9 Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. 11 Knowing, therefore, the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are well known to God, and I also trust are well known in your consciences. 12 For we do not commend ourselves again to you, but give you opportunity to boast on our behalf, that you may have an answer for those who boast in appearance and not in heart. 13 For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; or if we are of sound mind, it is for you. 14 For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; 15 and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again. (2 Cor 5:9-15 NKJV)

In a nutshell, that is the Christian walk. Not the experience of salvation, but the fruit of it. That is the direction of every true convert to Christianity, and is essential to maintaining victory over the sin that once held you captive.

Ask yourself this question: Does that passage describe the effect that Jesus has had on you?

Before I came into the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program, I professed to be a Christian. But if I were to describe my Christianity, it wouldn’t be anywhere near what that passage describes.

Pornography was not simply an addiction in my life. It was the premiere thing that I went after. It was an obsession. I was its slave.

A profession of faith is not enough to save us. It’s not enough to be convinced that Jesus was a historical figure. Something must happen inside us so that we become a confession of Christ to a world that is already condemned.

How does that happen? How are we to live our lives as a confession of Christ?

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From our main text, I believe that there were two main factors that guided and motivated Paul along his race. One is found in verse 11; “knowing, therefore, the terror of the Lord…” You will not find that kind of motivation preached about in most churches. That word for “terror” is the Greek word phobos. It’s where we get our word phobia.

Hell is real. And it is meant for the sinner. The problem for mankind is that “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” God’s glory is perfection. His justice demands that He can only associate Himself with that which is holy.

But praise God that mercy triumphs over judgment. Mercy doesn’t dissolve judgment or take it away, in the sense of eradicating it entirely from the core of who God is. God is still just. But mercy is the way by which we can become holy, because it’s through Christ’s holiness that we are brought near to God. Jesus’ sacrifice was a holy sacrifice. Ephesians 2:13, “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.”

There is a balance found in true Christianity that includes both His justice and His mercy. But the grace message of today will tell you that the sacrifice of Jesus neutralized the justice side of God and now all He is happy, happy, happy. Well, He is happy. But because God is so in control of His emotions, He can be perfectly happy and perfectly angry at the same time.

So, the terror of the Lord was one key component to Paul’s confessional Christianity.

The next thing he mentions is equally as important.

It’s found in verse 14 of our chapter, and it is “For the love of Christ constraineth us.” The core of this word is to hedge or hem in. To be so overtaken by something that you have choice but to move with it and its current. You are at its mercy.

The Greek word that is translated here as “constraineth” is used only 12 times in the bible, but it is used in a variety of situations. It is often used when talking about people being overcome with diverse diseases. Their bodies had no choice but to respond in certain ways to the infection controlling their body. They were constrained by disease.

A good illustration of this is toothpaste. As pressure is applied to the tube, it constrains the toothpaste to exit the only way it can. There is absolutely no choice for the toothpaste. It has to come out through that hole at the top.

Paul tells us here in verse 14 what it was that gave him no choice, what forced him to act the way he did on the Narrow Road. And notice how it is stated. It is the love of Christ, not his love for Christ that has the constraining power over his life.

Oswald Chambers wrote, ““(Paul) was overpowered, subdued, and held as in a vise by ‘the love of Christ.’ Very few of us really know what it means to be held in the grip of the love of Christ. We tend so often to be controlled simply by our own experience. The one thing that gripped and held Paul, to the exclusion of everything else, was the love of God.”

This is what will combat the extremely dangerous false grace teaching that is pervasive in our day. We need to be reminded that the grace of God is not a license to sin. If anything, the grace of God has given us license to perform righteous works for Him! It gives us license to say no to sin! To live soberly and godly in this present age! We are able now to be slaves to righteousness instead of slaves to sin! Hallelujah!

This is extremely important in our day and age. It’s not enough to have a profession, as we already mentioned. And it’s not enough to do things in the name of Jesus. Jesus Himself said that there would be many in the last day who had done many mighty miracles in His name, and yet, He never knew them. There was no intimacy with Him. They had no love relationship with Him. They were claiming to do things in His name as if they were married to Him. But Jesus tells them that their actions weren’t founded on love. There was no, “we love Him, because He first loved us.” That element of their Christian walk was not there. The love of Christ did not constrain them.

How did sexual sin grow in our lives? Because we nourished the hunger. We scratched that itch, over and over again. We loved our sin with all our heart.

But it works the other way as well. If we would begin to give our hearts over to God, we would see the love of God begin to grow in our hearts.

It is my prayer that His amazing love would so captivate us and so compel us that it doesn’t get glossed over as if you’ve heard of it before. His love is something that shines in the darkness and the darkness does not comprehend it.

If the Lord has saved you, and you desire to please Him in all that you do, the way to maintain a pure life is to let the love of Christ constrain you that you should live no longer for yourselves, but for Him who died for you and rose again.

“The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul...” (Psalm 19:7)

In a period of man’s history when the often-conflicting teachings of psychology are held in almost reverential awe, it takes a real step of faith to believe David’s statement that a sin-ravaged soul can be restored through the Word of God. When I read this verse, my mind immediately went to the words of Paul: “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently...” (Galatians 6:1 NIV) Another translation says, “...you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path.” (NLT)

The word “restore” is the same term used for a doctor who sets (or restores) a broken bone. What an apt picture of the man who has been involved in pornography and/or fornication! His soul has been crushed to pieces by the destructive nature of sin. Proper perspectives of sexuality have been warped and distorted. Evil has penetrated his heart with spiritual darkness. Spiritually speaking, he has fallen off a three story building: he’s still alive, but he’s all busted up inside. What will you do to help him?

Paul said, “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.” (II Timothy 3:16-17) His claim—like that of David a thousand years earlier—was that the Word of God was sufficient—adequate—to provide the answers to life’s many problems.

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The Four-Fold Use of Scripture

1. For Teaching
Unquestionably, there is an important place for teaching. Believers must be educated in all that the Bible has to say about life. The pulpit is the perfect vehicle for this greatly needed gift. It gives the pastor the opportunity to bring out important truths needed for living the victorious Christian life—and he can do it all at once to his entire congregation! However, in my opinion, too many pastors short-change their people by limiting their usage of the Bible to Sunday services. This is tragic, because it means that their ministry is only operating at one-fourth its power! It’s like a four-cylinder engine firing on a single cylinder. You might make it down the road, but it sure won’t be very effective.

