Replay: Humility can't be overestimated. It brings us near to God who alone can save us from the devastating effects of pride.
Replay: One day, Chris and Marissa's marriage came crashing down. But through the power of God, this brought about something beautiful.
Dustin Renz looks at Jeremiah 29 and the plans God has for our lives.
This episode: Sin's consequences often stirs up hard questions. In this episode we'll offer biblical answers to some of these questions.
Girls who subject themselves to pornography are allowing their perspectives and their hearts to be shaped and influenced by deceptions.
There is no question that pornography has become mainstream in our culture, with its foul odor detected nearly everywhere. It should go without saying that pornography is one of the deceptive concoctions proffered by Satan, the “father of all lies.” Girls who subject themselves to it are allowing their perspectives and their hearts to be shaped and influenced by at least a half-dozen false premises conveyed through porn.
The more a young lady views pornography, the more this falsehood will become entrenched in her thinking. She will constantly be comparing herself to others. If she is skinny, she will lament the fact that she isn’t more buxom. If she has a full figure, then she will wish she were slender. Devils use this lie to relentlessly torment girls. The truth is that her value is in her life with God.
This is the predominant theme woven through every script of adult entertainment films. Those who buy into this lie already have a track record of pursuing one pleasure after another in life—sex being the ultimate pleasure in their eyes. The truth is that sex—in its proper place—is a wonderful addition to life, but sex in itself can never provide lasting satisfaction.
No, those girls are there because they see it as a ticket to money or fame. Any girl who thinks porn models and actresses are enjoying themselves would be well-advised to consider what a former starlet says about it. “I never liked sex,” writes Shelly Lubben. “I never wanted sex, and in fact I was more apt to spend time with Jack Daniels than some of the studs I was paid to ‘fake it’ with.”
God created sexuality as a means for a husband and his wife to physically express their deepest devotion to each other. The adult entertainment industry has done its utmost to devalue it into purely animalistic behavior. Or, as Kathleen Parker (Washington Post) describes it, “…over-endowed adults consorting like a troop of deranged baboons…”
The image conveyed is one of carefree women reclaiming their freedom to fully experience life’s grandest pleasure. The truth is that sin always brings one into terrible bondage. Millions who have bought into this lie live in perpetual slavery. The “passing pleasures of sin” have long-since gone; all that remains are the ever-present demands of a relentless addiction.
The images of delicious smiles and thrilling moments of ecstasy betray the truth of what comes later: shame, guilt, loss of self-respect, STD’s and perhaps worst of all: the corruption of the human soul. Pornography warps a person’s perspectives on sexuality, pollutes the mind, sears the conscience, hardens the heart and fills the inner life with perversion.
Pornography promises enormous satisfaction but leaves its user in utter misery. That’s the truth that the pornographers will never tell the girls who succumb to its enticements.
A teenager needs to know that although masturbation is wrong, it is not unforgivable. With their feet firmly on the truth, we can give hope.
Jeremy sat slouched in the chair across from me as he attempted to find the right words to describe his struggle. His sagging spirit and angry outbursts had created alarm with his parents, who insisted he meet with me. A cloud of guilt and despair hovered in the atmosphere of my office. His eyes were cast to the floor, and his posture signaled that he’d long ago given up any hope of winning the battle.
After lovingly prodding and gently questioning him, I discovered that this young teenager was battling with masturbation. Feeling defeated, Jeremy began to doubt if there really was an all-powerful God who hears prayer. Where was God? Why was the temptation still so overwhelming? He’d begged God to deliver him from this temptation, but his repeated failures had left him frustrated and skeptical.
How would you counsel Jeremy? Would you laugh out loud and brush it off as nothing to be concerned about? Would you tell him to accept masturbation as God’s gift to the single man? Absolutely not! A godly counselor would begin by telling Jeremy the truth. Although masturbation is not specifically mentioned, an honest study of Scripture reveals the wrongness of it.
Jeremy needs to be told that although it is wrong, it is not an unpardonable sin! With his feet firmly planted on truth, one can now give him hope. He should be reminded that the fight against sin is one that every believer shares. He should also be assured that God has not abandoned him but has provided a “way out” (I Corinthians 10:13) that the two of you will seek together.
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Having firmly established truth in his young mind, now it is time to give him some practical steps which will help him restructure his life. You must help him to see that it will require more than a few minor alterations to cut something as powerful as lust and masturbation out of his life. It will require “radical amputation.” (Matthew 5:29-30) Warn him that if he attempts to simply keep it at bay, then his efforts are doomed from the start. A few questions will help Jeremy think through what he can do to protect himself from temptation in the future: When is he usually tempted to masturbate? What are the events leading up to the temptation? Who are the people or places that stir the temptation most? He will probably need to “amputate” some people, places, idle time, and certain media intake from his life. Ask Jeremy to prayerfully consider this principle and then bring you a written list of the changes he needs to make in his life to break the habit of masturbation. You can assist in making it practical and attainable, and then hold him accountable to the new structure.
Another effective tool to use for Jeremy is a burning “Yes!” Too often our counsel to someone struggling in sin is littered with “No’s” throughout, but we fail to give him anything new to replace the sin. The Bible doesn’t just command us to stop sinning but tells us to replace it with godliness. (II Timothy 2:22) It would be wise to give reading assignments (biblical and extra-biblical) that will stoke the flame in Jeremy’s heart to know God in a greater way. Encourage him to establish and maintain a regular, vibrant devotional life. Help him to see the importance of meditating on some of the Psalms that extol the pleasures found in God. (Psalms 34, 36, 37, 42, 61, 62) Unless Jeremy begins to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8), he will keep returning to the same trough he’s been eating from. Awaken his spiritual taste buds to the glory and wonder of knowing and reveling in God’s presence. Then, hopefully, when that next temptation comes, he will stop and think, “Why would I sacrifice the satisfaction found in God for the cotton candy pleasures of the world?” As John Piper writes, “We must stock our minds with the superior promises and pleasures of Jesus.”
Next, challenge Jeremy to start investing his life in other people. Nothing defeats a self-centered lifestyle like doing some good work that will benefit others. This kind of selfless service will destroy the tendency to isolate, will draw him closer to God, and will help him escape the prison of self. Help him to implement Romans 12:11: “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serving the Lord.”
