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Spiritual Growth

Timeless Truths: "Be Holy As I Am Holy"

Steve Gallagher

Timeless Truths: God does not expect sinless perfection from us, but He does expect us to earnestly pursue a life of holiness.

Sermons
Spiritual Growth

Waiting for the Lord's Appearing

Guest Author

Dave Leopold shares a message based off this year's conference, encouraging us to eagerly anticipate the Lord's coming by the way we live!

Podcasts
Spiritual Growth

#625 - Why You Should Read "Peace Child"

Pure Life Ministries Podcast

This episode: Don Richardson loved the Sawi people, but they had zero interest in Jesus. Then God opened their hearts in a dramatic way...

Sermons
Root Issues

The Wisdom of God vs. the Carnal Mind | Unveiling Yahweh Series

Patrick Hudson

In this week’s sermon, we will be unveiling the wisdom of the Cross.

All Posts

Person looking at a road turning in two different directions

How to Create Your Own Turning Point

Articles

A bad season does not make a bad career. No matter how deeply you have fallen, it is not too late to turn things around!

Finding Freedom
Sexual Sin
Spiritual Growth

1975 was a miserable year for Joe Torre, then first baseman for the New York Mets. It must have seemed like a lifetime since he won the Most Valuable Player award only four years earlier. But that was then and this was now. Perhaps the lowest point of his career came during a game on July 21st, just three days after his 35th birthday. Four times, second baseman Felix Milan singled and each time Joe followed him by hitting into an inning-ending double play.

Torre finished out the year with a paltry .247 batting average and a measly six homeruns. Two years later he hung up his cleats, deciding to try his hand at managing instead. Unfortunately, things didn’t get any better, as the Mets, under Joe’s leadership, won only 40% of their games during the next five years.

But Joe Torre is not a quitter. After a couple of other stints at managing, in 1996 he was offered the helm of the New York Yankees and promptly led them to a world championship in his first season. Eight out of the next nine years the Yanks won their division, including five more appearances in the World Series. Joe’s career had obviously taken a dramatic turn after joining the Yankees.

Are you Living a 'Defeated' Christian Life?

Perhaps you are at a low point in your “career” as a believer. Maybe last week you struck out a number of times in duels with the tempter. Nevertheless, I want to encourage you that you have a long career ahead of you. A bad season does not make a bad career, unless you willingly bury yourself with unbelief or self-pity. No matter how deeply you have fallen, it is not too late to turn things around!

If you are going to halt your long and dreary slide away from God, you must have a pivotal experience that will act as a turning point in your life. Of course, for someone bound up in sexual addiction, this means repentance. This begins with a thorough renunciation of the sin (including the destruction of anything that holds you to that sin, i.e. pornography), asking God to forgive you and making a commitment not to return to it.

No doubt you have done this in the past, but before long you found yourself floundering again. This time will be different, though, because this time you are going to experience real repentance. You see, repentance is a precious gift from God. However, too many people treat His gifts as though they were some trinket found at a flea market. As one preacher said, “Too many people expect million dollar answers to ten cent prayers!”

It is the Lord’s desire to grant you real freedom, as He has for so many others. But the freedom you long for requires you to fight relentlessly for it. Jesus supplied the essential key to this in the Sermon on the Mount:

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:7-11)

He makes two significant points here: 1) The Father greatly desires to grant His gifts to those who are hungry; and 2) Although these gifts are free, they only come as a result of persistent prayer.

People who continue to give over to a sinful habit, especially one that has long since lost its luster, do so because each day is the same as the one before. Life for them has become a drudgery—one monotonous, uninspiring day repetitiously following the next. The answer to getting off this merry-go-round of temporary insanity is to create a special day that will change things forever.

A Day of Asking and Waiting

Friend, if you are in habitual sin, here’s exactly what you should do. Set aside a special day, within two weeks or so, allowing yourself some time to pray over it and build anticipation. You should also inform your wife, pastor and close friends so that they too can be praying for your big day. Of course, the sin must be stopped immediately. If you know that you have a special day coming, you can hold out when the temptations arrive. But even if you falter leading up to your day, you can still make this work.

The second part of the equation is a place to go. If it is the vacationing off-season, I would highly recommend finding a park where you can rent a cabin for the day. If this is not possible, then you might have to stay in a hotel. (If you do this, you must absolutely unplug the TV set when you get there!)

I don’t suggest spending the night—too many potential temptations. Plan on arriving in the morning and leaving late afternoon. Eat supper the evening before and resolve to fast until you return home. You should have about eight hours at your disposal to spend doing Bible studies, praying for loved ones, etc., listening to worship music and most of all, pleading with God to change your heart. At the end of your time, tell the Lord that you are accepting by faith that He has done an important work within your heart.

Admittedly, you may or may not experience emotional feelings during the day. However, DO NOT gauge the success of your venture on how you feel. In fact, don’t be surprised if you are besieged by an onslaught of sexual thoughts during that day and the following days. This means that the enemy is trying to make you feel as though you are no different. How many of your failed attempts at repentance in the past, I wonder, were because you kept falling for the same stereotypical tricks of the devil!

A Life of Claiming and Believing

Re-read the verses listed above (Matthew 7:7-11) over and over, reminding the Lord that He has promised to respond to your prayers. Find other promises in the Scriptures and recite them as well. Claim them by faith. It’s God’s heart to set you free once and for all!

Never, ever express doubt or despair when discussing this with others. Tell people that you believe God has done something significant in your life and you are holding onto it in faith. God’s Word claims victory for His children. Our faith is in His promises, not in practicing some contrived human belief system based on positive thinking. Nevertheless, one’s words do have the capability of influencing one’s faith. If you continually express unbelief, you will find your confidence quickly evaporating.

In the weeks and months that follow, you will find yourself pointing to this 24-hour period as a pinnacle in your history as a believer. You must always see it as the day things turned around for you—your watershed moment and the devil’s Waterloo in your life!

When temptations come across your path now, you will find that you are much more capable of standing in resistance. Not only has the Lord answered your prayers and done a significant work within your heart, but that day is something tangible you can “hang your hat on.” You will also find a strong desire not to lose what you fought for. The tedious succession of one day of defeat after another has been broken! Even if you should cave in to temptation one day, pick yourself right back up again, repent and get back on track.

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Of course, it should be obvious that, in order to have the power of God consistently at work within your life, you must maintain a solid devotional life. You must also refrain from making any provision for the flesh. You are a new man now. Don’t allow ungodly television to play in your home. Don’t go to places where you know you will be assaulted with sensuous images. Don’t hang around those who are a bad influence upon you, who might entice you back into complacency and sin. These are the types of sensible decisions and tough choices people make who are choosing to walk in victory.

It would have been very easy for Joe Torre to give up on baseball after being fired as the Mets’ manager in 1981. But he decided to fight for what he wanted—that elusive success. As he managed the Braves and Cardinals in the ensuing years, he had his struggles, but he never gave up, and the payoff came. Your day of victory will come as well. Take that first step by faith and set aside a day to turn things around. Then believe God to fulfill His promise to you in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “……old things have passed away; behold, all things become new.”

