Jeff and Rose Colon discuss with biblical counselor Brooks Popwell how couples should focus on seeking spiritual blessings in their marriage. They discuss how choosing the difficult path can also be the right path, because it will bear eternal fruit in their lives and in their marriages.

Jeff and Rose, we want to think now about how to choose the way of blessing in a marriage. I want to start by asking you what kinds of blessings do you have in mind that a couple should want for their marriage?

Jeff: A lot of times, especially in our American church culture, we equate blessings with money, a large house, nobody getting sick, and everything going our way. But that's not what I'm talking about and that's not really what God meant when He talked about blessings. In God's realm it's more of a spiritual blessing where God prospers us spiritually. God is eternally minded, and He's always looking towards our eternal benefits. It's not that He doesn't want to, and even that He doesn't promise to, take care of us here on earth. But that shouldn't be our focus because we're all going to come into hard times. We're all going to come into difficulties and God wants to bless us spiritually in those times. So, when we're talking about God's blessings, we're talking more about God spiritually prospering us, no matter what's going on in our lives.

Rose, what Jeff was saying makes me think of how often men coming out of sexual sin have worked so hard to try and bless their family and bless their wives with a nice house, financial support from a good job or whatever. In your experience is that really what most wives are looking for?

Rose: No. What they want is a husband that just loves Jesus and a husband that's willing to do His will. I've seen that with most of the wives I counsel. All they want from their husband is that he just falls in love with Jesus and follow Him.

Well Jeff how do you begin to choose the way of God's blessing in a marriage?

Jeff: I could just mention our own testimony and what God did in our lives. For many years I was bringing a curse upon my marriage and both of our lives. You know when my sexual sin had devastated the marriage we were in desperate need of God's blessing and God showed us the way to that blessing. But it wasn't what most people might think it was. It was actually coming face to face with the Cross and realizing that if I was going to experience spiritual blessing, I had to go down the pathway that Jesus told us we all need to go down. It's called the Narrow Way, and both Rose and I had to learn what it meant to start embracing the Cross and everything that meant in our lives so that we could experience the resurrection life. Jesus made a way of blessing for us, but it began with His suffering. Our blessing begins with suffering and embracing what Jesus went through, and anybody that wants to experience real spiritual growth and blessings in their life is going to have to understand what it means to embrace the Cross in the midst of hard times just as Jesus did.

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And Rose, what does embracing the Cross mean for a wife as she seeks God's blessing on her marriage?

Rose: For a wife, I'd like to use an example of someone I know personally. She is really going through a very hard time with her husband. But she has chosen to pray for him and to fast for him and to hold to faith and believe God to give her husband a breakthrough. What I've seen over the years while she's waiting on the Lord to break through to her husband's heart is spiritual fruit in her life. I've seen spiritual maturity and spiritual growth in her. It's been a blessing to sit back and to see that she's chosen the hard way - the Narrow Way. She could have bailed out of her marriage a long time ago, but she's still standing in her marriage and she's still believing in God and standing in the gap for her husband and God is blessing her spiritually.

Jeff: And I'd like to add to that. It really is a wonderful picture of the blessing I described earlier. That woman had a choice. She could have gone the easy route, which would have been to just get out of her marriage and seek relief in another way. But she embraced the Cross and has prayed for her husband and what we have seen is blessings of intimacy with God. And the anger and bitterness she once had, has been replaced with joy. So, what I see are spiritual fruits that have been developed in her life through it, which to me are the greatest blessings God wants. That's what I'm talking about when I say spiritual blessings and spiritual prosperity. She has prospered spiritually because she chose the hard way - the Narrow Way. She chose to embrace the Cross and it really is a beautiful picture of how God turns our curses into blessings when we do that.

You know, what you've both described makes me think of two types of couples and how they'd face this set of circumstances. In one household, you might have a couple that's full of despair, hopelessness, and backbiting. But then, you could see another couple going through the exact same thing and because their attitude is one of faith in God they're saying, "Yeah, we're going through all of this and it's not pleasant, but God has something for us in all of this." It just makes me think what a difference that attitude and that spirit is going to make in that home.

Jeff: Absolutely. Absolutely, the whole atmosphere is different. I look at our marriage and it's worth what we went through because of the blessings we've been able to receive. Not just for ourselves, but the hope we've been able to give out to others. The same comfort we've been given, we've been able to give. To me, there's no greater blessing and I would never ever regret embracing the trials and the suffering we had to go through to get that.