2. For Reproof
Paul also told this earnest young minister named Timothy that he should use the Word of God to reprove people. This is an exceedingly important tool in the hands of the minister who is helping someone who is in habitual sin. The picture here is of a man attempting to walk the narrow path of Christianity. Occasionally strong temptations show up along the way. Solomon paints a vivid picture of the young man who runs into a beautiful prostitute in the street. “With her many persuasions she entices him; with her flattering lips she seduces him. Suddenly he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter...” (Proverbs 7:21-22) This is also a picture of a man being tempted into pornography. He has drifted off “the highway of holiness” and has gone astray. When the man of God (who is responsible for this man’s spiritual well-being) sees this happening, he steps between him and the source of his temptation and in passionate, godly love says, “No! You can’t do that!” He is stopping this man from going over a cliff. This is biblical reproof. “...if another Christian is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path...”

3. For Correction
Biblical correction is slightly different. This occurs when the believer is in some type of unrepentant sin and the minister confronts him about it. This man desperately needs someone to step into his life and point out what he cannot see for himself because of the deceptiveness of his sin. He needs to be shown in Scripture how his actions are falling short of godly standards. Biblical confrontation—done in love and meekness—is perhaps the most powerful tool the minister has in dealing with sin. It is correcting the “broken bones” of his soul.

4. For Training in Righteousness
Lastly, Paul said that the Word of God is to be used to train people in righteousness. Training is different from teaching in that it is personal. Rather than picking and choosing from a pulpit sermon what he may or may not want to adopt into his life, the man receives face-to-face discipling from his pastor. His spiritual mentor teaches him how to live a life pleasing to God and then holds him accountable to follow through in his daily life. This one-on-one discipleship is greatly needed by the struggling saint. Without accountability, it is simply too easy to disregard the teaching that comes from the pulpit.

Getting Personally Involved

It will be noticed that the first usage of the Sword of the Spirit is done corporately, while the other three are practiced through interpersonal relationships. Teaching from the pulpit is important, but people change when the minister gets involved in their lives. Unfortunately, many pastors have adopted a worldly concept of ministerial success. The world only sees numbers: the size of the congregation, the amount of money flowing into the till, and the extent of the pastor’s influence.

God does not see any of this when He looks down from heaven. Success in His kingdom does not revolve around numbers but around faithfulness. Christians will not be judged by mathematical formulas (number crunching), but by their love for others. There is nothing inherently wrong in pastoring a large church, if that is what the Lord has called the man to do. However, there are many pastors of small congregations who will be counted faithful because they have lived sacrificially to meet the needs of others. Perhaps worldly Christians don’t respect them but heaven does. They will be counted faithful because they have put the lives of others above their own ambitions.

If people are to be effectively helped through their struggles, someone will have to get their hands dirty! Somebody must be willing to get involved in their personal lives. There must be a man or woman of God who will teach, reprove, correct and train in righteousness. Perhaps this is what Paul meant when he said, “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, handling accurately the word of truth.” (II Timothy 2:15) The pastor who does this will find that David’s statement is true: “The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul.”

If every believer in my church will one day enjoy the same blanket pardon of sin, trod the same streets of gold and worship before the same Throne, why should I be concerned about spiritual growth? If all the benefits of heaven await every believer, why does my congregation need to fight for a holier life, pursue a deeper life in God, or desire to be conformed into His image? Why shouldn’t they just live for themselves and enjoy the pleasures and amusements of this world while they have them? And why should I address their struggles, failures, and shortcomings? Are they really that big of a deal? Do they make a difference?

Consider the following benefits to pushing for growth among the people of your flock.

1. Maturing Believers Are Much Easier to Lead

When people allow the Holy Spirit to have His way in their lives, strife, gossip, criticism and sexual sin all begin to diminish. A stagnant congregation is a breeding ground for problems. On the other hand, healthy, growing Christians are motivated to serve, pray and love.

2. Thriving Spiritual Life is Contagious

In a church of vibrant believers, people want to participate in church activities. Family members sense the excitement and want to be a part of it. People start getting truly converted. There is a law of increase that comes into play once the Holy Spirit begins to move among a body of believers. Those who attempt to attract people to their churches by dumbing-down holiness and using worldly techniques are cutting themselves off from the greatest source of multiplication available to the pastor. “Set yourself on fire,” quipped John Wesley, “and the world will come watch you burn.”

3. Eternal Consequences Are Real

An even more compelling reason to stress the need for your people to truly become doers of the Word, is the eternal consequence that comes as a result of the way a person has lived his life. One day, each of us will give an accounting for our lives. All the things that seemed so important on earth will vanish and the only thing that will remain will be the virtues of grace that have been worked into a person’s life. Who can comprehend the eternal loss or gain that will be realized on that terrible Day?

4. Spiritual Growth Is the Way God Is Glorified

It is through what He is able to accomplish in us and through us that His holy nature is revealed to the world and (as Ephesians 3:10 reveals) to the “rulers and the authorities in the heavenly places.” Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones wrote: “God is going to open His last great exhibition and all these heavenly powers and principalities will be invited to attend. The curtain will be drawn back and God will say, ‘Look at them!’”

Yes, it is true, that all believers will share some of the benefits of heaven equally. But there is so much more at stake than implied by this superficial and shortsighted perspective. Believers will carry on into eternity the level of love and commitment that was theirs on earth. As a pastor, resist complacency in your church, equip and empower your congregation to fight sin, and watch as the Lord does more than you can ask or imagine.

I have been free from sexual sin for some time but I keep getting pictures from the past in my mind. Is God trying to convict me of something?

If you have repented of your past sins—renounced and forsaken them—there is nothing for the Lord to convict you of. He only convicts of sin so that the person will confess his transgression and repent of it. Even if He were still dealing with you about some underlying attitude, He wouldn’t bring ungodly thoughts into your mind to accomplish it.

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You are simply suffering the long term consequences of sin. Jeremiah spoke of this spiritual phenomenon when he wrote: “The sin of Judah is written down with an iron stylus; with a diamond point it is engraved upon the tablet of their heart and on the horns of their altars, as they remember their children, so they remember their altars and their Asherim by green trees on the high hills.” (Jeremiah 17:1-2)

In regard to these verses, the Pulpit Commentary says the following: “Sin leaves a record of itself. It is not an isolated act. It begets consequences — plants memories, creates guilt. The record remains even if we do not read it… It is written on the memory. Men who have forsaken the scenes of their evil deeds cannot shake off the clinging burden of the memory of them. The criminal is haunted by his crimes. They people his dreams with horrors; they overshadow his waking hours with gloom. Even when sin is put out of mind it is probably buried in the secret chamber of memory, to be ultimately brought to the light of consciousness.”