Articles
Purity for Life Episode #455 - Captivated by a Greater Wisdom

#455 - Captivated by a Greater Wisdom

Podcasts

In this episode we address the hidden dangers of looking to the wisdom of the world, and our need to trust the wisdom of our Lord.

Spiritual Growth
Finding Freedom
Sexual Sin

Anyone who earnestly wants to follow Christ must be wary of a common trap waiting to hinder their walk. That trap is the wisdom of this world. This counterfeit wisdom is seductive, because it caters to our fallen nature. In this episode, we’ll explore some of the dangers of worldly wisdom as it expresses itself in our western context. Then we’ll point you to the only One who is truly wise and the only One who is worthy of our trust.

Resources

Podcasts
Purity for Life Video Segment - Developing a Life of Intercession

Developing a Life of Intercession

Short Videos

Victory over sexual sin can be cultivated through a life of prayer rooted in intimacy with God and focused on the needs of other people.

Spiritual Growth
Finding Freedom

If we carefully read the Gospels and the Book of Acts, we can clearly see that prayer was a huge part of the life of Jesus and the early church. There were times Jesus spent all night in prayer. The apostles spent ten days praying in the upper room, seeking God and waiting for the Holy Spirit. When Peter was in prison, the believers prayed, and the prison doors opened. The believers in Antioch prayed and fasted, leading to the commissioning of Paul and Barnabas for missionary work. There is no mistaking it: God moves in response to prayer, and if we want to do God’s will of mercy, then we must learn to become strong in prayer.

Short Videos
Hands Holding a Bright Candle in the Dary

There is Hope in Knowing the Truth About Sexual Sin

Articles

Pastor Ed Buch continues to dispel common myths about sexual sin in today's culture by sharing the light of God's truth.

Sexual Sin
Finding Freedom
Root Issues
Spiritual Growth

In this segment, Pastor Ed Buch goes into part two of the myths about sexual sin that are common in the church today. He shares insightful truths that can help bring about freedom in the lives of those who’d heed the truth. (from Podcast Episode #316 - Coming Out…of Homosexuality).

Brooks: Pastor Ed, Today I wanted to continue our discussion of Christian myths when it comes to sexual sin. And today we’ll talk more about myths that people sometimes believe about the proper answer concerning the issue of sexual sin. So, let's get right to the first one. I want to first talk about the idea of just containing or controlling sexual sin. This is basically the concept that somebody should just try to keep their sexual sin from getting worse. People believe that this is step closer to getting out of the problem. What would you say to that?

Ed: Well, I would say that that's a lie. Your sexual sin and my sexual sin will not stay contained very well at all. And you’re talking now, Brooks, to someone who has spent a number of years, probably close to 10 years with a secret sexual sin habit of masturbation, fantasy and lust. However, all that did was keep the door wide open for me, so that eventually I was just, in a sense, ripe for the picking and when an opportunity came along for me to engage in an adulterous affair. That's exactly what I did because I had kept that door open all along, thinking that I was just giving over in a certain way, but not going that far. Because I initially wasn’t going into adultery, I thought that somehow I could contain it and I’d never cross those lines.

That phrase right there, “I'll never cross that line,” or some version of that, is a common thought that people in sexual sin hold onto. What they end up realizing is that the circumstances do arise, and will arise, that cause them to cross lines. They never thought they would cross those lines. And this whole lie that “We can contain our sexual sin,” really Brooks, is based on the notion that our lust somehow can actually be satisfied. But that is never what happens with lust. Lust can never be satisfied. We continually lust for more, and over time, in fact, we need more frequent engagement with our sin. If it's some form of sexual sin, such as looking at pornography on the computer, instead of doing it just once a month, now I'm at it once a week, and then it’s once a day, and then I'm spending hours a day on the computer looking at my pornography. That's the progression in terms of the quantity.

However, it's even worse than that because it also requires an increase in the potency of what we're engaging in. So that we move from one form of sin, or pornography, to other types of pornography which often involves some sort of fetish, perversion, or something else. It takes greater and greater quantities, of more and more potent forms of our sin to try and even temporarily satisfy the lust in us.

Brooks: Yes, that’s certainly something we can see in Solomon's life. If you read the book of Ecclesiastes, he certainly didn't seem to ever find a bottom to his desires for more.

Ed: That's right.

Brooks: Well, let's look now at another idea people sometimes have about dealing with sexual sin, and that would be confession. Obviously, confession is in the Bible. It's an important part of dealing with any sin. But in my experience, I spent years confessing sin and then going back to it. So, evidently, they're can sometimes be something wrong with confession alone. What would you say to somebody who might just be confessing their sin?

Ed: Yes. Again, this is one of the common things that people get caught up in, and it leads them into a cycle of hopelessness rather than actual growth out of their sin. We see this a lot from the men who come into our residential program. They've been going for years to alter calls, to accountability partners, to support groups and repeatedly confessing their sin, but their addiction hasn't diminished even in the slightest, as they've gone through that cycle. And that's because confession must be coupled with repentance.

That's the Biblical picture that we see: confession can't stand alone. It needs to be coupled with repentance, and that repentance must really and literally mean a turning away from my sin. So, in Biblical counseling, we often speak in terms of putting off the old sinful way the sexual sin and putting on some new godly behavior in its place. That's what needs to be coupled with the confession. A lifestyle of sexual sin needs to become a sanctified life. We need to learn what it means to walk in the Spirit. Because if we walk in the Spirit, we will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh (Galatians 5:16). That's the promise we have in Scripture.

Brooks: Okay, very good. So, we want to see true repentance as a follow up to confession. Can you help us further define what real repentance would look like in somebody's life?

Ed: Well, I can give you a few things off the top of my head. An obvious place to start with repentance is just taking Romans 13 Verse 14, to “Make no provision for my flesh.” So, I need to cut off those things that have been feeding my flesh or my sexual sin. And frequently, if the sin is something sexual, frequently, that's going to look like getting rid of my internet access. Or at the very least, installing some sort of adequate filtering for that connection.

I also may need to think about my television viewing habits, the movies that I have, the catalogs that I have in my house, and anything that I've brought in the front door that really can be used to stir my flesh and get me into a sensual mindset. I need to cleanse my house of those things. I need to do a major house cleaning and get rid of that stuff. That would be an example of putting my repentance in action. That would be part of the “Putting off” that I was talking about earlier.

Hand in hand with that, however, is that you've got to have something that replaces those things in our lives. Biblically, we want to put on habits of daily prayer time and reading the Bible. If I'm married and have children, then having family time. Things like that. I definitely would need to get plugged into a church. And not just any church, but a church where I'm getting solid Biblical teaching, and where I'm able to engage in meaningful fellowship with other growing believers.

Brooks: That really helps to flesh things out a little more on the practical side, so thank you for that.

Ed: Sure.

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Brooks: All right. One more myth that I wanted to address regarding dealing with sexual sin in someone's life is the matter of a profession of faith. The myth is that a profession of faith all by itself is enough for someone to feel comfortable about their walk with God, even when they're not yet seeing victory over sexual sin. For a lot of people who come to us, that's their situation. They've been a professing Christian for years and they still haven't seen any change. So, what would you say to someone who feels satisfied that they've just professed to believe in Jesus? Is a profession enough?