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In this  segment, Patrick Hudson shares an experience of how the contemporary wisdom of our world  can allure us into a life of sin, while by maintaining a relationship with God’s Word we can find sustenance, truth and victory. (from Podcast Episode  #450 - |Victory| Saturating Your Mind with God's Word)

The other morning, as I was getting ready for work, I stumbled upon a podcast where a therapist was giving advice to atheist parents. She was saying that even if they don't believe in God personally, they should still take their kids to church. She was explaining that studies have shown that taking kids to a religious service, no matter what the religion is, at least once a week, can alleviate depression and anxiety. She said that it will help develop healthy moral behavior such as gratitude and being nice to others. She made sure to say it doesn't matter if atheist parents actually believe or not, because she said that often we only tell our kids half-truths anyway. She compared believing in God and going to church as having an imaginary friend that can help you cope with the things in life that are too hard to understand.

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As I was getting ready and reflecting on her words, I thought to myself, it sounds like this woman is describing kids who would grow up and end up coming to the Pure Life Residential Program. So many guys that come to us grew up in church, they learned all about the good morals of Christianity and they enjoyed the comfort of believing in a loving God. I was one of them. Yet all that it did for us was teach us to follow good outward rules, but it didn't stop us from hurting others, from squandering our money, from cheating on our spouses and destroying our families. But even after saying all that, I knew that as I was listening to her that there was something else going on inside me. As I thought about it, to put it bluntly, that kind of worldly wisdom she was giving was putting off a seductive feeling that was almost as alluring to me as sexual lust. There was something about the calm, sophisticated and intellectual presentation she was giving, with all the research and cultural observation she had.

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Her words appealed to my sinful flesh. So, I thought about why I don't believe her, and I have to say that it's because of my relationship with the Word of God. Since coming to Pure Life, I've been saturated in God's word. I’ve listened to sermons and teachings; I'm reading Christian books and I’m going to Bible studies. But as great as that is, even all of that is like a dessert at the end of a meal. And to me the great meal is my quiet time. It’s my time in the Word every morning. That time in the Word every morning, more than anything else, is helping to prepare me for the daily onslaught of temptation, of lust, worry and worldly wisdom. In fact, when I was reflecting on her talk, I remembered what I had been studying that morning in Romans chapter eight. “For those who live according to the flesh, set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace” (Romans 8:5-6).

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As part of my time in God’s Word, I was reading a commentary by Martin Lloyd Jones. He was explaining how the world’s good and moral people are no less in the flesh than people who are falling into drunkenness. They have no more of the Spirit than an outright sinner. That got me thinking about what Jesus said in Matthew 23, “Woe to you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence” (Verse 25). When I read that chapter, I saw that he kept saying things like that: You appear outwardly beautiful, but within you're filled with dead men's bones and all uncleanness. Outwardly, you appear righteous to others, but within you’re full of hypocrisy and lawlessness (Verse 27-28). As all of this was coming to mind, it was like the Spirit was challenging me through God's word, saying, “Who are you going to believe Patrick, my word, or your own thinking?”

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If you look at it in one sense, this woman's argument isn't entirely wrong. The kids might be better off growing up attending church. But the Word is telling me that in God's eyes, that outward goodness of a person doesn't mean anything compared to the truth of the inner life. So, I'm left with making the decision, what am I going to do? I can go with what seems right to my feelings, my thinking and my flesh, or I can trust the Word of God. 1 Corinthians 1:25 comes to mind. “For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.” The context of the verse is talking about man seeing Christ’s crucifixion as foolishness, and I feel like that's the same challenge for me in that moment. Am I going to crucify my own thinking and trust the wisdom of God, even though it feels foolish to my flesh? Then Romans 1:21 and 22 came to mind. “For although they knew God, they didn't honor Him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools.” Trusting in my own thinking is going to lead me to do whatever is right in my own eyes.

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That's exactly what brought me to the Pure Life Residential Program, and Satan knows this. He knows that if he can get me to go back to trusting in my own thinking, then he can bring me to the end of the path that Romans 1 is talking about, where I'm filled with all unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice and so on. And even knowing all these consequences, I know that without God's Word as my defense in times like these, my mind is going to fall victim to the Enemy's lies. But with God's light for my path, with His sword at my side, I have sure victory, and I can see God strengthening my faith through every trial and temptation.

