In this episode, we play an interview conducted by the Clarity Podcast featuring Pure Life’s Pastor Ed Buch and our Director of Intake, Ken Larkin. The Clarity Podcast is geared towards missionaries. So the host wanted us to weigh in on some of the issues overseas Christian workers face regarding sexual temptation. Ed and Ken tackle these issues from a biblical perspective, centering their answers in the Word of God and how we’ve seen it impact men in our programs for over 35 years.

Resources

• For any ministry worker struggling with temptation, we would encourage you to check out our Residential Program. For those of you who are unable to come to our Residential Program, we would encourage you to check out our Overcomers at Home Program.

• A Biblical Guide to Counseling the Sexual Addict (Book) by Steve Gallagher

Baseball experts have developed technology that allows them to determine the speed a ball is thrown by a pitcher, describe the trajectory of the ball, and pinpoint the exact location the ball crosses the plate. A committed hitter will often prepare to face an opposing pitcher by using this technology in an attempt to ascertain whether or not he has developed any identifiable patterns in his choices of pitches (i.e. fastball up and in, high curve, slider down and away, etc.). Pitchers are humans and as such, their decision-making tends to fall into certain grooves that can sometimes be predicted.

In like manner, the choices and decisions people make about everyday life are also identifiable and often predictable. Life is full of options. Everyday choices must be made. Most of these would not be considered weighty or consequential (i.e. “Should I get a haircut today or tomorrow?”), but many affect a person’s life. Poor choices can complicate and quickly worsen a person’s situation. A series of bad decisions can bury him in a hole that isn’t easy to escape. Indeed, prisons and graveyards are full of people who have made unfortunate mistakes that have cost them dearly. “A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is arrogant and careless,” says Proverbs 14:16.

A person is considered foolish when he doesn’t think through the implications and consequences of his actions. His only concern is the immediate dividends to be gained and his decision-making will usually involve questions such as these: “Will this bring me pleasure now?” “Will it help me avoid discomfort today?” “How will it affect me at this moment?”  It is as Solomon said, “The mind of fools is in the house of pleasure.” (Ecclesiastes 7:4)

On the other hand, a wise person is continually thinking ahead.  His mental processes take a completely different line of thought: “How will this choice affect my life a month from now?” “What will I think of this decision in a year’s time?” “How will it contribute to the shaping of my eternity?” Every choice he faces must pass through the filter of these queries.  It isn’t that a wise person cannot take pleasure in the things of life. If the particular activity he is considering will not adversely affect him, he knows he is free to enjoy it. But if it is going to have adverse consequences, it is quickly dismissed.

How to Change Your Decision-Making

People who habitually give over to masturbation, pornography, and illicit sex are routinely making poor choices.  Indeed, the very habits that are ruling their lives are nothing more than the outcome of making consistent mistakes. They have allowed the love of immediate pleasure to carry more weight in their lives than the peace and joy that accompanies godliness. However, God has graciously provided the means for a person to turn his life around. The following are a few pointers about changing one’s decision-making.

1. Identify Patterns
   First, like the committed hitter mentioned above, this person should study past decisions and look for patterns. He should ask himself tough questions: “Why did I do that?” “What were my thoughts leading up to that decision?” “What would have been the wiser thing to do?” “How can I prepare myself to choose to do the right thing when faced with this in the future?” Acknowledging and coming to grips with past errors will help him to be prepared to make wise decisions in the days ahead.
2. Repent
   Once he has identified past mistakes, he should repent of each of them to the Lord and to anyone else who was adversely affected by them. This clears the slate and, in a certain respect, helps him to spiritually disentangle himself from those past sins.
3. Find Counsel
   He should also seek out wise people and subject himself to their counsel. Solomon rightly said, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” (Proverbs 12:15) People who have shown a propensity for making bad decisions can learn much by humbling themselves to godly saints. He should be careful to heed their advice, remembering that his best thinking has gotten him into his current condition.
4. Seek Wisdom
   He should also make a commitment to study and cherish wisdom. Rather than continuing on the path of making impulsive choices based on a temporal mindset, he must learn the value of thinking things through. A thorough study of wisdom vs. foolishness in Scripture would be very valuable as well.