Finally, you should be prepared for a path of progress that has high’s and low’s. Don’t expect Jeremy to rocket right out of this after your first meeting. Remember, old habits die hard, and sin of any stripe won’t go down without a fight! Be patient with him, but watch his attitude. Is he stubborn and rebellious, resisting all your counsel or dragging his heels? Is he weak and uninformed? Does he look like he’s faint-hearted? Ask God to give you discernment about his heart. His condition doesn’t change the truth or principles of God’s Word, but it’s certainly a factor as to how to apply that Word to his life. The Bible does not take a “one-size-fits-all” approach to the problems people face. As First Thessalonians 5:14 tells us, “Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the faint-hearted, hold on to the weak, be patient with all.”
As soul physicians we must pray for discernment to apply the ointment of His Word to the right spot, in the right measure, and in the right way. We are exhorted to restore Jeremy and others “in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1) If we wield the “double-edged sword” with gentleness and love, we can anticipate great success in our efforts to help teenagers overcome the habit of masturbation.
Sexual addicts are almost always transformed through a gradual process, rather than being instantaneously zapped. There's a reason for this.
The apostle Paul said, “Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison.” (II Corinthians 4:16-17)
God transforms a man in two distinct ways: either through a miracle, which occurs instantaneously or through a process of change over an extended period of time. Many drug addicts who persisted in their habits for years, have been set free instantly upon coming to the Lord. God does not always choose to deal with them in this manner, although I have heard of many cases in which He has done so.
However, the Lord almost always deals with those in habitual sexual sin through a gradual, well-organized process of transforming the man into a new creation. In all my years of counseling men who struggle with sexual sin, I could count on one hand those who were instantly delivered.
Just as it has usually taken a man years to entangle himself into such a spiritual mess, it will take some time for him to work his way out of it. In today's “microwave” society, in which people get cured of their ailments quickly, we have become accustomed to expecting immediate results for everything we desire. As a result, people often get impatient with God's timetable. There are good reasons why change does not happen quickly.
One of the things we must realize is that if God were to instantly set us free, it would then be much easier for us to return to old habits. However, when a person has to fight and struggle to break the powerful grip of sin, he will appreciate the freedom he eventually experiences. All of the pain my wife and I have endured has had a real effect on me. It has enabled me to see the consequences of my sin more clearly. During those times of battling the temptations of sexual sin, I became determined to resist them, partly because of the price I had already paid. I simply did not want to have to pay such a price again; I knew the end result all too well.
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One should also realize that God deals with man in His own timing. He knows when each person is prepared for the next step in the journey to freedom. The person dealing with sexual sin can often see no further than that seemingly insurmountable sin in his life. He wants to be freed of his sin and the suffering associated with it. Yet God sees the man's heart and his entire future. He knows there are many deeply-rooted issues which must be exposed and subsequently dealt with. God is often more concerned about exposing and expelling the underlying issues of the heart than He is about the outward sin with which the person struggles. Since the man is looking to Him for help, the Lord is able to use this critical period of his life to uncover other areas which are aiding and abetting his unremitting addiction to sex.
Oblivious to the fact that God has even greater plans for his life, the man bound up in habitual sin is inclined to be preoccupied simply with being set free. Delivering him out of the clutches of his sexual sin is only part of what the Lord desires to do in his life, though. For instance, the lack of love the man shows for those around him might seem to be a secondary issue, but it is a matter of extreme importance to the Lord. Yes, He wants to see the man delivered, but He is also concerned about the character of that man once he has been "loosed" from his sin. Will his selfishness simply be spent on being a work-a-holic? Will he live out the rest of his life with no concern for the lost who are going to hell around him? Will he continue to be self-centered with his family? Will those at work have to continually endure his temper? The man in sin often sees no further than the immediate freedom he desires, but the Lord looks at the long term results.
One of the things the Lord is accomplishing in the struggler’s life through this process is to teach him to fight and hate sin. This change of heart comes about through the battle.
The Greek word which we translate as "overcomes" is nikao, which means to conquer or subdue. It comes from the root word nike, meaning victory. Thus, we learn that Christians are meant to conquer or subdue something. Some synonyms for the word conquer are surmount, prevail against, subjugate, master and overpower. These terms describe the kind of life the believer is expected to live and experience.
Consequently, the Christian sex addict must wage war against the sin that is dominating his life. Rather than giving him an instantaneous deliverance or a desired “quick-fix,” the Lord wants him to learn how to battle against it. Why? In order that he learn to hate evil as the Lord does. This is what victory is all about.
An individual dealing with sexual addiction needs to understand that it takes time to overcome. How long it will take depends on two things.
The first is the depth of his involvement with sexual sin. Has the person been doing it for years? Has he been in denial over his problem? Has he been refusing to face responsibility for his actions? How deep has he gone into depravity? If there is proof that a deeply-rooted addiction exists, the time it will take to loosen the powerful hold that sin has had on him will be lengthy.
The other factor is the person's determination to find freedom at any cost. Personally, I would rather work with someone who has long-standing problems but is honest with himself and is determined to endure whatever he must so that he may come into real victory. Sometimes the man with the worst addiction is the one who finds the greatest freedom. Understanding his need, he knows he must find his way to God no matter what.
As you go through this process of coming into freedom, keep your eyes on the Lord, not on the sin. If you are always focused on how badly you are doing or your past sinful behavior, you will never sense any victory. On the other hand, if you “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth,” (Colossians 3:2) you will begin to see the One who is more than able to set you free.
People struggling with same-sex attraction often feel like they are defined by their struggles. But that's not how God sees it.
People experiencing same-sex attraction often feel like they are defined by their struggles. Steve Gallagher challenges that notion as he shows us what the real issues are with homosexual lust.
Mike: Steve Gallagher has joined me in the studio. Steve, thanks for coming in. We want to respond to an e-mail question that came in dealing with the issue of homosexuality. The writer wrote "Someone told me that a non-practicing homosexual - in other words, a man who lusts after men, but doesn't commit the act - is not in sexual sin. He just has to control his emotions and isn't really gay." The writer wants to know if that is true. Now let's deal with the second part first. Is a guy that's not practicing homosexuality really gay?