If you’re really beginning to live in victory, you might think that from here on out everything will be easy. But in your marriage, you will still see that old man rising up. You may find your temper surfacing occasionally. Complaining and criticism may still come naturally. There’s even thoughts of lust still grabbing at you when you least expect it. Is this what God has for your marriage? I think the answer is yes, and no. It’s not God’s will that you continue in sin. However, He does desire to use these struggles to mold both of your characters. It takes time to unlearn years of sinful habits and to learn the values that God has designed and called you to live out in your marriage. For husbands, it starts by learning to love and serve your wife in the way that Christ loves us.

Resources

• From Ashes to Beauty (Book) by Jeff Colon

Firmly Founded on Truth

Thirty-five years ago, sexual addiction wasn’t a concept on anyone’s radar, but today there are literally hundreds of treatment centers and organizations that offer help to addicts and their loved ones.

A quick Google search reveals that nearly every one of them base their treatment in psychology. Whether it’s a completely secular approach, or a mixture of Christian ideas with psychology, their teachings all find their genesis in the notions communicated by devout atheists like Sigmund Freud and B.F. Skinner.

Should Christians really be turning to such sources for the answers to their struggles? We don’t believe so. It is our firm conviction that deep, lasting transformation is only possible if the counseling method is built on the Truth. That’s what this video series is all about.

Watch the rest of the series to see more of what sets Pure Life apart from the other counseling options available out there.

With the victory at Jericho behind them and the promise of God’s future protection, the people of Israel must have felt like an unstoppable force. It must have been a shock then when they suffered a humiliating defeat by the citizens of Ai. The people of Israel would soon find out that the sin of one man, Achan, had caused this terrible loss. And in this message, Dustin Renz parallels Achan’s story of disobedience to our own lives, how hiding our sin will bring spiritual death and how walking in the light will bring about victory.

Accountability has been a buzzword among Christians for years. I travel thousands of miles all over the country speaking in churches of all denominations on the issue of sexual purity, and I hear people repeatedly point to accountability as the key to overcoming sexual sin. Yet, with all the emphasis on accountability, the problem of sexual sin continues to escalate.

Like most, I believe that accountability is an important element in establishing and maintaining freedom from sexual sin. Scripture admonishes us clearly: “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1-2) Here is a mandate for biblical accountability. And as someone who once was caught in the snare of habitual sin and saw no way out, this passage from Galatians reminds me of the various people God put in my life to come alongside me and help me when I couldn’t do it alone.

I’m sure many of us come to a place in our spiritual walk where we need a God-sent messenger to rebuke, admonish, and encourage us in the way. Unquestionably, the Bible shows us that we are called to support one another in this way. But I also believe that there is more  involved in accountability—accountability that is truly biblical—than we typically put into practice.

Christians, however, often have the wrong idea of what true biblical accountability is. We sometimes relegate it to just meeting once a week and sharing what we have done, either good or bad. That isn’t accountability. If we take a closer look at the Scriptures, we can gain a better understanding of what biblical accountability should look like.

1. Be Willing to Initiate and Confront

We are responsible if we see someone who is sinning to take the initiative and go to them and confront them in a spirit of gentleness and humility. Love is willing to tell someone the truth, even if the other person hates you for it. The prophet Nathan confronted King David in a spirit of pure mercy to turn him from his adultery and to turn him back to God. I have had people do this for me, and I have also had to be the one to confront others when I knew they were in trouble spiritually. God tells us in His word that, the one who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins. (James 5:20) But also remember Paul’s admonition to “consider yourself”—in other words, be humble, mindful of your own weakness—“lest you also be tempted.”

2. Choose to Listen, Consider, and Submit

The person who is in need of help must be willing to submit himself to the person God has brought into his life. The word of God says, “Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’” (I Peter 5:5) Nevertheless, it is on this very point that accountability often breaks down. In my experience, if true repentance has occurred, submitting to the people God has brought into one’s life should be automatic. A man’s attitude should clearly indicate his openness to receiving correction and his willingness to come under God’s authority for his spiritual life. God can help someone who is willing to humble himself and come under those who are spiritually more mature, but He will resist (i.e., oppose) the person who is self-reliant or unsubmissive.