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As the individual incorporate these principles into his daily life, things will begin to turn around for him. Good decisions not only bring positive consequences, but they also help develop the habit pattern of making wise choices in the future. Wisdom begets more wisdom and, as can be seen by the passage of Scripture below, it also brings with it a life of spiritual prosperity and emotional soundness. I recommend that the reader take some time to ponder and meditate upon the following words:

“How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. For its profit is better than the profit of silver, and its gain than fine gold. She is more precious than jewels; and nothing you desire compares with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, and happy are all who hold her fast.” (Proverbs 3:13-18)

A life overflowing in sincere worship greatly pleases God. But it’s also clear in Scripture that the Lord is displeased by the worship of those whose lives contradict their profession of love to Him. Today we look at the difference between true and vain worship and the implications of each upon our lives. We’ll find that a life overflowing with worship is really the normal Christian life and it is one that has abundant peace and joy in Christ.

Married men in sexual sin often say that they love their wives. But their actions tell a different story. Viewing pornography, committing adultery, and engaging in other forms of illicit sexual behavior reveal a lack of love in their hearts. After years of this hypocrisy, putting the words, “I love you,” into action will be difficult. But husbands can learn how to love their wives by letting Scripture teach them God’s way of love. Our heavenly Father’s willingness to give up His precious Son demonstrates that love. Christ’s becoming a man and willingly sacrificing His life for us reveals it too. It’s a standard every husband must strive for. Love that gives all and holds nothing back.    

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One of the most joyous days of Scott and Erin’s marriage ended with a devastating revelation. It would lead to months of seeking godly counsel and taking steps to get help for Scott. But after over a year of continued pain and betrayal, Erin knew something else was needed. But she could never have imagined how powerfully the Lord would meet them both when Scott entered the Pure Life Ministries Residential Program. Through those grueling 9 months, God would bring about forgiveness and restoration in their relationship with Him and with each other.

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In this interview, Jeff Colon, talks to us about how to deal with the difficulties of counseling young people, specifically those who have been abused. He gives us insight on how to help them in a way that is founded in biblical truth, and not in man’s wisdom.

Mike: Today, we want to talk about an issue that I know is difficult for some people to hear about but is an increasing problem. We are going to be talking about how one can help children who have been molested. How much of a problem is child molestation today?

Jeff: I can tell you countless heartbreaking stories about the devastation that sin causes. But when we're talking about a child that has been molested, we're talking about devastation that really goes deep and takes its toll on a child. A counselor really has to be in touch with the Lord to help this child deal with the traumatic consequences of such a sin.

Mike: Well, I have to imagine that not only do the issues go deep, but these issues they're dealing with can go on for years. As a counselor, how do you begin to deal with those kinds of issues?

Jeff: If a counselor comes across a situation where a child is being abused, the first thing they should do is find a way to stop the abuse. Research studies have shown that 60% of children that are abused experience repeated abuse. It's very important to take quick action so that the abuse ceases and that it does not happen again.

Mike: As counselors we of course recognize that there are legal requirements. If you become aware of molestation, it must be reported to the authorities. What are some of the physical ramifications of abuse that you might have to deal with as a counselor?

Jeff: If there is a suspicion, or it has come out that there definitely has been molestation, the child should be brought in for a physical examination, because sometimes things occur. I've come across instances where a mother has told us of a child that is experiencing bleeding, and in that case it's very important to go to a doctor, because you never know what kind of damage might have been done. It's also important that the child receives proper medical treatment if they have experienced any sort of bodily harm.

Mike: As you bring up the subject of them needing to receive a physical examination, I'm just thinking about all the different things the abused child must go through. The legal ramifications, the family relationships, and all the other things that this child is going to have to go through in the beginning of this process unfolding. What's your responsibility as a counselor and how can you help them get through that?

