It's easy to feel like there's no way out of sexual addiction. Jordan Yoshimine shares his story of victory to prove that there really is something better on the other side.

Brooks: Jordan, can you share a brief synopsis of what your struggle with sexual sin looked like over the years?

Jordan: I grew up in a Christian home. And even in that environment, from a very early age I'd begun to have same-sex attraction. And this continued to manifest itself. I was definitely giving into self-gratification and fantasy all throughout my middle-school and high-school years. And then when I turned eighteen, I had my first physical interaction with someone. And over the next three decades, really, I lost myself in the homosexual lifestyle. I definitely still presented myself on the outside as a Christian. But I had this secret life where I would go seek out sexual encounters, whether it was at an adult book store or a park or cruising different streets...whatever. And over the three decades I probably had thousands of encounters. All the while I was maintaining a job and professing to be a Christian...but I was just totally given over to my sin. After three decades of being in this sin, in the late '90's, I definitely just got tired of it.

Around 2005, I went back to church, and my sin got exposed, and I ended up at Pure Life Ministries. What God has done in my life since then is nothing short of a miracle. The thing that I had always been looking for and searching for through my homosexual encounters…I actually found it in Jesus Christ. That’s where I found the satisfaction and the contentment that I had always been looking for. I just didn't know what that was before. And I was looking in all the wrong places for what God always intended for me—and that was to be in relationship with Him.

Brooks: In spite of the level of addiction you were in, you were always confident that you were a Christian. But now that you can look back on those years, what do you think was missing then?

Jordan: I mean, Jesus, first of all! But it really was a lack of understanding of the scripture—when scripture says, "Do not love the world," or James 4:4, which says "friendship with the world is enmity with the God." I was in love with the world. Honestly, there was no devotion to the Lord. Putting homosexuality aside, I had been so entrenched in the world...watching TV, on the internet, entrenched in social media, vying for entertainment, a season ticket holder for hockey. And even at church, we weren't talking about our relationships with the Lord, but we were talking about the things of the world. I was just married to the world. And because of that, I was in enmity with the Lord. You know, that's just biblical. And what is the world preaching today? "You can be who you want! You can be homosexual. You don't even have to be a sex—you can be non-binary....you don't have to be anything!" So of course, because I was in love with the world, when Satan comes in and starts messing around and gives you these thoughts and these desires, there's no defense system. None.

Brooks: You finally found real change during your time in the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program. But since you’d known about Christianity for so long, what made the difference at that point?

Jordan: The difference in the message being preached was responsibility for my own actions—my sin. You know, I'd gone to Christian counselors for decades, and because they were integrated and really relied heavily on psychology, I was always able to stay as a victim. In fact, the last counselor I went to for five years really in many ways enabled me to stay in my sin, justify my sin, and remain a victim. And when I got to Pure Life, that victim mentality was pulled out from under me like a rug, and I had to take a hard look at the way I lived my life.

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It happened through the teachings, through the sermons, through actually getting in the Word and reading how much it talks about pride and sexual immorality and the love of this world. It was like God was taking a searchlight and shining it in my heart. For the first time in my life, I had to take a look at myself and see what idolatry I was in. And really, I was my biggest idol! I loved myself! I steamrolled over anyone who got in my way and kept me from getting what I wanted in life—whether it was a job, money, sex, whatever. I didn't care who I hurt. And for the first time in my life, I was presented with the fact that I was indeed a sinner, and it was my responsibility, and I had to do something about that. It's just scriptural. That's what I had to do—I had to repent. Really, once repentance came in—true repentance and godly sorrow—that's when things really started changing for me.

Brooks: Can you describe the new life that you've found now—after having dealt with your addiction problem at a deep level?

Jordan: Man, I am now living a life I never thought was possible! I never, never thought that I would be free from the bondage of sexual sin—never. I thought I would be coming to this program at Pure Life to be able to suppress my feelings or maintain purity...and not sleep around. But I thought I would always be dealing with this person who I thought I was...and who the world thought I was. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be completely free from that bondage. Free—not from temptation or free from my flesh—but free from that bondage of sexual sin. And that means I can live freely and holy in Christ, being completed in him and working to complete that holiness that Christ is working in me.

I would also say that it's worth the pain and the agony that it's going to take to walk through some of this. It's worth it! Because of what you get on the other side. What Satan is trying to tell you is that all your life will be is pain and agony. But on the other side of letting go of those idols, what you have is joy and fullness and new life. And I never would have discovered any of that if I'd not let go of everything to have God.

We recently heard from a woman that is separated from her husband, and has began a dating relationship with a different man. Are there any issues or dangers with this?

I can relate to this. I did it myself. Her husband is in sexual sin, and unrepentant sexual sin at that. She separated from him, which is fine. But I think what happened to her is she really became distraught because when you're separated from your husband there's a huge emotional, gaping hole in your heart. And I think she did what a lot of women do, they look for someone to fill the hole; and that's what she's doing. She said in her letter that she wasn't having sex with him, and somehow that justifies it in her mind that she can have a relationship outside of marriage with another man.

Now guys are hearing that and going "...right...yeah..."

Yeah, well I've read that and I'm going "...yeah, right..." We're too vulnerable. If she at that point had not had sex yet, I'm sure if she stayed in that relationship then she eventually would because in light of what she's gone through with her husband it's especially more difficult.

Even though that may not be what she was looking for - the guy is probably going to expect it.

It's part-and-parcel, yeah. It goes with the territory and any woman that is on the rebound like that is more than likely going to end up compromising sexually. I did it. I left my husband; I filed for divorce - the whole thing - and I ran off with another man I barely knew. It was so easy for me to justify. In fact, my attitude was: I was so distraught, so upset, so broken, so hurt, so...all of the emotions that a woman goes through...that I actually believed that God brought this guy into my life because he made me laugh, he showed me a good time, he was gentle, he was kind, he was all the things that we'd always hoped our husbands would be. I associated the "feel-goods" of this guy with the goodness of God. I confused those two horribly and was in adultery.

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So you've really answered the question here. Instead of turning where you should have turned, which should have been to the Lord of your comfort, you turned to another human being. I would imagine that different women do different things. Perhaps one will turn to a career - or all kinds of things they can turn to - but really the issue is that you needed to turn to the Lord.