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3. Come Alongside and Encourage

Once the proper relationship for accountability has been established, the third thing that needs to happen is found in Hebrews 10:24: “Consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.” In other words, we need to come alongside the weaker brother or sister and encourage them to grow in their faith and in their relationship with God. This is what they need more than anything. It is their walk with God and the power of the cross that will ultimately break the power of sin in their lives. They need to be held accountable for maintaining a prayer life and for spending time with the Word of God every day. In addition, they need to be held accountable in all the practical ways that reveal whether they are living out what they are learning in their home, at their job, in their recreational activities, and in their interactions with others. In time, they should begin to stand on their own and simply enjoy the added blessing of having a close relationship with someone whom they can confide in, seek counsel from and pray with.

4. Develop a Fear of the Lord

Lastly, I think it’s essential to bear in mind that ultimately we are all accountable to God. “So then each of us shall give account of himself to God,” wrote the apostle Paul. (Romans 14:12) This is personal accountability. Joseph had a grasp of this when he was tempted on a daily basis to engage in sexual immorality with his master’s wife. His reply needs to become a personal conviction for each of us in the face of temptation: “How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9) There may come a time in our lives when we, like Joseph, don’t have others around us to help us. In such a moment, it is what we have in God personally that will keep us from sin. If biblical accountability has fulfilled its purpose, this is the place we must come to.

Accountability is important, perhaps even essential for a season, but walking in sexual purity ultimately depends on developing our own personal walk, having a sincere love for God, and truly fearing the Lord. He wants us to come into the same place Paul did, as the apostle described in his second letter to Timothy, “For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.” (2 Timothy 1:12)

In Luke 15, we see a picture of God as a father, longing and waiting for His lost son to return home. We can picture many wives in a similar place, having spent months, or years, or decades with a similar longing and desire for their husbands to repent of their sexual sin and return to Jesus. But unlike the Lord, who does not grow weary or anxious in the waiting and suffering, we can quickly respond in wrong ways. And maybe that’s where some of you are at today. You've been praying for your husband to change for a long time, but he’s still in the far country, and you don’t see any signs of repentance. It can be tempting to listen to the voice that’s telling you to give up. And though today's episode can't give you the answers for your exact situation, we do believe that it will give you hope.

Resources

• When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart (Book) by Kathy Gallagher
• Why is God Allowing Me to Suffer? (Part 1) (Short Video) by Kathy Gallagher

My colleague and I were at the end of a long week. Our time at the conference had been productive; book sales were decent, and we had been able to share information about the work of Pure Life Ministries with several hundred Christian counselors. It was now time to begin our 10 hour drive back to the Ministry’s campus in Kentucky.

As we re-packed our display and boxed up the remaining books, a young man—maybe mid-twenties—walked into the room. I recognized him immediately. He’d been singing back-up vocals with the worship team all week. He glanced at the empty floor space where another ministry, well-known for their services to those struggling with homosexuality, had been positioned. But they had packed it in a little early and were long gone.

Having already mustered all the courage he could summon for the occasion, the young man would not be denied so easily. He shifted direction and headed to our table.

“Do you have anything for homosexuality?” he blurted out; asking what is probably the most common question I hear in my travels. He took a step backward as I put a copy of At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry into his hands. His nerves were starting to get the best of him, and skepticism clouded his face as he flipped the pages and quickly scanned the text on the back cover.

I’ve seen that look countless times. This distressed young man wasn’t expecting a book that addressed sexual sin; he wanted something dealing specifically and solely with homosexuality. That’s what the counseling field had taught him to expect. Same-sex attraction, as far as he and countless “experts” are concerned, is a “special class” of sexual behavior, needing its own ministries, its own resources and its own counseling strategies.

The truth is, virtually every desperate soul the Lord brings to Pure Life Ministries for help sees his or her situation as “special” at some level, regardless of individual background. And that certainly includes the men enrolled in our Residential Program from a homosexual background (which, at any given time, comprises 25-40% of our residential population). While expecting “special” treatment may sound inconsequential, let me assure you it is a major barrier that must be overcome before the Lord can begin the work He needs to do.

