Susan’s face betrayed her disgust the first time her husband suggested they watch an adult movie together. “Honey, not only will it enhance our lovemaking,” Jim exclaimed, “but I won’t need to have a sex life separate from you. It will end all the sneaking around.”

She had long since given up hope of him quitting his online addiction, but this was too much. “We are Christians, Jim,” she protested, “and this is wrong!”

“Wrong?” Jim argued. “I know of Christian therapists who suggest couples use it to improve their sex lives. How can that be wrong?”

After years of dealing with Jim’s secret sex life, Susan eventually acquiesced and joined what is becoming an ever-increasing number of Christian women who regularly view pornography. This phenomenon bucks the “cw” that it is men who are visually stimulated and thereby more prone to viewing porn. Traditionally, women are far more likely to engage in wistful, romantic fantasies than crude scenes of people engaging in sexual acts. However, over the past few years a disturbing new trend has emerged: women viewing pornography in alarming numbers.

To illustrate, Nielsen NetRatings reports that nearly one-third of the visitors to adult websites are female. They estimate that 9.4 million women in the United States accessed online pornography in September 2003. (1)

A recent article in Today’s Christian Woman seems to support their assertions. “One out of every six women, including Christians, struggles with an addiction to pornography,” claims authoress Ramona Richards. “That’s 17 percent of the population, which, according to a survey by research organization Zogby International, is the number of women who truly believe they can find sexual fulfillment on the Internet.” (2)

I personally have my doubts that 17% of Christian women are viewing pornography. Nevertheless, even half that amount represents a very distressing number of women.

Porn and the Married Woman

Jim introducing Susan to the world of adult entertainment is typical of how most females become involved. The first time he brought home a movie, she was shocked at what she saw. It was so revolting to her that she tried to ignore the scenes being played out on their bedroom television set, instead focusing her attention on her husband. As for Jim, she had never seen him so passionate toward her. It was thrilling! Susan grappled with what she had done over the next few days, vacillating between guilt and excitement. In the end, she made a conscious decision that she was willing to exchange her self-respect for his affection.

Just as Jim had promised, there was a heightened level of excitement in their intimacy that hadn’t been there since their wedding night twenty-some years before. Once she got past the initial shock of the explicitness, she actually came to look forward to their “special times” on Saturday nights. The intense pleasure of these experiences gave them something they could share together.

One thing that was a bit surprising to Susan was the quality of the videos. They weren’t the cheaply produced films she had come to expect. The world of adult entertainment had its own producers, directors, camera crews, stars and starlets. Everything was top-notch. Over time, Susan began to not only enjoy the effects of the movies on their sex life but the movies themselves. While Jim was fascinated with body parts and explicit scenes, Susan was drawn to the seductive storylines and her favorite actors—and actresses. Yes, a lust for women had been kindled within her.

Their relationship seemed idyllic those first few weeks. Although Susan had to silence her guilty conscience and stifle her nagging concerns, she and Jim got along better than ever before. But, as we all know, the pleasure of sin only lasts for a season. Unbeknownst to her, a very evil, corrupting influence had been loosed deep within her being. The “sex-is-everything” mindset communicated by these motion pictures began to break down many of her inhibitions. She found herself fantasizing about other men—and women.  Sometimes she even secretly watched the movies by herself while Jim was at work.

There was another troubling development occurring as well. Their relationship, which had become full of tenderness and devotion, began to deteriorate. Jim became more distant than ever, causing Susan to become suspicious and argumentative. They squabbled over petty differences. What’s more, when they were out in public, Jim openly gawked at every pretty girl he saw. How could Susan scold him, after what she had allowed into their home? Little by little things became worse, until finally, Jim left and Susan filed for divorce. Now, as a middle-aged woman with a failed marriage, the loss of her self-respect and the hollowness of soul that porn produces, she was more miserable than ever.

This case is fairly typical of what occurs when wives allow pornography to be brought into the home. As the number of Christian men addicted to porn continues to increase, it can be expected that the number of wives and girlfriends involved will also grow.

Porn and the Single Woman

Being led into the sordid realm of pornography by an addicted husband is no longer the only introduction to it. Millennials have grown up in a culture where porn is not only accepted but is pervasive. This has produced a new disturbing trend: single women seeking out internet porn for themselves.

One such person was Julie, a serious-minded, young businesswoman. Like Susan, before becoming involved in porn, Julie’s life would have been considered normal by today’s Christian standards. Although involved with the singles group of her church, she struggled with feelings of loneliness. Julie secretly envied the “bubbly” girls in the group who always seemed to attract the guys. Sometimes she despaired of ever finding “Mr. Right.” For some time she had been watching one of the leading network soap operas, allowing the immorality portrayed on the show to fuel her secret fantasy of being a beautiful seductress.

She was embarrassed one evening when the pastor’s wife came for a visit while the show she had recorded that day was playing on her TV set. The older woman’s face flushed when she saw a torrid love scene being enacted on the screen. Julie’s feigned indignation masked the fact that she had come to enjoy this kind of fare. The truth was that she continually fostered romantic and sexual fantasies about a number of male acquaintances at her job.

Another pastime unexpectedly developed in Julie’s life. One day, she confided her struggles with loneliness to a girlfriend from church. Her friend suggested she visit Christian chat rooms on the Internet where she could develop risk-free relationships with men. At first, she tried it hesitantly and carefully, but before long she was heavily involved. Eventually, she expanded her involvement to include larger, secular chat rooms. Initially, the amount of sexual talk alarmed her, but she gradually became fascinated with it. It was almost like being a starlet in her own soap opera!

Occasionally, Julie would come across messages that posted adult websites. In the beginning, she resisted her curiosity about them, but she finally got to the place where she had no resistance left. One night she impulsively clicked on a link to an adult website. She panicked when an image of a copulating couple popped up on the screen, quickly closing the site with trembling hands. That scene haunted her memory until, a few nights later, she revisited the site. She was so enthralled by what she saw that she was completely drawn in. After the exhilaration of that night her soap opera seemed tame and boring. She found herself returning to the adult websites time and again. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but, despite repeated promises to quit her behavior, she kept going back to it.

Examine Yourself

Were Susan and Julie (3) normal, “godly” women who were caught off guard in a moment of weakness and succumbed to a powerful temptation? No, I cannot believe that. For good reason the apostle Paul said, “If you walk in the Spirit you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16) The crucial element to a victorious life is not the object of temptation but the spiritual condition of the person being tempted. Perhaps a few pointed questions will help us better focus on the real issues at stake here.

f Susan’s life was right with God, would she have ever agreed to look at a dirty movie in the first place? Wouldn’t she have had the wisdom to know that the outcome of such a decision could only be disaster? She faithfully attended church, but her decisions clearly indicate a very weak (or nonexistent) relationship to God. Paul could have been describing Susan when he said, “But she who gives herself to wanton pleasure is dead even while she lives.” (I Timothy 5:6)

If Julie was truly walking with the Lord, would she have been watching soap operas? Would she have been so obsessed with romance that she would visit online chat rooms? Would she ever have clicked on that first erotic website? The truth about this young lady is that she had long since given over to the “Cosmo girl-me first” mentality so prevalent among today’s young women. Yes, she too attended church faithfully, but the reality was that God was not the center of her existence but rather an add-on to her worldly, selfish life. It was therefore relatively easy for her to cross one moral boundary after another until she stepped across the line into pornography.

Find Help

These two stories, and the thousands of real ones they represent, reflect how important it is for a shepherd to closely monitor his sheep. As Paul approached the end of his life, it seems that his overriding concern was to do his utmost to see that the Church would stay on course. He shared many powerful truths with his closest confidants, a few of which we can employ to better protect our young women from becoming casualties of the sex-saturated culture in which we live.