Jeff: In many cases, the courts are involved, and a child immediately faces many kinds of emotions and feelings. Sometimes feelings of guilt, because the abuser is a father or relative and they know that person is in trouble. They also may struggle with this as they're all of a sudden attending court proceedings. This may make the child feel as if they have done something wrong. If the perpetrator is sent to jail, the child needs comfort and reassurance of their safety.
Sometimes they're dealing with fear that this person is going to get out of jail and is going to be able to hurt them again. You want to be honest with them that there is a possibility of this person getting out at some point, but also assure the child that they will be protected. You want to help them deal with all the different kinds of things that they're going to be facing throughout the process, because there are going to be a lot of things that they do not understand because of their age.

Mike: I'm assuming there will be some kind of ongoing counseling as well. What are some of the things that you want to accomplish as you continue this process with a child?

Jeff: Well, initially the counselor must realize that this child has been damaged emotionally and they do not trust adults. You must establish trust with this child if you're going to be able to help them. That’s something you're going to have to work for diligently. It's good to demonstrate love to that child, but if you want to give them a hug or something, it's best to ask them permission first. You don't want to quickly invade their space that they're probably protecting, but you do want to let them know that you love them and begin to build their trust immediately.

Mike: As children are growing up, one of the things that they're learning is respect for authority. I'm assuming that for these children, all respect for authority has been demolished. How do you balance things for children who are learning to reestablish trust for authority while continuing the process of them learning respect for authority?

Jeff: A wise counselor will have a balance of love and authority. In any kind of counseling situation, the counselor must be in control of the counseling session. If that counselor allows the child to control things, they're never going to be able to help them. It's a fine balance, but the child does need to understand that they do have an authority that they need to submit to. If you're showing them love and you're gaining trust I think establishing authority isn't going to be a problem, but it is something that the counselor needs to consider.

Mike: Why is it so important for this child to establish a respect for authority?

Jeff: We want to help this child deal with this situation the way God would want them to deal with it. We want to help them deal with it biblically. If you establish an authority and there's an understanding that they're going to have to do things God's way, then you're going to be able to help them with the different issues that they're dealing with. For instance, fear is probably one of the most common things that these children are dealing with. They are either dealing with the idea that someone is going to harm them again, and they can even get obsessed with the idea that this is going to happen again. Or they have continuous suspicions that people are thinking about them, which causes them to become obsessed with themselves and as a result they live in constant fear. We want to help them see that preoccupation with themselves is not pleasing to God.

Mike: As you're saying that, I'm seeing a huge difference between approaching a situation like this from a psycho-therapeutic perspective as opposed to a biblical counseling perspective.

Jeff: Yeah, absolutely. I would say a psycho-therapeutic way of dealing with this kind of issue would be to focus on their emotions and to make it all about them, whereas we want to get them out of themselves. We want them to get their eyes on their source of hope, which is God. We want them to look at things through His perspective.

Mike: That must throw a whole different perspective on the anger that these children must be experiencing very often.

Jeff: Exactly, some counselors might tell them it's good to be angry and might even encourage them to vent their anger. A biblical view would teach them that anger is not pleasing to God. It's not right to return evil for evil. Forgiveness is the way to freedom. It's very important that a counselor teaches a child to handle their feelings in a biblical way.

Mike: What about feelings of guilt?

Jeff: Well, there are two kinds of guilt, false and true guilt. We want to make sure that we have the wherewithal and the spiritual discernment to determine whether or not a child is experiencing false guilt. Are they feeling as though they did something wrong and that it was their fault that this happened? That's an obvious example of false guilt and we want to help them understand that they were not the cause of the problem.
True guilt may be where God is convicting them of their anger. Maybe they are angry at their mother because she didn't protect them. Maybe they are even angry at God for allowing this to happen to them. That would be an example of true guilt, which is called conviction. We should then help them alleviate that guilt by teaching them to do the right and biblical thing, which in this instance would be forgiving their mom and realizing that it was not her fault.

Mike: You know, Jeff, we never know who may be listening and reading to these interviews and there may very well be a young person out there that has been molested or there may be an adult out there who has never really dealt with past molestation. What word of hope or what word of encouragement might you have for those folks?