Steve: That whole line of reasoning comes from the gay activists who want to convince the world that some percentage - they want to say ten percent - of people are born homosexuals, so if you have those feelings then you are in fact a homosexual. But let me answer that question with my own questions: is a man a thief if he no longer steals? Is a man a liar if he only speaks the truth? We know the answer to those questions is "No." It's just a very simple straight-forward reality if you're involved in homosexual behavior, then yes you could be construed as a homosexual; but if you're not involved in it, then no you're not a homosexual.
Mike: Even though you may have those temptations, or you may lust?
Steve: Yeah, the reality is that James said that "Each one is enticed and carried away by his own lust.” Those three words - "his own lust" - represent an entire reality of mankind. Every person who has ever been born, except Jesus Christ, has his own lusts. One person is drawn to gossiping, another person's prone to alcoholism, another person has an inordinate desire for sexual things, and some have a tendency in their flesh towards homosexual behavior; but that does not mean that they are "a homosexual." What it means is there is a temptation to follow that line of activity, and if they start giving in to it and start giving over to that thinking, then that's lust.
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Mike: Well, let's talk about lust. What does the Word of God say about lust? Is it ok for me to lust after guys, as long as I'm not acting out in homosexual behavior?
Steve: Well, the Bible says a lot about lust. All through the New Testament especially lust is discussed because it is that inherent tendency or attraction within the fallen nature of man to desire sin - that's what lust is, and of course especially sexual sin. Paul said in Romans 6 "Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts." In Romans 13 he said "Make no provision for the flesh in regards to its lusts." In Galatians 5 he said "Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." He told Timothy "Flee from youthful lusts". So we see it over and over again, where lust is forbidden for the Christian - that it is something we should not be giving ourselves over to.
Mike: So in reference to this person that asked this question - he understands that the lust is not something to be pursued and he understands that the behavior is not something that's acceptable, regardless of how much lust may be there - is there hope for him?
Steve: Absolutely. The Bible does not tell us to do things that God will not give us the power to overcome. Lust is a natural tendency, but it is not something that the believer has to be subjected to the rest of his life. God's power is available to any believer who is willing to walk in the Spirit and have the mind of Christ.
Mike: As you walk in that Spirit, then your experience and my experience is that lust will dissipate.
Steve: The lust will dissipate. It's not going to disappear. You'll always be dealing with it in one form or another, but it does not have to dominate your life and should not dominate the life of any believer.
Mike: Amen. Thanks Steve.
In Mark's gospel we have a story that reveals five basic principles that can help us minister to someone battling same-sex attraction.
Few issues have been as vexing to the modern Christian as the acceptance of homosexuality in the culture and even within the church. Some mainline denominations with a proud heritage of standing for God are selling their birthright at the altar of post-modern thinking and embracing what they believe to be a more “enlightened” view of sexuality—going so far as to ordain openly “gay” leaders, as well as marry same-sex couples.
Public sentiment has shifted at an astonishing pace from one of almost universal condemnation to wide-spread acceptance, if not outright celebration of a behavior the Bible unambiguously identifies as sin. Those who attempt to stem the tide of moral decline are branded as bigoted hate-mongers who deserve to be punished and silenced.
With that backdrop, it’s understandable that many Christians struggle to know how to respond. We’re no longer talking about a small group of radical homosexual activists hidden away somewhere in San Francisco.
Increasingly, believers are confronted with how to respond to a co-worker, a lifetime friend or even the painful dilemma of what to say to a son or daughter who suddenly proclaims they are “gay.” A good friend who has a homosexual couple living next door to him recently acknowledged, “I don’t know what to say to them. They are some of the friendliest and kindest people I know.”
As ambassadors for Christ, we simply have to come to terms with the fact that we will be called upon to share the inconvenient truth with people. Some situations will require us to choose between competing priorities, between maintaining a conflict-free, but superficial relationship, or saving a friend or loved one from hell. That’s not to say we should go about beating people over the head with our Bibles. But we can’t avoid discussing the difficult eternal issues either.
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In my experience, those involved in homosexuality also fall into those two general categories. On the one hand, there is the man or woman who has fully embraced a “gay” identity, and has fashioned their lives around what they perceive to be their innate and immutable identity as a homosexual person, including how that impacts their emotions, concept of sexuality and intimacy, associations, and, in fact, their entire worldview. They rarely have a genuine desire to know the truth.
On the other hand, the “struggler” is an individual who knows at some level that the behavior is wrong and has some genuine desire to turn from it, even though they experience same-sex attraction and may have even engaged in homosexual behavior. For this individual, there is an opportunity to provide hope, lead them to salvation if they have never been converted, and disciple them in the things of God as they begin to pursue a path of sanctification.
We have in the Gospel of Mark a story that reveals some basic principles that can help us in our ministry to this person struggling with same-sex attraction:
“A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. ‘If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,’ he said. Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him. ‘I am willing,’ he said. ‘Be healed!’ Instantly the leprosy disappeared, and the man was healed.” (Mark 1:40-41 NIV)
1. The man had leprosy. This dreaded disease first appears as spots on the skin but it is not a superficial disease, finding its roots in the bones, marrow and joints of the body. Likewise, those struggling with homosexuality have great need to understand that homosexual lust is only a symptom of a much greater heart problem. They are not sinners because of homosexual lust. The opposite is actually true; they experience homosexual lust because they are sinners.
2. The man came to Jesus. This man at least had a clear sight of his physical need and came of his own free will. Those struggling with homosexuality cannot be driven to Christ. They must be drawn to Him and that drawing can only be accomplished by the Father through the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him." (John 6:65b NIV) Any other inducement—fear, the desire to please others, dissatisfaction with their current circumstances, or even a temporary sense of shame or guilt—will eventually pass, leaving them without the inner motivation to stay the course which, by all measures will be a difficult one.
3. The man knelt in front of Jesus. “He kneeled and inclined his face to the ground, in token of deep humiliation and earnest entreaty.” So says the learned Bible commentator Albert Barnes. So it is that all genuine penitents must come—with a humble and contrite heart. Can you imagine this man saying to Jesus, “Hey Jesus, I’ve got this little spot here on my skin. You think you can help me out?” He was covered with rotten, stinking flesh! In a similar fashion, the individual struggling with homosexuality would be foolish to come to Jesus with his “little” problem, thinking proudly that the rest of his life must be very pleasing to God. A man or woman who is ready for the Lord to do the needed deep work in their heart will instead come like the prodigal son who exclaimed upon returning to his father, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” (Luke 15:21 NIV)
4. The man hoped in Jesus. He said to Jesus, “If you are willing you can heal me and make me clean.” From this statement, we learn two important things. First, that he had hope and second, that his hope was well-placed. It is of profound importance that these precious souls be encouraged to have hope. Many sincere Christians have struggled for years with same-sex attraction before finally being overcome by their lust. Others have a long history of failure that has killed any hope they might have had that things could be different.