Naaman’s Special Path

Perhaps the story of Naaman’s leprosy will help to explain what I mean. Naaman, the victorious commander of the Syrian army, is described as a “great and honorable man…a mighty man of valor.” (2 Kings 5:1ff) But he was also a leper. Upon hearing that there was a prophet in Israel who could heal his leprosy, Naaman quickly set out for Israel, taking with him a persuasive letter from his king as well as gifts of gold, silver and apparel to pay for his healing. The healing was obviously worth a great deal to him.

You probably know the story: the prophet Elisha is not overly impressed with Naaman’s rank or wealth, and sends a messenger to the door with a simple directive, telling Naaman to go and wash in the Jordan River seven times and he will be healed. Naaman, however, responds indignantly: “Indeed, I said to myself, ‘He will surely come out to me, and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, and wave his hand over the place, and heal the leprosy.’ Are not the…rivers of Damascus better than all the waters of Israel? Could I not wash in them and be clean?” So he turned and went away…

Like Naaman, we want help with our sexual leprosy, but we have a pretty specific idea of what the healing process should look like. And we certainly have numerous reasons why it isn’t necessary to go take a bath in the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program; we’ve got plenty of more potable options for help right where we are. When it comes to getting help with homosexual sin, too many turn away, just as Naaman did.

Eventually Naaman’s desperation led him to yield to the instruction he had received, and he experienced a miraculous healing. In the same way, the Lord uses a sexual sin addiction to bring men to the point of desperation, some to the point where they will drop everything and come to a residential program in Kentucky.

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Your Special Path

Once here, our approach to helping each one is the same. But God deals with every individual in a “special” way. Let me explain.

In the first chapter of At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, Steve Gallagher describes sexual sin as fundamentally a worship problem:

Every human has the capacity - no, the need –to worship. The objects of that worship are the things or persons (or ideas) which have taken preeminence in the person’s life. Whatever they may be, they cast a looming shadow over all of the other aspects of his (or her) life.

In this excerpt, Steve is talking about the human heart, the center where our affections and desires reside. God requires His people to love Him with all our heart. (Deuteronomy 6:5) For those who resist and pursue sexual idols, the Lord mercifully does what Paul describes in Romans 1:24-25, “Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator…”

The more a true son resists, the further into idolatry and sin the Lord will allow him to go, as vividly described in the rest of Romans 1. The hope is that one day, the prodigal will “come to his senses,” become sick of eating the same food as the swine, and return broken and repentant to his heavenly Father. (Luke 15:11-24)

Many given over to same-sex attraction have traveled far from the Father, at least in their hearts. The shame, guilt, and embarrassment associated with same-sex attraction only make the road back longer and more difficult. And to return to the Father, one must face contradictory messages from the culture, and even the Christian community, that same-sex attraction is different or not sin at all.

But the road back is still the same road...for every sinner, same-sex attraction or not, sexual sin or not. As far as we are concerned, the road back begins at the Cross and with a real, life-changing encounter with God. Our job is to lovingly lead prodigals to the Cross, encourage them to turn and begin the trip home, and to prayerfully bear them each step of that upward journey out of the far country.

While our approach to helping everyone is the same, let me assure you, that the Lord does indeed have a “special” way of convincing and encouraging each of His sons on this journey. Only He knows what each of His children really need, and He is faithful to provide it.

I explained these things to the young man who approached our book table asking for help to overcome his homosexuality. I gave him my personal testimony of how the Lord had delivered me, not from the orientation, but from the compulsive need to cater to it. I told him that I couldn’t have done it with just a book; I needed the prayers, the encouragement and the loving confrontation I received through the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program. I told him there was hope! I told him that, depending on how much sin he had indulged in and how long he’d been in it, the road to freedom would be long and difficult. Nevertheless, it was absolutely worth the battle! There is nothing more fulfilling than living in the freedom of an intimate relationship with Jesus, devoid of all the shame and hypocrisy of my former life.

Are you like Naaman? Are you determining your path to freedom or allowing God to direct it? I implore you that He knows what you need. And He does have a special path of freedom laid out for you. Take the first step. It’s time to experience freedom and new life in Christ Jesus for yourself!

When a wildfire burns a forest to the ground, it seems as if its life and beauty has been forever destroyed. But this is not the end of the story. In time, a lush new forest will replace the devastation. When the fire of lust is let loose in a marriage, all that is beautiful seems to turn to ash and death. But this too, is not the end of the story. When a husband truly repents and turns to God, and when a wife learns to forgive and trust, the seeds of a wonderful marriage are there waiting. It’s only a matter of time until all that was destroyed will be swallowed up in new life.