Jeff: What I would say to them that God hasn't turned His eyes away from them. He saw what happened to them and it grieved His heart. We live in a fallen world and bad things happen, but we serve a God that knows how to bring His purpose out of situations where we can only see horrible things. I've even heard my wife say, who went through her own issues because of my sexual sin towards her, that if she hadn't gone through what she went through, she couldn’t help hurting wives the way she does now.
I would just say to anyone out there that God has a purpose; God has a plan. He knows how to bring good out of every circumstance. If you'll trust Him and look to Him for the answers, He knows how to heal your heart. He knows how to comfort you. But He will also teach you how to bring comfort to others. I'm sure there are many people out there that need to know there is a God of comfort. There is a God that can heal any hurt that we have experienced. I just want to encourage you, if you're out there and you're listening, God sees you. He knows you. He has a way out for you. He can bring good out of your situation.

Many Americans are focused on themselves rather than others. It's this culture of self-centeredness that has created a lot of chaos in many marriages. Men go into marriage looking at it as a way to meet their needs. But if instead a husband seeks to know Christ, and makes this the central focus of his life and his marriage, the Lord will set him and his wife on the Narrow Way which leads to a unity with God's will and with each other.

Resources

• From Ashes to Beauty (Book) by Jeff Colon

• Choosing the Way of Blessing for Your Marriage (Blog) by Jeff and Rose Colon

You may find this hard to believe, but it is true nonetheless: God is making you into a trophy which He will showcase for all eternity. Now, if you’re anything like me, such a thought seems ludicrous—even laughable. When I consider my wretched past and the inferior lump of clay the Lord received with the Steve Gallagher package, the idea of me being something He would want to show off to others seems rather far-fetched. And yet, that is precisely the claim that Scripture makes.

“You were dead in your trespasses and sins…” Paul writes. “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ… so that in the ages to come He might show (demonstrate, Amplified Bible) the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” (Ephesians 2:1-7)

The New Living Translation interprets the final verse as, “And so God can always point to us as examples of the incredible wealth of his favor and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us through Christ Jesus.”

Many of us who come from a past of horrid sin find it difficult to see anything redeemable about ourselves. But that is the very point Paul is making! We were dead. We were hopeless. There was nothing we could do to save ourselves. “But God, being rich in mercy…” stepped into our dark and lost condition and saved us—and He did it to make us His trophies!

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God Alone Is Receiving the Glory

Allow me to illustrate the truth of this with the stories of two teenaged boys—Tommy and Clarence. Tommy is a winsome boy who attends a suburban high school. He is also a very good basketball player and his coach utilizes his exceptional talent to lead their team to a winning season. “What a great kid!” exclaim all those who know him. The truth is that anyone could coach a kid who has been gifted with the personality and talent Tommy has.

Meanwhile, down in the inner city, lives a rebellious teenager named Clarence. He has been nothing but trouble to his mother since childhood. In fact, because he is so abrasive, unruly and difficult, people do their best to avoid him. However, one day the high school coach happened by as Clarence was playing some pick-up basketball with friends. He was amazed at his natural ability and immediately befriended him, inviting him to join the varsity team.

Over the next three years, the coach overlooked Clarence’s surly and cocky attitude and did his best to help the troubled teen. He was the kind of trainer who could see beyond a young person’s present condition to what he could become. He showed Clarence that he believed the best about him. This young man had never experienced such kindness and patience. He responded by blossoming into a phenomenon on the court, eventually being recruited by several big universities.

In Tommy’s case, his coach will not receive the accolades; Tommy alone will receive credit for being such “a great kid.” Clarence, on the other hand, became a star for one reason only: he had a great coach who poured himself into the young man’s life.

It is the inner-city coach who provides an apt picture of the Lord. God is not looking for great people; He is searching for great sinners who can join the Hall of Fame of grace. “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast,” Paul went on to write. God alone will receive the glory for what becomes of our lives.

God’s Grace on Display

Paul tells us that “in the ages to come” God will demonstrate “the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” For the longest time I believed the point the apostle was making was that, throughout eternity, the Lord would continue to unveil His grace to us. There is certainly truth in that interpretation, but actually this great demonstration is not primarily for our personal benefit.