Paul understood that, left to themselves, women can easily be led astray. (II Timothy 3:6) To help protect them, he enlisted the aid of a vital resource within the ranks of the churches: godly, mature women. He wrote, “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior… teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” (Titus 2:3-5)

Personal Discipleship

Listening to good sermons and reading interesting books can be helpful, but the immature Christian—whatever her age—needs discipleship: she needs a mature saint to take her under her wing, so to speak, and bring godly instruction into her life. A woman may hear sermons, but unless she is held accountable to respond to those words, she will derive only limited benefit. Lost in a crowd of listeners, she can easily ignore and disregard what she is hearing. Paul provided for this problem when he gave the four-fold method of true discipleship: “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness.”  (II Timothy 3:16)

Practical Instruction

Most girls and women sitting in our churches are being indoctrinated in the world’s values. They need godly women to instruct them about the Christian life. How should young girls dress? How do they handle dating? Is there anything wrong with watching television sitcoms or soap operas? What does it really mean in our day and age to live a holy life? How can they know their lives are pleasing to God? What can they do to escape the selfishness of our culture? How does a wife handle it when she discovers her husband is addicted to pornography? These are the kinds of practical and meaningful issues about which women simply need to be taught. Perhaps special, temporary classes can be arranged to impart the answers to these important subjects.

Caring Reproof

Teaching is important, but women also need personal involvement in their lives. Reproof is an important tool to help individuals stay the course. Left to themselves, women can easily stray off the narrow path and, like we saw in the cases above, become totally backslidden. If a godly mentor had been involved in either of those lady’s lives, there is a good chance they would not have gotten so far off track. Reproof comes into play when the mentor sees her “student” going astray. She steps between her and the source of her temptation and in godly love says, “No! You can’t do that!” As Paul said, “...if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path...” (Galatians 6:1)

Discerned Correction

The corrupting effects of the spirit of this world upon the human mind should never be underestimated. It has the power to alter a person’s perspectives, values and attitudes. One of the reasons it is imperative that a believer maintains a vibrant devotional life is because she so desperately needs the constant influence of God’s perspectives upon her thinking. When a mature woman becomes involved in another woman’s life, she will soon discern any areas of her life that do not line up with Scripture. Correction is there for the purpose of helping to guide her back into biblical thinking and living.

Authoritative Training

Women must also be trained to live righteously. The term used by Paul here (Gk. paideia) is usually translated with the English word discipline. Translators were correct to apply the term “training” here, but it must be understood that it contains within it a stronger sense than one would typically think. There is an element of authority that is connected to this word which is clear in the passages in which it is used: father-son, God-believer and even Pilate-criminal (Jesus). While teaching tends to be impersonal and vague, training is very personal and specific.

Lastly, I want to mention one final principle Paul left with Timothy: “The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.” (II Timothy 2:2) This principle also applies to “faithful” women—especially your wife. As you delegate authority to these important soldiers, I believe God will use them to rescue women who might otherwise be headed for disaster.

(1) Jason Collum, “A Woman’s Struggle,” AFA Journal, March 2004.

(2) Ramona Richards, “Dirty Little Secret,” Today's Christian Woman magazine. September/October 2003.

(3) These are fictitious persons who are composites of women to whom we have ministered.

Masturbation Is Serious

While serving at Pure Life Ministries, I witnessed over a thousand graduations from our Residential Program—over a thousand celebrations of the miracle-working power of God’s grace! Before he is sent on his way to walk out his new life in Christ, each graduating student is given the opportunity to share a brief testimony from our pulpit. Friends and family often attend this chapel service and share in the graduate’s tears of joy and thanksgiving.

While the details of each story are very different, the pattern is strikingly common: a self-absorbed inner man inevitably giving over to sin and “taken captive by the enemy to do his will.” (2 Timothy 2:26) There is another curious distinction. Almost without exception, each graduation speech declares a life-controlling habit of “self-gratification.”

These are not words to cover up the more base term “masturbation,” but rather a more apt description, at least in spiritual terms, of what it truly is.

I can testify to this in my own life. Beginning in my early twenties, sexual sin was always an issue for me, specifically pornography, fornication, and a thought life ridden with lust. However, not until I gave over to masturbation, in my forties, did sexual sin take control of my life and send me down the path of Romans 1:28-32. By the time I entered the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program in August 2003, the attributes of Romans 1:31 were in full bloom: I was blatantly “undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, and unmerciful.”

Do I blame this all directly on masturbation? No. But I do believe a pattern of masturbation will inexorably feed and fan the flames that burn away any resolve a man or woman may have to live for God and for others.

Masturbation Is Sinful

Pure Life Ministries certainly is aware that masturbation characterizes a phase that nearly every teenager goes through. However, based on scripture, as well as having seen the pattern of “self-gratification” played out over and over and over again in the lives of too many men, we see this as a black and white, right and wrong issue. Our reasons are many fold, and likely deserve a more in depth treatment than this brief article will permit, but they include:

1. Sex was invented and designed by God Himself for the purposes of procreation and to express intimacy and love between a husband and wife. Masturbation clearly does not fulfill God’s purpose for sex.
   
2. Sex is not a need, but rather a desire. We do not need sex to live and prosper and fulfill the purposes for which we were created. In his book At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, Steve Gallagher acknowledges that the sex drive peaks in the 5-10 day period after the last release, but dissipates thereafter to a manageable level. Scripture admonishes us to starve the flesh. (Colossians 3:5, Romans 8:13, Ephesians 4:22)
   
3. A practice of masturbation tends to make one sexually independent. Married persons no longer look to their spouse exclusively for sexual pleasure, and become less willing to give what it takes to satisfy and be satisfied completely with their partner. A single person has one less reason to make the kind of commitment needed for a godly marriage.
   
4. A practice of masturbation flies in the face of the virtue of self-control, a fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:23) Jesus said “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it.” (Mark 8:34-35) Denying “self” includes resisting the temptation to gratify ourselves with the pleasure of masturbation.
   
5. It is virtually impossible to masturbate without fantasizing. Those who disagree are kidding themselves. Jesus said, “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28) Jesus’ words leave no room for the fantasies that feed lust and masturbation.

Nevertheless, I’m sure there are those who will remain unconvinced by this list of reasons. So let’s go right to the heart of this issue. There is an even more fundamental consideration than those listed above, an issue that marks every man who comes into our Residential Program.

Masturbation Is Selfish

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Without exception, every man in sexual addiction is a “taker.” Each one has come to a place where he looks at life and people with an attitude of “what’s in it for me.” In fact, this could easily define what lust is, seeking pleasure for self at the expense of others. This is why masturbation, or “self-gratification,” is so natural for them, and so easy to rationalize.
Masturbation—having sex with yourself—is the pinnacle of selfishness.

But the Lord can change a man’s heart, if he is willing, from a taker into a giver, from a man who lusts to a man who loves. Jesus’ words are compelling to this man, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35-36). Love is the opposite of lust. Love seeks pleasure for others at the expense of self.

If this conversion from “taker” to giver does not happen, that man will never walk in lasting victory over masturbation or sexual sin.

Masturbation: God’s Thoughts vs. Your Thoughts

The fundamental question for all of us is who are we going to serve? Are we going to live to please ourselves or to please God? Are we going to be concerned with our desires or the needs of others? Are we going to be self-conscious or Christ-conscious and other-conscious? Are we complete and satisfied in Him, or are we not?

In his daily devotional My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers talks to this matter of self-awareness. “Ask the Lord to put awareness of Himself in you, and your self-awareness will disappear. Then He will be your all in all. Beware of allowing your self-awareness to continue, because slowly but surely it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is satanic. Simply ask the Lord to give you Christ-awareness, and He will steady you until your completeness in Him is absolute.”  (August 20)

Throughout my life, self-consciousness has always led me down the path of questioning God’s will and His Word, taking liberties that err on the side of allowing me what I want at the expense of what He wants. I was a “taker” through and through, and so God graciously led me to the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program.