Undoubtedly, the leper had heard the words of Jesus and had seen Him heal others. I know of no better way to engender hope in the hearts of the hopeless than to share the promises of God and to testify to the faithfulness of those promises in our own lives. Peter, a man who knew something about hopelessness, exhorts us, “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” (1 Peter 3:15 NIV)
We also learn that that small amount of hope the leper had was placed entirely in Jesus. Like the woman with the issue of blood, he had evidently concluded that no one else could meet his need. Likewise, those with homosexual lust must come to believe that Jesus is the only one that can give them new life and cure their condition...not Jesus plus works, Jesus plus psychotherapy, Jesus plus positive thinking or Jesus plus anything else. Their faith, their trust must be placed in Jesus alone to forgive, cleanse, transform and eventually to bring them into Glory.
5. The man was instantly healed. This begs the question: what does “healing” really mean to one struggling with homosexuality? Does it mean that God will remove same-sex attraction when one turns to Jesus? In my many years of dealing with the issue of homosexuality, I have met a handful of men and women who have experienced a complete release from same-sex attraction. I must say that has not been the case in my own life, nor in the lives of most people I know. For most, the experience is one of a diminished intensity over time as God does a deeper sanctifying work in the heart.
When the absence of all same-sex attractions becomes the single focus, it’s sad to see some conclude that God has somehow failed them when it doesn’t happen. This discouraging way of thinking can be avoided if one considers biblical truths concerning the nature of the flesh and temptation.
It is critical that the struggler understand that they do not have a “special” problem that requires some unique solution. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
He must understand that as long as we remain in these mortal bodies, our flesh will remain fleshly, and we will have to do battle against it. (Romans 7:21-23)
Those who desire to overcome homosexual lust must become fighters with the understanding that this battle cannot be waged in their own strength, but must be waged and won in the power of the Holy Spirit. (Galatians 5:16-18)
Ultimately, as with anyone who claims the name of Jesus Christ, the sincere Christian who struggles with homosexuality must count the cost and decide whom they will serve. Once this decision has been firmly made, victory is assured. Jesus said, “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son. (Revelation 21:6-7 NIV)
In our post-porn culture, Christian women are informed by culture’s immorality and influenced by their own impulses.
Immorality has always been simmered just under the surface of society’s accepted norms. But Satan envisioned an America free from all moral restraints, and he has successfully transformed the moral landscape of the U.S. into a sexual playland where practically the only behavior frowned upon is abstinence.
This is the thoroughly sexualized culture the average 25-year-old Christian girl has been raised in. Consider this: By the time she entered puberty, Playboy magazine had already celebrated its 50th birthday, the marriage of the adult entertainment industry to America was enjoying its 35th anniversary and a new generation of pornographers were already utilizing new opportunities presented by the internet.
Unquestionably, pornography dominates the landscape of the Internet, boasting upwards of 5 million websites. And according to one source, 28% of visitors to adult websites are female. (1) This is not limited to the unchurched, either: a poll conducted by Today's Christian Woman's online newsletter found that 34% of its readers admitted to intentionally accessing online pornography. (2)
Nor is this all. Many women are involved in romantic chatrooms and messaging apps; in fact, women are twice as likely as men to visit chatrooms. (3)
Some women are attracted to (and often become addicted to) this kind of romance because it is strictly anonymous and they don’t have to concern themselves with messy breakups, STD’s or an unwanted pregnancy. One pastor’s daughter who valued her virginity gave the following as an added benefit to her online romance: “It was beautiful for me, because I didn’t have to give him my body in return.”
The most surprising fact to emerge from current statistics about cyber-sex is that the percentages of churched and unchurched people involved appear to be about the same. This seems to indicate that the lifestyles of multitudes of evangelicals are not much different than those of flagrant unbelievers.
Unquestionably, the mainstreaming of pornography has warped the thinking of today’s young people. However, it would be wrong to give the pornographers all of the credit for the new morality of our day. For instance, feminism has told young women to go after what they want and to live for themselves. The media has been conditioning girls—from a very early age—to the lie that their value is in their sexiness. Even our culture of prosperity has taught young women that it is their right to indulge every desire and to experiment with every curiosity—“I wonder what it would be like to…”
The moral climate of today’s young people is much different than previous generations. It is true, we Baby Boomers rebelled against the morality of preceding generations, but at least this moral mindset was in place to reject. Although we challenged it, we grew up in a day when there was a basic understanding of right and wrong behavior. Once we experienced the season of pleasure that comes with sin, many of us came to the Lord and returned to the morality of our forefathers.
But today’s young woman must navigate her way through a plethora of enticements without the moral foundation that was previously taken for granted. Of course, many Christian girls have avoided these traps and are faithfully following the Lord. Nevertheless, many others are falling prey to these sensuous allurements—apparently a frightening number of them.
The desire for the attention of men has lurked within the hearts of women from time immemorial. From the earliest age, girls inherently understand that, to a large degree, their beauty establishes their value as a person in our society.
In the past, a woman who wanted to be noticed might consider wearing a low-cut blouse or perhaps a clinging skirt. Today’s young women are operating on an entirely different level. They have been raised on the Internet—a world with its own activities, culture and value system. For instance, female exhibitionism (via photos and videos) is becoming an increasingly common practice. Even churched girls are privately admitting to posting provocative images of themselves online.
The longing for intimacy is another avenue into promiscuity. The willingness of girls to give up their virginity because they believe their boyfriends love them is nothing new—although the high percentages might be.
What is certainly new is the number of girls who are willing to step outside of conventional expressions of sexuality in search of that intimacy. Judy was one such person. “I just wanted to be held… to be loved,” she recalls. She soon discovered that guys were more than willing to hold her but offering true love was another matter. In her desire to connect emotionally, Judy eventually turned to other women—another escalating phenomenon among young girls.
In the past, a girl might rebel against the norms of society and opt for the lesbian lifestyle. But she understood that her decision would very likely mark her behavior as being aberrant—perhaps even bizarre. However, in our current anything-goes culture, girls who opt for sexual relationships with each other are considered chic; they are celebrated as role models.
