you! Live in His presence and be blameless.

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His presence is there for the taking. You don't have to go home to a dead existence. Something is being put into you while you're here in this place. You are learning to humble yourself before the Lord, to seek Him with all your heart, and if you will live your life that way His presence will fill you inside, and you will take His presence with you when you go home. And then, living a blameless life will not be that difficult. It will be second nature to you, because you will have the Spirit of the Living God indwelling you and influencing you, having a tremendous influence inside of you. That will then translate into the way you live your life when no one else is watching.

Live in my presence and be blameless. Live in my presence and be blameless. That's what the Lord would say to you: Live in my presence and be blameless. Don't worry about all the other stuff. You do that, and you won't go wrong.

Lord I thank You that You are a mighty God. You could show up at any time. Abraham was ninety-nine years old and all of a sudden there You are. His eyes were opened, and he saw the Almighty. And You spoke with him. Then You promised a covenant with him. You promised to multiply him greatly. All you asked of him was to live in Your presence and be blameless.

Lord, as You know, we live in a time when we have allowed the culture to dominate us inwardly, to dominate our hearts and minds. We’ve allowed ourselves, our inward wife to be overrun by the spirit of this world, all the while keeping up a religious appearance to those around us.

Lord, I just pray that You will get it into us all, the importance of living in union with You in humility before you. Walking with You and conversing with You. Living in Your presence. Walking blamelessly before You. We just worship You, Lord. You are worthy of our worship. You are worthy to receive our praise. We honor you, Lord; we glorify you, in Jesus’ Name.

Marriage may seem like the very solution to a person’s struggle with pornography. But if that were true, why are so many marriages devastated by sexual addiction?

What many people find is that while marriage may alleviate the temptations for a time, a deeper stronghold lurks within the persons heart. Pornography addiction is only the tip of a greater root issue.

Fifty years ago, the idea of marrying someone addicted to porn would have been out of the question, especially for professing Christians. But sadly, in the days that we live in, it has become a concern for many women.

In this episode, Josh Bergstrom tells us his own story. It began with the same hope of freedom and the devastating pain when he discovered that marriage was not the cure. But through the years, the Lord has opened his eyes to truths that have set him free and many others just like him.

There is nothing easier than addiction. All we have to do is follow the trail of our desires. It all comes so naturally. In fact, it is so natural that one of our reasons for giving ourselves over to our desires is, “I am only human.” If God enters into our thinking, we suspect even he might be understanding and lenient because he created us this way. Look at the numbers: is there a sentient male who has not struggled with sexual sin? The problem seems to go much deeper than what we do. The problem is who we are.

Sexual addiction asks us to consider what it means to be truly human. When you read the biographies of the Old Testament, humanness seems to mean that we are constitutionally programmed to sin. Like a foe who is stronger, sexual sin will overtake us in the end. We might be able to escape it for a time, but defeat is inevitable. So, we put up a good effort, try to keep the really bad sexual sins at bay, recognize that we are going to be defeated, then, when we are, dust ourselves off and start all over again. There is, of course, some truth to this, but it isn’t the whole story.

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Then came THE man. Jesus is the one who revealed true humanness. Jesus showed us how we were intended to be, and, apparently, the way we deal with temptation is a critical feature of the way we were intended to be. Immediately after being formally proclaimed as the eternal son at his baptism, Jesus’ first act as recorded in Mark’s gospel was to go out into the wilderness for the very purpose of being tempted by Satan (Mark 1:9-13). He had some undoing to do. He was going to say “no” where we said “yes.”

The last bivouac into the wilderness by God’s people was a train wreck. It was a time of idolatry followed by a bacchanalian festival, complaining, rebellion against God and his appointed leaders, and essentially saying “yes” to Satan at every mile marker. It is with this failure in mind that Jesus voluntarily walked into the wilderness, said “no” to temptations that are stronger than anything we will experience, and, in so doing changed everything.

He didn’t change the fact that we will encounter Satan during our vulnerable times. On this side of heaven spiritual battle is the norm. The balance of power, however, has changed. The second Adam won, and we too will win as we are given his Spirit. True humanness is, to our surprise, not about giving in to temptation. Instead, we are created to say “no” to both Satan’s devices and our own desires that oppose the character of God.

What difference does this make? Try it and see. Try meditating on Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness. Consider how he did it as our representative, succeeding where we had failed, and he did it as our example, revealing to us our true design. Notice how you find a certain satisfaction when you resist temptation. It isn’t easy, but it is good, right and natural. When we give ourselves to our desires we feel robotic, more akin to instinct-driven animals than liberated humans. When we say “yes” to Jesus and engage the battle with our entire being, we get tired but the fatigue is like the contentment of a good day’s work.