Many years ago, when the upscale Italian leather goods manufacturer, Gucci, swept into the market, they had a marketing motto in their stores, “If you have to ask the price, you’re in the wrong place.” Perhaps the analogy is imperfect, but if you’re asking questions like, Is masturbation sin? you just might be in the wrong place spiritually. You may not have yet entered into that place where serving God and loving others rules and reigns.

It is in that place where true peace, joy and lasting victory are found.

As a parent of two, a son and a daughter heading into their teen years, my heart nearly breaks when I hear that children are getting into pornography at earlier and earlier ages. Recently I read that the average age for first exposure to pornography is 11 years old. Moreover, the largest and fastest growing group of internet porn consumers is youth age 12-17.

Perhaps your child is already among those statistics, and you find yourself asking “What now?!”

In the hour of urgency, that dreadful moment when we initially discover our child has been viewing pornography, our first reaction most often will tend toward panic, rigid correction, progressive consequences and the demand for change, coupled with perusing the internet for those magical “10 Steps to a Pure Child.”

The intense emotions of the moment likely blind us from considering the Lord’s role and purpose for the situation. Romans 8:28 may eventually give us assurance that the Lord is sovereign and works all things out for good, but that’s probably not our first thought. As a parent who has dealt with many of the common child-rearing issues, however, I think I’ve finally learned the importance of this passage in Romans for parenting. It’s not always easy, but I’ve learned to step back from the situation, especially when it’s a major issue like viewing pornography, and seek the Lord’s purpose in allowing it to come to the surface.

Many of those who go through Pure Life Ministries’ counseling programs have lived for years, even decades, under the dark cloud of hidden sexual sin. Exposing it in the life of a child is truly a merciful act from a loving Heavenly Father. He aims to provide opportunity for the child to repent before the roots go any deeper. He wants to see it dealt with before it devours their youth and contaminates so many areas of their life. Believe it or not, discovering your child has been viewing pornography should become a unique and wonderful opportunity to check-in spiritually and minister to your child.

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But first, it may be a good idea to step back and consider the Lord’s equally good purpose for you in the situation. Before you can help your child, you must seek the Lord’s mind and heart on the matter. You must be convinced that the Lord, who is also your loving Heavenly Father, intends to use this circumstance for your spiritual benefit. For example, could the Lord intend this as a way of making you more desperate and needy for Him?

As hard as it will be to see this as a gift, if this situation is to be used to bring godliness and greater evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in your life, then is it not truly a gift? Will you accept it? God is giving you this opportunity, this gift, as a time to engage with your son or daughter, to model repentance, to model dependency on the Lord, and to model what it means to grow in sanctification. Your relationship with the Lord and with your child has the potential of growing in depth, width and sweetness as you go through this together.

Even if your feelings say otherwise, could you start by thanking God for this situation? Spend some time just worshiping Him, because you will see His character more fully if you have an open heart and open eyes. Thank Him that this is not just about your child, but about His glory. Pray fervently. You will taste the Lord’s love for you more deeply, so use this time to get what the Lord has for you in this. He loves you so much that He is willing to allow the hardest stuff in your life in order to bring about the ripest fruit.

Developing and maintaining a right perspective on the situation, will go a long way to assist you in preparing yourself to minister to your son or daughter. Perhaps it would also help to remember and rehearse on a regular basis how the Lord has treated you. Do you remember the loads of lumber you have had (and have currently) in your eyes? Are you willing to allow the Lord to deal with that so you can truly be a benefit to your child in these dark days? How often do you repent to the Lord? What does your devotional and prayer life look like? Are you in the habit of dealing with your sin or covering it?

Recall that your child has watched you and the spiritual habits you hold to, and likely sees that as the standard. Think on what he or she has observed. What standard have you been promoting to him spiritually? This is a time to show the mercy God has shown to you. This is a time to dispense to your child the very grace that God has slathered all over you. Do you have a glimpse of His grace? Do you have a glimpse of the Cross? If so, then pass it on to your child. If not, then you have insight into why and how God is intending to use this in your life.

As you have dealt with sin in your life at any level, reflect on what has helped you in the past. What has brought true spiritual formation in your life? Do you have a testimony to share with your child? Would it surprise him or her to know that you have struggled with impurity, pride, selfishness, introspection, lust, greed and the like?

Consider: has the Lord ever refused any of your sin and left you to pay for it on your own? Has God ever yelled at you because you made Him look bad to His friends? Think and pray about how you can work together with your son or daughter to strengthen godly convictions and emulate Christ.

Obviously, your role as parent demands that you discipline your child, and the Bible encourages us to approach our children with gentleness, with humility and with grace. (2 Timothy 2:24-26) Your child is likely embarrassed. He likely knows that what he’s done is wrong. It is not a surprise to your child that you will be disappointed or angry. What will shock him, however, is if you are understanding, compassionate, non-judgmental and non-condemning as you discipline.

Work and pray hard to bring your child, not under condemnation, but to the Cross. If you rant and rave about the sin, about how wrong it is, but do not also highlight the solution in Jesus, then you are not telling the full story. In the same way, if you emphasize your standard and how it must be in YOUR home, without also freely acknowledging how often you fail in your attempt to honor God, then you will be seen as a law-giving Pharisee and your words will undoubtedly blow away from your child like chaff. Go out of your way to affirm your love for your child. Help him understand that he is precious to you, no matter his struggle, but that your goal is to honor the Lord and come alongside him in a way that ultimately helps him honor the Lord.

Seek his or her sincere willingness to accept your help with this. That will enable you to be far more successful in implementing safeguards into his life, such as no privacy in the home when on the computer, an internet filter installed on all devices, and as much vigilance as is practical over activities and friendships outside of the home.

And, never, never stop praying! Only the Lord can be with and protect your child wherever he or she goes. Only the Lord can change his heart’s desires. All you can do is to pray for and model Christ to him. And be encouraged, for the Lord assures us: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

Most people think of hardened criminals and the most duplicitous of men when speaking of someone with a seared conscience. Yet, I believe many in the Church today are also in very real danger of this spiritual phenomenon.

The apostle Paul had a clear understanding of the damaging effects of sin on the human heart. He spoke insightfully of those who were “seared in their own conscience as with a branding iron” (1 Timothy 4:2), and those who “because of the hardness of their heart (have) become callous.” (Ephesians 4:18-19) Both metaphors—the seared conscience and the hardened, calloused heart—describe the same condition.

The Need for the Conscience

What is the human conscience? According to Vine’s Dictionary, the Greek word for conscience (suneidesis) literally means to possess “co-knowledge” of something resulting in one’s “sense of guiltiness before God.”  Thus, we were created with a unique and intrinsic faculty that gives us a kind of third-person perspective on the rightness and wrongness of our actions.

According to A.W. Tozer, the foundation of the human conscience is “the secret presence of Christ in the world.” To support his conclusions, he points to John 1:9, “There was the true Light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man.” This inward moral awareness is simply the “secret inner voice” of the Lord “accusing or else excusing him.”(1) Tozer very well may be right.

In the physical realm, the conscience is comparable to the human nervous system. When a person is wounded, he feels pain—the body’s inherent means of alerting him that something is wrong. Likewise, when a person sins, the human soul has a warning system that sounds an alarm because the person’s actions have wounded him spiritually. This soul-alarm trumpets, “Mayday! Mayday! Something is wrong!” He senses that his actions are not only wrong but will also result in destructive consequences.

A Tender Conscience

A person with a tender conscience is keenly aware of every infraction against the Lord. He recognizes sin for the ugly thing that it is. Immoral deeds, though seemingly insignificant to others, are viewed by him as monstrous crimes against a holy God. Their importance, while not exaggerated, is internally magnified so that their true, insidious nature may be clearly seen.