Ed: Well, I'm going to say no. It's not enough, Brooks. Because I believe that's what the Bible teaches us: having a profession of faith is a beginning, a first step. But I think there are examples in Scripture, many examples, of people who started well but did not finish well. I think of Paul's second missionary journey, in particular. He undertook that journey because it was on his heart to go back and visit the church that he had founded, and to see how the people were doing. He was very concerned that their profession of faith had somehow withered away in the face of whatever opposition might have come along behind him. He wanted to go back and encourage them in the faith, to help them mature and grow their faith. He wrote to the Thessalonians that he wanted to supply what was lacking in their faith and longed to see them so that he could impart that to them.

I think Peter also spells this out pretty well in the beginning of his second epistle. He says plainly that we must add to our faith. And he goes on to list a number of things. He says to add to our faith, virtue and to virtue, knowledge, to knowledge, self-control. To self-control we’re to add perseverance. To perseverance we must add godliness, and to godliness, brotherly kindness. And then at the pinnacle of all of that there's love (2 Peter 1:5-7). Agape, love, is what God is really after. But we have to add those things to our faith. Faith was just the first step. And Peter even says that we need to be diligent about it (verse 11). This is a lifelong journey of spiritual growth that we've undertaken, while faith and a profession of faith was just the beginning of it.

Brooks: You know, Pastor, I can't help but think at this point about our residential program. Because it seems like so many men discover for the first time that they are finding a real answer to their sexual sin in the program. And I have a sense that it's because there were a lot of things they might have been missing for that answer in their lives before the program. Over the years, what have you discovered to be some of the essential elements that people do find, as being part of the real answer for them, when they come to Pure Life?

Ed: Well, I can probably answer best from my own personal experience. I am a graduate from the program, as of 2004. One of the keys, for sure, that the Lord imparted to me was that repentance was not just a one-time act, but a lifestyle. And somehow my understanding of Christianity hadn't gotten that truth nailed down before Pure Life. I remembered earlier in life going to an altar, making a profession of faith and repenting of my sins. In my mind I had repented, and I was finished repenting. I thought that I probably didn't need to ever revisit repentance. Man, I learned how wrong I was as I read the Bible in a clearer atmosphere, with Biblical counselors to help me and guide me deeper into what God’s Word really says and means. I realized that repentance is a walk. It’s a lifestyle that we must engage in repeatedly and daily.

Articles
Woman at a laptop writing a letter

An Open Letter to Wives who Feel Betrayed

Articles

My Dear Friend, I want to share some thoughts about what you are going through now that I hope will be a help and a blessing to you.

For Wives
Sexual Sin

My Dear Friend,

I want to share some thoughts about what you are going through now that I hope will be a help and a blessing to you.

Before I address the pain you are experiencing, I want to set the stage by pointing out a fundamental difference between men and women.

As you know, a woman’s affections and sex drive are fused together into one passion. For most of us this passion is directed at the man we love. But what many of us don’t realize is that men aren’t wired the same way; that men have a unique ability to utterly divorce their affections from their sex drive.

So this is why it came as quite a shock to you to discover that your husband has been living a double life right under your nose. Outwardly he seems to be sincerely devoted to you, but one day you discovered the terrible truth that he has had—for who knows how long—a completely separate life you have known nothing about. And this hidden existence all revolves around illicit sex involving, at some level, other people.

A Hurricane of Emotions

I know full well that the pain can be overwhelming when a wife first unearths the appalling truth about her husband’s secret life. Her thoughts and emotions swirl around inside her as if in a blender. One moment she is in a rage toward her husband; the next moment she is engulfed in fear and hopelessness; then she goes into a cold numbness. Sorting through these vacillating feelings of betrayal and rejection can be very difficult while in the middle of such a raging storm. No doubt this is what you have experienced.

Not only must you face your husband’s disloyalty, but you must also work your way through those feelings of overwhelming rejection. Facing the unspoken (or sometimes even spoken) accusation that there is something wrong with you is like a punch in the gut. So much of a woman’s sense of value comes from her husband’s admiration and love. To know he is longingly looking at the faces and bodies of other women is a blow to the heart and soul like nothing else. The reality of such a revelation is so huge in its proportions that it can drain the life out of a woman. But you know this all too well, don't you?

You’re Not the Only One

A man’s ability to separate his family life from his sex life has caused more emotional trauma in the female population than perhaps any other crisis a woman can face. It seems to be a common phenomenon across every social, cultural and racial boundary. Actually, it could be traced down through the centuries back to mankind’s earliest days.

For thirty years the wives counselors here at Pure Life Ministries have been hearing these gut-wrenching tales of emotional suffering. Let me tell you about Nicki. One day she accidentally happened upon some adult websites on her husband’s computer. She raced from one site to the next, trying to understand what was going on with him. The whole experience was shocking and humiliating.

"We were so in-love! You made me feel like a million bucks. You said there was no one else in this world you wanted but me. You told me all the time how beautiful I was to you. You had all kinds of sweet and endearing nicknames for me. Our beginning was, I thought, a harbinger of things to come.
"And then I saw the women you go to for your sexual thrills. How can I compete with the perfect bodies of those porn starlets? There was a time I thought I was pretty and desirable to you, now I can’t even bear to look at myself in the mirror. I feel like I’m a mass of blemishes and imperfections. What is wrong with me? Am I really so ugly that you must sneak around to see pictures of other women?"

Marti is another example I can share with you. She actually had a hand in the downfall of what she thought was going to be a happily-ever-after marriage when she agreed to watch porn with her husband. What followed was a nightmare that seemed would never end.

“He described the women to me: thin, dark skinned, dark haired women, who were about 10-15 years younger than me. I could get a mental picture of him with them. I wish he would have never told me those things. I blamed myself. Why did I let myself gain so much weight? Why didn’t I voice my concerns earlier? The “if onlys” consumed me.
“Had I ever satisfied him or would I be able to now? I would cry every time we were together for a while. I needed to know that I was pleasing him, that I was good enough, pretty enough. I wanted to have plastic surgery to become more attractive. I became completely self-focused.
“Eventually he decided to leave me. My worst fears were coming true. I was going to be alone. As he packed his bags I begged him to stay and work it out. After he left, I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t eat, and couldn’t sleep. I lost about 20 pounds in 3 weeks and my hair began falling out. I wanted to die. I was further humiliated when I had to go and sit in a health clinic to get tested for HIV and STDs.”

Hearing these stories and hundreds just like them have been a painful part of my life for the past 30 years. I don't need to tell you how shocking the sudden and unexpected discovery is that your husband has a secret obsession with other women. It is all part of the betrayal and rejection you and other wives experience who are married to men addicted to pornography and illicit sex.

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You Feel This Way for Good Reason

A man cannot cut any deeper into a woman’s heart than to take what is so personal and special and give it away to someone else. Sexual intimacy between married couples is the greatest expression of their devotion to each other. Even if the marriage isn’t necessarily great, still, a wife never expects this level of false-heartedness from the one who vowed his love and life to her. It is betrayal at the deepest level.