One thing has become abundantly clear: sexual sin is not just a man’s issue anymore. Pastors, Christian counselors and women’s ministry leaders have to equip themselves to respond much more effectively to the rising challenges facing Christian women in a post-porn culture. The message this generation urgently needs is that the desire for attention and longing for intimacy fueling their passions will only be fulfilled in a meaningful relationship with Jesus Christ.
The way we live our daily lives sets the stage for either victory or defeat with the temptations that are sure to come.
The Church in America has been rocked by numerous sexual scandals within the roles of its leadership. A great number of ministers have fallen prey to the temptress of sexual sin. Surely Solomon spoke the truth when he said, “For she has cast down many wounded; and all who were slain by her were strong men.” (Proverbs 7:26 NKJV)
In a misguided attempt to explain this on-going phenomena, there have been those who have used First Corinthians 10:12 (...let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.) to support their theory that it can happen to anybody. “After all, even David fell,” goes their argument. “The real culprit is the devil who brought such an overwhelming temptation that the poor minister couldn’t help himself.”
While it is true that the enemy is a master at setting believers up for temptation, just as true is the fact that God has empowered His people to overcome the allurements of sin. There are definite identifiable factors involved when a minister falls into illicit sexual activity.
To correctly interpret Paul’s admonition to “take heed,” it is important to see the context behind his statement. The entire tenth chapter of First Corinthians is taken up with the story of the Israelites living in the wilderness:
"And do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, 'The people sat down to eat and drink, and stood up to play.' Nor let us act immorally, as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in one day. Nor let us try the Lord, as some of them did, and were destroyed by the serpents. Nor grumble, as some of them did, and were destroyed by the destroyer." (I Corinthians 10:7-10)
The overriding point of this chapter is to show the importance of living in obedience to God. The Jewish people had given themselves over to Egyptian idolatry. Their lives were characterized by carnality and worldliness. Because of their consistent refusal to repent, they were judged severely by the Lord. Having established the fact that they were leading ungodly lifestyles, Paul uttered his warning: “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.” This is not a warning written to those who live godly lives but to those who have filled their lives with idolatry and immorality. While it is true that every human has a fallen nature and is prone to the enticements of sin, none need do so. Paul went on to say:
"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it." (I Corinthians 10:13)
Paul’s point is precisely the opposite of those who claim that anybody can fall at anytime. Although it is right to pray for, believe the best about, encourage and support those who have fallen into sexual sin, it is wrong to excuse their behavior under the premise that it can happen to anybody. People don’t just “fall” into sin, as if they were walking along a path in the dark and suddenly—through no fault of their own—fall into a hole. There is a reason why it happens. People are vulnerable to temptation when their daily lives are not lined up with God’s Word.
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The “Sweet Psalmist” of Israel was 50-years old when he committed adultery with Bathsheba. The sight of him leering at her from his rooftop, arranging for her to come to his chambers, seducing her and then having her husband killed must have been enough to make angels sit down and weep. What a blow it was to the Kingdom of God. How could it happen?
David had a unique hunger for the Lord from the time he was a boy tending sheep out in the wilderness. This was enhanced as he spent time with Samuel and deepened during his years of running for his life from Saul. Undoubtedly David was hitting his spiritual peak when he became king at the age of 30. Unfortunately, the power, prosperity and carnal indulgences such a position afforded him began to take their toll upon his walk with God.
By the time he had his affair, he had been king for 20 years. David had become so soft and pampered that he no longer even went out to battle with his men. He luxuriated in the palace while they laid siege to Ammon. David—who had once walked so closely with God—had gradually slipped away from the Lord in his heart. Years of indulging his flesh had left him spiritually weak. It was then that the devil presented the temptation. It should be noted however, that David would have never done such a thing when he was walking closely with God. We see the same thing in his life as was true of the Israelites in the wilderness: one’s daily life sets the stage for either victory or defeat with the temptations that are sure to come our way.
It is true—if it could happen to David it could happen to anybody. However, the real issue was not so much what he did with Bathsheba and Uriah but what was going on inside him prior to this. Those acts were simply the out-working of what was going on in his heart. Undoubtedly David maintained a pretence of devotion to Jehovah, but the reality was that he had long since slid away from that place of intimacy he had once enjoyed with God. In fact, he was so backslidden that he stayed in sin with Bathsheba for nine months before Nathan’s confrontation jolted him into reality. He wrote Psalm 32 after he came to his senses, which describes his state of mind during that time.
The danger those in ministry face are not the sexual enticements one is assaulted by in the sexualized culture of America but the overwhelming pressure exerted upon them to slack off spiritually. In Galatians 5—that marvelous chapter that describes the battle between the Spirit-led life and the carnal life—Paul said, “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16) My testimony is that in all my years of ministering to Christian men who had fallen into sin—including many pastors—I have never found any evidence that would dispute the truth of that statement. To put it in its most basic terms: those who walk in the Spirit in their daily lives will find the strength available to withstand temptation when it presents itself; those who walk in the flesh will not.
Having said that, allow me to briefly touch on some common denominators I have often found in the lives of pastors who have fallen into sin.
A number of years ago I was asked to speak at a pastors’ retreat on the subject, Why Do Our Pastors Keep Falling Into Sin? One of the things I said to those pastors was that, of all the fallen pastors I had dealt with over the years, I had never once had to minister to a “Mary,” but I had dealt with many “Marthas.” In other words, those who stay at the feet of Christ are not vulnerable to falling into sin. At Pure Life Ministries, every worker—whether he is ministering to others or simply filling telephone orders—is required to spend at least two hours a day seeking God. If these laypeople can live that way, surely those who are representing the Lord to others should do so as well.
This is difficult, because ministry can be very demanding. However, I have found that much of the activity of those who had fallen into sin was not generated by a sincere love for people as much as it was by selfish ambition or fear of man. The sincere minister will go to God and ask Him to reveal his motives. “Lord, am I involved in this activity because I truly want to help others or because I am trying to build a bigger church?” Or, “Lord, even if my motives are pure in this, is it your will?” Jesus scolded Martha by saying, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42) Corrie Ten Boom once said, “Beware of the barrenness of a busy life.”