The person with a soft heart also remains consistently open to the Holy Spirit’s conviction. He is not looking to push the limits of sin—to see how much he can get away with—but to avoid it altogether. Sin, to him, is a poison which must be eradicated at any cost. The prayer of David expresses the unseen attitude of such a person: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.” (Psalm 139:24)

Most people who have experienced a true conversion begin their new life with this kind of spiritual sensitivity. The “eyes of their hearts” have been opened to the wonders of Jesus Christ and His kingdom. Concern over the prospect of doing something against their Savior can actually drive them to run to their pastor over things that seem ridiculous to more seasoned saints.

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A Wandering Conscience

Unfortunately, it is often only a matter of time before the “first love” for Jesus dwindles into religious form. As new converts begin to “learn the ropes” of Christianity, a slight hardening of the heart takes place. The deep sense of helplessness that once created such a humble dependence upon the Lord is gradually replaced with spiritual pride. Bright and innocent faith is slowly supplanted by cynicism. Eventually, the world’s attractions regain their carnal luster, old idols are re-erected within the heart, and once-forsaken sins start to resurface.

The Bible describes this process as the “wandering away from” a “good conscience,” (I Timothy 1:5-6) and the corrupting of the conscience (Titus 1:15). Both describe the same process of inner moral decay that occurs when a person allows sin to re-establish itself within their heart. If the person continues along this course, he will soon lose the sense of the evil nature of sin. A perfect illustration of this truth is the way a nonsmoker can become accustomed to the smokiest room—once he has taken up the cigarette habit himself. Clean lungs detect every whiff of pollution; dirty lungs have lost that capability.

The person who habitually gives himself over to sin loses the ability to feel the spiritual “pain” of sin. What happens to people who lose this sense? Consider lepers who experience a similar thing physically. Having lost sensation in their extremities, they are often terribly hurt and can even die because they are unaware of a bodily injury. In the spiritual realm, this is a picture of the hardening that takes place inside a person who remains in unrepentant sin. As his heart becomes increasingly calloused, the spiritual system God constructed within him slowly loses its ability to detect the damage being done to it. It’s little wonder that Christian men in habitual sexual sin can sit in church week after week, singing songs of worship to a God they continually defy. “Hardened by the deceitfulness of sin,” (Hebrews 3:13) their entire beings are riddled with a leprosy of evil which they can no longer even detect!

In such cases, as their conscience undergoes a constant searing, these men are gradually desensitized to the guilt of sin. If left unabated, this process will eventually lead to the death of conscience. As one writer stated it, “Such men must have won that most disastrous of victories — the victory over conscience.”(2)

A Seared Conscience

What does it mean to have one’s conscience seared? To answer that question, I consulted the godly writers of yesteryear. Adam Clarke described it thus: “One cauterized by repeated applications of sin, and resistings of the Holy Ghost...”(3) The Fausett Bible Dictionary explained it as, “…a hardened determination to resist every spiritual impression…”(4) The Pulpit Commentary said it is “the gradual deterioration of sensibility produced by (habitual sin).”(5) John Wesley likened it to, “drunkenness of soul, a fatal numbness of spirit…”(6)

In summation, if a person remains in sin long enough, he can reach a point where he is no longer influenced by the Holy Spirit. He has become so hardened that he will not listen—does not want to hear. I believe this phenomenon is that which the Bible terms apostasy.

How can a man know if he has gone too far? The very concern over such a possibility reveals the fact that there remains hope for him. Apostates, having lost all sense of morality, have no concern over such matters.

A Renewed Conscience

However, when a man in habitual sin repents—by acknowledging his guilt and taking steps to put it behind him—his hardened heart begins to soften, and he gradually begins to feel the conviction of sin once again. Finally, he is back in the place where God can reach him and help him overcome. As the writer of Hebrews exclaimed, “how much more will the blood of Christ... cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?” (Hebrews 9:14)

Nobody enjoys the feeling of guilt over wrongdoing. However, the alternative is to have no feeling: no Holy Ghost conviction, no discernment of right from wrong, and no sense of shame over the evil nature of sin. The human conscience truly is a gift from God. Personally, I plan on treasuring this gift by maintaining a soft heart and a ready ear for the convicting voice of the Holy Spirit.

(1) A. W. Tozer, The Ground of Human Conscience: Christ’s Presence in the World from the book Echoes of Eden, copyright 1994. Used by permission of Christian Publications.

(2) H. Melvill, The Biblical Illustrator, Isaiah 1, Ages Software.

(3) Adam Clarke, Hebrews 13, ibid.

(4) Fauset’s Bible Dictionary, Blasphemy, ibid.

(5) Pulpit Commentary, 2 Samuel 18, ibid.

(6) The Works of Wesley, Vol. 5, ibid.

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Have you noticed that the winds of change are blowing with ever-increasing intensity as of late? Nowadays anything goes, and there’s a different “take” on many of the moral issues that regularly pop up in the daily news headlines.

With all sorts of opinions permeating news outlets, blogs, and social media, everything is now up for debate including the topic of homosexuality.

Despite widespread attempts to make Christianity culturally relevant by redefining biblical standards, I find tremendous comfort in knowing that the truth of God’s Word remains steadfast and unshakeable from generation to generation. Amid all the clamor of the opinions and teachings of men, it is positively crucial that believers know “thus says the Lord” concerning the various controversial issues that challenge those who profess to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.

The Bible tells us clearly what God has to say about the sin of homosexuality, regardless of what the secular world—and a growing segment in the Church—have to say.

But for decades now, specific passages in the Bible stating clearly that homosexuality is sinful, and therefore forbidden by God, have been deliberately misinterpreted by some, and basically ignored by others, who regard these scriptural references as irrelevant for contemporary society. As a result we have seen numerous denominations divided over this issue, with more and more yielding to the pressure to conform to an unbiblical view of homosexuality.

Nevertheless, God is not mocked, and there is no way anyone can legitimately circumvent what God prohibits.

Over the years, as I’ve counseled hundreds of men struggling with homosexuality, I’ve found many who were convinced that God made them that way (despite the fact that over time most are terribly unsatisfied, enshrouded in self-condemnation, and increasingly burdened with guilt and despair). The scientific community has reinforced this mindset among countless struggling homosexuals, and the devil has worked through numerous activists and influential personalities to widen the gate for individuals to enter this pathway which eventually leads to death. Others make excuses and point to things they experienced in their past (abuse, rejection, low self-esteem and so forth) which relieve them of responsibility for their sin and taking it to the Cross of Jesus Christ.

Those who bravely declare the truth of what God says about homosexuality are in many instances viciously attacked, labeled as self-righteous, branded intolerant, despised as “haters,” and perhaps in the not too distant future they are destined to face imprisonment for committing a so-called “hate crime.”

From my own personal experience, I know that a person who chooses a homosexual lifestyle cannot glorify God and is therefore destined to enter a  ‘spiral of degradation’ described by Paul in Romans 1:21-27:

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

But here’s the good news in all of this: because the root of all sinful behavior is found in the heart, there is hope for any man or woman who is struggling with some besetting sin—even homosexuality! It is a heart issue (as Jesus describes in Mark 7:20-23). And the good news is that “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:8)—no matter how dark and wicked our hearts may be.

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In his first letter to the Corinthian church, Paul warns believers to guard against deception but also offers hope that homosexuality – like any life-dominating sin—can be forgiven and overcome:

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God. (I Corinthians 6:-11)

This passage gave me much hope and encouragement when I was going through the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program in 1999. For the first time, it was real to me: I can overcome and be cleansed from homosexual sin because of the blood of Jesus! My years of victory over homosexuality proclaims this truth.

I’m so grateful that God sent His Son, Jesus Christ to save the world from SIN. So to call homosexuality SIN, actually offers tremendous hope to anyone who struggles or doubts that it’s possible to live in freedom.