As I said above, such news can produce emotions that can be all over the place. This kind of inner turmoil can make her feel as if she is losing her mind. Even worse is when a calloused husband takes advantage of his wife’s vulnerability and uses it to his advantage. It seems that this is what you have had to deal with.

It is a lot for a woman to sort through. Margaret is yet another woman I should mention to you. Her inward life was in such turmoil. She describes what she experienced:

“I ordered Kathy Gallagher’s book “When His Secret Sin Breaks Your Heart.” This was the first resource I had found that offered any hope of comfort for me as the wife of a man struggling with sexual sin. I felt like each page I read described what I had been feeling and thinking & struggling with for many years on my own. It was a great comfort to know that I was not alone and that I was “not crazy” for feeling & thinking so many conflicting thoughts. There were others out there who had experienced the same thing and had turned to God for encouragement & strength when the days seemed the darkest.”

Sometimes just hearing of other women who have experienced similar pain and emotions can make an enormous difference in a hurting wife’s life.

The thing to remember while in the midst of such a storm is that God knows the truth about what you are dealing with and He cares very deeply. My testimony to you is that when I went through this with Steve I learned the secret of really turning to the Lord for solace. I came to know an intimacy with God I had never experienced before.

Let me end by encouraging you not to remain fixated on the painful details. Instead, turn to your Heavenly Father and pour out your heart to Him. He is, after all, “the Father of mercies and God of all comfort.” (2 Corinthians 1:3) I also encourage you to join the Pure Life Wives Program. Those ladies have gone through this ordeal and can be a tremendous blessing to you.

I trust the Lord is going to meet you in a marvelous way in the days ahead!

In Christ's Love,

Kathy Gallagher

Articles
#356 (REPLAY): What Role Does Deliverance Play in Freedom from Porn?

#356 (REPLAY) - What Role Does Deliverance Play in Freedom from Porn?

Podcasts

Experiencing victory involves knowing the Enemy's schemes to enslave us to lust, and growing in disciplines that foster true freedom.

Finding Freedom
Sexual Sin
Spiritual Growth
Root Issues

The person seeking to overcome sexual addiction will likely find that Satan and his demons have contributed to the establishment of his sinful habits. In this episode, we look at the role that deliverance from these evil spiritual forces plays in gaining freedom from porn. We discuss various aspects of our war against the Enemy, and his various strategies to defeat us. We see that God wants to deliver us, but He is after so much more than just our sexual sin. He wants our whole lives.

Resources

Podcasts
God Rewards Those Who Seek Him

God Rewards Those Who Seek Him

Articles

Dustin Renz points us to God, who is ready to lavish victory and breakthrough upon the soul seeks Him and cries out to Him diligently.

Finding Freedom
Salvation
Sexual Sin
Spiritual Growth

In this segment, Dustin Renz shares how he came to seek God and have total dependence on Him. He encourages us that when we develop a lifestyle of crying out to God, God will respond and do many wonderful things for us. (From Podcast #449 - Laying Hold of the Promise) 

Dustin: When I first came to Pure Life, I was very full of myself. I was full of spiritual pride and my attitude was, “What are these people going to be able to teach me that I don't already know?” In one of my first counseling appointments, my counselor gave me an assignment. He said, “I want you to just begin to cry out to the Lord throughout your day. When you're experiencing trouble or hardships, or whatever is going on, I want you just ask the Lord for help.” And he said, “It might feel kind of mechanical at first, but I want you to go ahead and do it.”

      So, I remember just doing what he said to check it off the list. I prayed, “God, I need you.”  I would go through some situation, and I’d pray, “God, I really need you.” In the beginning it felt very lifeless. But what the Lord did was begin to answer that cry in a way that I didn't expect. He began to show me my heart. He showed me what I was really like. He began to peel off layer after layer of selfishness and pride. I'd be in a conversation with somebody, and the Lord would just bring conviction of the things I was saying and the motive behind them.

      I'd read books in the program, or do studies, or hear sermons, but it was like everything was directed at God showing me my heart with its sinfulness and spiritual arrogance. It was over weeks and months that the Lord continually allowed me to see what I was really like.  He brought me to the place where I was so heavy laden with this burden on my heart, of what I was like, that I remember just crying out to the Lord. I told Him, “God, I see what you're saying about me! I agree with you. I'm in agreement with how much of a Pharisee I am, how selfish I am and how I've lived my life really for myself. But I really need your help because I can't take this anymore! I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this burden.”

     It was around that time my wife called one day. We had been talking a couple of times a week, and she said, “This week I think we need to fast our phone calls, and you need to seek the Lord.” So, I remember thinking, “Okay Lord, this is out of character for her. This must be you.” And I remember going into the chapel each night for quite a period of time, putting on worship music and getting on my hands and knees and just really doing business with God. I was really crying out to him for help, and saying “God, I need you to come and change me. I admit who I am and what you said about me, and what you’ve shown me, but I need you to change my heart. I can't do it on my own.” 

      I went in there each night throughout that week, and I encountered the Lord in a way of His love being poured out on me, and He began to show me that my only hope was Him. It was a turning point where I began to stop looking at myself, and I began to look for Him for help. And it became a cry that has lasted all these years later. I still have that place of dependence and crying out to the Lord. But it really all took place by me crying out to Him, and Him responding by showing me the ugliness of my heart, and then me repenting of that. 

Patrick: Dustin in our culture today, we're getting to the point where if someone says something negative it’s characterized as mean spirited, or bigoted or judgmental. Many people would think that the experience you had when you were in the program, where God was continuing to show you how sinful you are, would be cruel of Him or even emotionally damaging. But you don't describe the experience that way. It sounds like it was very painful. But all I've heard you talk about what came from that is how grateful you are for that time, and that you needed it. So why do you think it was necessary for God to lead you through that painful process?

Dustin: When I look back on that time, I think that it was His mercy being expressed to me. Because what if he hadn't done that? I think of the inverse. What if God hadn't shown me my heart, and hadn't led me into repentance, and I hadn't had to walk through that pain, but instead He left me where I was. That's the alternate. Then I would still be in sin, or who knows where I would be today.

       So, it was a necessary pain that I had to walk through. And part of it was that it was all self-inflicted pain. It was the stuff that I had created, the life I had lived, the pride that I had had. And so, the pain I was experiencing was the pain of seeing that—the pain of remorse, but it was over the things I had done. So it wasn't like God was inflicting me with pain, just for the sake of pain. He was extending mercy and trying to help me see the things that I needed to see in order to get free.

      For example, the pride in my life. If he hadn't shown me my spiritual pride, I couldn’t have dealt with it and gotten free from it. So, I see it as His mercy and I'm very grateful for it because I don't want to be left where I was. I've heard it said before that God loves us the way we are, but he loves us too much to keep us the way we are. I think that's what was happening there. He loved me where I was at, but He saw all these things in my life that He would have to deal with in order to get me free. And that was the freedom that I was crying out for. Therefore, it was just a necessary part of the process.