Resources

• When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart (Book) by Kathy Gallagher
• How Do I Deal with these Emotions? (Short Video) by Kathy Gallagher

In this segment, Nate Danser looks at the story of Job to make sense of how God can use suffering in our lives to reveal His love, to humble us and reveal his wonderful salvation. (From Podcast Episode #457 - Answers for When Your Husband is Repentant)

Recently I came across the verse “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word” (Psalm 119 :67). Reading this made me think of one of my favorite passages in the Old Testament that’s very personal to me, Job 33. I'd like to read some of it to you, and then make some comments. Most of you probably know the story of Job. It starts off with something that’s almost a game in Heaven. God and Satan are there, and God says, “Look at my servant Job, He's amazing.” And Satan says, “Well, just test him and you're going to find out what's really in him.” And so, God gives Satan nearly free reign over Job. The only thing that Satan can't do to Job is literally kill him.

For 30 chapters or so, Job essentially defends his innocence. The biggest thing he communicates is, “I didn't deserve this, and if God would just give me an audience with him, I would show him that I'm right.” Job cried out, “Why won't He just come down and let me tell him that I'm right?” And then his three friends basically say to Job, “It's impossible that you're right. God would never treat a righteous person like this. So, there must be something wrong. You're either totally lying to yourself, you’re totally lying to us, or you're just completely deceived!” Then Job essentially responds, “No, there's no way I've never done anything wrong. I've done everything right.” Then, the last one to speak to Job was Elihu. He's a young man, and he takes Job to task. He's angry with Job because Job justified himself, rather than God. And he's angry with his three friends because they could not prove what Jobs real issue was.

Then Elihu speaks to Job, and once again, I’m going to read to you a number of verses. It’s very, very beautiful. It has to do with God searching us. I read from the ESV translation. This is Elihu speaking to Job: “You say, ‘I am pure, without transgression; I am clean, and there is no iniquity in me. Behold He finds occasion against me,” (Job 33:9-10) Meaning, Job was basically saying “Look, God finds occasion against me! He counts me as His enemy!” Elihu continues: “He puts my feet in the stocks and watches all my paths” (Verse 11). Does He Job? Does He count you as His enemy?

“Behold, in this you are not right. I will answer you, for God is greater than man. Why do you contend against Him, saying, ‘He will answer none of man’s words?’ For God speaks in one way, and in two, though man does not perceive it” (Verses 12-14). So up to this point, Job has been saying, “Why won't God just come down and why won't he communicate? Why is He silent?” And Elihu tells him, “He's not silent Job, He's speaking. But you're not hearing.”

“God speaks in one way, and in two, though man does not perceive it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on men, while they slumber on their beds. Then He opens the ears of men and terrifies them with warnings, that He may turn man aside from his deed and conceal pride from a man. He keeps back his soul from the pit, his life from perishing by the sword” (Verses 14-18). Okay, so what Elihu is talking about here is what God is trying to do. He is trying to remove your pride from you. And at the same time while he does this, He's keeping you from dying.

He's trying to save your soul, because He has to remove from you and from your heart the thing that will ultimately kill you. He will go to great lengths to do it, and He will keep you. Once you die, It's over. That's the end of the story. So, he has to! He's got to do what David said, “You have chastened me severely, but you have not given me over to death” (Psalm 118:18). He's got to go to great lengths with some people to conceal their pride from them, the thing that would kill their soul without killing their body.

“Man is also rebuked with pain on his bed, and with continual strife in his bones, so that his life loathes bread and his appetite the choices food. His flesh is so wasted away that it cannot be seen, and his bones that were not seen stick out. His life draws near the pit and his life to those who bring death” (Verses 19-22). What Elihu is basically going to do here is he's going to show you, “Job, God is not treating you as an enemy. He's loving you.” Elihu is saying, “Everything that you're interpreting as some kind of unjust punishment is not that at all. You are not hearing what God is saying. You're missing the point.”