Someone who has been steeped in this sin for years and years, might have a difficult time believing in God’s forgiveness  because of all the lies he’s believed and been fed by various sources. But Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8) He is forever our great Sin-bearer and the God-Who-Forgives. (Psalm 99:8) He “gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works.” (Titus 2:14) The Lord has not changed, nor will He ever alter His Word to accommodate man’s sinful desires and choices.

He is a God rich in mercy and willing to deliver anyone who cries out for help and deliverance.

It was December 1993, and I was ticked! I sat across the desk from my pastor who told me that I’d have to leave the church until I got my life in order. Even though I had repeatedly binged on drugs and illicit sex, I didn’t want to accept responsibility for my actions. After working with me for several years, he finally acknowledged that there was nothing else he could do for me. “But I do know a place in Kentucky…” he said.

Well, my life changed at Pure Life Ministries, and I thank God my pastor took a stand with me. Since that time, I have been involved in some situations where church discipline was used effectively by the pastor, but unfortunately, many pastors haven’t utilized this God-given tool for restoration. “I have tried everything to help this guy,” is frequently what I hear. However, upon further questioning, it usually turns out that “everything” did not include church discipline! In light of the overwhelming problem of sexual sin in the Body of Christ, I would say that it is time that this powerful tool is restored to our churches!

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Quite honestly, excommunication from a church (like I experienced) should be the last step in a lengthy process of correction. Working with an erring believer also involves discipleship, correction, and reproof. But if a person will not repent, there comes a time when he must be dealt with more severely.

The New Testament handles this subject very specifically. In Matthew 18:15-17 the Lord gives step-by-step instructions on how to help a person who continues in habitual sin.

“And if your brother sins go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax-gatherer.” (Matthew 18:15-17)

The Process of Church Discipline

1. Reprove in private

In the situation the Lord relates, the Christian who sees a brother in sin is instructed to reprove (Gk. elegcho) that person. He later made the statement, “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline...” (Revelation 3:19)

Unquestionably, biblical reproof done in the right spirit (cf. Gal. 6:1; II Timothy 2:25) is the most loving tool a pastor can use to help a struggling saint. In fact, Paul lists it as one of the primary usages of the Word: “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness.” (II Timothy 3:16) The pastor who only uses the Word for teaching is limiting his ministry to one-fourth of its power!

2. Reprove with two witnesses

Although some men want their sin (and will not listen), I am convinced that many whom I’ve dealt with over the years would have been stopped in their tracks by a timely word of reproof and on-going “correction” and “training in righteousness.”  Sometimes the pastor may get to the point where he feels the erring believer is not taking his sin seriously, not honestly responding. What does he do now? Follow the formula Jesus gives: confront him with “two or three witnesses.” Having two church elders present will help the man to sense the gravity of his sin. This might be just enough of a wake-up call to bring him to true repentance.

3. Bring the sin before the entire church

If the sinner “refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church,” Jesus said. Up until this point, his privacy has been carefully protected, but once the pastor begins to sense that the man is refusing the correction, he is instructed to bring the sin into the light for all to see. Now the situation is treated with even more gravity. This man’s future (and possibly even his eternity) is at stake! He needs to wake up! Perhaps the shame of being exposed before the entire church will be enough to help him repent.

4. Treat the sinner as an unbeliever

However, Jesus goes on to say, “if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax-gatherer.” This is the last step to reach the erring brother. This may seem extreme, but God takes drastic measures whenever there is an unrepentant sinner in the camp. Dr. Jay Adams said, “No one should be put out of the church because of his sin (as though some sins require discipline and others do not). No, precisely not that. It is the failure to ‘hear’ that moves discipline to the final stage of putting one out of your midst.”(1)

We find an example of this in I Corinthians 5 where a man was living in sin with his father’s wife. In this instance the man needed to be brought to the final stage of church discipline quickly: “Remove the wicked man from among yourselves,” Paul told the church. This is the procedure my pastor rightly used with me.

The Purpose of Church Discipline

Without a doubt it takes a great deal of courage for a pastor in our day and age to excommunicate an unrepentant sinner. Not only must the pastor face the man’s anger, but the members of his church may misunderstand his intentions. Nevertheless, there are three very important reasons why it must be done.

First, the spiritual integrity of the church must be maintained. Paul said, “Clean out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump...” (I Corinthians 5:7) Leaven illustrates the contagious and corrupting power of sin. A church that is tolerant of sin will soon be full of compromise.

Second, when someone in sin is dealt with openly, it causes the other members of the Body to comprehend the seriousness of sin. Paul told Timothy, “Those who continue in sin, rebuke in the presence of all, so that the rest also may be fearful of sinning.” (I Timothy 5:20) This seems to be a forgotten concept in many of today’s “user-friendly” churches.

Third, it is done to save an unrepentant sinner from his sin. (1 Corinthians 5:5) Paul told the Corinthians, “I have decided to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.” We must remember that God is more concerned about a person’s eternal destiny than He is about his temporary comfort.  If a person refuses to repent, the time will come when God will “give them over” to their sin. (Romans 1:24, 26) This happened to the man in Corinth, and we find out later that he repented of his sin. (II Corinthians 2:6-8)  The complete restoration of an erring believer is the ultimate goal of church discipline.

Remember the man in Corinth, that Paul removed from the church? We find out later in 2 Corinthians 2:6-8 that he repented of his sin. We must keep in mind that God is more concerned about a person’s eternal destiny than He is about his temporary comfort. The complete restoration of an erring believer is the ultimate goal of church discipline.

Is there a place in 21st century Christianity for church discipline? Absolutely! Our loving Savior has been in the business of correcting wayward souls for a long time. I think it is time we return to the methods offered to us by He who created us. Don’t you?

Dr. Jay E. Adams, Christian Counselor’s Commentary on I & II Corinthians, P & R Pub., p. 34.

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A friend recently informed me of an all-too-familiar situation involving a married couple, Charles and Linda. Linda had become concerned about her husband’s honesty. She did a little investigating and found evidence that Charles had been looking at pornography on his laptop—again. She confronted him; he denied it; the evidence was produced, and now Charles and Linda are separated.

Linda feels she’s been down this road countless times before. I knew from past conversations we’ve had that she would undoubtedly be wrestling now with whether to seek a divorce from her 16-year marriage to Charles. This is the same question I face over and over in counseling hurting wives like Linda. “Can I divorce because of my husband’s obsession with pornography?”

Does the Bible Permit Me to Divorce?

Like many of the questions that arise in counseling, there aren’t simple black-and-white, yes-or-no answers. In order to deal with divorce from a biblical viewpoint, one of the first things we must do is take a closer look at God’s view of marriage.

In Genesis 2:24, we read God’s original design for marriage: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” And Jesus affirms this when the Pharisees questioned Him concerning divorce: “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6). Clearly, marriage was to be permanent.

Perhaps it’s simply the prevalence of divorce that has led us to lose sight of the permanency God intended for the marriage covenant. The most recent statistics tell us that 50% of first marriages end in divorce, and 80% of second marriages end in divorce.

Yet in Malachi 2:16, we hear the heart of the Creator, “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce.” I believe the reason God hates divorce is because marriage was meant to be a blood covenantal relationship (Malachi 2:13-14), meaning it was to be for life (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:8). Marriage was also to be a representation of Christ and His commitment to the Church (Ephesians 5:25-32; II Corinthians 11:2, 3).

Some may ask, “What about the rest of Jesus’ conversation with the Pharisees? After pronouncing the permanency of marriage, Matthew’s Gospel records a further exchange:

“They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?’ He said to them, ‘Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.’ ” (Matthew 19:7-9)

When one reads these words, it certainly appears that Jesus is saying divorce is permissible on the grounds of sexual immorality. In Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus also says, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

So if My Husband Is Committing Acts of Sexual Immorality, Including Viewing Pornography, I have a Ticket Out of My Marriage?