Patrick: Right. It's like when Hebrews describes that He disciplines us. If you're working out, it's painful to work out, but it's building something good over time.

Dustin: Yes, it's pain with a purpose.

Patrick: Yeah. And I think we see that God does love to answer that cry as He's building that need in us. But what can be confusing for us is that God doesn't always answer that cry that He puts in us right away. For you, it was a long time that you were beginning to see that need until it finally culminated in that week in the chapel. So, from your point of view, what are some of the reasons God might delay His answer for someone who's desperately and earnestly seeking Him? 

Dustin: I think part of the issue when we're talking about that is that God doesn't always respond in the way that we think He's going to respond. In my experience, I wanted him just to set me free and hit the easy button and everything goes away. And part of His response was Him showing me my heart. That was part of His answer to my cry. It just didn't look like the way I thought it was going to look.  

       Oftentimes, God is doing something in the crying out, there's something happening inside of us that is part of the answer. Just the fact that we're crying out to him, it connects us with Him and builds relationship. I think sometimes we're looking for some kind of experience, and that specific thing is not what God is doing in that moment. It may lead to that, like it did for me. There was a breakthrough moment, but I see all those weeks and months of crying out as part of the answer to my prayer.

      The other thing is that God's timing is perfect. We have to trust that He knows what we need, and when we need it. Our job is just to do the crying out to Him. That's what we do, it’s our part. And we also have to trust that He's doing His part, and He'll do His part in due time. To the person who says, “Well God's not answering my cry,” I would encourage them: don't get discouraged. Just trust the Lord's character. He's good. He promises in His word on multiple occasions that He'll answer the cry of His people. So just have faith and believe that He's doing something in the season you're in, and just continue to cry out to Him until you see the breakthrough that you're crying out for.

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Patrick: That's good. I think we need to take a moment and offer a word of warning here. Because sometimes we see people who want victory over sin, but when God tries to lead them through this process that you're describing of really coming to the end of themselves, they keep avoiding it or side-stepping it. What would you say to someone who's in that situation?

Dustin: I would say to that person that by side-stepping the process, they are prolonging the victory that they're crying out for. If you picture a room in a house with one door, and the room is freedom from sin. It’s the victory. It’s whatever they're crying out for. If they get into that room, they're free. There's one door to get in. You can't get in any other way, there's no windows, there's no other way. But the door is repentance and the only way to get into that room is through repentance, which involves a breaking down process. It involves God showing us our sin, it involves us having remorse. So, all those painful things that they're trying to avoid is the only solution. They can side-step it forever, but they will never walk through that door. 

      I would encourage them that the pain is temporal. And the pain is also a good pain, because it's a pain that leads to victory. A lot of hard things in life require that we walk through a measure of pain. But if we walk through it, not only is there victory on the other side, but God walks with us through the door. We don't want to forget God is with us in that process. He has not forsaken us. The fact that he's revealing our hearts and is showing us these things is proof that He's working. And so, picture yourself walking with God hand in hand through this process that will lead into the victory that you're crying out for.

      When we talk about crying out to the Lord, I think it's important that we understand the importance of our desperation. When I was crying out to the Lord, it was a time of crisis. I was at Pure Life, my marriage was falling apart. I was in sexual sin, and there were a lot of things going on. And so, I was pretty desperate for the Lord to come and do something. But what happened was that the cry that began with my counselor saying, “I need you to cry out to the Lord,” has turned into a lifestyle that still exists today. On a normal basis I'm crying out to the Lord. I need the Lord for everything. I realize that in and of myself, I have nothing. But with Him, He's the one that provides all that I need.

      There's a scripture in Hebrews 11 that talks about God being a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. I've seen that as I've continued to cry out to the Lord all these years. The Lord has just filled my life with blessing. He restored my marriage years ago and brought my wife and I back together. He's blessed me with three wonderful daughters, and He’s restored me into the ministry. When I got out of Pure Life, I wasn't able to preach. But He's restored me. And I recently was ordained with our denomination. I’ve just seen God's hand of blessing throughout my life.

      And of course, that includes freedom from sin. I'm not walking in sexual sin. I'm not living in that. That's been a fruit or benefit of the crying out to the Lord. But it's way beyond that. He's just given me a wonderful life. I walk in the peace of God. Yes, I have my struggles. I have issues that I walk through, but I'm walking through life with Him and ultimately that's the reward. When you seek after Him, you get Him in your life. All the goodness and the blessings are just side benefits to actually having the Lord and a real relationship with Him.

Patrick: Dustin, one of the things that's been such a great comfort to me in my life is that God promises that He will respond to the cry of the needy. But the truth is when we're in sin, or maybe when we're just going through something that's difficult, we often have a very hard time believing that. So, I want you to give listeners a couple of scripture verses that have really encouraged you to take God at His word, and to cry out to him when you've really been in need.  

Dustin: Sure. One of the scriptures that has stuck with me over the years in Matthew 5:3 in the Beatitudes, the first one. Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit for they will inherit the Kingdom of God.” The word poor in spirit literally translates to spiritual beggars. And this is a picture of people who can't do anything without God. And really, that's how He's designed us to be. I’ve had to get over the macho man mindset, thinking I can do things on my own, and self-sufficiency and independence.

     It's okay for us to be dependent on the Lord because He created us to be that way. It’s like my kids. When I've got a newborn baby, we don’t expect her to have the answers, or be able to feed herself, or to change herself. She’s just a helpless infant. And if we don't take care of her, she won't be able to survive. It's kind of like that in the spiritual realm where all of us are like that in our flesh. Jesus said, “You can do nothing without me” (John 15:5). So, it's okay to not have the answers, and to need to cry out to God. It's okay to be in situations where you don't know what to do, or where you're struggling in some area of life and to go to God and say, “Lord, I'm just coming to you as a spiritual beggar. God, please help me.” He's always faithful to respond. And so that's the peace that we have.  

      Another passage that I think is really helpful is Psalm 34. I'd encourage anyone to read through it. David's going through a very hard time,and multiple times he talks about crying out to the Lord. Verse four says, “I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.” Verse six says, “This poor man called and the Lord heard him; He saved him out of all of his troubles.” Verse seventeen says, “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles.” There's this idea of a cause and effect. As people cry out to God, or as God's children cry out to him, He always responds. 

      David's writing from this place of confidence. So, I know that when I cry out to the Lord, He's going to answer me, in His wisdom and His timing. Likewise, as a father myself, if my children cry out that they need me, I'm going to run to them. It's because of my compassion for them. My love for them is going to cause me to respond. It's the same thing with God as our Heavenly Father and us, as His children. When we cry out to Him, there’s compassion that He has for us. He's going to respond. He's going to reach out to us. He's not holding back from us. He's not trying to withhold anything. He's going to give it to us in His timing. He just knows the best wisdom and timing to do it.  

      I would encourage anyone to go through Psalm 34. But there are multiple passages throughout the whole book of the Bible that are all about people crying out to the Lord and Him responding. He's the same God today, and He'll do the same thing for the person who cries out today as He did throughout the whole of scripture.