Ministry can be incredibly draining. When a pastor has worked at a frantic pace all day (or all week) it can be very tempting to “veg-out” in front of a television set. Sports especially are a strong lure. TV affects the believer in many ways—all of them bad. I will mention only a couple here. First, television is the acting out of the deeds of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21). As such, it relentlessly pounds its carnal message into the heart of the viewer. Second, it desensitizes the viewer to the evil nature of sin. Third, it deadens a person’s spiritual appetite. Fourth, it dulls a person’s ears to hear God’s voice. The pastor who regularly watches TV weakens his spiritual vitality and allows the enemy inroads into his innermost being.
This final factor is of no fault to the pastor. Satan often capitalizes upon discouragement to lead a person into sin. When a believer gets down or gets hurt by others, he becomes more vulnerable to temptation. Being worn out by ministry is another thing that will weaken a leader’s resolve to live a holy life. The ministry is both stressful and sedentary by nature. The combination of these elements often leave a person physically exhausted, which in turn makes him more vulnerable to temptation.
The things I have listed are not meant to be a comprehensive list. Rather, they are mentioned to support what was stated earlier: the way a believer lives his daily life will determine how vulnerable he is to the allurements of sin. A man who is living a consecrated life, walking humbly with God, and has his priorities in order very well may face temptations to fall into sin. However, in that temptation he will find the grace of God there to empower him “to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age.” (Titus 2:12)
I was raised in church and had a salvation experience when I was seventeen. Everything seemed to be in its place—but I had a dark secret.
I thought I had a pretty good life. With a wife, baby girl, house and a high paying job, I was successful by most American standards. Raised in church and having had a salvation experience when I was seventeen, my life was basically on cruise control—physically and spiritually. However, I had a dark secret.
I had been consuming immeasurable amounts of pornography since I was eleven years old. I thought after being married, it would stop. But throughout the course of our marriage, pornography only tightened its grip on me. I went so far as to adjust my schedule so that my wife would leave the house before me, allowing me to spend a few minutes with pornography to start my day.
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Eventually, I began to live a completely separate fantasy life. Fantasy became reality when I began having an adulterous affair with a co-worker. I admitted my unfaithfulness to my wife only after being caught with cell phone records. My life changed in an instant and my family was destroyed.
I learned about Pure Life Ministries and instantly knew I had to get away from my circumstances, so I enrolled in the Residential Program. I had nothing but a bed and a job making $8.50 an hour. It didn’t take long for the Lord to get my attention, and I soon realized that He was calling me to Himself by taking away everything that was dear to me.
I gave up on trying to fix my marriage and began to seek Jesus. As I read the Bible, attended chapel services and spent time with my counselor, I started to see my true dark condition. His Word forced me into a corner. I had a choice to make – Jesus or the world.
The Lord revealed Himself to me and that was enough to put me in awe of Him. I learned that my pride, selfishness and overall sinfulness put Jesus on the cross. Without Jesus, I had no hope. I desperately needed Jesus. This revelation drove me to true repentance. I remember praying and asking Him to show me the reality of His saving power. He did that by setting me free of sexual sin and drawing me to Him and Him alone.
When I returned home to my family, I was equipped with a true sight of my need for Jesus in every detail of my life. The Lord didn’t give me the same life back. Rather, He gave me a new marriage and a new focus on Him. My life is real since I returned home. There is no darkness in our marriage—no hidden sins, resentment, anger or lies. I don’t have all the answers, but I know who does, and He is faithful.
Those bound in sexual sin must realize and admit that they are being driven by lust into a deadly sequence of events.
In his landmark book, At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, Steve Gallagher, the recognized forerunner in sexual addiction ministry, writes:
“Those who become bound up in habitual sexual sin – even if it is no more than masturbation and/or pornography – are actually addicted to a complex chain of actions. It all begins with temptation, moves into a person’s particular routine, peaks in the actual act itself and ends with the lingering, inevitable consequences. Compelling the person through this entire sequence of events is a driving lust. Thus, he is not merely hooked on the act itself but on the whole unfolding drama. The book of James reveals this process from a spiritual perspective:
“Let no one say when he is tempted, 'I am being tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.” James 1:13-16
James reveals four distinct stages in the process of sin. Allow me to describe these for you, so you can understand what’s going on inside you.
The first stage in the process of sin is desire. You have the desire for sin lying latent in your own heart. It is part of your spiritual DNA. It is your desire. Therefore you must recognize it, own it, take responsibility for it, and not blame anyone else for it.
Notice in the Scripture the words “his own lust.” That says it perfectly. It is your own lust, your own desire that causes you to sin. If you didn’t desire it, you wouldn’t do it. No one outside of you is forcing you. The compulsion to sin comes from inside you. Jesus said so (Matthew 15:19-20) and here James agrees. It’s not the devil’s fault. It’s not someone else’s fault. It is certainly not God’s fault. The desire comes from your own heart.
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Notice the words “carried away and enticed.” The first word is a hunter’s term that means to be ensnared in a trap. The second word is a fisherman’s term that means to be lured by bait. Satan knows what your flesh wants. He knows what you’ve fallen prey to before. He chooses the bait that you find attractive.
If I offered one of my friends some cocaine, the opportunity to get high right now, he might respond with great nervousness. He sees the powder. He remembers the high. He starts to twitch. His mouth waters. He wants it. I make the same offer to another friend, and there a totally different response. This friend has never taken drugs of any kind, and has absolutely no desire to start now. The lust lies within us. We are tempted when we want it. We are not tempted if we don’t.
The second stage in the process is deception. We believe the lies that we tell ourselves in order to give ourselves permission to move further. That is why James said very plainly, “Do not be deceived.” Deception is always a part of the process.
What are some of the many lies that are part of the temptation to sexual sin? They usually go like this: “Just this once.” “No one will know.” “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.” “I deserve this.” “I can stop any time.” “God’s still blessing me, so it can’t be that bad.” “I can always ask for forgiveness later.” The biggest lie, of course, is that a holy God is not offended or that He is not right there watching the whole sordid episode, providing the way of escape that you are not taking. Temptation always looks good on the outside. That’s part of the deception.
Not only have we been deceived in the past, but we continue to deceive ourselves. After we’ve been in sexual sin for a while, we KNOW where it leads. We know the emptiness of the lie. We know the inevitable feelings of guilt, recrimination, condemnation. We know the end of the affair. But we lie to ourselves again, pretend that we don’t remember, and head right back down the spiral of degradation one more time.