Given the biblical insights into the intended permanency of marriage, I feel it is my first obligation as a biblical counselor to encourage perseverance and offer hope to any wife who’s dealing with her husband’s sexual sin. Even if the Bible offers a way out, that doesn’t make divorce the best option for every person in every circumstance.

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When Jesus condoned divorce for reasons of sexual immorality, I believe He was referring to those who were in ongoing, unrepentant fornication with another person. Furthermore, He said Moses only permitted divorce due to the hardness of our hearts, but reiterated that from the beginning it was not so.

Therefore, if a spouse is truly repentant (see Psalm 51), meaning he or she is willing to take full responsibility for the sins committed, if he is willing to humble himself by submitting to his spiritual leaders and get the help that he needs, there is absolutely no reason why this couple should file for a divorce—especially if they are both professing Christians. Isn’t the whole message of the gospel is a message of love, forgiveness and reconciliation?

We see this quite plainly in the account of the woman caught in adultery—caught in the very act—by the Pharisees (John 8:3-12). This woman was in sin and she was deserving of the consequences of her sin, which according to the Levitical law meant being stoned to death (Leviticus 18). However, Jesus told the Pharisees, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.”

What always amazes me about the words of Jesus is that they cut to the heart and expose the darkness of our own evil heart that is so prone to condemn another’s sin.

The beauty of this story is that none of her accusers were able to cast any stones at her. Jesus lovingly asks, “‘Woman where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?’ And she said, ‘No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said to her, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.’ Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, ‘I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.’” What a picture of the loving and forgiving heart of God! If there is true genuine repentance, no matter what the sexual sin is, the power of the Cross is greater.

But What if the Spouse Is Unrepentant and Unwilling to Change?

We have seen countless situations in which husbands have been involved in homosexuality, prostitution, self-gratification, pornography or habitual affairs for years. The wives of virtually all of these men felt they had biblical grounds for divorcing their spouse when his sin was exposed. However, many have seen God miraculously and suddenly grant the gift of repentance to their spouse. These “re-born” marriages are living testimonies of the power of the Cross—a power greater than any sexual sin known to mankind! I’m thoroughly convinced that no marriage is beyond God’s ability to restore.

Many biblical scholars have concluded that the Scriptures do support divorce in a situation when a spouse is in unrepentant sexual sin, including pornography. However, others say this conclusion is not at all clear. Regardless, I would still encourage you to make sure this is how God is leading you, and also to remember that He really does hate divorce.

You must also consider that God is full of mercy and is able to make all things new. God will not give up on your spouse. He is preparing the way for his (or her) repentance. The truth is, you will please Him much more if you hang on to the hope He promises in His Word. You will please Him much more by remaining steadfast in prayer and being a vessel of mercy in your spouse’s life.

I will be the first to acknowledge, this is hard to do. Living as a true Christian IS hard, even impossible, without the grace of God. But the rewards are eternal. Whether your spouse ever responds or not, you will be blessed by choosing this path. You will find a much greater intimacy with your eternal Husband, Jesus Christ.

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I believe that something very evil was unleashed upon our land in 1971 when Joseph and Louis Peraino, members of the Colombo Mafia family, produced and released the X-rated comedy Deep Throat. The enormous success of that movie paved the way for the birth of the adult entertainment industry.

It was also a watershed moment in the spiritual history of the United States.

It was then that the door into a very dark world of succulent evil was opened to the average American male. The budding adult entertainment industry seized the opportunity, producing thousands of X-rated movies. This onslaught of pornography paved the way for multitudes of men to become addicted to illicit sexual activity. Strip clubs, massage parlors, escort services and gay bathhouses proliferated as porn addicts sought places to act out what they were viewing.

By the time I wrote the original version of At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry in 1987, the “group think” of our nation was already well on its way to being desensitized to lasciviousness. The “sex-is-everything” mindset of adult entertainment was beginning to reshape the American persona.

Just when it seemed that it couldn’t get any worse, a new medium was invented that would further open this Pandora’s Box of evil: the Internet. Within three years of its advent there were already 10,000 websites dedicated to obscenity. And recent data suggests that number is thought to have skyrocketed to 4 million sites.

There are two unsettling aspects to all of this. The first has to do with the law of diminishing returns which states that since sin does not satisfy, a person must find increasingly more base activity to view or participate in. This explains the record numbers of men accessing websites dedicated to deviant images such as child pornography, bestiality and S & M.

The second troubling aspect emerging is that adolescents and teens have become the largest single group using online porn. Insiders now believe that the average age of first-time exposure to pornographic content has dropped to 11 years of age. What is especially disconcerting about this is that those formative years tend to establish a youngster’s course of life. Even an alarming number of girls and young women are becoming addicted to pornography.

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These trends are very disturbing and one can only imagine where this is all headed.

Unquestionably, today’s pastor must be careful not to allow himself to get swept along in the mindset of tolerance that is overtaking our culture. Taking a clear-cut stand for holy living is crucial—like never before.

Since this spiritual darkness has already made deep incursions into our congregations, pastors also must be prepared to offer spiritual aid to those already bound up in sexual sin. Nowadays, it is vital that pastors understand the grip of sin and the path to freedom.

Yes, the evil is mounting and the darkness is growing. But there is a silver lining with this dark cloud that Paul himself alluded to: Anytime sin increases, grace will flourish to meet the need. (Romans 5:20) Christians—people sitting in your pews every Sunday—will continue to fall prey to the enemy’s malevolent traps. As terrible as this is, however, we can all be comforted by the fact that God’s marvelous grace will super-abound all the more to draw people out of sin, hypocrisy and dead religion and into a vibrant life in Christ.

This may come as a surprise to many readers, but sexual sin in and of itself has never sent anyone to hell any more than a person’s morality can secure him or her a place in heaven. People are sent to hell because they have never been converted—regardless of how moral or immoral their outward behavior might be.

Having said that, the practice of willful sin, of any kind, could certainly be considered as evidence of an unredeemed life—even for a professing Christian. So does that mean if someone is given over to sexual sin that it is proof he is headed into hell? Maybe, maybe not.

I tend to lump “Christian” sexual sinners into two basic groups: those who are sincerely striving to disentangle themselves from their past life of sin and those who are exerting only enough effort to fool themselves and those around them. Determining which group a man or woman is in is no easy matter.

Experience has taught me over the years to look for certain indicators as to an individual’s actual spiritual condition. The following are the sort of unspoken questions I consider when dealing with such a person.

1. How do you respond to a convicting sermon, article or passage in the Bible?

Insincere “Christians” tend to avoid sin-confronting messages and those who present them. Instead, they are attracted to peddlers of easy-believism. This, of course, is no new phenomenon.

When Isaiah was trying to win the Jewish people back to their God, he faced a great deal of hostility and resistance. He wrote, “They are always rebelling against God, always lying, always refusing to listen to the LORD’s teachings. They tell the prophets to keep quiet. They say, ‘Don't talk to us about what’s right. Tell us what we want to hear. Let us keep our illusions. Get out of our way and stop blocking our path. We don’t want to hear about your holy God of Israel.’” (Isaiah 30:9-11 GNB)

How different is the attitude of a man or woman who truly wants to be free! He is drawn to Scriptures that bring a sense of conviction about his sin; he is attracted to preachers who present an uncompromising message; he seeks out counselors who will tell him the truth about himself. This person may still be caught up in some form of habitual sin, but he will not attempt to silence the voice of the Holy Spirit in his life—in fact he longs for it.

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2. How does the guilt of sin affect you?