Articles
happy restored couple

How to Restore Purity in Your Marriage Bed

Articles

After sexual sin in a marriage, the road to restoring purity in the marriage bed can seem difficult, and often impossible.

For Wives
Finding Freedom

The pain of sexual sin to a betrayed spouse is enormous. Many of these wives have lost all hope for their marriage ever being restored. Any possibility of trust and real intimacy with their husband in the future has been utterly abandoned.

Even after God does a deep transformation in a husband through one of our programs, the road to restoring purity in that couple’s marriage bed still seems difficult and for many impossible.

I, Rose, can testify to this in my own life. Jeff’s sin seemed so insurmountable, so dark. I had lost all hope of having the intimacy restored that we once had, the intimacy that every wife longs for when she finally finds the man she believes God has brought into her life. Intimacy between us had become something unclean and dirty.

I can remember times when I would weep as I allowed the tormenting memories of all that he had done with others rob me of the joy of being intimate with my husband. It was like a pack of vultures flying around our marriage bed seeking to devour any life that was left between us.  

For me, Jeff, there was a whole different set of problems. Prior to finally finding true repentance and a life in God that I never thought possible, my view of sexuality and my marriage on a whole was very self-centered. I had bought into the lie that sex in all its forms exists to provide pleasure to the lust-driven partaker.

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For so many years this way of thinking had become ingrained, so much a part of who I was. I had to allow the Lord to give me a new mind about these things.

We wanted to experience the sexual intimacy promised by the God of the Bible, but didn’t have the faith or the pathway to find it. But we did believe this, that the answers were somewhere in Scripture; we did believe “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Six Steps to Pure Sex

  1. Renew your minds. Ephesians 43:22-23 tells us to “put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind.” We realized we had to put behind us all the old and start focusing on the new. That meant putting our past failures under the blood, and begin the process of being made new in all things, especially our minds. The mind is where most of our issues come from, the way we think, and then act. For me, Rose, this meant the difficult work of abandoning thoughts of what Jeff had done to me. These thoughts had imprisoned me and kept me from the pleasure God wanted us to enjoy together.
  2. Put on righteousness. Paul goes on in Ephesians 4:24 to command us to “put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” To put off sin and not put on righteousness leaves the house empty. For me, Jeff, this meant beginning to look at intimacy with Rose as a time of expressing love to her, not a time to satisfy my lust as in the past. It meant following the advice of King Solomon, “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.” (Proverbs 5:18 – 19) It meant taking all the passion that had been misdirected before to vain things and showering it all on Rose.
  3. Choose to be a blessing. For me, Rose, this meant turning to God in my heart and seeking Him to give me the desire to be a blessing to my husband even when everything in me felt justified not to. As I began to submit my will to God’s will for the marriage bed, I had to believe God to change my heart towards Jeff.
  4. Ask, seek, and knock. Jesus gave us many promises on prayer especially during his last days on earth, among them, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8) We began to seek the Lord together and ask God to restore purity in our marriage bed. We prayed together every time we were going to be together sexually, and God was faithful to do a work in both of us.
  5. Glorify God. Paul commands us in 1 Corinthians 10:31, “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” We had to come to consider sexual intimacy between us as a God-given gift and as a means to glorify Him. A pure and pleasure-filled marriage bed beautifully expresses and glorifies Jesus and the Father’s love for us. When God is in the midst of our lovemaking, and we are focused on pleasing Him and each other, we have found a beautiful, fulfilling and lasting oneness that we never thought possible.
  6. Read up. Another thing that helped us along the way was going through a book called Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat, which I would recommend for any couple wanting a biblical look at sexual intimacy. This is important because a lot of the time we don’t realize how much our perspectives and views of sexuality have been distorted by unbiblical influences throughout lives.

Above all, we had to trust God to change us, to do what we knew we could not do in our own strength. We had to believe Jesus’ words in Matthew 19:26 which were intended to a rich man entering the kingdom of heaven could just as easily be applied to this matter of restoring purity in the marriage bed. “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Please don’t limit the power of God and the Cross of Jesus Christ. There is unfathomable power in the blood of Christ. Jesus’ blood paid for our sin, reconciles us to God, purges our dead conscience, cleanses us from all unrighteousness, and can wholly sanctify us.

Christ died to give us new life, a new life that can pervade and sanctify everything we do. We testify to you that God has cleansed our marriage bed, and has made it into something beautiful. There is now a bond between us that only God could have brought about. It is our prayer that you too may come to know the cleansing, healing and redemptive power in your marriage bed of all that He has purchased on the Cross for you.

Articles
Purity for Life Episode #454: |Victory| Persevering with a Pure Heart

#454 - |Victory| Persevering with a Pure Heart

Podcasts

A life of victory over sexual sin must bear fruit, not just for a season, but until the very end.

Spiritual Growth
Sexual Sin
Finding Freedom

In this final episode of our Victory series, we’re going to look at some of the fruits that come out of a life lived in the Spirit of God’s mercy. We’ll look at purity, gratitude, humility, and what it truly means to know God. We’ll then look at the importance of persevering in this godly life by examining the story of King Solomon and some of the pitfalls that can beset even the most sincere saint.

Resources

Podcasts
Staircase Going Down Into a Dark Place with Dim Lights

Do You Know the Truth About Sexual Sin?

Articles

In this segment, Pastor Ed Buch speaks truth about some of the common myths of our day that people believe about sexual sin.

Root Issues
Sexual Sin
Spiritual Growth
Salvation

In this segment, we address with Pastor Ed Buch some of the common misconceptions as well as their corresponding truths concerning the subject of sexual sin in today’s culture. (From Podcast Episode#315 - Why Understanding Addiction Won't Change You)

Brooks: Joining me in the studio now is Ed Buch. He is the Director of Counseling here at Pure Life, and he's also the campus pastor of our residential campus. So, Pastor it's good to have you in here today.

Ed: Hi Brooks, it's great to be here with you.

Brooks: Pastor Ed, I've been thinking recently about the men who come to our programs and the stories we hear all the time. Everybody who comes here has a story of their background before arriving on campus, and a lot of times the stories we hear have similarities. Underneath those similarities, I found there to be a number of different myths that people come here believing. These myths come from their backgrounds, which oftentimes is a church background. So, I wanted to talk to you today about myths that Christians can believe about sexual addiction. And wondered if you minded us exploring a few of those with you?

Ed: I'd be happy to do that Brooks. Because it's very true what you just said, that the men that come here are coming out of church backgrounds, but there are a lot of myths that are embedded in their thinking.

Brooks: It's very true. Well, first for today's segment, I wanted to talk about the problem of sexual sin itself, and some of the myths that people believe about that problem. Depending on who you talk to, some people might even say sexual sin is not a problem in their church. What would you say to those folks?

Ed: Yeah, I think it's definitely getting harder and harder to maintain that illusion that sexual sin is not a problem in the church today. But there probably still are those who are just oblivious to it, or in denial over that situation. Because study after study is getting done now; surveys and polls are being done on a regular basis by people like the Barna Group and Focus on the Family, which are qualified organizations. They are really looking into these things and are consistently churning out numbers that tell us that fifty percent of the men in a congregation are addicted to pornography. Twenty percent of the women in a congregation are addicted to pornography. Focus on the Family did a poll that said that forty seven percent of families say that porn is a problem in their home.