Right, that is the obvious answer. I think all women that have been in that situation - whether they've committed sexual sin or not, is really to me not even an issue. If you're with another person. You have opted for the lesser or the least. God has his best for us. We often, because of our weakness - just naturally speaking - will opt for the easiest, most convenient way to make these bad feelings go away, what I had to learn the hard way. We read these verses so glibly. We don't really understand what we're saying when we say them until our faith is tested, but your Maker is your Husband. The Holy One of Israel is your Beloved and that isn't real to you until you pass through these sorts of fires.

I had to find out the hard way that this other man wasn't the answer to my problem. He filled the hole temporarily, but there was still something inside of me that only Jesus could take care of and I learned how to cry out to God. Even when I got back with my husband and the marriage was being patched up, I still had to find that Jesus was my all-in-all, literally, those aren't just words. He had to become that to me because even with the restored marriage Steve could not fill the whole.

It's an issue - as all of these issues end up being - of the heart, the place where God wants to reside and where He wants to be on the throne.

Yeah, and I want to just give a short testimony here. I've been married over twenty-nine years and my husband and I have as near perfect a marriage as I think a person can have. I don't say that because we're floating on flowery clouds and billowy clouds and wafting on whatever. But I will say that it's a very, very healthy relationship. We have each other in our proper place. I don't expect my husband to be God. I just don't. I know his limitations, I know his frailty, and vice versa; and we accept that about each other and we understand that about each other. Where he's weak, I try to build him up. Where I'm weak, he tries to build me up. We don't lay heavy expectations on one another and we really do try to daily live out preferring the other has better than ourselves.

More importantly, not only do you have each other in the proper place, but you have God in His proper place.

Right, and that's where I was headed. The relationship that we have has only been born out of our right relationship to Christ. We both knew back in the early 80's when it was all coming apart - I filed for divorce, but God put us back together - we have always known we can't do this. My husband and I cannot do this on our own. We will fail at it. We can't do it, but God can do it.

Well, I hope that will be an encouragement to women who are dealing with an empty hole in their heart whatever their circumstances may be that there is One who wants to fill it, and he's faithful to do so.

In a sexualized culture, it can be hard to know what exactly qualifies as a serious problem with sexual sin. Biblical counselor Ken Larkin explores what addiction actually looks like.

Brooks: Let’s discuss the difference between this common idea of having a struggle with sexual sin and the idea of addiction. As a biblical counselor, how would you define those different words? Maybe a better way of asking it would be: what does addiction really mean biblically?

Ken: Well, when we talk about a struggle, it means someone has a momentary lapse or a failure with sin, but they're not just totally given over to their sin. Whereas in addiction, basically, it's regular and habitual. I guess a good biblical way of describing addiction would be habitual sin, where your life is characterized by this sin. And there's a certain element of bondage involved. Someone says, "I'm struggling. I am not really stuck in this thing. It's not consuming my life. But I'm having some issues, and I occasionally fall." But an addiction becomes a lifestyle, and your life revolves around this thing, and it seems like it's a besetting sin that you can't break free from.

Brooks: You said that one thing the Bible does is help us define addiction as habitual sin. Can you give us more of the biblical picture of what's going on with habitual sin?

Ken: One thing is that sin—especially when it gets to the point of what we would call an addiction—is idolatrous. The Apostle John said in 1 John 2, "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." That's a strong statement. If you're giving over to a sin and you're loving this thing, and it's displacing your love and affection for God, that becomes idolatry. And he even mentions what the world is: "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father but is of the world." And certainly these things are involved in sexual sin or sexual addiction.

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The second thing is: sin is slavery. It leads to slavery. It's bondage. And that's where addiction comes in. We use that term for someone that's in bondage. It seems they can't break free. So Paul said in Romans 6, "What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? May it never be! Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death or of obedience resulting in righteousness?" And I would say this: someone might think, "Well, it's not that bad. I'm not a slave of sin." Well listen to what Jesus said in John 8: "Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave of sin." And here it is. When you come to the point where you're an addict, you just realize you're a slave. Because originally, maybe you made the choice to get into sin. But now it seems like you have no choice, and you become a slave. It's apparent. It's basically controlling your life now.

Brooks: Can you describe a scenario where this kind of pattern would unfold in someone's everyday life?

Ken: Well, since pornography is so prevalent in our culture today, I would use that example. Maybe someone was online and something popped up, and they went to this site or whatever and saw something. And now they want to go and dabble, and they’ve heard about different people watching porn. They try it once. With some people, the first time, they're hooked, just like drugs. With other people it's over a course of time. But the more you give over to sin, the more becomes habituated in your life and the more its tentacles wrap around your heart. Eventually, it seems like you can't get out of it. If you're constantly giving over, even if it's maybe only once a week or once every couple weeks, it's a lot bigger issue. If your life is actually characterized by something, that's part of your character. Jesus said, “If your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out.” He said, “If your right hand cause you to stumble, cut it off.” You're better off going to heaven to have life with one eye or one hand. So it's a serious situation. It’s a lot more serious than we think it is, becoming a full-blown slave of this thing.

Brooks: Once a person grapples with where they find themselves and they say, “Yeah, I guess I am addicted,” what's next? What's the turning point that they need to come to— the basic answer for them as an addict—as well as some practical first steps that they can take?

Ken: If you're trying to see how close you can get to that cliff of giving over to your sin without giving over, then you're already moving in the wrong direction. It's that simple. They need to come to true repentance over their sin. And the first thing is really just coming to terms with the fact that they're responsible for their actions. And also, I would say: brokenness. If someone is living a lifestyle of sin, they're on the throne of their life. They're serving God, but somehow, they're serving God on their terms. And they need to stop. It's that simple. Now I'm not saying you just determine it in your own heart. If you really see that you have an issue and a problem, you need to get desperate and you need to cry out to the Lord for deliverance, because he's the only one that can ultimately set us free. Jesus is the Savior, and He's the source of your victory.

The second thing is: none of us like to admit we're wrong. So it's not enough just to admit to the Lord that you’re wrong. We need to bring our sin into to light with other people. That's a huge thing, because with sexual sin, there's a stigma behind it. There is shame, if you call yourself a Christian and you're involved in this behavior. And the devil himself, our adversary, wants to keep us in that darkness. So a huge key to coming into freedom could be simply admitting to one other person— your pastor or some leader in your life— that you have an issue.

We recently heard from a guy who has re-dedicated his life to Jesus and confessed a lot of previous sin to his wife. He's made some steps to stop the behavior that was going on, but he says "I wasn't completely open with her. I told her that I had not cheated on her with anyone else." But he meant sexual intercourse and he continues, "The problem is I visited some massage parlors and messed around." He expressed that he feels really bad about it, but he doesn't want to hurt his wife anymore than he already has. So he's asking, "Should I tell her?"