“Then after desire has conceived it gives birth to sin.” What begins in your mind results in actions. It starts in your imagination, but moves into behavior. What you flirt with, you will fall for.
The best example from Scripture is King David. Having spied a woman bathing, he desired her. But if, at that point, he had turned his heart towards the Lord, confessed his desire as an offense against a holy God, it all would have been over in a moment. But he didn’t do that. He inquired about her. He was told that she was a married women. Imagine the lies he had to tell himself at this point to make it okay. He invited her over and took her to his chamber. The evil fantasy that was conceived in his heart gave birth to sin in his behavior. It always does. And it only got worse from there. It eventually ended in:
The inevitable result is always death. It was death for Adam and Eve. It was death for David. And it is death for us. Every time. It is death to our conscience, death to our sanctification, death to our relationship with God. Every time we die just a little more. Eventually, if we stay that way, it will be spiritual death for ever. The stakes are that high.
Allow me to take you to the verse just ahead of our passage in James 1:12. He writes: “Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial (testing, temptation); for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” James is telling us throughout this passage that temptation and trial will come upon us often and in various forms. If we endure and persevere, we receive (the crown of) life, but if we fail, give in to the flesh, and pursue the sin, we receive death. Life or death; the choice is always ours to make.
It is beyond the scope of this article to describe the victory over temptation and sin. That is found in abundance throughout the blog articles. My purpose here was only to describe the process of sin. I do, however, want to leave you with one great word of encouragement, found in Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians:
"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry."
1 Corinthians 10:13-14
A wife that has been devastated by her husband's sin is often afraid of forgiveness. This brings her to a major crossroads.
“Forgive my husband?” my counselee exclaimed, “He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven!”
Truly, this woman had been sinned against over and over again by her husband. In fact, he had been visiting prostitutes, viewing pornography, going to strip clubs and massage parlors the entire time they were married.
When she came to Pure Life Ministries for help, I will never forget her face as she walked into my office. Beaten down and hardened by all the years of sin, she had no joy, no hope, and no light in her eyes.
As she shared her story with me, my heart broke. I couldn’t hold back the tears hearing what this woman had suffered. She was at the end of her rope and was desperately looking for help, not for her marriage, but for herself. She knew she was in a terrible place spiritually, but felt trapped. I can recall her desperation as she asked, “What do I need to do to get my joy back?”
As we began that first counseling session, she acknowledged that she had allowed a stronghold of bitterness to take control of her. She was full of resentment and had a deep-seated hatred towards her spouse for stomping on her heart the way he had over the past 20 years. In fact, prior to her husband enrolling in our Residential Program, he had been out of their home for 3 years at her request.
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Wondering how best to begin counseling her, I began to probe her a little bit. I gently asked her, “Do you believe you have truly forgiven your husband?”
Her outburst was certain and revealing, “He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven!”
Just like this women, the issue of forgiveness brings many wives to a major crossroads. A wife that has borne the brunt of tremendous amounts of pain because of her husband’s sin is often afraid of taking this step. To forgive means to release her husband, and to release him means that she will act as if it never happened. That she will become vulnerable again to the very person who has hurt her over and over again.
To make matters worse, often times a husband who is beginning to seek help for his sexual sin will demand forgiveness and mercy from his wife, without appreciating all the hurt, pain and rejection she has had to endure while he freely indulged in sin. Little does he know, this attitude reveals a lack of brokenness in his heart for his sin. This only makes it more difficult for his wife to begin to forgive.
However, despite my counselee’s pain, my response to her was immediate, “Do any of us deserve to be forgiven, especially when we see what Jesus has done for us at the Cross?” Her head fell. I knew the Holy Spirit was at work.
Take a minute and consider the loving forgiveness of the Cross. Is there any more perfect picture of agape love, than the Cross? The love that was shown on the Cross is most certainly a love that “suffers long and is kind.” It shows us a love that “does not seek its own,” a love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” The love of the Cross is truly a love that “never fails.” (1 Corinthian 13:4-8)
Beloved, when He asks us to love and forgive others who have caused us great pain, He is only asking us to do for others what He has already done for us. He asks us to be willing to come to His feet and lay down all of our hurts, pain, disappointments, rejections, griefs and sorrows—knowing that He Himself has experienced all that we have faced. He asks us to surrender the fears that keep us from loving in this way.
My counselee was quiet for about ten minutes as she pondered what Jesus had done for her. I prayed for her silently as the Holy Spirit moved, not sure what else to do. After some time she lifted her head and said, “I know that I have been forgiven much by my Savior.”
Little did I know, in her time of silence, the Lord was reminding her of the tremendous debt she had owed Him and how He had wiped it all away in an instant. She knew she didn’t deserve such mercy. It was at that moment she had made to release her husband. She said to herself, “Even though I know he doesn’t deserve it, it is the right thing to do.”
From that moment on, little by little, she went through an incredible transformation. The light of God began to shine through her eyes. Her countenance was more and more bright each time she visited her husband in our residential program. It was as if she literally went from darkness to light. A genuine joy radiated in her smile each time she came to visit her husband. My heart was blessed to see God at work in her life and in her marriage.
Before her breakthrough, my counselee had allowed herself to become a prisoner to fear—fear of forgiveness, fear of letting her husband get off scot-free, fear of being hurt again. It had stolen her joy. It had stolen her peace. Yes, she had been sinned against, but the only way out of her prison of fear was to forgive, to give out what Christ had so freely given her.
Beloved, we don’t realize what we forfeit when we remain captive to unforgiveness. Many times we hold onto things based on the fact that the offender doesn’t “deserve to be forgiven.” What I have seen in my years of counseling at Pure Life Ministries is that when we surrender to forgiveness, we also open up the way to true joy, peace and happiness.
In closing, I would encourage anyone that is struggling with forgiveness to do exactly what my counselee did—consider what Jesus has done for you. Spend some time reading Isaiah 53, Psalm 22 and Psalm 103. Ponder Matthew 18:22-35, where Jesus gives us the parable of the Unjust Servant. Ask the Holy Spirit to open your heart to the reality of what Christ did for you on the Cross. Seek Him for the grace to walk in that same mercy toward the one who sinned against you. If you will do this humbly and sincerely, I believe you will find again the “joy of your salvation.”