To fully understand the main reason God fashions trophies, one must go all the way back to the Garden of Eden. With just three words, “Has God said…?”,  Satan initiated a long-term and systematic campaign to assassinate God’s holy character. He went on to suggest that the Lord was withholding good from Eve, the underlying suggestion being that “God is not trustworthy; He’s in it for Himself.”

For 6,000 years, the Lord has allowed Satan to work his poisonous deception into the minds of mankind. He has maligned God’s character—not just to man—but also to “the rulers and the authorities in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 3:10) God’s righteousness must and ultimately will be vindicated.

A dramatic picture of this is provided for us in Revelation 7:

“After these things I looked, and behold, a great multitude which no one could count, from every nation and all tribes and peoples and tongues, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, and palm branches were in their hands; and they cry out with a loud voice, saying, ‘Salvation to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.’ And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures; and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying, ‘Amen, blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might, be to our God forever and ever. Amen.’” (Revelation 7:9-12)

This vast host of saints, standing in “white robes,” clearly understands one thing: “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God…” There, in the light of eternity, when they can look back upon their earth life with undimmed eye, they will clearly grasp how much God did to save their souls. Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones wrote the following about this great day:

“This is to me the most overwhelming thought that we can ever lay hold of, that the almighty, everlasting, eternal God is vindicating Himself and His holy nature and being, by something that He does in us and with us and through us… He is going to put us on display, as it were; there is going to be a glorious exhibition. He is already doing it, but it is going to continue in the ages to come, and at the consummation God is going to open His last great exhibition and all these heavenly powers and principalities will be invited to attend. The curtain will be drawn back and God will say, Look at them! ‘To the intent that now unto the principalities and powers in heavenly places might be known by the church the manifold wisdom of God.’” (1)

I have a feeling that when that day arrives, we will look in vain around us to find one single “Tommy” in that heavenly host. Instead, we will discover that we are standing shoulder-to-shoulder with many “Clarence’s”: trophies to the grace of God.

(1) Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, God’s Way of Reconciliation.

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This is one of many hot-button questions in our day and age. Many years of well-intentioned Christian activism against homosexuality in our country has left the gay community with the impression that Christians are self-righteous and intolerant. Be that as it may, it is still a worthwhile issue to consider.

Before we get into that question, we will need to narrow down our categories a little to make sure we are measuring “like with like.” For instance, a man raping a woman is far worse than two men hooking up for casual sex. So simply putting homosexual activity up against heterosexual sin is too broad of a comparison. Perhaps a better way to ask the question would be, “Is homosexual promiscuity worse than heterosexual promiscuity?” Here we have two similar behaviors distinguished solely by gender orientation.

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We all know instinctively that some crimes in the penal code are worse than others. Obviously murder is more serious than larceny, and it is no different within the legal structure of God’s kingdom. In that light, yes, I believe homosexual promiscuity is “worse than" heterosexual promiscuity. I say this for a number of reasons.

1. First, an argument could be made that Scripture treats homosexuality more seriously. In the Old Testament, this lifestyle, represented by the twin cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, faced stern judgment by God. That divine displeasure was carried into the New Testament when the apostle Paul designated homosexuality as particularly vile behavior in Romans 1.
   
2. Second, while it is sinful for a guy and a girl to engage in extramarital sexual intercourse, their behavior fits within the parameters of “normal” sex—something that cannot be said of sodomy and the like. In fact, Paul uses such terms as “degrading,” “unnatural” and “indecent” when he discusses it in Romans 1.
   
3. Third, homosexual behavior affects a person’s perception of himself, causing him to identify himself more closely with an immoral lifestyle than the godly behavior expected of a believer. The homosexual movement has spawned an entire community and culture within our nation—complete with its own Christian denominations.
   
4. The final reason I believe that homosexual sin is worse is more of a sense than something easily articulated. In my years of ministering in the realm of sexual addiction, it has been clear to me that homosexual activity brings about emotional suffering and a spiritual corruption that runs very deeply. It doesn’t take much to see how deeply gays have been scarred as a result of the course their lives have taken.