The author who wrote these words was referring primarily to unrepentant sinners. Yet, there is still a truth involved that should be noted. Just like a girl can repent of her sexual sin and still face an unwanted pregnancy or a thief can forsake his criminal life but still be sentenced to prison, the effects of our sins can haunt our lives years after the act has been committed.

Sexual sin is a pervasive issue among the two and a half million convicts in the U.S. prison system. That puts the American inmate population at the very center of the “target market” that God has called Pure Life Ministries to reach. And although I have spoken in many penitentiaries around the country over the years, nowhere have the doors opened to me more readily than in the Lone Star State.

Texas Prison Tour 2016

Early in 2015, the chaplain of a Texas prison contacted us about the possibility of having me speak there sometime. I felt the Lord was in this, so I asked our prison ministry coordinator to contact other chaplains in the area about a possible tour of facilities in February 2016. There are over 100 state prisons in Texas, so we focused our attention on a concentrated cluster of facilities just northeast of Houston. With rental car, flights, hotels and food costs, we calculated the trip to cost Pure Life Ministries about $3000.

In one of our appeal letters we asked people to give to “Pastor Steve’s Prison Tour,” but by November we had only received $500 toward this need. It looked as though we would have to cancel the trip. I began praying about it. Within a week, we received a call from a church in Nacogdoches — smack dab in the middle of all those prisons — inviting us to conduct a Call to Purity weekend. This meant that the host church would cover the cost of my airfare and even give an honorarium to Pure Life Ministries. And the only available space on their calendar to schedule the event was in the first two weeks of February — the very time we had already scheduled the prison trip!

This was all the assurance I needed of God’s involvement, so on January 29th I boarded a plane for Houston. But no sooner had I arrived than I received this disappointing message: the first two facilities where I was slated to speak — both maximum-security penitentiaries — were on “lock down,” and my visits were cancelled.

The Huntsville Walls Unit

Meanwhile, even as we were receiving this discouraging news, God was doing something totally unexpected. The chaplain of the Huntsville “Walls Unit” — the flagship prison of the Texas system—had called Pure Life and asked if there was any chance of getting Steve Gallagher to speak there sometime. He was told, “Well, as a matter of fact, he is in Texas right now speaking in prisons, and it just so happens he will be in Huntsville speaking at another facility next week!” Arrangements were quickly made for me to speak there as well that week.

During my time in Texas we were able to conduct the Call to Purity event at the church in Nacogdoches, as well as speaking in three maximum-security penitentiaries, a geriatric facility housing mostly “lifers,” and a transfer unit. Hundreds of men — many of them sex offenders — were called to repentance and given a clear-cut path to freedom from the bondage to sin during these services.

And, as is always the case when I speak in prisons, a number of men came up to me to express their gratitude for what At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry has meant to them. We have sent thousands of complimentary copies into the U.S. prison system over the years. One man showed me the tattered copy that he has clung to through innumerable transfers during his years of incarceration, exclaiming, “this book changed my life!”

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The most exciting part of the trip, however, was my unexpected visit to the “Walls Unit” in Huntsville. The chaplain told me that he is starting a program called “Men of Purity,” which will take his inmates through At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry over the course of 12 weeks. He is confident that because this class is being conducted at the principal penitentiary in Texas it will soon be offered in all 109 Texas prisons!

The Texas Death House

During my time at the “Walls Unit” I was given a personal tour of the facility by the assistant warden. We first visited the now decrepit and unused East Wing, constructed in 1865, which served as the backdrop to such movies as the Clint Eastwood thriller, “A Perfect World.”

But the majority of my time with the warden was spent in America’s most active death chamber—the scene of over 500 executions since 1982. The warden took me step-by-step through the process of what a condemned man experiences during his final hours on earth. After his last meal, he is escorted by a special team of officers into the 9 by 12 foot room, where he is quickly strapped down to the gurney stationed in the center of the room. The medical team inserts an IV needle into each arm and then moves into an adjoining room. Now only the warden and the chaplain remain with the condemned. Once the warden gives the signal, a lethal dose of phenobarbital is released, and the man simply falls asleep and within minutes expires.

On the morning of February 16th—the day after I returned to Kentucky—our staff lifted up their voices in prayer for double-murderer Gustavo Garcia, who would be executed in that chamber later in the day. His final words (“God bless you. Stay strong. I’m done.”) revealed the gravity of his situation, and perhaps that he had gotten his life right with God at some point.

The reason I was sent to prisons by the Lord was for men like him — men who need the eternal hope that only comes from the Word of the Cross. No matter how heinous their crimes, God is still extending the call to repent and to come into His kingdom with a clean slate. What a joy to play a part in that transition!

A few years ago I heard a true story I will never forget. A group of people conspired to kidnap a certain wealthy, Long Island businessman in order to get a sizeable ransom. They arranged to have a young attractive woman invite him over to her house “to be entertained.” Even though he was a married man this was an offer he just couldn’t turn down. Here was a young beauty who was interested in him and was offering him her body. It was his wildest dream come true!

He followed her home and as he entered the house, her accomplices in this diabolical plot quickly jumped him like a pack of wolves. They then took him away to an abandoned apartment with thickly boarded up windows, so that his screams couldn’t be heard. For five days they tortured him and did unimaginable things to him. Although his wife came up with the money, in the end, his demented tormentors beat him to death. An autopsy report indicated that he had not drunk or eaten in five days.

As I consider what happened to this man, these sobering words from the book of Proverbs come to mind:

For the lips of a loose woman drip honey as a honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged and devouring sword. (Pr 5:3-4)

What started out as this man’s wildest dream come true, quickly turned into a tragic nightmare from hell. If only he could have seen behind the façade, if only he knew the plot of his dazzling temptress, if only he could have seen the path she was taking him, if only…!

We Love Sin

Just like this unfortunate fellow, without God’s Word and His perspective on things, we too are vulnerable to the powerful allurement of sin. You would think after awhile we would catch on to this deception, when every day we see the consequences of sin all around us. We are much like unsuspecting fish, which fall for the nice, shiny lure in the water time and again.