Those in sexual sin need to experience the balanced character of God: A lavish love for sinners and a passionate hatred for sin.
Perhaps you have heard the adage, “God hates sin, but loves the sinner.” I Googled that phrase once and came across a website that violently disagree with it. “God hates sinners,” the man exclaimed in an unmistakable huff. He went on to cite a couple of Old Testament verses that seemed to support his notion. All I can say is that this man exuded a harsh and self-righteous spirit that I have never sensed from the Lord.
It is true that there are some imprecatory psalms that express God’s displeasure of the wicked and a superficial reading of those verses would seem to indicate that God hates those people. But a closer examination of Scripture reveals something entirely different about this loving God we serve.
Consider the stories of Ahab and Manasseh. (1 Kings 21:27-29; 2 Chronicles 33:10-13) These were arguably the two most wicked kings in the history of the Jewish nation. Both of them were responsible for the deaths of possibly hundreds of God’s prophets. Yet, in both cases, He extended mercy to them when they repented.
And if God hates “sinners,” someone will have to explain to me the most famous statement in Scripture: “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.” (John 3:16-17) I might mention that this is the same world that brutally murdered His Son.
The fact that God loves sinners was personified in the life of Christ—God Incarnate. For instance, under the scowling eyes of the self-righteous Pharisees, Jesus stood in line to be baptized with sinners, thus forever identifying Himself with their need. Later the religious leaders sneered, “This man receives sinners and eats with them” (Luke 15:2) and “He is a friend of tax-gatherers and sinners!” (Luke 7:34)
The Savior’s reply to these religious hypocrites was to tell them to “go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Matthew 9:13)
Many years ago we hung a sign above the old Pure Life chapel that read: “Sinners Only Allowed.” That sign was placed there for two primary reasons.
First, the men who come to Pure Life Ministries need to know that God loves sinners. Many of these men have carried deep shame and guilt around over their sin for years. In the past they have made and broken resolutions to change. They have shunned the discipline and correction of the Lord. They have hardened their hearts to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Most of these men enter into true repentance for the first time in their lives when they arrive at our Residential Program. They need to know that now that they have done so, they are free of all that past guilt. They can now unreservedly receive the full measure of God’s love for them.
Second, they must be reminded never to forget that they are sinners. Once we lose sight of our utter unworthiness of God’s grace, we begin to become increasingly more ungrateful and prideful. Sometimes the most arrogant men are those who have experienced the greatest degree of God’s mercy. We owe it to Him to live the rest of our lives in the grateful awareness of the unmerited favor He has shown us.
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So, yes, God loves sinners. In fact, Jesus is the greatest friend they will ever know.
Yet, just as true is the fact that God hates sin. He hates every act of sin that has ever been committed. In fact, He intensely hates it because He understands that it ruins lives, destroys families and corrupts society. He hates it because it keeps those who are practicing willful sin out of His kingdom. (Galatians 5:21; 1 John 2:4; 3:6-8; etc.) In short, the Lord cannot tolerate it because it does so much damage to people’s lives.
One of the most wonderful aspects of the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program is that, once a man experiences his breakthrough of repentance, he can begin to learn to truly walk in the Spirit. It is this newfound lifestyle of walking near to God that provides the impetus to obey His commandments. Gone are the days of trying to do the impossible of pleasing God in the flesh. (Romans 8:8) Now they can walk in newness of life in Christ.
God pities those who are caught up in the grip of the enemy. If you struggle with habitual sexual sin, God wants to take up your cause. He desires your absolute freedom from the devilish bondage of pornography and illicit sex. The Lord wants you to repent and return to the intimacy with Him that sin has stolen from you.
The staff of Pure Life Ministries is dedicated to truly loving each person the Lord sends our way. By the grace of God, we will do our utmost to lay our lives down for those who come to us for help.
However, we are also determined to maintain our hatred of sin. We will never acquiesce to worldliness in our battle against wickedness and remain dedicated to continually resist popular trends toward licentiousness—the minimization of evil. Every man who comes to us for help must sense a holy passion for God’s righteousness in our lives.
I wish to assure you that whatever help you receive from this organization, you will know without a doubt that the staff members of Pure Life Ministries truly do hate sin and love sinners.
My desire is to honor you; yet there are times that you dress as if you wish I wouldn’t. I implore you; please consider these things.
To My Beautiful Sisters in Christ,
I’m 34 years old and single. Up until I was 26, I shamelessly indulged in lust while I outwardly paraded myself around as an upstanding Christian man. But today, because of the blood of Jesus and deep repentance, I am able to say that I am no longer that man. And the work of God’s grace has not only taught me to deny the ungodliness of lustful thoughts, but to go one step further and truly seek to honor you as sisters in my thoughts.
I wish I could write to you and tell you I am able to walk into church without any fear of encountering the temptation to lust anymore; but I can’t. For instance, a few times I’ve actually had to turn around and get on my knees during some of the worship services because I didn’t want to be more captivated with some of the girls on the worship team than with God. There have also been plenty of other times when I had to purposely look at the floor as I walked through the foyer in order to avoid the same thing. Did I not desire to put the ugliness of my past behind me, I would not go to such lengths. But honoring you and my God now means more to me than my own self-indulgence.
Therefore, I hope that what I am about to share will help those of you who dress without any consideration for these things.
You are beautiful; yes. That much I can see without you doing anything to convince me. But please do not entice me to notice you. Is it not enough that God endowed you with the beauty you possess? And that He has made you a gift to your present or future husband? Please help me to rejoice with him rather than tempt me to steal from him.
I understand that the fashion world is becoming more and more revealing, and that it’s increasingly difficult to find attractive clothing that’s modest. But have you considered my weakness as you look at yourself in the dressing room mirror? If you only knew how often the immodest outfits you wear accost me, perhaps you would see yourself differently.
“But you’re responsible for your thoughts, not me,” you might think. Yes, you are right. I must stand before God and own every one of them someday. And were you a woman of the world I would have no grounds on which to make my appeal. But you name the Name of Christ, as I do. And you call me your brother.
My desire is to honor you; yet there are times that you dress as if you wish I wouldn’t. I implore you; please consider these things. I have spoken openly and honestly. But I have endeavored to do so in love, not in criticism.
In loving sincerity,
Your brother in Christ
.avif)