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And none of this should be really shocking because one of the stats that I saw recently was that eighteen percent of pastors are addicted to pornography. I'm using the word addicted here Brooks. It's not just that these people are occasionally consuming something that they shouldn't. These are men and women who are compulsively addicted to pornography and other forms of sexual sin. It's a huge problem in the church.

But do you know what always stands out to me hand in hand when I see these statistics? I've read the letters to the churches in the Book of Revelation, and two of them specifically mention sexual sin as an issue in the church. What that tells me is that sexual sin in the church has been a problem, it is a problem, and it is going to continue to be a problem, even as we go through the very end times.

Brooks: Let's talk now about the idea that a lot of people have, that sexual sin is just impossible for a Christian to overcome in their lives. What would you say to that so called myth?

Ed: Yeah, that is definitely a very common thought, especially by those who are in sexual sin. Because they've come to that place where they've tried some things, some quick fixes to get out of it. Undoubtedly, at least, before they’ve come to Pure Life Ministries. I think that's universally been the case. But they are bound up in this hopelessness, and because of that, this lie that sexual sin is somehow impossible to overcome just takes deep root in them.

What stands out to me is a passage of scripture. In 1 Corinthians 6, beginning in verse nine, Paul writes, “Don't be deceived, neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites…” And he goes on to name some other people, thieves, covetous people, drunkards and so on. He says these people will not inherit the Kingdom of God. But here's the great news. Look at the next phrase: “And such were some of you” (1 Corinthians 6:11). Paul is clearly saying that sexual sin can be overcome. He’s inferring that, “Some of you were brought out of that.” He goes on, “But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.”

That's the hope that I would want to give anyone who falls for that lie from the enemy that sexual sin cannot possibly be overcome. I'm telling you, when you work here at Pure Life Ministries, there's no doubt that sexual sin can be overcome because we see it on a regular basis. We're surrounded by stories of victory. Even every employee here has that as a personal testimony, that they have come out of sexual sin. And we deal with, I think it’s over 500 men and women a year now in our various counseling services. And all of them, at least the vast majority of them, are going to go on to live a life free from their sexual sin.

Brooks: That's really encouraging. I had one more question for you today. There’s a myth that we sometimes hear that some particular sexual sins aren't really that big of an issue. I'm sure you might know what I'm referring to when I bring that up. But it's something that even if people don't say it, they often times have it in their minds. What would be your response?

Ed: Sure. Well, let's first go back to the verse I just quoted out of 1 Corinthians 6, where Paul was writing and saying that these various ones will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Among them he listed fornicators, adulterers, homosexuals and sodomites. That pretty well covers abroad list of sexual sinners right there. So, I suppose the other issue that isn't on that list, that really most people latch onto, is masturbation. When it comes to this issue of masturbation, there are many who believe that it's not a sin. Even some pastors may teach that sort of thing, that masturbation is not a sin.

But I can tell you this.  I've been in addictions counseling for over 20 years and in my ministry experiences, I can assure you that just like cigarettes, alcohol and marijuana, those things that are the gateways to harder drug use and abuse, masturbation is a gateway to other forms of sexual sin. And sin always begins in the heart. So, when Jesus addressed sexual sin, and He did, that’s exactly what He pointed to. Do you remember the passage in Matthew, in the Sermon on the Mount? He said that if a man looks at someone lustfully, he's committing adultery in his heart (Matthew 5:28). And so, whether I look at someone literally walking by or driving by, or something, and I'm looking at them lustfully, or whether it's simply happening in my mind's eye while I'm masturbating, I'm still committing sin. I’m committing the sin of adultery in my heart. And when I fantasize and masturbate, that's what's going on.

Then Jesus went on to say shortly after that, that it's from within, it’s out of the heart of men that proceed evil thoughts, or fantasies,or you might say adulteries, fornication, and so on (Matthew 15:19). Jesus is telling us that those more offensive, deeper forms of sexual sin are actually rooted in our heart. They arise out of our hearts. So, when masturbation is corrupting our hearts, it's feeding into those other forms of sin that will eventually flow and follow out of that same heart.

Do you know what I find in our counseling, Brooks? There are a lot of men who want to hold on to that sin masturbation and make it some kind of a pet sin that they don't have to give up.  They'll give up a lot of other things, but not that one. And they'll continue to struggle with that one for a little while. And that's why in his book At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, Steve Gallagher devotes an entire chapter to this topic of masturbation. Because it is one of those myths that people have held onto, that it's not really a sin. He addresses that pretty thoroughly in the book.

The bottom line to all of this, Brooks, is that masturbation, of which some people use the term self-gratification, and I've seen more and more recently, people are even just calling it self-sex; all of those terms, whichever one you choose, they’re pointing to the root of selfishness. I'm literally having sex with myself if I'm engaged in masturbation. So, if you look at the whole of Scripture, the full teaching out of the Bible, there is no way you can defend such a selfish behavior as being compatible with your Christianity.

Brooks: I can definitely sense the seriousness of this problem of sexual sin. What would you leave our listeners with today, now that we've sort of unpacked the seriousness of this issue?

Ed: Well Brooks, I would hope that the listeners fully understand that there is a way out. There is hope. This ministry has been around for over 30 years for exactly that reason, so that men can find a way out, and women can find a way out of their addiction. They don't need to stay in that cycle of despair.

Brooks: There is hope. That's an encouraging note to end on. Thank you, Pastor Ed.

Ed: You’re welcome, Brooks.

Articles
a burning tree

The Spiritual Problem of Pornography and Its Solution

Articles

A man will only quit his sinful, destructive behavior when he has truly repented of it in his heart.

Finding Freedom
Root Issues

As soon as his wife pulled out of the driveway, Pastor Jessie booted up his computer. With shaking hands, he moved through the screens into the pornographic areas of the Internet he had become so familiar with. His anticipation mounted as he clicked on one of his favorite sites. Jessie did not realize that his wife had been suspecting that he had a problem. That morning, she decided to sneak into the house to see what he was up to. She was in the room before he knew it. The look of horror and betrayal on her face when she saw the computer screen would haunt him for months to come.

Jessie’s story could be multiplied by millions. According to statistics, internet pornography is raking in billions of dollars in revenues every year. One researcher estimates that 60 million Americans have visited sexually explicit web sites. Tragically, the percentage of Christian men involved is not much different than that of the unsaved. According to most surveys, at least 17% of Christians regularly view pornography. The internet has made the raunchiest sexual images available at a click of the mouse in the privacy of one’s home or office.