OK. Yes, you should definitely tell her. It's great you've re-dedicated your life to the Lord and you're walking in the light with God; but you need to walk in the light with other people, especially your wife. The scripture says in 1 John 1:6-7, "If we say we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanses us from all sin."

Can you talk more about walking in the light? You just talked about some incredible benefits that are listed in that verse. We're promised "fellowship with one another," "the blood of Jesus cleansing us from all sins," and I think that we've heard those verses so many times at this point we miss how amazing those benefits really are. So let's start with talking about the blessing of open fellowship with his wife.

Well first of all, I'd say there's joy of true intimacy that you can't have if you have all these walls built up and you're hiding from your wife. So all the skeletons are out of the closet and there's no more guilty fear; and with that, there's transparency. It's the only way to develop real fellowship with your wife. She can't have fellowship with an unreal person. Now you can really relate to your wife and you can learn to love one another - to enjoy one another as a couple that you just can't do if you're living in sin and in darkness.

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What is God promising to us in the phrase "...and the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanses us from all sin?”

I like to look at that as a New Testament answer to David's cry in Psalm 51, "Create in me a clean heart, oh God." With that it's much more than just freedom from guilt. God promises to cleanse from the guilt of sin which is necessary for our relationship with the Lord to be restored. But it's also talking about the idea of freedom and cleansing from the power of sin - both to deceive and enslave you, even as a believer. A third thing is the idea of cleansing you from the evil effects of your sin - the inward pollution and contamination where God literally cleanses your heart.

That's a lot more than just forgiveness. I think a lot of times we don't grasp the power of confession and forsaking; and that's really what you're talking about.

So let's say that you've convinced the guy, and he comes to the place where he actually wants to confess everything to his wife. What counsel would you give to him about the actual confession?

First of all, you need to pray. Pray that God would prepare your wife's heart to receive this devastating news that you're going to dump on her. Pray that she'd be ready to receive it and that God would already begin the healing process as you're speaking with her and being open and honest with her. In addition, you need to confess everything up front. Don't leave things for later on. They're going to devastate your wife and re-open the fresh wound. Tell her everything up front. Put it all on the table at once. But also, you don't have to be graphic and specific. It's unmerciful to your wife to know all the little details.

OK. So what would be like an example of that?

Say someone didn't have a physical relationship with a woman, but they were involved in an emotional affair - texting or online chatting. His wife needs to know that he was involved with this communication with a woman or multiple women. And she needs to know exactly what he did as far as how he was communicating with them, but without all the gory details of specifically what they were talking about in their conversation.

That makes sense. You're just trying to inform her of the kind of life that you are living without giving her a lot of details that would really torment her mentally?

I can start to see how this could really help the marriage. It really fosters that intimacy and it could help her to keep him accountable and come alongside of him in his ongoing struggles.

Yeah, and it also begins the healing process where he's being open even with his current struggles. As he's going through his own process of healing, she'll learn to trust him and to start developing that relationship of trust again that was lost because of his sin.

Now I'm assuming that this would only apply to a husband and wife relationship. What about a fiance relationship or a dating relationship? How would that change?

I would say in a regular dating relationship, yes you need to be accountable; but that would be more with your spiritual authority in your church. If the relationship is progressing to the point of considering marriage - especially if you are already engaged - she needs to know what's going on in your life. It's unfair for a woman to be looking at marriage not knowing who she's really marrying. You need to be open when it comes to that stage. You need to put things out there, especially if you're still walking through this stuff - if you're still overcoming it. Maybe you've experienced a measure of victory, but it's not completely out of your life. She needs to know about it much more so than if it's just something from your past.

Jordan Yoshimine is a biblical counselor at Pure Life Ministries who came out of a homosexual background, and now he wants to offer hope to others in the same situation by answering some common questions about this difficult issue.

Brooks: Jordan, I know someone could wonder, "How could a person who was raised in a Christian home come to struggle with homosexuality?" I know when you've shared your testimony in the past—even on our At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry DVD Curriculum—you've talked about how you began to develop a desire for other men early in your life...how that followed a horrible experience of abuse you had from an older man in your church and other influences from the culture around you. So can you now elaborate and expand on that and talk to us more about how this process unfold? How do people with a Christian background come to the place of struggling with homosexuality?

Jordan: So, I was exposed to media at a very young age. And I was molested at a very young age. And those two things combined really affected my trajectory in life. But different people are going to have different experiences. You could probably talk to anyone who's struggling with same sex attraction, and their experience is going to be much different and varied. And at the end of the day, it's a sin issue. And it really is a heart issue, and it's a self issue—pleasing self, putting yourself on the throne, putting your own needs and desires above the needs and desires of others...and the desire to have a true, deep relationship with the Lord.

Anyone has the opportunity for Satan to come in and use same-sex attraction as a tool to draw them away from the Lord. Anyone. It doesn't matter whether you're raised in a Christian home or not. My sin just happened to be same-sex attraction; for someone else, it might be materialism...or possessions, or athletics, or promiscuity, or pornography, or marriage, or relationships. So my sin just happened to be homosexuality. Sin is sin; we're all born sinners; we all have a fallen nature.

Brooks: I know that at one time in the church, homosexuality was clearly seen as sin, and any teaching to the contrary would have been clearly recognized as false teaching. But of course, today, our culture has embraced homosexuality, and even some churches claim that homosexuality is acceptable. So if someone who is struggling with homosexuality has heard this teaching and they're on the fence, what would you say?

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Jordan: If you're going to take the Word of God literally, which is what all Christians should do, then you cannot deny biblically that homosexuality is a sin. Sexual immorality in general is a sin—homosexuality being one of those. And we know that it wouldn’t be right for someone to be going to church, saying, "Well, you know, I'm an adulterer; that's who I am." Or, "I'm a fornicator; I like sleeping around with whoever. That's who I am. That's the way God made me." Well, no. But we kind of single out homosexuality because it's more of a lifestyle thing. But it's just sexual sin, and the Bible is very clear about sexual sin.