Guilt is a natural reaction to sexual sin and is not necessarily an indicator of a person’s spiritual status. Most unbelievers and pseudo-Christians (people involved in church life and yet unconverted) will feel a degree of shame about being involved in sexual sin because of the social stigma attached to it. However, that sense of shame is shallow and comes and goes.

On the other hand, the true believer who keeps failing will nearly always experience guilt on a much deeper level. Their overriding concern is not the possibility that their sin might be publicly exposed, but that their fellowship with God has been greatly compromised. When a true believer gets off track spiritually, he undergoes constant inner turmoil. The Lord, in His mercy, makes sure that His son feels miserable until he rids himself of the ongoing sin in his life and makes things right with God.

3. Do you feel compelled to “fight the good fight?”

Whether or not a person is really battling the pull of temptation is another good indicator to his spiritual condition.

I cannot recount the times men have told me that they “struggle with” pornography or some other form of sexual sin, and, when I begin to ask them about their ongoing war with temptation, they recount a long list of failures. “Where’s the struggle?” I ask incredulously. “You have only told me about a life of defeat; you haven’t said anything that leads me to believe that you are actively fighting those carnal urges! The fact that you are using terminology such as ‘struggle’ only indicates that you are exaggerating your spirituality while minimizing the seriousness of your problem.”

One common denominator among those who successfully fight their way out of the terrible hold of sin is that they are always trying to move forward spiritually. They may have failures, but they never quit fighting.

Hope for the Believer

It may take some time for an individual saved out of a life of wickedness to find real freedom from it. The hold of sin can be extremely powerful, but one thing is certain: if this person has truly been converted, sin will not—cannot—hold him indefinitely.

The Apostle John forever debunked the notion that a true believer can practice sin when he wrote, “The man who claims to know God but does not obey his laws is not only a liar but lives in self-delusion… The man who lives “in Christ” does not habitually sin. The regular sinner has never seen or known him.” (1 John 2:4; 3:6 Phillips)

There is something, or rather Someone, inside a bona fide believer that will not allow him to rest until he finds freedom from the hold of willful sin. How can the Holy Spirit indwell a professing Christian who regularly practices evil? Or as Paul put it: “How can light and darkness share life together?  What common ground can idols hold with the temple of God? For we, remember, are ourselves living temples of the living God, as God has said: ‘I will dwell in them…’” (2 Corinthians 6:14b, 16 Phillips)

In the final analysis, if a person is sincere, he will end up on the right side in the end; if he is insincere, he will find himself locked out of the Kingdom. It’s really as simple as that.

One need only look at the different paths Saul and David took. Every time King Saul disobeyed God, he attempted to justify his behavior, shift the blame off himself or minimize the sinfulness of his actions. Insincerity characterized his entire life with God.

How different it was for David. Once Nathan the prophet confronted him about his sin with Bathsheba, all of his defenses wilted. He crumpled into a heap and exclaimed, “I have sinned against the Lord!” Out of that heartfelt sorrow came forth the earnest prayer found in Psalm 51. And there, in the sixth verse, he penned the words that perfectly describe what God is after: “Sincerity and truth are what you require…”

How can you be saved and still be doing this? You can, but if you have a sincere heart and belong to Christ, your days of bondage are coming to an end.

They came at will—pillaging and terrorizing as they went. Young men were taken captive to a life of hopeless servitude. Girls became sex-slaves, subjected to every filthy whim of their masters. For forty years, the people of Israel suffered under the barbaric cruelty of the Philistines. In utter desperation and despair, they pleaded with Jehovah to deliver them. God’s merciful ear was attentive to their cries.

The Angel of the Lord appeared to a childless Jewish couple, announcing that they were to have a son. Samson would be his name and he was to be a Nazarite, “one separated unto God.” Two of the components of his special vow of consecration required him to abstain from drinking wine and cutting his hair. However, these were mere outward signs of the sanctified inward life he was to maintain with God. This special child, if he were to fulfill his calling as Jehovah’s champion, must keep himself pure before the Lord.

When We Deride God’s Call to Purity

Unfortunately, Samson treated his special call with disdain. While faithfully maintaining the outward requirements of the Nazarite vow, his inside world was wildly out of control. Though especially called of God, Samson’s life bore little resemblance to the lives of other O.T. “heroes of the faith,” such as Moses, Joshua, Joseph or Daniel. Rather than displaying a zeal for the house of God, he allowed his sensual passions to run riot. Instead of leading Israel to mighty victories against the Lord’s enemies, he continually acted in his own self-interests. Lacking the holy fervor that inflamed the righteous indignation of all true men of God, his exploits were always motivated by vengeance and pride. In short, Samson’s life was one long story of epic self-indulgence.

It wasn’t that Samson didn’t have a sincere affection for Jehovah; I’m sure he did. He undoubtedly loved his country and wanted to help. He didn’t voice an outright disdain for God’s call on his life; nevertheless he was unwilling to embrace the responsibility that accompanied it. With only a superficial devotion to the Lord and a merely outward consecration, Samson eventually became easy prey for the enemy.

When We Pursue the Forbidden

Samson’s life ended tragically, as a slave in a Gazan prison. However, the final chapter of this saga began when, driven by curiosity and lust, he sought out the forbidden—a Philistine woman. For the sexual sinner, one of the strongest motivations to sin is lust for the forbidden. I wrote about this in my book, At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry:

“One of the most captivating features of illicit sex is its forbidden nature. Seemingly, the more forbidden it is, the more alluring it tends to be. This is one reason why a married Christian man addicted to sex feels the need to be with other women. He is not supposed to. It is “off-limits.” Thus, for the Christian who feels pressured to live a righteous life and is constantly struggling to resist the demands of his flesh, it can be overwhelmingly irresistible because of this. Desiring that which is forbidden is part of man’s fallen nature. Just try leaving a four-year old alone in a room with a box that he has been told not to open!”

Samson craved the forbidden fruit of heathen women. In a bizarre way, his hatred and fear of the Philistines only served to fuel his lust for their women. Driven by his insatiable sexual cravings, he indulged himself more and more. Eventually, through a series of poor choices, he found himself inexorably enslaved to his passions. As is always the case with sexual addicts, he would do well for a period of time, but eventually, the delicious enticements of Gaza would overwhelm his best intentions. Before he knew it, he would find himself back on the road to Philistia. It was inevitable that he would one day end up “in the lap of Delilah”.

Given the tremendous power on Samson’s body that could spoil the enemy at will, the Philistine commanders were obviously desperate to find a way to destroy him. It’s very likely that Delilah was the most beautiful seductress in their country. They made sure the mighty man from Israel met her.

Delilah, masterful in the art of seduction, knew the secret of keeping a man in a constant state of desire for her. Coolly and deliberately, she toyed with Samson’s emotions and passions, never allowing him to feel as though he was in control—yet always leaving him yearning for more. Once irreversibly under her licentious spell, he was powerless to resist. In a matter of days, he became like putty in her hands. The Black Widow’s prey was helplessly dangling in her enticing web.

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When We Ignore Warning Signs

With a soothing voice, Delilah began to ask Samson about the mysterious source of his great strength. On three different occasions, he lied to her about how to dry up the source of his power. Each time she did what he said only to discover that she had been deceived. Then she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me?” Every day, she “pressed him” and “urged him” to disclose his secret. She played on his emotions, pleaded with him, threatened him; all the while keeping him in a heightened state of sexual desire.

Three times her treachery had been exposed: there was no mistaking her intentions. But the lap of Delilah is very intoxicating. “Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned?” (Proverbs 6:27) He finally relented and “told her all that was in his heart.”

“A razor has never come on my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother’s womb,” he gushed. “If I am shaved, then my strength will leave me and I will become weak and be like any other man.” (Judges 16:17)

The power that had been on the body of Samson came from the keeping of his vow to God, his long hair merely being an outward sign of his separation unto Jehovah. As he lay in a semi-conscious trance of bliss—with his head in her lap—the crude scissors snipped away all that remained of his weak devotion to God.