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He goes on, “If there be for him an angel, a Mediator, one of the thousand, to declare to man what is right for him and He is merciful to him, and says, ‘Deliver him from going down to the pit; I have found a ransom. Let his flesh become fresh with youth. Let him return to the days of his youthful vigor.’ Then man prays to God and He accepts him. He sees His face with a shout of joy and He restores to man his righteousness” (Verses 23-26). Okay, now don't get caught up and stuck. There’s a lot of stuff in there where we can ask, “What does that mean?” Here's the point of what Elihu is saying to Job: what is God's purpose? He's trying to save him. He wants to save him. That's the end game!

In all of this, everything that you're going through, I promise you, God's end game is to save you.  He's not treating you as an enemy. Many of us, when we came to Pure Life Ministries, we were the enemies. And He treated us not as our sins deserve, but in kindness, in mercy and in love. And sometimes that means a good thrashing. Why? To conceal our pride from us. To bring it out into the open, to expose it to us. So that we see it for what it is and turn away from it. God knows what He's doing. I love this. Isn't this amazing? Because what we see is the anger of God, which we so easily see when we’re in our sin. And it is His anger, but it's a pure anger. It's not like that of man. Man's anger is almost always to destroy, but the purpose of God’s anger is to bring life.

Then listen to this. I love this. It’s so illogical, and that's good for me because I want to be logical. But I need God's logic, not man's logic. It says of Job, “He sings before men and says, ‘I sinned and perverted what is right, and it was not repaid to me. He has redeemed my soul from going down into the pit, and my life shall look upon the light’” (Verses 27-28). What a song that is! Have any of you ever sung that song? “I'm horrible! I sin and I pervert what is right, but God does not repay me. He redeems my soul.” That's a good song. We don't like that song. We want the song that says “I'm good, and God is good. We're buddies and this is great, it’s all going to turn out nice.” That's the song we like. The song that God loves is for us to sing: “I am nothing, I am worthless, I am worse than nothing—and yet God is amazing. He is full of lovingkindness, compassion and tender mercies.” That's the song that God loves.

“Behold, God does all these things twice, three times, with a man.” Why does he do this? “To bring back his soul from the pit, that he may be lighted with the light of life. Pay attention, Job, listen to me; be silent, and I will speak. If you have any words, answer me; speak for I desire to justify you” (Verses 29-33) I desire to justify you. That is the Word of God. He shows us what's wrong with us because He desires to justify us. That's His motive. We don't know things like that, it doesn’t make sense to us. Oftentimes the exposure of the worst parts of us seem like God is desiring to condemn us—and it's not true. He desires to justify us.

At times it just takes real faith, when God shows the worst about us. What do we do with it? Do we shrink back? Do we run away from the light? Or do we draw closer because He is love? In lovingkindness He afflicts us. That’s what we find in Psalm 119. “This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life” (Psalm 119:50).  “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word” (Psalm 119:67). “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes” (Psalm 119:71). “I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous, and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me” (Psalm 119:75).

So, I encourage you today to go to God in humility. We don't have to drag ourselves like a cowering dog into God's presence. We just come humble because we are who we are, and He is full of love and kindness.

His spiritual downfall probably began by overhearing some traveler discussing the exotic “far country.” Beautiful women, parties and fun were the daily fare of the lucky men who lived there. The more he contemplated that thrilling place, the more life on his father’s farm seemed to be drudgery. Day after day, he daydreamed about what it would be like to go to such a place. Fantasies have a way of gaining strength and momentum, which is why it is always best to stop them when they first appear.

In the beginning, he didn’t seriously consider such a trip; it was simply fun thinking about it. What he didn’t realize was that he was making an age-old mistake: Actions begin with thoughts. If a person thinks long enough about doing something, it is usually only a matter of time before he goes through with it.

Sure enough, one day he announced to his father that he wanted his inheritance so he could leave. “I’m tired of living in this boring place!” he exclaimed. “I want to go somewhere exciting—like the far country!”

His father probably responded with words similar to those found in Proverbs 4: “My son, give attention to my words; keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those who find them. Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the issues of life. Watch the path of your feet. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil. Do not enter the path of the wicked for it is like darkness.” (vss. 14-27)

His wise words fell on deaf ears. Once a backslider has decided to go after his sin, no amount of talk will change his mind. In fact, the most reasonable pleas will often only anger him. “Better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs, than a fool in his folly,” the wise man offered. (Proverbs 17:12) Indeed, it is nearly impossible to reason with a prodigal until he is in the pigpen.