And if you look at Leviticus 18, where it does mention, "Man shall not lay with another man," God is calling his people, the Israelites, out of the culture—and the culture was full of homosexual lust. And if you look at Paul when he was speaking to the Corinthians...if you look at the Roman culture of that day, several of the emperors at that time had homosexual relationships. So the Word is just as relevant today as it was then, because the culture hasn't changed. Homosexuality was just as prevalent then, and God was calling his people out: to deny themselves, to take up the cross, and to "follow Me." Laying down our "self-life" and giving it to the Lord.

Brooks: At the end of the day, what should someone struggling with homosexuality expect? What will daily life be like? I know some folks might hope for an instantaneous deliverance from all temptation forever, but obviously that probably isn't going to happen. At the same time, I know some people despair of ever changing...ever feeling any different than they do. So can you leave us with what is a realistic expectation?

Jordan: I will say it this way: it's really about holiness—about becoming holy, becoming like Jesus. Your focus and your gaze has to be on eternity, because it's going to be tough. I had a really close friend who's not a believer, and she said to me, "You're just suppressing your feelings." And I thought about it, and I said, "No, I'm not suppressing my feelings; I am denying my flesh—and there's a big difference." Without God, would I go back to homosexuality? Yeah, I would totally be back in that lifestyle. Absolutely. But God has called me out of sin and out of the world and into a relationship with him, and the two can't co-mingle together.

When I was first coming out of that lifestyle that was a lot of temptation. Seven years later? Much less. But still, my flesh is my flesh. Satan knows that's always going to be a weakness of mine. And every once in a while he'll come in and tempt me, whether it's at a grocery store, or an image on a billboard or on a screen somewhere. But it’s a fleeting thought, and it just kind of goes away, because I know who my Lord is. I know who my Savior is. I know where I'm going. And it just doesn't have the same hold on me as it did many years ago, because I'm falling more and more in love with Jesus. It's amazing what the Lord can do.

But as far as what a person can expect, it's almost like you're going to have to expect persecution. Just expect it. Expect yourself to be isolated. Expect that it may take time to find a church—a really Bible-believing, Word-based church. Keep looking, because there are people out there that want to help you—that want to walk alongside of you and bring you in and help you grow in your faith. But it is going to be a battle. It is going to be a fight, especially at the beginning. Especially when you're trying to come out of the lifestyle. Satan hates that you're even thinking about God or thinking about a relationship with Him, so he's going to do everything in his power to make staying in the gay lifestyle easier and more attractive. But it's a lie, because he just wants to take you where he's going...and that's eternal separation from the Lord.

It happened again just the other day. Although it is becoming increasingly common in our society, it never fails to shock me. A friend shared with me the story of yet another minister caught in the act of sexual sin. Every time I hear these reports, a mixture of emotion wells up within me. I feel the heartbreak of the spouse and children involved, as I am all too familiar with the pain that sexual sin inflicts on innocent members of the family. I feel the discouragement of the congregation as they are left reeling from the aftereffects of their pastor’s sin. I feel angry at the enemy, who has successfully deceived another victim, and brought shame and ridicule on the church. And I feel a great burden for the one whose secret life was uncovered in such a damaging way. Nobody wins in situations like these.

On a recent ministry trip, I had several opportunities to share my testimony. When people hear my story, many can relate to the cycle of bondage to sexual sin, as it touches the lives of so many in our churches. Many men understand what it feels like to confess their sin to God and cry out for mercy—believing they have the victory—only to fall once again a short time later. I lived in this frustrating cycle for years, never being able to find true freedom.

As I was describing this to one man, he asked, “How did you get out of the cycle?” While there are several factors involved, there is one that is a necessary step to the repentance process. What I discovered was that I could not find freedom—no matter how hard I tried—until I was willing to expose my sin.

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For years, I had attempted to overcome my sin in secret. I believed that the Lord would help me get free, and that I could avoid the guaranteed pain of allowing it to be revealed. I justified my secrecy by convincing myself that it was better that God and I deal with it alone, because of the pain that confession would cause others. I cried out to the Lord for forgiveness countless times. I felt that I was sincere and at times I pleaded with the Lord in tears. But no matter how genuine I felt my repentance was, the presence of continual sin in my life was evidence that something was missing.

The pressure to confess at times was overwhelming. I remember clearly thinking, “If I could just come out in the open with everything, maybe I could finally be free from this nightmare.” But my list of reasons to avoid exposure kept me from moving forward with that conviction. These excuses were not completely unfounded. My confession would indeed put my marriage, ministry and reputation at risk. I was fully aware that I would face painful consequences. But the longer I kept my sin covered, the higher the stakes became. Bringing my sin into the light early on would have saved myself and those I thought I was “protecting” much pain and humiliation.

When people ask me for practical advice on getting free from sin, I usually start here. An early step in the repentance process involves bringing our sin into the light. It does not mean that we need to broadcast our sin to everyone in our life. Depending on the depth of our sin and our position of influence, the amount of people that need to be involved will vary. At minimum, sexual sin must be confessed to a spouse. That is non-negotiable. I tried for years to deal with my sin without involving my wife, and it was my stubborn refusal to tell her that actually kept me in bondage.

By nature, sin grows in the dark. The best way to stay in sin is to keep it secret. When I look back over the years I spent crying out to the Lord for victory, it is as if He was saying, “I want to help you get free. But you will either do it on My terms, or not at all. Dealing with it in secret without anyone finding out is not an option."

I was counseling recently with someone who had confided in me about secret sin in his life. Hearing my story had given him the determination to avoid the misery that I had walked through due to my unwillingness to come into the light. I told him, “Confessing will be painful. There will be some consequences that you will have to walk through. But I’m really excited for you! Although you are looking at this side of the exposure and the humiliation and pain you will deal with, I can see the other side. The Lord can do so many great things now that you are willing to confess!” Despite the difficult circumstances that arise in the process, the end result is worth the momentary pain.

Perspective is everything when dealing with sexual sin. The devil will try to make people focus on the negative repercussions and use that to keep them in sin. But if they could just see the joy of living in freedom from sexual sin and having a clean conscience before the Lord, they would readily bring their sin into the light and pay whatever price that might entail.

When I hear the reports of ministers being exposed for sexual sin, it makes me wonder. How many times had the Lord prompted them to come into the light, but they refused? How many opportunities did they have to tell their spouse, but, instead, they justified keeping their sin in the dark? How much pain could they have avoided had they come clean in the beginning of their compromise?

If you are reading these words right now, and you find yourself secretly bound in sin, let me ask you a question. How many years will you waste away in your sin? How much more pain will you cause your loved ones by refusing to really allow the Lord to deal with your heart? Is it worth the gamble that you will find freedom down the road when the Holy Spirit is tugging on your heart today to bring your sin into the light?