When We Suffer the Consequences

Like a pack of wild jackals, the Philistines swarmed into her bedroom. Samson’s bald head betrayed his enfeebled condition. They quickly seized him, dragging him into the city square. There, in front of a jeering mob, his eyes were mercilessly gouged out of their sockets. He must have screamed in pain before passing out. The great champion of Israel was thrown bleeding and whimpering into a foul prison cell.

In the months that followed, the blinded judge was forced to push a huge grinding stone. One can only imagine how the thoughts of his foolishness must have plagued him day after day during his endless trips around the same tedious circles. Over and over again he replayed the events leading up to his capture. “How could I have been so stupid?” he would demand of himself.

Samson discovered that once “the pleasures of sin” have had their season, they must give way to “the wages of sin.” Not only did he suffer physically, but it seems that the Philistines also routinely brought him out of the prison to play the part of a fool during their frequent parties. He was probably forced to dance and act like a buffoon before the jeering mob.

When We turn back to the Lord

But in his sufferings, something stirred within his heart. Samson’s heart began to awaken unto the God whose loving call he had treated with such disdain. One old-time writer stated:

“Pitiable as the loss was, Samson was better blind than seeing. The lust of the eye had led him astray, and the loss of his sight showed him his sin. His hair grew together with his repentance, and his strength with his hair. The cruelties of the Philistines were better for him than their kindness. It is penitence which pleads, ‘Remember me, O Lord God!’ He knows that his sin has broken the flow of loving divine thought to him, but he asks that the broken current may be renewed. Many a silent tear had fallen from Samson’s blind eyes, before that prayer could have come to his lips, as he leaned on the great pillars.” (1)

For years, he had lived in a selfish lack of concern toward the plight of his own people, squandering the sacred duty that had been entrusted to him. His indulgence eventually brought him to a Gazan prison. But where there is true repentance, there is always hope. Samson’s greatest victory was yet to come.

A great celebration in honor of the Philistine god, Dagon, quickly deteriorated into a drunken orgy. It wasn’t long before the inevitable calls began for the Israelite champion to be brought forth. Mercilessly, the jailers came for the blind man. Standing there in their midst, listening to the blasphemous praises to their demon-god, power once again flowed through Samson’s arms as he braced himself against the building’s supporting pillars. In one moment, enlivened by a forgiven soul and a regenerated heart, the disgraced Nazarite did his greatest work for the people of Israel.

Beloved of God, do not let your soul be turned away from Jehovah to lust after the forbidden manna of this world. You may have already spent years in servitude to the inexhaustible cravings of your own flesh. You may even have experienced a Samson-esque fall from grace, your faith shipwrecked on the shores of unfulfilling pleasures and enslaving passions. However, it is not too late! The call of God is always before you, “Repent, and turn from all your transgressions, so that iniquity will not be your ruin.” (Ezekiel 18:30) Flee the soothing, treacherous voice of the enemy and run into the arms of God, for He alone can satisfy your every need.

(1) Alexander MacLaren, Strength Profaned and Lost, Ages Software.

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Nothing of real value is ever accomplished without a sincere belief in its being accomplished. At the core of all enterprise lies the hope for success. Robbed of his hope, a man loses every ounce of strength and motivation to continue trying. Knowing this, the enemy does his utmost to breed hopelessness and despair, especially in men who struggle with addictions and habitual sin. Every failure or setback is followed by the foul stench of some devil’s breath as he condemningly whispers, “You see! You thought you could be free, but you will never be free!”

Why does the enemy fight so vehemently against a believer’s faith? Because he knows it is one of the most powerful weapons in the battle with habitual sin. “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me,” was the apostle Paul’s confident claim. (Philippians 4:13) To the man who has tried time after time to quit his besetting sin, these words can seem like a mockery. Nevertheless, they stand as a testimony of truth to every blood-bought child of God. The defeated Christian’s problem, then, is not any failure on the Lord’s part but his own lack of faith in the veracity of the statement. God has already fulfilled His end of the bargain by sending His Son. It is therefore left to the Christian to believe and then act in faith on that belief!

Paul faced his own internal struggles with his fallen nature—as the 7th chapter of Romans candidly describes. With utter transparency he penned his deepest personal battles. “Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?” he cried out. But then, at the darkest moment of despair, it seems that Paul received a fresh revelation from on high: “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!... For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.” (Romans 7:24-8:2)

Inherent within these verses is a promise, but it’s a conditional promise. Until a man truly believes there is hope of freedom—believes the truth of God’s Word—he will never take the necessary steps to claim the promise of freedom. This life of liberty was purchased at Calvary for every child of God. It was there on the Cross that Jesus forever broke the hold of sin on the believer. Freedom for the captives has been declared! The chief problem is simply that many Christians don’t realize the magnitude of what was purchased for them. They don’t realize that they are free.

The Emancipation Proclamation

This reminds me of a story written by Hannah Whitall Smith about some Southern slaves who lived during the Civil War. President Lincoln had recently issued the Emancipation Proclamation and news of it was sweeping across the land. The Proclamation secured freedom for every slave as soon as it was issued. However, each slave, wherever he might be, had to believe and act on the report before this freedom would actually become his. Mrs. Smith tells the story:

“In a little out-of-the-way Southern town, a Northern lady found, about two or three years after the war was over, some slaves who had not yet taken possession of their freedom. An assertion of hers, that the North had set them free, aroused the attention of an old colored auntie, who interrupted her with the eager question: ‘O missus, is we free?’

“‘Of course you are,’ replied the lady.

“‘O missus, is you sure?’ urged the woman, with intensest eagerness. ‘Certainly, I am sure,’ answered the lady. ‘Why, is it possible you did not know it?’

“‘Well,’ said the woman, ‘we heered tell as how we was free, and we asked master, and he 'lowed we wasn't, and so we was afraid to go. And then we heered tell again, and we went to the cunnel, and he 'lowed we'd better stay with ole massa. And so we's just been off and on. Sometimes we'd hope we was free, and then again we'd think we wasn't. But now, missus, if you is sure we is free, won't you tell me all about it?’

“Seeing that this was a case of real need, the lady took the pains to explain the whole thing to the poor woman; all about the war, and the Northern army, and Abraham Lincoln, and his Proclamation of Emancipation, and the present freedom.

“The poor slave listened with the most intense eagerness. She heard the good news. She believed it. And when the story was ended, she walked out of the room with an air of the utmost independence, saying as she went, 'Ts free! I's ain't agoing to stay with ol massa any longer!’” (1)

The point of this story is clear: The woman was by all rights free, but it was not an experiential freedom. Until she believed the report and acted on it, she remained bound to her old master. So it is with the children of God. We were once held in Satan’s malevolent bondage to sin. Then we repented and believed the good news. At that moment, our own Emancipation Proclamation was issued. We now only needed to act upon it.

The Biblical Pattern of Freedom

Thus, a biblical pattern emerges. First, a man must hear the report that he is free. Second, he must believe it by faith. Third, he must act upon that faith by fulfilling any conditions attached to it. After doing all of this he will begin to feel the freedom that was being offered all along. This, Smith points out, is the divine order of faith. Regrettably, many Christians want to reverse this order. They desire the feeling of freedom before the actions of faith. But, feelings follow behavior. We feel free when we act like free men. Living by feelings rather than faith, they doom themselves to a life of defeat.

The Word of God is heaven’s “emancipation” report, signed with Christ’s own precious blood, and sent to God’s people on earth. It boldly proclaims liberty for the captive soul. If we will only believe and follow through on what we have been told, we will find God’s grace is there to set us free and keep us free. “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free… So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed.” (John 8:31-36)

(1) Hannah Whitall Smith, The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life, © 2004 by Hendrickson Publishers Peabody, MA, pp. 51-53.