Sanctification is not understood by many Christians, but it is an essential part of our salvation. God desires not just to forgive our sins, but to make us holy so that we live holy and blameless lives. Sanctification plays a crucial role in freedom from sexual sin. (From #358 - What Role Does Sanctification Play in Freedom from Porn?)

Sanctification. It’s probably the biblical concept that is least understood among most Christians. Seldom preached any more, it is at the very heart of our salvation, and the work that God longs to do in the lives of His people.

So, let’s first define it. When the word appears in the OT, as in Exodus 13.12, it is the word QaDaSh. When it appears in the NT, as in John 17.17, it is the is word ‘agiadzo. Both of these words mean the same thing. The words mean to set apart, to regard as holy and to use for holy purposes; The word then came to mean to cleanse or purify, and to offer up and dedicate to God.

We translate the words differently and think of them differently depending on who is doing the action. When a man is sanctifying himself or something else, he is purifying or dedicating something to God. He is an imperfect man dedicating something to a perfect God and asking God to regard this offering as set apart for Him. And so offerings, temple furnishings, sacrifices and the like, and even people were sanctified to the LORD. When God does the sanctifying, He is a holy God declaring something as set apart to Him and declaring it to be holy. When God sanctifies the Christian believer, He declares him to be holy by the means of the blood of the Cross, but then engages him in the ongoing process of making him holy in his attitudes, words and behavior.

So there are two different sides to sanctification: there is the part that God does, that only He can do. And then there is the part that people do, that we all do, that only we can do. We’ll talk about God’s part first.

Because God alone is holy, set apart, and perfect in all His perfections, only He can declare something as holy. And only God has the power to make something holy. He has determined that He will have a people who not only are set apart for His own possession, who live as dedicated unto Him, who love Him unreservedly of their own will and seek to do His will in the earth, but who live morally blameless lives before Him in honor and obedience. God’s purpose from the beginning was to have a people who lived holy lives. This was true of Israel and today is true of the Church of Jesus Christ. This has always been His purpose.

This is made possible only through the Cross of Jesus Christ. The purpose of the Cross is our sanctification. Jesus died there so that He might bear the weight of our sins and secure our forgiveness. His blood was the covering for our sins and the purchase price of our redemption. Because of the Cross God is able to freely justify us and grant us forgiveness for all our sins.

But salvation is more than just forgiveness. God intends to make us holy in our behavior. He really intends to deliver us out of our sins and conform our behavior into the likeness of Christ. He intends and expects our obedience and for us to live a blameless life. This is all part of our sanctification, the putting off of our old flesh with its sins, and the putting on of the new natures with the fruit of the Spirit. Thus, our sanctification is not a one-time event, but a lifelong process that begins when we are born again. God begins to make us new, and He continues that sanctification process daily for the rest of our lives. As we walk in faith and obedience, seeking His will, desiring His guidance, surrendering to His Lordship, He works to transform our minds and conform our behavior to the likeness of blameless Christ.

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What Role does Sanctification play in a man gaining freedom from sexual sin? It should be obvious that this is God’s will for every man. Every man must come to the Cross, repent of his sin, ask the Lord to take it from Him, seek the Lord to be rid of it, and then walk in obedience to Him as He takes this sin out of our lives. We’ll talk more about that in a few moments. Right now know that there is a work of sanctification that only God can do. He is the One who forgives, who cleanses, who declares as holy. He is the One who empowers a man with the Holy Spirit to resist temptation and to set a man free from slavery to sin. He is the One who sanctifies.

I began by talking about the work of sanctification that only God can do. But our conversation would not be complete without looking at the other side. There is the part of sanctification that is up to us to do. We have to cooperate in the work of God by being obedient.  

Many Christians are surprised anymore that someone still teaches holiness, as though it is a theme that is out of date; but God has not changed His Word or His mind on the matter. The Bible still says that God chose us in Christ before the foundation of the world so that we should be holy and blameless in Him. Paul still tells us that God’s will for our lives is our sanctification, and specifically defines holiness as abstinence  from sexual sin. Peter still writes “but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, “YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY.” And the writer to the Hebrews still has it that we are to “Pursue peace with all men, and the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”

Out part is to come out from among the world and be separate; to be in the world but not of the world. Our part is to seek every day to be rid of sin by repenting and forsaking it. Our part is to pursue holiness, to run hard after it, by desiring above all things to live a life pleasing to the Lord, and by only pursuing those things that are pleasing to Him and according to the will of Christ.

This is not average, cheap grace, American Christianity that insults God and comforts the wayward and backslidden in his sin with promises of God’s forgiveness. This is real, biblical Christianity that empowers a man to resist sin and walk in obedience, so that he not only wears the righteousness of Christ by faith, but actually walks in righteousness and faithfulness before God in his daily life.