John 3:19-21 says, “This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.”

There are two types of people in this passage: those who refuse to come into the light for fear of exposure, and those who willingly come into the light for the sake of living in truth. Which one will you be? The choice is yours.

If I could go back thirteen years to the time I began to lie about my sin, I would shake myself and say, “Bring it into the light right now! Don’t go into hiding. You can avoid years of pain, hardship and regrets if you expose your sin now and choose to walk in the light.” Of course, I cannot go back and change the past. But I can allow my failures to be an encouragement to others to not make the same mistakes.

Brooks: Ken Larkin is a biblical counselor here at Pure Life. Ken, I think it's really important that we're able to share with people from time to time some key ways they can fight sexual temptation. So, I want to ask you to share this concept that I know you find really important for people to understand as a counselor--this idea of being a giver. I think that honestly when I say that phrase while we're discussing the topic of sexual sin people might have a hard time making that connection initially, so, to start off can you tell us just basically what you have in mind when you talk about that phrase being a giver.

Ken: Yeah, it means the basic flow of your life is outward toward others, instead of being consumed with what I can get for myself. That I'm more concerned about others and their needs and what's important to them.

Brooks: OK, I think I'm following that. Now, right at the outset, this seems like something that is totally the opposite of what we see in the culture here in America. Would you say that's true?

Ken: Absolutely. Yeah, everything in our culture is catered toward self and toward getting something that you desire.

Brooks: Now I know there's a lot of other important spiritual disciplines that somebody has to have in their life in order to stay free. I mean, they have to have basic walk with God, Bible reading, prayer, we know all of those things. But in what you've seen in the Bible and in your own counseling, how important is this teaching of being a giver in relationship to a person's spiritual life?

Ken: I believe it's extremely important because true spirituality is about being godly, or God-like. And God himself is a giver. The Scriptures say in John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave..." He gave his Son and you can't have a true walk with God or any true spirituality without the element of giving. The whole ministry of Jesus was to give his life away for others. Everything he did was focused on meeting the needs of others and ultimately the cross was all about meeting the needs of others. So if we're going to call ourselves a Christian and not live the way Jesus lived--that's called hypocrisy. Giving is a huge, central theme in the Christian life.

Brooks: Ken, I would bet that sometimes you must have counselees that say, "Yeah, I hear what you're saying about giving, but my big problem is I'm looking at pornography." Or "I just have all these lustful thoughts that won't go away, how is this going to help me?" If guys just aren't making the connection between sexual sin and giving, what do you tell them?

Ken: I tell them that sexual sin revolves around someone's desires--its coveting lust--because it's the desire to get something for self. The idea of being a giver is the opposite flow of that. It's that you are more concerned with what you can give to other people. In your inner life you can't have a flow that is headed outward and a flow that is headed inward at the same time. One of those is going to take precedence. So, if you actually learned to become a giver, it's going to undermine the selfishness that fuels your addiction. But if you don't deal with that at that fundamental level, then you may even overcome your addiction in some respects, but it's going to manifest itself in some other way.‍

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Brooks: Well that does help to clear it up a little bit. So, from here can you give us some practical ideas about becoming a giver. If they are starting to realize that they are selfish and they need to make some changes, but they don't know where to start, what would tell them?

Ken: One of the keys we've found about learning to become a giver is the simplicity of just learning to pray for other people. You know, even in our prayers we can be selfish and self-focused. But, if you learn to pray for other people, God will begin to change your heart toward others. Yes, their needs will be met, but you're going to be changed also and you're going to become less selfish by learning to give in that way.

Brooks: OK, so you highlighted prayer as a good place to start. What would be some other things?

Ken: Along with prayer, I would encourage someone to begin focusing more on others. If you can learn to be a servant and give your life away for the sake of others like Jesus did, that will go a long way in undermining that selfishness the fuels your addiction. Some practical examples? Find a need and fill it. In your own home, maybe doing chores for your wife or helping your parents or whatever the case may be around the house. You can begin right in your own home, doing something you wouldn't normally do. Just serve other people! You can volunteer in your local church, you can go to a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter and volunteer. You can visit the elderly in nursing home or volunteer in a local jail ministry. There's really no limit because the needs are out there it's just finding a need and filling it.

And I would encourage them to make this a lifestyle. Don't have the mindset that this is just going to be a pet project. Learn to become a giver as a lifestyle in the practical outworkings of your everyday life.

Brooks: Ken, I know you came out of sexual sin yourself and for years now you've been counseling others who are seeking freedom. This teaching--about becoming a giver--can you tell us a little bit about the changes you've seen.

Ken: I've seen men come into the program that seemed hopeless. They were totally given over to sexual sin, some for decades! And just by simply learning to be a giver, their lives were totally changed and set free through the power of the Gospel and through Jesus Christ. Because they were learning to be a doer of the word and to put basic things into practice. And in my own life, you know, I've been radically set free. It's amazing what God can do if we're just willing to cooperate with him and do what he says in His word.

Jeff and Rose Colón share about the challenges of rebuilding trust after sexual sin has impacted a marriage.

Mike: Jeff and Rose, as we focus on couples this week, we want to talk about what is admittedly a difficult issue for anyone, the betrayal of trust. Jeff, how does a couple begin to deal with this issue?

Jeff: First of all Mike the husband needs to understand that because he has lied - sometimes for years - to his wife, he has hurt her very deeply, to the point that some wives actually are more upset at the lies he's told than the actual sin that was committed. The husband has to understand that and that trust is not going to be something that comes automatically for his wife. He's going to have to be willing to be truthful and to handle things differently, so he can build that trust back into his marriage. It might take quite some time to do that.

Mike: Do you find that sometimes the husbands think well "Okay I've gotten all this out in the open and I've acknowledged everything that I did, so everything should be okay now?"

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Jeff: Absolutely. I mean that's what we see a lot of the time. The husband expects his wife to snap out of it and thinks "Okay, you've got to trust me now," and I question whether that guy has really been broken over his sin, if he's not willing to bear his wife through the process of building that trust back into the marriage.

Mike: So are there any particular steps that he can take? What are the things that he needs to begin to do?