Spurgeon said, “It is the sweetness of sin that makes it more dangerous. Satan never sells his poison naked, he always gilds them (makes them look pleasing to the eyes) before he vends them. Beware of pleasures. It is said that where the most beautiful cacti grow, there the most venomous snakes lurk. It is so with your sin. Your fairest pleasures will harbor your grossest sin and most grievous consequences.”

I remember when the AIDS epidemic started; people who were infected were dropping like flies. You would have thought this deadly disease would have curtailed men having sex with men, drug users sharing needles, and others getting involved in illicit sexual activities. Yet people kept right on pursing their sinful lifestyles, fully aware of the life-threatening risk involved.

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Undoubtedly, sexual lust is very powerful and deceptive. It’s intoxicating nature causes those entranced by it to see only the object of desire in front of them. It blinds them to everything and plunges them deeper and deeper into the “twilight zone” where they actually lose touch with reality. God, family and consequences fade into the background, while the fulfillment of their selfish desire takes center stage. They are willing to pursue their fantasy at the expense of those around them and even their own life.

We live in a world today in which we are constantly bombarded by objects that appeal to what the Bible calls the lust of the flesh (i.e. intense desires that spring up from our fallen nature; a longing for the forbidden), the lust of the eyes (i.e. the portal through which the outward things of this world, such as riches, pomp, and beauty, enter and inflame the human heart), and the pride of life (i.e. the fascination with vain, worldly pursuits of ambitious souls thirsting after honor and applause and who sit as king on the throne of their hearts).

The devil, who is fueling this propaganda machine, has been in the advertising business for thousands of years and is a master at selling his objects of desire. His M.O. hasn’t changed one bit since his first business deal in the Garden. The marketplace for His goods has remained wide-open with a never-ending supply of buyers lined up at the counter to purchase his gilded poison. He lurks at every corner—always planning, scheming, and setting his camouflaged traps to ensnare his next victim.

Sin Hates Us

However, to get God’s perspective on things, we must look to His Word, which sheds light on the enemy’s deceptive advertising campaign against us. Without a doubt the young man in Proverbs 7 wasn’t walking in the light of God’s Word. Left to his own ways, his life headed down a dimly lit pathway, a course according to the principles of this world. Like the businessman from Long Island, he was open prey to what awaited him at the end of the street.

Passing along the street near her corner; And he took the path to her house, in the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night. And there a woman met him, with the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart. (Pr 7:8-9)

The Bible tells us, “Your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” The problem is that he doesn’t come to us as a roaring lion; he comes in the “attire of a harlot, and with a cunning heart.” In other words he dresses up to appeal to the lust of the eyes with a hidden motive to seduce the affections and ensnare the soul. This harlot comes to us every day through the media, books, advertisement, the entertainment industry and yes, especially through the medium you are now utilizing to read this article: the Web!

The sales pitch is always the same. You know how it is when you’re out shopping. I always get leery when the salesperson comes up to me and starts to flatter me and tells me what a nice couple my wife and I make. The inference is always the same, “I’m really interested in you, I have what you want, and it won’t cost you anything. We have a special offer, no payments for 12 months!” The devil and this world speak the same lie: “It’s a dream come true! It will be long-lasting, and it will truly satisfy you! And most of all, there will be no consequences!”

Come, let us take our fill of love until morning; Let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home; He has gone on a long journey; He has taken a bag of money with him, and will come home on the appointed day. (Pr 7:18-20)

Like our man described here in Proverbs, millions plunge headlong every day, “Like an ox to the slaughter” pursuing the fleeting pleasures of sin and this world, not knowing there wildest dream will become a nightmare some day.

He did not know it would cost his life. (Pr 7:2)

The wisdom of God cries out on every corner to any who will listen:

My son, keep my words, And treasure my commands within you. Keep my commands and live, And my law as the apple of your eye. Bind them on your fingers; Write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, "You are my sister," And call understanding your nearest kin, That they may keep you from the immoral woman, From the seductress who flatters with her words. (Pr 7:1-5)

When we obey this command, the Word of God rips the mask off the whore! It exposes the schemes of the enemy of our souls. Being hearers of the Word profits us nothing; we must be doers of His word. (James 1:22) So it is imperative that we saturate our minds with God’s truth and seek to implement it into our lives daily. Heeding God’s instruction is the only way that we can avoid falling into a deadly trap.

“For the waywardness of the naïve will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them. But he who listens to me shall live securely and will be at ease from the dread of evil.” (Pr 1:32-33 NASB)

“What is your success rate at Pure Life Ministries?” the radio interviewer wanted to know. It was a question I had faced many times over the years. What he was really asking was, “How effective are your methods in helping men get free from sexual addiction?”

During my early years of ministry, I would hazard a guess (How could it be anything other than mere conjecture about something as secretive as sexual sin?) which usually ranged from 70% to 80%.

But this time I found myself offering an answer that astounded him, the audience and even me. “One hundred percent!”

“One hundred percent?” he asked, clearly skeptical.

“Yes. Every single man who acts upon the biblical practices we lay out for him and who comes to the Lord with a sincere desire for freedom is set utterly free from habitual sin.”

“And do you know what?” I continued, pressing my point. “If I didn’t believe that was true I would get out of this business. Scripture guarantees freedom for any who truly desire it. Men who are shown a clear-cut path to victory, who are allowed to live in an environment that supports and encourages a life of spiritual victory and who respond to the Lord’s dealings with them are going to receive the freedom they long for.”

“Let me ask you a question,” I said, turning the tables on the interviewer. “If a man goes through our program and never again returns to the sinful practices he was addicted to, and yet remains prideful, critical, resentful, lustful, in other words, he is still full of himself, would you place him in the victory column your equation offers?”

“No, I suppose I wouldn’t,” the host admitted.

“Christianity begins and ends in the heart,” I said earnestly. “A man may somehow find relief from an addiction, but if his heart hasn’t changed, what has really been accomplished?”

“Yeah, I see what you mean,” he added.

“I am a minister of the gospel; and as such my focus must be on the spiritual and eternal well-being of those who come to me for help,” I said, making a final point. “I am not in the business of helping people somehow attain a happier life on earth. I am called to lead them to Christ and into a life that is pleasing to God.”

That interview that day helped to define within me a conviction that had been growing for some time.

Embracing God’s Freedom, God’s Way

God’s idea of freedom is often much different than man’s shallow concepts. The Lord wants to see His children free from the underlying cause of habitual sin: the Self-life. The focus of the Lord’s dealings with a new believer is not so much the sin itself as it is the old sinful nature that provides it a safe haven in which to operate.