Many ministers and laypeople share a similar story to Pastor Jessie’s. Upon completing Bible College, he entered ministry with a sincere desire to “walk in a manner pleasing to the Lord.” At first, he maintained a healthy relationship with God, ministering to his flock out of the spiritual abundance that came from his vibrant devotional life. Eventually people began flocking to his church. This taste of success drove Jessie on. As his ever-increasing responsibilities demanded more of his time, his prayer life began to dwindle. When he did try to pray, heaven seemed closed to him. Rather than spending time in the Word seeking the spiritual nourishment he needed personally, he simply spent his time looking for sermon material. Over a period of months, the fountain of life had dried up for him. True, his ministry continued to flourish, but inwardly he was growing increasingly apathetic and cold-hearted.

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Jessie didn’t realize it, but his spiritual listlessness made him an open target for the enemy. During this period of time, he began having occasional lustful thoughts. At first, he would shut them out, but as time went on, he increasingly entertained them. One day, while on the Internet, the thought came to him to type a sexual phrase in the search engine. With a mounting curiosity and a depleted spiritual life, he gave in to the temptation. What came up on the screen was so electrifying to him that he spent two hours rushing through dozens of adult websites. Jessie had just entered the dark realm of pornography.

Over the next several months, this once-godly-man plunged deeper and deeper into the sewers of perverted images. He kept telling himself that he would quit, not realizing that every single visit to a porn site was digging him into a deeper pit that would be harder to climb out of. Getting caught by his wife was a beginning, but he had developed a serious addiction by this time. He soon found out how weak his promises to quit were. The following excerpt from my book At The Altar Of Sexual Idolatry explains this:

"As the addict enters the beginning stage of remorse, he will often make certain promises to God vowing never to repeat the same sin again: ‘Lord, I swear I won’t do this ever again!’ As his eyes are opened to the reality of the horrible emptiness and nature of his sin, he readily makes such a vow; for, it is at this moment that he truly sees sin for what it really is.

However, the problem with making such a resolution is that it stems from the man’s own strength and determination to resist and overcome an evil. This sort of "promise-keeping" will never endure future temptations in the same area. It is for this exact reason that the sex addict has attempted countless times before to break the habit, yet to no avail.

The man desperately needs repentance. True repentance comes when a man’s heart has changed its outlook on sin. A man will only quit his sinful, destructive behavior when he has truly repented of it in his heart. As he moves closer to the heart of God, he begins to develop a 'godly sorrow' over his sin."

Jessie’s struggles continued. He grew discouraged after being disappointed over the exaggerated claims of “powerful” books and “life-changing” seminars about overcoming sexual addiction. He considered entering the Pure Life Ministries Residential program for men struggling with sexual sin, but close confidants told him that he did not need to take such a drastic step. Finally, he resigned his church and made the decision to enter the program. At that point, he didn’t care what it would cost him: he had to get right with God.

The Lord began to come to Jessie in a powerful way at Pure Life. He helped him to see that his problem wasn’t mystical. He simply had to begin where he had gotten off track in the first place: his devotional life. Having experienced great brokenness over how his sin had destroyed his walk with God, devastated his wife, and ruined his ministry, he sought the Lord with a new fervency. Being in a godly and protected environment, he began crawling out of the pit of sin. Temptation lost its stranglehold on him. Hope for a new life in Christ gave him an added incentive to press into God. It wasn’t long before the old fire from God had returned in his life.

The apostle Paul summed up Jessie’s newfound freedom when he said, “If you walk in the Spirit, you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.” Each person must decide for himself how trustworthy this statement is, but I can testify that, in the fifteen years that I have been ministering to sexual addicts—including many ministers—I have never found any evidence to dispute this statement. A man can attend weekly support groups, receive on-going counseling, go to deliverance sessions, be prayed over by a famous evangelist, or even enter a sexual addiction clinic, but if he is ever going to be freed from sexual lust, eventually he will be forced to come to grips with what it means to walk in the Spirit. Some of these efforts can be helpful, but only God has the power to cleanse the heart which has been defiled by pornography and set a person free.

God accomplished many things in Jessie’s life that were instrumental in his victory over pornography—too many to recount in a short article—but the basic, fundamental principle that can be garnered from his story is that a spiritual problem involving sin is only going to be solved through the work of the Holy Spirit: if you walk in the Spirit, you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.

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Purity for Life Episode # 453 - |Victory| 95% of Mercy is Prayer

#453 - |Victory| 95% of Mercy is Prayer

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In this episode, we look at how cultivating a prayer life that's more focused on the needs of others will help with victory over sexual sin.

Spiritual Growth
Finding Freedom

In Scripture, we never see the disciples ask Jesus to teach them how to preach, or how to heal the sick or cast out demons. What we do see is them asking Him to teach them how to pray. Scripture reveals that a strong prayer life is central to life of the Christian, and in this episode, we look at how it is vital to the victorious life. There’s encouragement in the promise that if we would pray for God to mercy others by meeting their needs, then He will gladly come and meet our own needs.

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Show Notes

We wanted to share the Mercy Prayer, written by former Zion Faith Homes minister Rex Andrews, with you because it has helped change many lives in our counseling programs. The words aren't special in of themselves, but committing to pray for others this way in faith and through the power of the Holy Spirit, will make a tremendous impact on your life, as well as theirs.

Mercy prayer

1. Lord, I thank you for __________.

  • I thank You for saving him/her. Thank You for what You have done and are doing in his/her life. (Eph. 1:16; Phil 4:6; Col 1:3; 1 Thes. 1:2; 3:9; 5:18; 2 Thes. 2:13)

2. Make __________ to know Jesus.

  • Help him/her to increase in the knowledge of God. Destroy speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God and help him/her to bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. (John 17:3; 2 Cor. 10:5; Col 1:10; 2:3; 3:10)

3. Make __________ poor in spirit.

  • Bring him/her down, Lord, but do it gently. Help him/her to see his/her neediness. Help __________ to see him\herself in light of You. Put __________in his\her rightful place, Lord. (Ps 51:17; Matt. 5:3; Prov. 29:23; Isa. 66:2; 1 Peter 5:5)

4. Fill __________ with Your Holy Spirit.

  • Immerse him/her in Your Spirit, Lord. Come to him/her in power and might. Baptize him/her in fire, Lord. (Luke 3:16; John 1:3; Gal. 5:16; Eph 5:18; Acts 2:17, 18, 28)

5. Life __________.

  • Life him/her according to Thy lovingkindness. Pour out Your life-giving mercies into his/her soul. (Ps. 80:18; 119:25, 37, 50, 88, 107, 149, 154, 156, 159; Ps. 143:11; Ro. 8:11)

6. Bless __________.

  • Lord, bless him/her in everything he/she touches. Bless him/her spiritually, physically and financially. Bless his/her loved ones. Do for him/her, Lord, instead of me. (Gen. 12:1-3; Prov. 10:22; Matt. 5:44, Ro. 12:14, 20; 1 Peter 2:23; 3:9)

7. Mercy __________.

  • Flood him/her with need-filling mercies. Pour them out in super abundance. Find and meet every need in his/her life as you see it, Lord. *Flood the one I am looking at in my heart and mind, with fulfilling mercies, filling all his/her need. As you have mercied me, so mercy him/her. (Ps. 86:5; Hosea 6:6; Matt. 9:13; 2 Cor. 1:3)
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