Jeff: The Bible's pretty clear in Ephesians 4:25. It says "Therefore put away falsehood. Let everyone speak truth with his neighbor for we are members of one another." It pretty much comes down to learning how to speak the truth and to being vulnerable. A lot of times a husband who's in sexual sin isn't honest about what goes on inside, so the wife kind of knows something's wrong, but he's lying and saying everything's fine. But when a husband is honest and begins to speak truth from his heart and shares what's going on inside his heart and is vulnerable to her, then she says "Okay, I can trust him. I know he's not trying to put up a false front to me. He's being honest about his struggles, what's going on inside." A wife that sees her husband speaking to her that way in truth and with vulnerability, she can begin to start to trust him again.

Mike: Often times I would assume that he's just looking at his outward behavior, but what God's wanting to do is that inward work in the heart of a man, and that's what the wife is looking for. So if a guy is just changing his behavior and he doesn't understand why his wife isn't trusting him, what he's not understanding is that she's looking to see if there's a heart change over a period of time.

Jeff: Right. Absolutely. Sometimes the husband will fall into the trap that he has to be perfect and that if he shares with his wife that he's struggling inside or there's something not right inside that she's going to freak out, but what he doesn't understand is it will actually make her more secure. Our wives want to know what's going on inside of us and they're not looking for some spiritual Superman. They're looking for a man that is honest and vulnerable and willing to open up his inside world with his wife.

Mike: Rose is there a different perspective that a woman, the wife in the situation, has? How is she dealing with it? First of all, how does a wife perceive this issue? Does she see it differently?

Rose: Usually, the wife does not trust the husband at all, even though he's gone through the program and done all the right things, she doesn't trust him, and that's just where she's at that point in time. They feel frustrated a lot of times because the husband will be in this mindset that "Okay because I've done the program you need to trust me now," but he has a track record where he can't be trusted. I try to help the wife to just see that the focus needs to be on the Lord, that He's the one that your husband is accountable to primarily, and to trust that God is able to deal with him. As you see the Lord working in his life and him growing in the Lord and dealing with his heart then the wife starts seeing "Okay that trust can be built back into the marriage." It does come back, but it really weighs on the husband - how vulnerable, open, and honest he's willing to be with his wife. Someone that is honest, open, and vulnerable you can trust, but someone that's been lying and deceiving, you can't trust that person. Usually I'll ask the wife, "When can you trust someone? When they're being honest with you." So if the husband's not being honest then they're really hindering the Lord from working in that area.

Mike: Jeff and Rose, thanks for joining us. We appreciate it.

Jeff: Thanks, Mike. It's good to be with you.

Rose: You're welcome.

In recent years, homosexuality has become widely accepted in our culture. Jeff Colón joins us to talk about how the church is relating to this cultural shift.

Mike: Jeff Colon has joined me in the studio. Jeff, good to see again.

Jeff: Thanks, Mike. It's good to be here.

Mike: Jeff, you recently authored an article for our Ezine entitled "Homosexuality: The Church at a Crossroads." You began that article with a passage from Isaiah.

Jeff: Yeah, Mike. Let me read those verses out of Isaiah 5:20-21, "Whoa to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight." When I look out at what's happening in our nation today, these verses really bear witness to the stark reality of what's happening.

Mike: Well, talk a little bit about that Jeff because you really saw this from two different perspectives. Talk first about what you see on this issue of homosexuality in the culture itself.

Jeff: We see it everywhere - I believe today more than ever - just openly celebrating same-sex marriage and people coming out, almost glorying in those things that should be our shame. It's almost like a flood of evil has been unleashed. You can look at the news, the internet, and television sets nationwide that are just inundated with enduring images of gays and lesbians. If you even look at the political stage, same-sex marriage is pretty much dominating, many times, headlines and stories. Even a president of the United States, Barack Obama, is really for the first time backing the homosexual agenda.

Mike: One of the striking things to me about that is we wouldn't be surprised necessarily in the United States because of the worldliness that our country has been in for so long, but what's striking to me is that this movement is happening on a global scale and it seems as you said to be just a flood washing across the globe. The second point though that you pointed out is that you were more concerned about what you see in the church - talk about that.

Jeff: Yeah, we see that the church has not escaped this. Mainline denominations are changing their positions and now readily ordaining gay and lesbian pastors and leaders, enthusiastically performing same-sex marriages, and taking foundational truths of God's Word which have been in place for thousands of years and just sweeping them aside.

Mike: The title of this article was "Homosexuality: The Church at a Crossroads," but you really saw that the church had made a wrong turn a long time ago. Talk about some of the other issues that you see within the church that you felt like this issue was just a natural outcome of.

Jeff: Yeah, that's really what was on my heart because a lot of times, especially nowadays, you hear Christians say "Wow this is going to really divide the church," But again to me, homosexuality is just a tip of the iceberg. I think the issue goes back decades and is really just the result of veering away from the authority of God's Word in a lot of ways over the years. At the core, the real issue is a rejection of God and suppressing His truth in favor of being wise in our own eyes which Romans 1:18-21 talks about. If I could sum it up in two words - it's pride and rebellion...against God.

Mike: You mentioned that you felt like homosexuality was just the tip of the iceberg. Expand on that a little bit.

Jeff: We see in those scriptures in Roman, that yes homosexuality is there at the forefront, but there's a whole litany of things listed in that scripture. In Romans chapter one it says they're filled with "all unrighteousness," "sexual immorality," "wickedness," "covetousness," "full of envy." I mean the list goes on and on and on - "unloving," "unforgiving," "disobedient to parents" - so we see there are a whole plethora of sins that are really the result of denying and suppressing the truth of God, and homosexuality is just one of them in that list.

Mike: As you're talking, it reminds me of a little book that Steve Gallagher wrote, "How America Lost Her Innocence," and he looks back at what you're describing going all the way back into the 60's as we begin to see the slide of what was happening not only in the culture, but in the church.

Jeff: Yeah, absolutely. Really, it's society obviously wholeheartedly embracing worldly philosophies. But the problem is that the church is following right behind, and as the church further embraces the philosophies and wisdom of this world it's like a crack in the dam, and then a flood of evil is released.

Mike: You reflected in your article that as you're looking at the church today that it looks very much like the church Paul foresaw in the end times.

Jeff: Yeah, Paul described in 2 Timothy 4:3-4 a church that would "not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables." Just the fact that the church would even debate whether the Bible teaches that homosexuality is sinful bears out this truth.

Mike: As you look at the condition of the church and what's happening in the culture, it almost seems like things are becoming more black and white. The gray seems to be disappearing, like a division is occurring.