In my book, At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, I made the point that sin flourishes within the Self-life:

“Dealing with sexual addiction in the Christian’s life can be compared to dealing with bedsores of those suffering from debilitating illnesses. You can treat these painful lesions with the latest ointments, creams, and bandages, but unless you cure the disease, the patient will stay bedridden and continue to suffer with such irritation. In the same way, sexual addiction is a by-product of a self-centered lifestyle. The person is addicted to illicit sex because he is consumed with SELF. You can ‘treat’ the sexual problem for the rest of your life, but until the selfish nature is dealt with, the propensity to sin will remain.”

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And isn’t this the whole point of the sanctification process a believer experiences? The Lord will constantly do His utmost to help the Christian “mortify the deeds” of the flesh. As this is occurring, He is filling the person with His Spirit. That is why a believer who has been filled with the Spirit exhibits the fruit of love, joy, patience, self-control and so on.

The reason some become so Christlike, while others stagnate is that we have been given a free will. While we cannot change ourselves, we must respond to and cooperate with the activity of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

What does all of this have to do with the Cross? The Cross represents both the Holy Spirit’s initial work of regeneration and also His ongoing work of conforming us into the image of Christ. Sin and the Self-life that harbors it are both dealt with at the Cross.

This process of sanctification involves ongoing repentance, surrender, submission, obedience and Self-denial. To the degree a believer cooperates with the Lord’s leading in these various disciplines he will become increasingly free from the tyrant of Self and increasingly full of the Holy Spirit.

This—and only this—is true freedom in the Kingdom of God; and this kind of inward freedom is only found at the Cross.

There is an ongoing debate between homosexual activists and leaders of the ex-gay movement over the origins of homosexual tendencies. The homosexual community staunchly contends that God created them the way they are, and therefore their behavior cannot be considered sinful.  However, ex-gay ministers vehemently oppose this view.  They believe that they were not created with same-sex desires but rather that certain impulses developed as a direct result of poor parent-child relationships in early childhood.

I humbly submit that both sides are right and both are wrong.  Homosexual desires begin in a variety of ways with different people.  Let’s explore some of the different factors involved with homosexuality.

1. The Depravity of Man

Over the sixteen years I have been counseling men from a homosexual background, I have had many tell me that they had felt a sexual attraction to other men from as early as they can remember.  How can this be?  Traditional theology maintains that sin entered the human race at the Fall in the Garden.  The infection has spread through to our generation.  Consequently, all of us are predisposed to certain types of sin.  There’s not a person alive who doesn’t have to overcome some inherent lust for sin.  The fact that some individuals have a bent toward homosexual sin shouldn’t surprise us.

However, the idea that God purposely “created” some people to be homosexuals reveals a very weak (or perverted) understanding of traditional theology.  Homosexual lust is a direct result of the Fall and those who choose to remain in that sin will be held responsible for their actions. Homosexual activists who argue that they are not culpable for their behavior are obviously very deceived—and apparently want to be.

Be that as it may, many gay men and women insist that they have always been attracted to the same sex.  Young Betty is a case in point.  By the time she was ten years old, Betty was a seasoned tomboy.  She hated dolls, refused to wear dresses, and preferred to play cowboys and Indians with the neighborhood boys.  When she wore blue jeans and a baseball cap, many people mistook her for a boy.  This never seemed to bother her—she actually took it as a compliment.

Her masculine tendencies continued to grow stronger in her teenage years.  Although she had always been a quiet, decent girl, she eventually fell in with a group of young lesbians who helped her to gain acceptance in the gay community.

Betty is an example of someone who had homosexual tendencies long before puberty and is a classic case of someone with a predisposition toward homosexual sin.  Those who believe homosexuality is entirely a result of a “dysfunctional” family, would argue that had Betty been raised in a loving home, she wouldn’t have become a lesbian.  That may very well be true.  I know of some girls who were very tomboyish, who didn’t become lesbians (also sensitive men who didn’t pursue homosexuality).  Perhaps with the proper love and acceptance, the young person will not feel the need to pursue that lifestyle.

However, the point remains that—for some people—there is a sexual/emotional attraction toward the same sex from their earliest days.

2. Poor Upbringing

Many others involved in homosexuality come from the stereotypical family where there is a strong mother and a weak or absentee father.  The absence of a good male role model seems to create a certain need inside some little boys in their formative years, which may lead them to seek acceptance through sexual activity with men later on.

Take Gene for example.  The oldest of four children, he always longed to be close with his father and often wondered why his dad wasn’t warm, caring, and involved in his life like other fathers.  Gene’s father rarely spent any time with the family—always too busy working, drinking, or having affairs with other women.  So this meant that his mother had the dual task of disciplinarian and caregiver.  A deep resentment began developing in the young boy’s heart toward his father.

Gene does not recall ever having a sexual attraction to men as a young boy.  In fact, he looked forward to the day he could win some young girl’s heart.  At age 10, he and one of his male cousins began to experiment sexually with each another.  While many other boys do the same and go on to live heterosexual lives, Gene had discovered a way to gain “acceptance” from men and satisfy his desire to have sex.  The lack of a father figure in his life made him very vulnerable to homosexuality.

At first, these desires lay dormant within him, but as he progressed into his teen years, his attraction to men grew.  Although he was sexually active with several girls during this time, just after he turned 20, he had his first homosexual encounter as an adult.  This experience set him on a course of perversion that would last for almost ten years.  Eventually he found victory at our Residential Program.

3. Molestation

Others are exposed to homosexuality as a result of being molested as young boys.  Such experiences can ignite a homosexual lust, which is further inflamed by pornography, fantasy, and other similar encounters, as they grow older.

When he was nine years old, Matt was molested by his friend’s older brother.  After that experience, he initiated homosexual encounters with other boys his age.  He continued this habit throughout his teen-age years and on into adulthood.

Matt also cannot remember ever having any attraction toward men before this experience, but the difference between he and Gene was that his family definitely did not fit the stereotype mentioned above.  Unquestionably, his problems began the day he was molested.

4. Pornography Influence

Jerry’s entrance into the realm of homosexuality was completely unforeseen.  Even though he was a sexual addict, he was unquestionably the macho type—a “man’s man.”  The thought of any sexual involvement with another man had always been repulsive to him.  However, as his addiction to pornography and illicit sex grew, he found that the level of gratification he received from it began to diminish.  As he continued to spiral downward, his craving for sex launched his curiosity for more degrading behavior.