Walking Away From God

Now that he had set his heart on sin, the young man couldn’t get away from his father’s house quickly enough. Every step away from the family farm increased his sense of exhilaration. He felt as if an enormous load had been taken off of his back. “I’m free!” he exulted. He had ripped the yoke of obedience and discipline off his neck.

Just as the traveler had promised, the far country was a place where all restraints were removed. His pockets bulging with his inheritance, the Prodigal threw himself into the party life. In the midst of all of the excitement though, he failed to notice that every party took him deeper into the far country and farther from his father’s home.

Eventually, of course, his money ran out, illustrating the fact that “the pleasures of sin last (only) for a season.” Poverty soon overtook him and he ended up in the pigpen where he “came to his senses.” In biblical terms, he repented of his sin and committed himself to return to his father. This was a huge first step, but he was about to learn a painful lesson: every step a person takes away from God must be retraced. The Prodigal had plunged deeply into the “distant country.” He now had to walk all the way home.

The Cost of Wandering

One of the deceptions of sin is that the person can simply repent and return to God afterwards. While it is true that genuine repentance does bring instantaneous forgiveness, also true is the fact that every sin committed bears a price. One of the great consequences of backsliding is that the further you move away from the Lord, the more difficult will be the return. I will illustrate this spiritual law with two stories.

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My wife and I once spent time counseling a couple who were addicted to spending money. In spite of the fact that they both earned good money, they had racked up $40,000 in debt. In our counseling with them we carefully laid out a reasonable budget which would provide a limited amount of cash and yet would enable them to pay off all of their financial obligations within two years. Unfortunately, they didn’t stick to the plan. By coincidence, we ran into them two years later. How sad to discover that instead of emerging from their pit of debt, they were now $80,000 in the hole!

The second story involves a woman my wife once counseled who was about 75 pounds overweight. Kathy helped her to develop a reasonable diet and an exercise regimen. Had she stuck to this plan, she would have gradually slimmed down, and in the process, become healthier and more energetic. Instead, she grew weary of the restraints and threw herself back into her gluttony. The last time my wife saw her she had gained an additional hundred pounds.

Spending money and eating have obvious outward consequences to be overcome. It is much easier to climb out of $40,000 of debt than $80,000. It is much easier to lose 75 pounds than it is to lose 175 pounds. Although it isn’t as visible, the same fact holds true for those who give over to sexual sin. It is much easier to overcome a two-year masturbation habit than one that has been going on for five years.

Every time a man looks at pornography or gives over to some other form of sexual sin, his mind becomes more polluted, his heart more blackened and his perspectives more distorted. Sin corrupts the soul and its vile touch doesn’t simply disappear when a person repents. Every act of sin takes a person further away from God and leaves a stain upon the heart. That is why it is so important to stop the slide immediately. “Today is the day of salvation!”

The Return Trip

Regardless of the distance a prodigal must travel to return to the place of having a pure heart, he still must make the journey. What other choice does he have? As Peter once said, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.” (John 6:68) The unthinkable alternative would be to remain in the hellish living of the far country. As long as the trip might be, every step must be retraced to the Father’s house.

The Pulpit Commentary captures this truth: “Oh, you who are forsaking Christ, if you be really his, you will have to come back; but no joyous journey will that be for you. No, indeed! It never has been, and never can be. Still blessed be the Lord, who forces you to make it, difficult and hard though it be. It is the hand which was nailed to the cross, and the heart which there was pierced for you, that now wields the scourge which compels you, in sorrow and in shame, to come back to him whom you left.”

One of the encouraging truths that come from the story of the Prodigal Son is that the Lord welcomes the penitent home. Indeed, when He sees the son coming up the steps, He lavishes him with kisses. The fatted calf is slaughtered. The best robe is thrown over his shoulders. There is joy in heaven over his return. But let this ominous truth stop us all from going down that road: every sin has its price.

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Maybe you’ve tried everything to break free of porn addiction or some other form of  sexual sin. You’ve tried reading books, listening to podcasts and sermons,  going to support groups and therapy sessions. You really do desire freedom,  but nothing has worked. However, there is one more option: the Pure Life  Ministries Residential Program. Now some people have asked us, “Why is that  any different than all the other options out there?” Our hope is that today’s  episode will answer that question and show you that real, deep and lasting  change is possible.

Show Notes & Resources

Are you interested in learning more about Pure Life's Residential Program? Click here for more information.