Jeff: Yeah and I believe it needs to happen, it's going to get clearer and clearer, and this is really what it comes down to: there's going to be those on one side who have conformed their lives to the Gospel Jesus proclaimed and on the other side, those who have created a gospel that conforms to their lives and desires.

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Mike: You mentioned that the separation is coming and I was surprised at first when I read that you will welcome it. Talk a little bit about why you feel that way.

Jeff: I believe it needs to happen for the true church to be seen. I think for too many years the world has looked at the church and they don't see much of a difference. I believe that God has a remnant and I believe that God is going to have a pure and spotless bride and we're going to be a true light on the hill, so the separation really does have to happen. I do welcome it because I know out of that the true church will arise and will really be able to have an impact and reach souls.

Mike: What do you think is most important for us as individual believers to do as it relates to our own lives and attitudes about what we see going on in the church and in the culture?

Jeff: The key here is returning to the Word of God and getting into the Word of God for ourselves. I also really believe it's time to pray like never before, to really be seeking the Lord, looking to Him, and looking to the Holy Spirit to conform our lives and to produce God's will and purpose in our lives. I believe those that are hearing God calling the remnant, and will listen, will return to the Lord; and God will be glorified and the true church will come forth out of that.

Mike: Yeah, amen. That's a good word, Jeff. Thanks so much for talking to us as we see the church at a crossroads today.

Jeff: Thanks, Mike.

Steve Gallagher answers the tough question of parents who are trying to respond to a son who says he is homosexual.

Mike: Steve, we want to deal today with a question that came in from some parents. I'm assuming they're Christian parents. Their son grew up in the church and he's now saying that he's involved in homosexuality or in fact, he's saying he is a homosexual. How does a parent begin to deal with a situation like this?

Steve: Well, the first thing that comes to my mind Mike is they really need to pray for him - a lot of prayer. My experience has been that parents often lapse into this faithless despair and just kind of throw their hands up in the air and just feel hopeless about it, but that's not true. God answers prayers. He's a God of love and compassion. He loves that boy. He wants to see him repent and be restored - it's his heart. So definitely the first thing that comes to my mind is that they need to really lay out a systematic plan of prayer for him.

Mike: So often you hear these horror stories from the gay community that a parent finds out that their son or daughter is involved in homosexuality and they throw them out on the street. What is a realistic and a godly practical response?

Steve: There are practical sides to that, but I would say even before we get to the practical, that he really needs to feel the love and acceptance of him as a person from his parents. They have to be careful that they don't respond out of anger or frustration and cause this gap to grow bigger and for there to become a wall that becomes insurmountable. The hope is that this thing is going to run its course and eventually he's going to start re-evaluating some of the decisions he's made. And you don't want any obstacles between him and you when he reaches that spot. But like I said there is the practical side of it - we communicate our love to him, but we also must stand firm with our convictions that we do not condone this lifestyle and we cannot embrace it. Some parents do ask their child to leave because they don't want that kind of behavior going on in someone's life who is living under their roof. That's something that each parent must face for themselves.

Mike: I think Steve we should probably make a point here that there is a difference in how you're going to deal with a situation in your home between someone who is under-age and someone who may be an adult.

Steve: Yeah, the assumption here is that this young man is eighteen years old or twenty or something like that. You definitely don't throw out a sixteen-year-old out on the streets. You have to deal with that differently.

Mike: Steve, I know that one of the things that parents really wrestle with is how do they communicate their love to their child who may be headed the wrong direction without affirming the choices that they're making.

Steve: I would sit down with him and say "Son as much as I love you, I love the Lord even more, and I have a responsibility as a believer to stand for the truths that have been expressed in scripture; not only for the Lord's sake but also for your sake. I owe it to you as your father to tell you the truth about what God's word says about homosexuality and the devastating consequences of it. What kind of a parent would I be if I didn't tell you the truth?"

Mike: For a child who's struggling with homosexuality who hears the truth, when God hopefully gets a hold of their heart and they repent of their behavior, woe to the father to whom that son would have to turn back and say "Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

I am no stranger to the pain of sexual and emotional abuse. During my younger years, I suffered at the hands of several males - including being raped. This pattern of abuse continued into my marriage of 13 years where I was subjected to constant criticism and the pain of my husband's unfaithfulness. By the time I enrolled in the Pure Life Ministries At-Home Program for Wives, there were very few men I believed I could trust.

I began counseling soon after my husband left to go through the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program. It was much different from any counseling my husband and I had ever received. Instead of receiving pity, or spending time digging up the past, my counselor pointed me to Scripture so that I could see what the Lord wanted to speak to me now. I took a deeper look at what Christ endured because of His great love for us. I started to examine what He said about forgiveness, confession, repentance, humility, submission, and much more.

Up to this point, I had always thought of myself as a forgiving person. But I began to see that bitterness had taken root within my heart, and that I, too, had become a very critical person.

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Yet, in the face of all my sin, I also received a real revelation of God's love for me. I learned that I cannot look to others for my joy and fulfillment - they will only come from the Lord. With Him by my side, I can endure whatever comes my way. No matter what happens, I know my life and my salvation are secure in His hands.

Before Pure Life Ministries, my focus was completely on creating a happy marriage. I had tried unsuccessfully for years to make my husband happy with me. This desire to please him was greater than my desire to please the Lord. But now I was learning to place my husband in God's hands, and as my relationship with Jesus grew deeper, He began to create a peace in my heart that I had never before experienced.

Since my husband and I have gone through the Pure Life Ministries counseling programs, the Lord has restored our marriage. It has not always been an easy road, but with God's help we have been able to overcome our difficulties. I continue to let go of my fears and place my husband's life, our marriage, and our children into God's hands. I can testify with Scripture that God truly is able to give us a "peace that surpasses human understanding."

My time with the Lord has become a vital part of my life. One passage of Scripture that remains precious to me is Psalm 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." It is there in His presence that He is able to do His tremendous work in my heart. Sometimes it's uplifting and sometimes it's heart piercing, but it always leaves me with a greater revelation of His mighty love!

Young people are increasingly dealing with the devastating consequences of sexual abuse. Jeff Colón shares how to offer them real hope and the answers that they need.

Mike: Jeff Colón has joined me in the studio. Jeff, thanks for taking the time to talk with us today.

Jeff: Thanks, Mike. It's good to be with you.

Mike: It's good to see you as always. Jeff, we want to talk today about an issue that I know is difficult for some people to hear about, but is increasingly a problem and that is the issue of dealing with children who have been molested. How much of a problem is that today?