Because he spent years watching couples have sex in pornographic videos, he became fascinated with men.  He began having “bisexual” experiences in the movie arcades of adult bookstores.  At first he only allowed homosexuals to gratify him.  But, once he crossed that line, he became susceptible to further temptation.  As his sexual encounters with women became less satisfying, his interest in men continued to grow.  One day he finally gave over to his new lust.  Before long, he became the aggressive homosexual in the bookstores looking for heterosexual men.  His obsession with homosexuality became so powerful that he gave up heterosexual experiences altogether.

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5. Cultural Influence

Historically, homosexuality has always flourished in prosperous, licentious cultures.  Over the past forty years homosexuality has spread like wildfire in America.

Are the staggering statistics of homosexuality a true indication of how many people are born that way—as the homosexual activists would have us believe—or is it simply that in today’s permissive society, many choose a lifestyle of perversion simply because it’s so readily accessible?  I believe that the latter is the truth.

Michael’s story is a perfect picture of this.  Although he was always a sensitive young boy, he never had any homosexual desires until some friends took him to a gay nightclub one night.  Because he had always been a loner, this was the first time he had ever really felt accepted by others.  This experience ushered him into the gay lifestyle which he embraced for many years, until eventually, he made an about-face.  He became a Christian and started a ministry to help other men come out of homosexuality.

Response to Homosexual Desire

Regardless of how a man acquires homosexual lust, he still has a choice as to whether he will give himself over to it or not. James said, “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.” (James 1:14)  As has already been stated, all of us are predisposed to certain types of sin.  The lust for sin is inherent in every human being.

So, should we focus our attention on how homosexual sin originated?  Absolutely not.  It makes no difference if a person struggles with a lust for possessions, or power, or drugs, or homosexual sin.  People who have a bent toward homosexuality must resist those desires which come out of their lower nature, repent of their sin, and commit themselves to living in obedience to God’s Word.

Throughout my 19 years of ministering to men in sexual addiction, I have known many who felt like they had gone too far to ever find freedom. How does a pastor tell a man who has only ever known defeat that there is hope? How can he convey that God can set him free when everything in his life seems to be a mockery of that promise? It is extremely important for pastors to instill hope in struggling men—even those who battle overwhelming bondage to sexual perversion. But we must first understand why they feel like there’s no way out.

Causes for Hopelessness

The man only sees his problem.

One of the difficulties with ministering to a sexual addict is that, because he has established a sinful behavior pattern for so many years, he gets to the place where he can’t imagine a life of purity. The towering, 90-foot image Nebuchadnezzar built is a picture of how enormous the idol of sexual sin can seem to a man. All of his activity is done under the shadow of its inescapable presence.

The man has a track record of failures.

Moreover, along with an extensive history of illicit behavior, the addict’s repeated failures, broken promises, and false starts have created a defeatist mentality. He has tried to change many times in the past, but unfortunately, all his efforts to break free seem like a waste of time.

The man’s life is defaulted in the pursuit of immorality.

Another obstacle to victory is that sin pollutes every aspect of the addict’s life. Its contaminating presence ruins his best efforts to find the Deliverer and leads him down a path of further degradation. The more he sins, the more defeated he feels. And, the more defeated he feels, the less he wants to do right. So despite previous quests to find God, he eventually ends up back at his idol of sexual pleasure where his temple is defiled once more.

The man is accustomed to the discouragement and lies of the Enemy.

As if those factors weren’t enough to keep him in despair, he also has the enemy in his ear taunting and telling him that he’ll never be free. “Face it, there’s no hope for you. It doesn’t matter how much you try, you will fail! You might be able to get through today without going to that website, but it’s only a matter of time before you give in!” He encounters this sort of mental onslaught every time he determines to quit his behavior.

The man is relying on man-made solutions.

The final clincher to his hopelessness—the thought of this has brought me more personal grief than I can begin to articulate—is that his head is crammed with so many exaggerated promises by would-be spiritual teachers who have claimed that their book about freedom was “powerful” or that their seminar would be “life-changing.” Sadly, this undiscerning man doesn’t realize that what he has been given are either superficial, Band Aid answers or the wisdom of this world packaged as truth. How many times has he gotten his hopes up and believed such claims, only to be disappointed or even devastated by the lack of any real results?

Causes for Hope

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There is hope, however. I have been witnessing it for many years at Pure Life Ministries. While I cannot explain all that encompasses finding that freedom in the short confines of this article, I will briefly mention five important principles that pastors can pass on to their men. Amazingly, all five are the antitheses of the five reasons for hopelessness mentioned above.

The man can see an able and willing Savior.‍

A man battling some life-dominating problem must learn to get his eyes off the sin and onto the Lord. “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:2) Concentrating on the sin does not foster hope and may lead to further bondage. Focusing on the Deliverer is the answer!

The man can walk in obedience one step at a time.

A man who has gone down the convoluted stairway of sin must be shown through godly counsel how to walk back up—one step at a time! However, this is unfeasible without obedience. As he humbles himself and begins to obey God in little ways, he will find that obedience will become a way of life. And miraculously the disgusting filth of sin begins to vanish. Before he knows it, he will have climbed right out of that deep pit he once languished in. Conformity to God’s will heightens a man’s sense of victory—he can smell it!

The man can regularly redirect his life in pursuit of godliness.

A man needs to be taught how to go to God in deep repentance. What Christian man battling sexual sin hasn’t prayed David’s prayer? “Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.” (Psalm 51:2) But many have become well adept at minimizing the wrongness of their sin and have forgotten what real repentance is all about. Like obedience, it too must become a part of a man’s daily life.

The man can become familiar with the promises and truths of God.

One of the most important duties of the pastor is to help a man learn how to shut his ears to the demoralizing lies the devil whispers to him. Again, instead of focusing attention upon his overwhelming sin, encourage him to fix his gaze upon the Lord! A man who sincerely spends his time looking to Jesus will not wallow in hopelessness. As he focuses on the Lord, that mountain of sin is eventually reduced to a molehill. Perhaps that’s what Jesus was referring to when He said, “Truly I say to you, if you have faith, and do not doubt, you shall... say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it shall happen. And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you shall receive.” (Matthew 21:21-22) Such faith involves allowing God to reign supreme in the life and in the mind.

The man can rely on Jesus as the only solution.