Look at the biblical teaching about the mercy of God. See how God bestows great mercy on the repentant sinner, but requires the recipients of mercy to be merciful towards others.

Our Biblical Counselors discuss the transforming work God does in men's lives as they learn to be givers of mercy, and how mercy sets a man free from his sin.

Victory over the stronghold of sexual sin is possible and there are many testimonies of men who have found freedom from the hold that it had on their lives. But whether or not a person experiences true freedom is largely determined by whether or not they are sincere in their pursuit of freedom.

Those who are sincerely seeking freedom and have the hope of salvation within them will never stop striving to get the victory for the sake of their relationship with God. Those who are insincere will only do enough to fool themselves and those around them.

In this episode, biblical counselor Jim Lewis looks at some indicators of sincerity and insincerity to help a person determine whether or not they have had a genuine conversion experience.

Is it possible for a man who has truly been saved to still find himself battling with sexual sin?

That question cannot be answered without first looking at the Bible says about true salvation. The Apostle Paul himself wrote to professing Christians and admonished them to test themselves to see if they were truly in the faith. For those who struggle with sexual sin this is all the more vital. So how can a person know whether or not they are truly converted?

In this session biblical counselor Jim Lewis takes us through scripture and points out for us what true and false conversion really look like and gives us the litmus test of the Word of God in which to examine our own hearts and lives.

In this installment in our current series, we look at the role of consecration in men gaining freedom from habitual sexual sin.

Glenn Meldrum defines the term, describes where it appears in Scripture, and then makes application for men who need help. He shows how a life of surrender and dedication makes all the difference in a man getting free.

Above the door of the old Pure Life chapel hung a sign that read: “Sinners Only Allowed.” This short statement was a reminder to us to never to forget that we all are sinners in need of a Savior.

Only the Sick Need a Doctor

The Pharisees once got angry with Jesus because He was eating with sinners. Jesus made an extremely poignant statement that would behoove all of us to consider: “Healthy people don't need a doctor—sick people do. Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: `I want you to be merciful; I don't want your sacrifices.' For I have come to call sinners, not those who think they are already good enough.” (Matthew 9:12-13 NLT) The Pharisees were constantly attempting to convince themselves of their own righteousness. Many Christians unwittingly do the same.

When a believer loses sight of the fact that he is an unworthy sinner in the presence of a holy God, he invariably rises up in self-righteous pride. Amazingly, my experience—both personally and with the many men I have ministered to over the years—has been that people who have been deeply involved in sin can often become the worst of Pharisees! We are all unworthy of God’s love and grace and the more we can keep that in mind, the more intimate we will be with God. Those who consider themselves “good” people are in a terrible delusion. It is commendable if they have not given themselves over to outward sin, but they have a depraved nature the same as the rest of us.

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Acknowledging Our Sin, Acknowledges Our Savior

Knowing man’s natural tendency to avoid seeing himself in this light, Jesus told the following parable. Luke hit the nail on the head when he introduced the Lord’s reasoning: “And He also told this parable to certain ones who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt:”

Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee, and the other a tax-gatherer. The Pharisee stood and was praying thus to himself, “God, I thank Thee that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax-gatherer. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.” But the tax-gatherer, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, “God, be merciful to me, the sinner!” I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled, but he who humbles himself shall be exalted. (Luke 18:9-15)

People who are aware of their unworthiness before God constantly look to Him to supply the righteousness they need to live victoriously in a world of temptations. Those who attempt to maintain their own “goodness” through self-effort never know what it is means to have God’s imputed righteousness. Others who try to make it in the Christian life through a positive mental attitude are also attempting to mask the fact that they are sinners in constant need of God’s help.  It is only as we acknowledge the fact that we are sinners, that we know the forgiveness and freedom that comes with that reality. I will conclude this commentary with the following quote...

The Church is A Society of Sinners

“The church is not an organization of good people, it is an organization of sinners. It is the only organization in human society that takes sinners into its membership just because they are sinners. It is the only organization that keeps on saying week after week, year after year, age after age, ‘We have done those things that we ought not to have done and left undone those things that we ought to have done.’ No other organized body bears in its group consciousness the weight not only of its own members sins but the sins of the whole social order. This is the glory of the church, its uniqueness in human society, that it lives perpetually on the vitality and realism of its own repentance, its contrition, and its plea for God’s help and forgiveness. Let us not claim moral virtue for church members or for the church. Let us rather glory in the fact that the church is a society of sinners, who claim no virtue, but humbly rest their broken and burdened lives upon the grace which God has eternally revealed in Christ Jesus.”(1)

(1) Charles Clayton Morrison. (Stuber, Stanley I. and Clark, Thomas Curtis; “Treasury of the Christian Faith”; New York: Association Press, 1949, p 170-171)