Jeff: I can tell you countless stories - heartbreaking stories - over the devastation that sin causes, but when we're talking about a child that has been molested, we're talking about devastation that really goes deep and really takes its toll on a child; and a counselor really has to be in touch with the Lord to help this child deal with the consequences of such a sin.

Mike: I have to imagine that not only do the issues go deep but these issues that they're dealing with I suspect can go on for years and maybe have been going on for years. As a counselor how do you begin to deal with those kinds of issues?

Jeff: In dealing with children, when a counselor comes across a situation where a child is being abused the first thing you want to do is stop the abuse. Research studies have shown that 60% of children that are abused are re-abused, so it's very important to take quick action so that the abuse ceases and that it cannot happen again.

Mike: We, of course, recognize as counselors that there are legal requirements. If you become aware of molestation, it has to be reported to the authorities. What are some of the physical ramifications of abuse that you might have to deal with as a counselor?

Jeff: Certainly, if there is a suspicion or it has come out that there definitely has been molestation, they should be taken in for a physical examination because sometimes things occur. For instance, I've had instances where a mother has told us of a child that's experiencing bleeding and it's very important to go to a doctor because you never know what kind of damage might have been done. It's important that if there has been damage, that the child can be treated properly.

Mike: Jeff, as you bring up the subject of them needing to have a physical, I'm just thinking in my mind of all the different things - the legal ramifications, the family relationships - all the things that this child is going to have to go through at the beginning of this process unfolding. What's your responsibility as a counselor? How can you help them to get through that?

Jeff: In many cases, the courts are involved and a child immediately faces many kinds of feelings, such as feelings of guilt. Let's say it's a father or a relative they know, that person is in trouble now and they're all of sudden in these corpora and now they feel like they've done something wrong. Or if the perpetrator is sent to jail, sometimes they're dealing with the fear that this man is going to come out and is going to be able to hurt them again. You want to be honest with them and you want to reassure them that there is a possibility of this person getting out at some point, but that they will be protected. You want to help them to deal with all the different kinds of things that they're going to be facing because there's going to be a lot of things they just don't understand, not being an adult.

Mike: I'm assuming there will be some kind of ongoing counseling. What are some of the things that you want to accomplish as you continue through this process with a child?

Jeff: Initially, the counselor has to realize that this child has been damaged emotionally - they don't trust adults. You have to establish trust with that child if you're going to be able to help them. It's something you're going to have to diligently work for. It's good to demonstrate love to that child, but if you want to give them a hug or something, it's good to ask them permission. You don't want to just quickly invade their space that now they've probably protected. But you do want to let them know that you love them and you want to build that trust from the very beginning.

Mike: As children are growing up one of the things that they're learning is respect for authority. I'm assuming for these children all respect for authority has been demolished. How do you balance that - where you're trying to reestablish trust for authority but also maintain that process of learning respect for authority?

Jeff: A wise counselor will have a balance of love and authority. In any kind of counseling situation, the counselor has to be in control of that counseling session. If the counselor allows the child to control things, they're never going to be able to help them, so it is a fine balance; but the child does need to understand that they do have an authority that they need to submit to. If you're showing them love and you're gaining trust, establishing authority isn't going to be a problem, but it is something that the counselor needs to consider.

Mike: Why is it so important for this child to establish a respect for authority?

Jeff: We want to help this child to deal with the situation the way God would want them to deal with it. We want to help them to deal with it biblically. If you establish an authority and there's an understanding that they're going to have to do things God's way, then you're going to be able to help them with the different issues that they're dealing with. For instance, fear is probably one of the most common things that these children are dealing with. They may fear that someone is going to harm them again and they can get obsessed with wondering if this is going to happen again. Or they may fear what that other is thinking of them and become obsessed with themselves, living in this fear. We want to help them to see that preoccupation with themselves is not pleasing to God.

Mike: As you're saying that I'm just seeing the huge difference between approaching a situation like this from a psychotherapeutic perspective and a Biblical counseling perspective.

Jeff: Absolutely. I would say a psychotherapeutic way of dealing with that would be to focus on their emotions and to make it all about them. Whereas we want to get them out of themselves. We want to get their eyes on their source of hope, which is in God and looking at things from God's perspective.

Mike: That's got to throw a whole different perspective on the anger that these children often experience.

Jeff: Some counselors might tell them it's good to be angry. They might even encourage them to vent that anger. But a biblical view would teach them that anger is not pleasing to God and we're going to want to help this child to deal with that anger in a biblical way - that it's not right to return evil for evil and that forgiveness is the way to freedom. So it's very important that this child is taught to handle their feelings in a biblical way.

Mike: What about the feelings of guilt that you mentioned a little bit earlier?

Jeff: There are two kinds of guilt. I guess we can say 'false guilt' and 'true guilt'. We want to make sure we have the where-with-all and the spiritual discernment to determine whether or not a child is truly experiencing a false guilt. Feeling as though they did something wrong or it was their fault that this happened - that's obviously an example of false guilt. We want to help them understand that they were not the cause of the problem. The other side could be where God is maybe convicting them of being angry - possibly at their mother because she didn't protect them or even at God for allowing this to happen to them. That would be true guilt and would be conviction from God. We would want to help to alleviate that guilt by doing the right thing and doing the biblical thing, which would be to forgive their mother and realize that it wasn't her fault.

Mike: Jeff, we never know who may be listening to these programs and there may very well be a young person out there that is dealing with having been molested or there may be an adult out there who has never really dealt with past molestation. What word of encouragement might you have for those folks?

Jeff: What I would say to them is that God hasn't turned His eyes away from them and He saw what happened to them and it grieved his heart. We live in a fallen world and bad things happen, but we serve a God that knows how to bring His purpose out of what even seemingly it to us a horrible thing. I've heard my wife - who went through her own issues because of my sexual sin towards her - say that if she hadn't gone through what she went through she couldn't help the wives the way she does now. God has a purpose. God has a plan. He knows how to bring good out of what happened to you. If you'll trust Him and look to Him for the answers, He knows how to heal your heart. Then you will also know how to bring that comfort to others and I'm sure there are many others out there that need to know that there is a God of comfort that can heal any hurt that we have experienced. I just want to encourage you if you're listening that God sees you and He knows you and He has a way out for you. He can bring good out of your situation.

Mike: Jeff Colón, thanks so much.

Jeff: Thanks Mike. It's been good being with you.