As the man lets go of man-made solutions and truly turns to the Lord with all his heart, he finds real victory. He will exclaim along with David: “O give us help against the adversary, for deliverance by man is in vain. Through God we shall do valiantly, and it is He who will tread down our adversaries.” (Psalm 60:11-12)

Is there hope for those in overwhelming bondage? Absolutely! As a minister of the gospel, you are in a wonderful position to help the man see that there is hope. Perhaps you don’t have a testimony of being freed from some life-dominating habit, but you can certainly testify to the fact that God has done a marvelous work inside you! A sincere word of testimony about what the Lord has done in your life will do more to instill hope in him than piles of books. Pray for him. Believe God to meet him in his need. And never stop pouring your life into him. You might be surprised at the results!

I recently read a book written by a woman who, for over twenty years, had lived with a man addicted to pornography. It was beautifully written and truly captured the pain a wife in such circumstances must endure. For instance, at one point she told of her visit to a clinic in a seedy part of town to be tested for AIDS. With great skill she wrote of her years of anguish, her sense of betrayal. She eloquently described—in almost romantic metaphor—the loss of the best years of her life being married to an utterly self-centered man who cared little for her and their children. The story was, to say the least, gripping. Having experienced this myself, I could easily relate to what she was describing.

My first reaction was anger: I was mad at this man for how his utter selfishness ruined this family. Didn’t he care about this woman’s feelings? Was it so much to ask of him to consider someone other than himself?

As I was nearing the completion of this book, I happened to read an article on which my husband was working. He was expressing the great importance of rescuing souls who are bound up in chains of darkness, on their way to hell. In stunning detail he depicted what hell would be like for this man. Reading his article reminded me of the urgency of our work at Pure Life Ministries: someone must rescue these lost souls before they plunge into a Christless eternity!

As I read his commentary, I found my mind drifting over to the man about whom this woman had written. Something happened in my heart: I was convicted about my calloused reaction to him. It was true that this guy was a real jerk, but Jesus died for sinners like him: prostitutes, drug addicts, thieves and murderers. Such people have made up a good portion of the Church for two thousand years.

As I considered her book and Steve’s article, it became very clear to me how opposite the messages of each were to each other: the contrast was stark. Stripped to their barest form, the focus of one was temporal while the other was eternal. Of course, it goes without saying that there is a legitimate place for believers to be concerned about temporal needs. But when we get right down to it, who should be the real object of pity in this story—the family or the man?

I regularly receive letters from broken-hearted wives who have been devastated by their husband’s unfaithfulness. The cry of their heart is, “What can I do? It hurts so much! I just want a godly husband and a good marriage.” I remember so well experiencing those feelings myself. My heart always goes out to these hurting women.

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And yet, over the years I have seen a disturbing trend emerging. It seems that there is an increasing consciousness about the wife’s happiness and a growing lack of concern over the eternal destiny of the husband. They say, “He has made his bed, let him lie in it. He chooses to do these things,” etc.

And yet, it has become a very rare occurrence to have a wife write: “My husband is in deep spiritual trouble and I am concerned that he is heading for destruction or even hell. Can you and your staff please, please pray for his soul? If he doesn’t get right with God what hope does my family have anyway?”

I hate to be the one to say this (I am certain I will get a pile of angry letters), but someone has to say it: How can wives decry their husband’s selfishness (as obvious and blatant as it is) without seeing their lack of concern for his eternal destiny? How can they mourn over their own personal pain and have so little concern about the fact that their husbands are owned by the enemy to do his evil will? Yes, a happy marriage is a wonderful thing, but it is not the most important thing.

Jesus Himself left the ninety nine to go after the one. Well, didn’t the one wander off on his own? Didn’t he, like most stupid sheep go his own way? Yes, true to his nature, he wandered; there he was on his way to destruction. But Jesus, being a good shepherd went after him.

I remember years ago when I was in the depths of despair, begging God to take away the pain, He spoke to me and made it so real to me what my husband was facing. The Lord sweetly nudged me to get my eyes off of myself. He promised He would take care of me. He wasn’t going to let this pain kill me, but I needed to look somewhere else. As I feebly looked to the Lord and tried to look beyond the physical, temporal realm, all I could see was spiritual devastation! He was ruined and on his way to hell. This whole thing took on a new perspective for me. It really wasn’t about me at all, but it was about a man deceived by the enemy. And that enemy wanted me to become so wrapped up in myself and my feelings and my life that I would lose sight of what was really going on. Armed with this new perspective, I began to pray. I began to care on a completely different level than I had ever cared before. I understood the grip pornography had on him and understanding it spiritually took the sting out of it personally. Of course, now there was a greater purpose involved.

So much of the help for wives available today focuses upon how they should erect boundaries to protect themselves from their husbands’ sin. And, kept in its proper place, this kind of teaching can be helpful. But my concern is that the underlying principle leads a woman to believe that protecting herself is the most vital issue involved. Are we becoming so wrapped up in self-preservation that we can no longer look outside ourselves at the very deep spiritual needs of others? Are we allowing temporal happiness to take precedence over the possibility of eternal damnation?

I believe the Lord wants us to have happy marriages. I have one for which I am extremely grateful. But the happiness of our marriages should be secondary to our concern for the eternal well-being of sinners. The primary battle for the hurting wife should not be to protect herself; it should be to see the lost sinner snatched from the burning fire!

The wives I have dealt with over the years do not have the luxury that I have been afforded of seeing desperate men struggling to be free of a powerful addiction. They typically don’t see the great, internal battles that they face. During my time at Pure Life Ministries, I have been a first-hand witness to hundreds of men doing their utmost to find freedom.

Most wives that contact us are simply overwhelmed with a miserable situation. It certainly is not wrong to want one’s husband to live a respectable and decent life. But as we approach that great Throne of Grace, let’s do our utmost to look at our situations with an eye to the eternal.

It should be understood at the outset that pleasure has its rightful place in life. However, problems arise when it is given more importance in a person’s daily life than what is proper and allowable.

People who are addicted to viewing pornography are lovers of pleasure at heart. In fact, it is impossible for a porn addict not to be ensnared by the love of pleasure.‍

Making pleasure the most important aspect of one’s life could be compared to a teenager who thinks he can live on candy bars and soda pop. True, he won’t drop dead within a few days of such an unhealthy diet, but his quality of life will be seriously impaired. The constant intake of sugar will gradually rot his teeth, deplete his overall energy level, and could even lead to something serious such as diabetes. Worse than that, by substituting healthy food with sweets, his body will not receive the nutrition that is required to ward off sickness and to sustain life. Undoubtedly, the results of such a lifestyle would be a sickly life and an untimely death.