So in light of all of that, I repeat: homosexual promiscuity is “worse than" heterosexual promiscuity.

However, there is an issue Jesus raised that I believe trumps this entire question. In Luke 18, He offered a parable that was a similar comparison of sinful behaviors.

The first example was a hard-hearted, arrogant and self-righteous Pharisee. His disdain of others must have seemed particularly nauseating to Jesus. The second man—a “tax collector”—wasn’t much better. For years he had used his official position to rip people off—poor folks, widows or whoever else he could take advantage of. The interesting thing is that Jesus didn’t claim that the sin of the Pharisee was worse than that of the tax collector or vice-versa. He declared the tax collector “justified” before God for one reason only: he had humbled himself before the Lord in deep repentance over his behavior—something the Pharisee was unwilling to do.

So, maybe the question we should be asking has nothing to do with which behavior is worse. Maybe we should be asking, “Is an unrepentant sinner in more trouble with God than a repentant sinner?” The answer to that question would be a resounding, “Yes!”

In this interview with Nathan Boer, we learn how repentance from sin is not only a commandment, but it is also a gift to help lead us out of Satan's control and into a life full of God's Holy Spirit. (from Podcast Episode #373 - Repentance Must Become an Integral Part of a New Lifestyle)

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Jim: Nathan, we are talking today about the subject of repentance and eventually we want to get to the point of how a person repents. But to get us started, talk to me about where we see repentance taught in the New Testament, who taught repentance and what did they say?

Nathan: Men like John the Baptist, Jesus, and the disciples such as Peter. It's hard to get very far in the New Testament without coming across repentance. What really surprises me is how John the Baptist preaches a sermon of repentance prior to preaching repentance to pave the way for Jesus.

Jim: Yeah. Now most people who know John the Baptist, probably remember him as a preacher of repentance. John the Baptist came in the wilderness preaching and saying repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand. We don't remember Jesus that way, but Jesus taught repentance too, right?

Nathan: That’s correct. In Matthew 4:17, Jesus said, “Repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.” He also instructed the disciples, and he summoned the 12 and sent them out in pairs. He gave them authority over unclean spirits, and they went out and preached to men that they should repent.

Jim: Wow. What about the two great apostles of the New Testament, Peter and Paul.

Nathan: Well, at Pentecost Peter told those listening to repent, that they would be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their sins and to receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. So, in order to receive the gift of the Holy Spirit, they had to repent first. They were also instructed to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their sins. It's an interesting step by step process there. If you had to summarize Paul’s preaching, everywhere that he went, he taught repentance.

Jim: If we look at John the Baptist, Jesus, the disciples, Peter, and Paul, I think we can call repentance a consistent New Testament theme. There's an interesting dynamic when it comes to repentance, and that dynamic is that repentance is a gift from God, but it is also a command from God. I will get into this a little bit more, but first show us where in the New Testament we are told that repentance is a gift from God.

Nathan: In Acts 11:17-18 it says, “Therefore if God gave to them the same gift as He gave to us also after believing in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I, that I could stand in God's way. When they heard this, they quieted down and glorified God saying, ‘Well then God has granted to the Gentiles also the repentance that leads to life.’”

Jim: Where else do we find that repentance is a gift from God?

Nathan: While writing to Timothy about dealing with men to whom he speaks in his congregations, or in the community who opposed his message, Paul says, “The Lord's bond servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, and with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition. If perhaps God may grant them repentance, leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” (2 Timothy 2:24, 26)

Jim: I love that passage of scripture, because it tells the man of God how to deal with someone who doesn't want to hear what he has to say. But you're right, it says that God will give to them repentance, and the Jews and the Gentiles received the gift of repentance. Paul is telling Timothy that perhaps somebody who opposes the gospel will be given repentance. God gives repentance as a gift. We are only able to repent because God allows it and enables us to do it. Yet repentance often appears in the New Testament as a command given to men by Godly preachers. We are commanded to repent. Isn't that so?