In the same way, pleasurable experiences are meant to be the dessert of life. Kept in its proper perspective, it is balanced by the staples of the healthy spiritual diet of prayer, Bible reading, church attendance, deeds of kindness, giving of tithes and offerings, and so on. However, when gratification becomes the main focal point of one’s daily existence, it not only rots a person’s spiritual life, but it eventually chokes out everything that is wholesome.

Jesus said that the love of pleasure chokes out the Word of God. (Luke 8:14) James told his constituents that their love for pleasure thwarted their prayers and kept them in a spirit of lust. (James 4:1-3) The writer of Hebrews held Moses up as an example to us all when he said that he chose “rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God, than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin.” (Hebrews 11:25) The apostle Paul spoke of those who are “enslaved to various lusts and pleasures.” (Titus 3:3)

While these passages are each uniquely profound, it is Paul’s prophetical words in 2 Timothy 3:4-5 that are most alarming. There the apostle speaks of those alive in the last days who would be “lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God; holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power…”

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The sobering truth is that, when seeking pleasure becomes the emphasis in one’s life, a person’s love for God becomes corrupted. The apostle John expressed something similar when he said, “If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.” (1 John 2:15b-16)

Both of these inspired writers were speaking of the same spiritual phenomena: the desire for worldly pleasures nullifies one’s ability to be in a true, loving relationship with God. Their outward “form of godliness” might remain intact, but in reality, the person’s spiritual life becomes gutted of the power that comes from godly living.

Pornography is extremely addictive because of the intense pleasure it provides. However, those who have fallen into its clutches can attest to the fact that, while it does indeed provide a source of temporary gratification, the long term consequences are the loss of one’s spiritual health and vitality.

There simply cannot be any sustained intimacy with God as long as a man indulges in a life given over to pleasure and pornography.

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Proverbs 15:3 "The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch upon the evil and the good." (RV)

When I reflect on this verse, I cannot imagine how it must grieve and break God’s heart to see all the unspeakable evil that goes on behind closed doors throughout the world today.

New technology - makes it so easy for men to indulge in all kinds of sexual fantasies and perversion. There’s instant pleasure right at their fingertips 24 hours a day. Sadly enough, men who choose to go this route, don’t to consider the devastating effects their actions will have on their wives and children down the road.

While counseling at Pure Life Ministries, the Lord allowed me to enter into the lives of wives grievously affected by their husbands’ sexual sin. Many of the stories heard were heartbreaking, especially when innocent children were exposed to their fathers’ dirty “little” secret accidentally.

The Exposure

Little Debbie didn’t have a clue what she was going to find when she asked her mom if she could watch a video. After she was done with her homework, she ran downstairs to the TV room.   As she was about to pop in a movie, she noticed that one was already in the player. Debbie thought to herself, “Maybe I’ll just watch what’s here.” She pushed play and to her surprise began looking at something she’d never seen before. She cried out for her mom to come and see. Her mother could hardly believe her eyes. It was a porn video that her husband had watched one day while they were out grocery shopping; he had forgotten to put away. She was devastated that her daughter had been exposed to such filth—right under her very own roof!

Lorraine, a blossoming 14-year-old, was starving for her daddy’s love. But he was always working and never seemed to have time for his family. One night, her dad couldn’t sleep and decided to check on the kids. Suddenly, Lorraine was awakened by the caresses of her father; she pretended to be asleep—too afraid to say or do anything. Frightened and confused, she thought “Why is my daddy doing this to me?”

Eric was a serious-minded child who really looked up to his father. When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, his replied “I want to be just like my daddy.” Late one night Eric was awakened by a noise downstairs. Curiosity got the best of him, and he tiptoed downstairs to see what was going on.  He peeked behind the wall of the living room to find dad masturbating to pornography.  Eric dashed back upstairs; he didn’t know what to make of this. The next night, he caught his dad in action once again. Does Eric ever mention this to his mother? Or does he follow in his dad’s footsteps?

In each of these three scenarios, the fathers had no idea how their sin would impact their kids emotionally and spiritually. But Apostle Paul gives a warning in Galatians 6:7,8: “Do not be deceived. God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.  For he who sows to the flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.” In my years of counseling with hurting wives, some of the issues that I have seen as a result of sexual sin have reinforced the truth of this passage of Scripture.

The Effects

So what happened with little Debbie, Lorraine and Eric when they grew up? Little Debbie became a curious adolescent and began sneaking around the house hunting for magazines and videos that her daddy had stashed away. She began reading Teen Magazine, Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, and so forth to get the latest tips on how to look sexy. Consequently, she developed the warped mentality that the only way to be loved, approved of and accepted by men was through her body.  In a sick, twisted way Debbie found her self-worth by being promiscuous.

Lorraine who was once an outgoing, bubbly little girl became quiet, withdrawn and fearful of others. She grew very bitter and was resentful towards authority figures. There was a long period in which she literally hated men and everything they stood for. Finally, she fell in love and married a really neat guy who loved her very much. However, her husband had no idea that she saw sex as something dirty and ugly. She was so repulsed by what had happened to her as a child that she didn’t enjoy sexual intimacy with her husband.

Eric had the courage to tell his mom all about his dad’s late night activities in the living room. When she confronted her husband, he became furious and called Eric a boldfaced liar. Eric swore that he would never say another word about it. But deep down in his heart, he harbored bitterness and anger towards his parents for not believing him. He also became disrespectful toward them as he witnessed their constant bickering and as his dad spent more time away from the home.

The Exigency

I have received numerous first time calls from wives who are afraid to expose their husband’s sin.  Is your husband struggling with sexual addiction? Have your children already been exposed to your husband’s pornography? I pray that after reading this article you will have the courage to face the realities of your husband’s sexual sin and the damage it will do to your kids if he doesn’t do something about it now.

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In Exodus 34:6, 7 we read “the Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation.” These two verses reveal to us that God is indeed a God of mercy, truth and justice.

God will have mercy on anyone willing to repent. The Greek word for repent is metanoia which means a change or alteration of mind from evil to good or from worse to better because of the consequences of one’s sin.

As a member of the counseling team at Pure Life Ministries, I had the privilege of seeing men repent of their sins and choose to walk in the light and in truth as they experience God’s mercy and justice in their lives. The Lord has wonderfully restored many marriages and families through the Residential Program, the Overcomers-at-Home Program and the Wives Program.

It is my testimony that God is able to take the worst thing that has ever happened to you or your children and turn it around for good as if it had never happened.

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