Nathan: That is correct. It's kind of phenomenal that God commands us to do it and then he gives us the grace to do it. It's as if he tells us “This is what you're going to do, and I know you can't do it. So, I'm going to help you do it, but you have to initiate it.”

Jim: Okay, I think we got it. Repentance is a command, but it's also a gift from God. He demands it, but then he supplies what is needed to fulfill that demand.

Nathan: That's correct. God is intimately equated with all our ways. If we want to repent, He's right there leading us to do it. It's far more likely that if we want to repent, it's because the Holy Spirit has been working on us to bring conviction. He gives us the gift of repentance, which then gives us the grace to do it. God is involved in every aspect of our salvation, enabling us to be obedient in our parts which are repentance and faith. We are commanded to believe, but God gives us the gift of faith. We couldn't do anything without his will and cooperation.

Jim: Well Nathan, Pastor Steve has taught us elsewhere that repentance is total life change. It's a change of mind. It's a change of will. It's a change of emotions. But what I want you to tell our listeners is what to do when you feel the need to repent hands on real time. What does repentance look like? I come to you as my counselor and I say “Nathan, show me how to repent.”

Nathan: First of all Jim, you’ve got to give God all the glory and honor and praise that He led you to desiring repentance at all, because that doesn't come naturally. And then the next thing that I would have anyone do is to pray. I would encourage whomever to renounce the sin that they are convicted of as well as confess that sin, and then thank the Lord for his forgiveness and ask for the gift of repentance. I then might open to Colossians chapter 3, where it talks about how to put off the old man and put on the new man. It's not just the stopping of a bad behavior after I've renounced it, and confessed it, and asked God for repentance. It's also what goes on in the place of what I'm repenting of.
Colossians 3:1-4 says “Therefore if you have been raised with Christ to a new life sharing in His resurrection from the dead, keep seeking the things that are above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind and keep focused habitually on the things above. The Heavenly things, not the things that are on Earth which have only temporal value. For you died to this world and your new real life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” I could keep going on, but you get the idea. The focus must come off of what we were convicted of and onto God's replacement for it. If I am convicted of lust, I'm looking to God to replace it with His love, which is a characteristic that comes only from Him.

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Jim: You're describing a repentance that isn't a onetime thing. You're describing a repentance that happens all the time for Christians, isn't that right?

Nathan: That's correct. Once you start repenting, you may be tempted to think that it's just a one and done deal. But as you continue to walk out the word of God in your life, you will find that it is a way of life, it is the process of sanctification. It is a constant turning from self and to God so that you can model His character through your life, further glorifying Him in everything that you do and say.

Jim: Being convicted of sin, confessing sin, and renouncing sin, but more importantly putting it off. That's the total change and the putting on is a characteristic or fruit of the Holy Spirit. So really, repentance leads right into sanctification.

Nathan: Yes, repentance is just one step in the direction of sanctified living.

Jim: Thank you very much, you've brought us some really great insight from the Word of God today.

Nathan: Praise the Lord, thank you so much for having me.

As we celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ this Christmas, we look at how He is our Emmanuel. In our sorrow, in our suffering, in our joy, and even in our daily lives, He is there; God with us. Join us as we sit down with Steve and Kathy Gallagher and other staff members from our program to discuss what it meant for God to be with them in different aspects of their lives. God is there for all of us, and we hope that through hearing these testimonies you can look back at your own life and see how He has always been and will always be your Emmanuel.

As we continue our series on becoming a biblical husband, we want to cover another critical aspect of rebuilding a marriage—honesty, transparency and vulnerability. These virtues are essential in marriage, especially for men overcoming sexual sin, because many of them are well versed in hiding their sin and lying. Dustin Renz’s own secret life built up for years. And while he felt that he was protecting those around him through his lies, he now looks back seeing how his deception only prolonged his path into freedom. His wife Brittany shares with us as well the devastating effects his hidden sin had on her, a young mother on the mission field. Together they share with us what it took for them to work through the aftermath of all this in a biblical way.